Narcissist Ruin Special Occasion.
Have you ever noticed how the narcissist ruins all special occasions, days out, birthdays, Christmas, whatever the day they always seem to destroy it? They will always find a way.
When I think back to the first Mother’s Day we had our own child together, the promises they’d made of just how special the day would be and the things we would do, oh how back then, I just didn’t have a clue. Did any of the promises they made happen? No, as if, a silly argument occurred instead. That argument slowly got worse until they took a baseball bat and proceeded to smash up the wardrobes and tv in the bedroom. Then they stormed out of the door without even a single word, while I was left heartbroken wondering what had just happened. Oh yes, they came back for many more years of torment, with no direct apologies, just “ You made me angry “ and “ At least I didn’t take the bat to your head” those that knew what had happened the narcissist had them believing it was because I was depressed, and I was so hard to live with, so they got the support and attention. I see now I wasn’t depressed. I just couldn’t get my head around everything I was seeing and hearing. Because as someone with empathy, I believe people make mistakes and they can change. Yes, people can change. A narcissist can not. It has always been and always will be about them.
Listen carefully to the words they say or said.
A trip out to an amusement park, with the children in toe. Happy, giddy excited kids woke up that morning looking forward to the day that was just dawning. Dawning on me a great day it wasn’t going to be. When we were ready to go, the narcissist was still in bed, happy kids wondering what time we were going to set off. But over the past year, I’d started to see a glimpse of who the narcissist could be. I was a little wiser but not wise enough. I hushed the excited children, so they didn’t wake them. Their plan was working, we were already late, and I was getting into a state. When they awoke, instead of causing another argument, I stayed quiet and kept it all in my head. We set off on that two hr drive. Quite and peaceful. Which you might think is nice, but a car Journey for a fun day out with children should have a mix of fun, giddiness but the narcissist had won. For what should be happy and excited children, it was instead the silence that couldn’t be cut even with a knife.
When we arrived, what did the narcissist do? Made up an argument about their tea not been right, last night!! They stomped off in a huff. I was about to go after them, and then I saw the look on the faces of the children. I took all my might, drew in a big breath, let out a huge puff. I remembered how the children had been looking forward to it, so I took them into the theme park for fun, and they loved every bit. The narcissist did return at the end of the day. Not a word was spoken, the children’s laughter gone, that silent treatment towards me lasted for days, by the time we got home, they were back to the joyful selves with all those around them except me, of course, but I was just grateful for the children that the laughter was back into the house, it was just me that was left so full of self-doubt. Try harder to please and break that silence, as they can be such a wonderful person? So it must have been something I’d done. It only must have been me? With words, the narcissist carefully chose. I accepted slowly accepted all of their blows.
Whatever place you are in within your own journey to rediscovery. If you’re thinking of leaving, there’s a good reason why. If you’ve left them or they’ve left you, one day, two weeks past the break-up, six months or two years. Narcissists love to triangulate, in the hope you’ve forgotten or that trauma bonds too high for you to break, you forgive, go back, try again. Just for it to cycle back around back around to the end.
So next time they come back to you, listen carefully to that story you tell in your head, form it correctly and exactly as it was said. Then whatever stage you are on your journey of loving you, you’ll be wiser than you were before. When they come back asking to try again, you’ll find it a lot easier to just ignore.
Remember no contact, limited contact if children are involved, no emotional response. You can, and you will break free to a happy life for yourself. Something that the narcissist will never be able to do. They do not love, and they do not care, because deep inside them is emotional disappear, so deep so hidden, yet it rises. They can not feel what you or I do, and they only have bitterness, envy and disregard towards you. Find out everything you can about what they think and feel, and you’ll soon learn it’s not love towards them you feel. It’s the deep seeds of trauma bond they created within you. So now see the truth in all that they do.
Tell yourself you can and you will. That trauma bond will be broken for a happier you.
Special occasions and the narcissist.
Seven tips for spending the holidays alone.
Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.