Have you ever noticed how all special occasions are ruined by the narcissist, days out, birthdays, Christmas whatever the day they always seem to destroy it. they will always find a way.
When I think back to the first Mother’s Day we had our own child together, the promises they’d made of just how special the day would be and the things we would do, oh how back then I just didn’t have a clue, did any of that happen. No as if a silly argument occurred instead. That silly I can not even remember what about. That argument slowly got worse, until they took a baseball bat and proceeded to smash up the wardrobes and tv in the bedroom. Then they stormed out of the door without even a single word, whilst I was left heart broken wondering what had just happened. Oh yes they came back for more years of torment, with no direct apologies just “ you made me angry “ and “ at least I didn’t take the bat to your head” those that knew what had happened the narc had them believing it was because I was depressed, and so hard to live with. I See now I wasn’t depressed I just couldn’t get my head around everything I was seeing and hearing. because as someone with empathy I believe people make mistakes and they can change, yes people can change a narcissist can not it has always been and always will be about them.
Listen closely to the words they say or said.
A trip out to an amusement park, with the children in toe. Happy giddy excited kids woke up that morning looking forward to the day that was just dawning. Dawning on me a great day it wasn’t going to be. When we were ready to go the narcissist was still in bed, happy kids wondering what time we was going to set off. But over the past year I’d started to see glimpse of who the narcissist could be. I was a little wiser but not wise enough, I hushed the excited children so they didn’t wake them, their plan was working we was already late and I was getting in to a state. When they woke instead of causing another argument I stayed quite and kept it all in my head. We set off on that two hr drive. Quite and peaceful. Which you might think is nice but a car Journey for a fun day out with children should have a mix of fun, giddiness but the narcissist had won. for what should be happy and excited children it was instead the silence that couldn’t be cut even with a knife. When we arrived what did the narcissist do, made up an argument about their tea not been right, last night!! They stomped off in a huff. I was about to go after them, then I saw the look on the faces of the children. I took all my might drew in a big breath, let out a huge puff, I remembered how the children had been looking forward to it so I took them into theme park for fun, and they loved every bit. The narcissist did return at the end of the day. Not a word was spoken, the children’s laughter gone, that silent treatment towards me lasted for days, by the time we got home they were back to the joyful selves with all those around them except me of course, but I was just great full for the children that the laughter was back into the house, it was just me that was left to feel self doubt. Try harder to please and break that silence, they can be such a wonderful person so it must have been something I’d done, it simply must have been me. with words the narcissist carefully chose. I accepted slowly accepted all of the blows.
Whatever place you are In your own journey to rediscovery. If your thinking of leaving there’s a good reason why. If you’ve left them or they’ve left you, one day, two weeks past the break up, 6 months or two years. Narcissist love to triangulate, in the hope you’ve forgotten or that bonds to great for you to break, you forgive go back try again. Just for it to cycle back around back around to the end.
So next time they come back to you, listen closely to that story you tell in your head, form it correctly and exactly as it was said. Then whatever stage you are on your journey of loving you, you’ll be wiser than you where before, when they come back asking to try again you’ll find it a lot easier to just ignore.
Remember no contact, limited contact if children are involved, no emotional response. You can and you will break free to a happy life for you. Something that the narcissist will never be able to do. They do not love and they do not care, because deep inside them is emotional disappear, so deep so hidden yet it rises. They can not feel what you or I do, they only have bitterness envy and disregard towards you. Find out everything you can about what they think and feel, you’ll soon learn it’s not love towards them you feel, it’s the deep seeds of trauma bond they created within you. So now see the truth in all that they do.
Tell your self you can and you will. That trauma bond will be broken for a happier you.