Giving the narcissist the truth and how the narcissist handles this, with or without evidence, Why you want the narcissist and everyone around you and them to know the truth.
A Narcissist opinion is, the narcissist opinion and every one should agree if you don’t agree, rage appears, throwing plates, stomping off, arguments, silent treatment, if you have proof and evidence to show the narcissist they will engage in Deflection, project, blame shifting and word salad. They will do anything expect be accountable for the actions.
Have you been in the situation where you suspect they are cheating, but can not be sure, then you follow them, a friend tells you they’ve seen them kissing someone you have seen a message, they say they’re working away, happily telling close friends and family this blatant lie. You know they are lying. After you see the pay slip and see they didn’t work extra that week. You see a card statement with flash hotel or restaurant. A receipt in their pocket. Whatever it is you have evidence of their infidelity. You know exactly what they are up to.
You stay calm wait for the to return home, you have evidence no way can they lie their way out of this one. Or can they?
You say “ you’re cheating on me. I know and I’ve got this as proof.
If you say this to them in an angry manner, they get great emotions from you giving them power for them to use and gain more emotion reactions from you,
Because you are challenging them and what they believe is their superiority to do as they please. They will provoke you.
If you say this calmly, you’re giving them no emotions and they take it as criticism. The narcissist will use
Deflection “ it wasn’t me I was here doing this”
” it’s not my receipt remember Dave they asked me to keep it and I forgot to pass it back”
“I’ve no idea how that got there it not mine”
“ your frond must be mistaken as I was here”
“ that’s just friendly banta message you know they are just a friend”
“ you’re to sensitive we were only having a laugh through message”
They may go as far as “ be grateful it’s only a message and I’m not out sleeping with them”
Projection “ I wasn’t doing anything wrong not like you and that person you went for coffee with the other week”
They will say things to draw the conversation away from them and what they have done and twist it straight back at you.
Denial and project “ your imagination is getting the better of you again, I really think we should go and see the doctor and get you some help. “ that wasn’t in my pocket where did you really get it. I really think your mentality unstable and need some help”
Denial and deflection. “ oh yes that’s my friends new partner , they was running late and asked if I’d pick them up, nothing to worry about”
“ they’re just new to the company as the boss wanted to treat us all “ “ I told you last week about that meeting why can you not remember things anymore”
Blame shift “ who do you think you are looking through my pockets your so Insecure, something wrong with you stop trying to control me” “ if you’d put out more than you do, I wouldn’t need to look elsewhere would eye, fed up of doing everything for you and getting this crap”
Disappearance, yes you’ve guest it the good old silent treatment, when all else fails with the narcissist they stop off and make sure you can not get hold of them.
Verbal abuse “ who do you think you are I’m so fed up with you and your constant accusations” “ just look at the state of yourself.
They might end up throwing things or attacking you always following up with “ why did you make me do that” “ if you’d just leave me alone “
If you keep questioning them with evidence they simply are not listening to your words. If you’re giving emotions as someone with empathy will the are loving the emotional reaction and that’s all they’re interested in. If you do it without emotion they will feel criticised and do whatever they can to get emotional response from you.
A narcissist will never accept what you are saying, they will never be accountable no mater what the evidence you have is. Only if they don’t have a back up plan or want to hoover you, they’ll say what you want to hear but never at first and even then they’ll say it but so it’s still all your fault.
This may lead to a break up in the relationship either you’ve had enough. Or your replacement who doesn’t know the true narcissist yet is ready to listen to how crazy you are and start a relationship with them.
As an empathic person, you want the truth. You like honestly and not only do you want the narcissist to know what they are and what they do. You want those around them to as well. Especially when they’re telling everyone that your the crazy one, because of how they treated you, you might actually be coming across as crazy, the narcissist relishing in delight with your emotions, how you are behaving towards them, they are happily lapping up all the attention and sympathy from those around them. How much they’ve had to put up with dealing with you. Especially the help and support they are getting with you’re replacement.
You might be left heartbroken, in financial difficulties, lost your job because of depression and anxiety, no longer knowing if your coming or going. You want to get out their and scream the truth from the rooftops and let everyone know it not you it’s all them, or you might want to shut your curtains curl up in bed and never see anyone again. I feel you and your pain. So many like you have been through this and have been through this.
The best way forward is taking one day at a time making positive steps. You’re going to have to build on your own life and your own self confidence, when you hit rock bottom the only way is up. You can do it honestly others before you have and those after you will. Whatever stage of the journey you’re at keep putting one foot in-front of the other and keep going.
Start by getting dressed one day, making your bed the next, brushing your hair, having a bath, if you’ve got children you’re probably getting up and getting on but feeling hollow. Go for a walk see the beauty in the trees leaves. You can and will build yourself back you. Start a routine if you’ve not got one or you’ve lost the one you had. Build on the routine you’ve got.
The best thing you can do in this situation, is leave the narcissist be. Nothing will anger them more than you living a happy life. Plus all those lies they’re telling others about you will simply start to not ring true. The old fake it until you make it. When you walk out of that door, hold your head high, put your shoulders back and a smile on your face. It will make you feel better on the inside.
So you want everyone to know the truth, you want to keep your self worth, you want everyone to see them for who they are and the lies they tell, you want the narcissist to know what they’ve done and from someone with empathy you actually still somewhere inside want to help them, even if you don’t want to admit it. You want to keep your sanity, you want revenge for how they treated you and walked away Scott free. This is normal empathetic behaviour, nothing is wrong with you feeling like this. You’re not turning into them and as the clouds part the more you’re away from the narcissist, the more you’ll have space to see you’re definitely not the crazy one.
After all the manipulation they have put you through. You must understand the narcissist will never ever see it from your point of view.
You may have got everything straight in your head and know what gone on exactly, but if what your saying doesn’t match the narcissist believes, challenges them or the worst criticises them. They will do everything within their power to distort the evidence in the truth. You already know how manipulative they are so you know how far they’d be willing to go.
An empathetic person is kind and genuine, even with their own opinions they are will to accept other people’s for theirs.
A narcissist is all about them, they only opinion that matters is their own, so everyone else must see it their way, if they don’t the mind games shall commence.
If a narcissist feel criticised in any way you can expect fury.
If you are still in a relationship it’s, throwing the plate across the room, the pizzas out the window and across the garden, stomping out of the room, argument, mind games.
If you’re no longer together but you’ve criticised them, they will go hell bent to twist this anyway they can onto you, so you react, making them feel powerful and you feeling worse.
The best way to show everyone around you and them the truth is time. Give the narcissist no reaction. This simply starved them, yes they may well be getting it from elsewhere, but if your happily moving on with your life. The narcissist will hate you doing well and being happy because they themselves never can be happy, what they are saying to others about you will not match up with how you are. This will drive the narcissist more insane than they already are.
To give a narcissist no reaction, is the best and only way to heal, find the truth, move on, prove your point and win for yourself.