Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
Narcissist what they say v’s what they mean, some of the top things they say to manipulate you. That can end up making you feel like you’re the narcissist if you have empathy for other people you are not.
People on the narcissist personality disorder spectrum are very egotistical people, and expect others to give them everything they want. Without giving anything back, they are very hard to spot in society, they are masters of manipulation. They are masters of words and lies, the lies they tell they often believe themselves. They use it so well that even when the actions don’t match their words. You doubt yourself and not them.
The phrase they tell people and what they truly mean.
They say “ I love you”
They mean. I’m just using the world love to control you, I don’t really love you. I love that your life is about me, I love how you solve my issues, relieve my pain, fix my problems, I love how you take time for me and not yourself, give me your attention only, my happiness is your responsibility, I love how you think you’re with the one, I love how you need me. I love how I make you feel unworthy and insignificant to try harder for me. When I say I love you I mean, I love how you live by and respect my rules.
They say “It’s not all about you”
They mean. When they say this they mean it’s all about me, they can not Handle you being the centre of attention. If you ever mention your needs that they don’t for fill, they’ll make you feel guilty and ashamed of having these needs. They mean I’m the only important one.
They say “ you have trust issues”
They mean I’ll never admit it to you but I’m a very untrustworthy person, and even though I’ve shown you many times by betraying you. You should trust yourself and run but you will not. I love the power of my words making you doubt yourself and questioning your own sanity. You no longer know what is right or wrong unless I tell you.
They say “ you are so jealous and insecure”
They mean, I love how you compete for my attention when I flirt with others, that makes me powerful and desirable. I make you feel diminished and you just want me more. You know what you suspect is real but I’ll manipulate you into thinking it’s not. You can never do anything right and I’ve got you self doubting and so hooked on me you’ll never leave.
They say “we are just friends”
They mean. Whenever I get bored of you I’m calling this person. In case you do manage to leave I can simply replace you with this person and make you feel worse, this person might already be acting as a valuable side piece.
I’ll make sure this new person knows how controlling and toxic you are. So if you ever talk to this person about my behaviour it will just confirm how crazy you are. You’re not actually the crazy one, but I love making it look that way. I love the power I have over you to humiliate and provoke you. When you react it feels so good and I can show people you act crazy.
They say “ you don’t have anyone to talk to about it”
They mean this is because I’ve already removed anyone important to you in your life. I’m the only one who has power over your life now.
They say “ you’re overthinking or overreacting”
They mean actually you have perfectly normal thoughts to my behaviour and normal reactions to my crap and my lies, but I can never let you catch on not now. I will make you doubt yourself in every way, I’ll make you feel like the bad and guilty one, you will trust mean not yourself. I will reap all the benefits whilst you work so hard to make it up to me and please me for ever doubting me.
They say “ you’re oversensitive”
They mean I love making you feel worse, which makes me feel better, I love the power you give me to take advantage of your kindness, and hearing you explain your good intentions to me, I love how I make you feel horrible when I mention something I did to hurt you, yet I’ve turned it all around to be your fault. I love the look of failure and disappointment on your face.
They say“ I’m sorry you feel that way”
They mean I’m not sorry I’m just saying this so I can continue with my abusive behaviour, I’m just sorry that I got caught, I’ll never make an apology, but I will say I’m sorry you, I’ll always turn it onto you. I don’t care for your emotions or how you feel, I care only about what I can get from you.
They say “ you’ll never find someone like me”
They mean, I know it would be the best thing to happen to you if you never found someone like me, there are so many people that would treat you far better than I do, but I want to make sure that never happens to you, I have you hooked on me, you’ll only be free when I’ve done with you, by which point you’ll be so broken no one will want you and you’ll trust no one, if by any chance you start to recover prepare for my hoover, I’ll come back a changed person, but I’ll never change,
Hopefully this will explain to you why after coming out of a relationship with these people, you doubt everything around you and everyone, you feel judged, silly and stupid, you’re scared to tell people to in case you sound crazy, you are not crazy, now is the time to rebuild yourself and cut negativity out of your and your children’s life, you are not silly, crazy or stupid just because one person manipulated you, you are just loving and kind, you can fix yourself, you can move on. you may have anxiety, you can heal your anxiety also.
This is all normal and you are not alone, people out there do understand and have been through similar, trust yourself again, remember who you once was, you’ve allowed you thinking and mindset to be retrained, now you need to work on you to retrain your mindset I’m too positive thought, trust, know everyone’s allowed an opinion if you don’t agree move on no harm done, you can work on yourself, life coaches are a great support. I have an amazing one that’s really turned my life around. The best relationship you can have is one with yourself. So work on yourself today, tell yourself you can do this and you so will. Love you for you.