Red Flags That You Could Be Dealing With A Narcissistic Person.
Some common signs of a narcissist, not all people that show some of these signs are on the narcissist personality disorder spectrum, people do need five out of the nine traits to have the disorder, and some people are just charming or lack patience, but here are some warning signs.
Superficial Charm. They are incredibly charming at the start, offering flattery rather than genuine compliments. Perfect in every way, they seem too good to be true.
Fast involvement. They need you and no one else has ever understood them as you do, they’ve never met anyone like you before. Very quick at saying I love you, and they move the relationship forward fast. They often want to move into your home quickly. Nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist needing somewhere to live. Or they want you to sell up and move in with them. Some will want you to move miles away from friends and family. They might continuously be messaging and calling you, wanting to spend as much time with you as possible.
After the charm and quick involvement, they can be quick to turn on you. Leaving you to wonder what just happened.
Patience. In the early days, pay close attention to see if the person is quick to anger if something doesn’t go their way, such as when stuck in traffic, parking, at a fast food restaurant, or in everyday life and look for how they treat others, too. How do they act towards other people around you? Listen to how they talk about others, do they discuss friends, family, and staff in a positive way, or do they criticise those around them?
Conversation. When first getting to know them, they might ask a little too much about you, things you feel uncomfortable discussing. They will then quickly talk more and more about themselves, some people do this anyway, but if they don’t seem to be genuinely listening to what you’re saying not having that two-way conversation, more of a competition, and only interpret in their own opinion and thoughts, they’re only interested in getting to know how they can use you, and what they can use against you.
Selfish. Yes, there are some very selfish people in society, and not all are narcissists if they seem entitled as though the world owes them something, spend all your money before their own, or they don’t have as much as money as they claimed at the start of the relationship and are now dependent on you for money. Think they’re invincible and above the law. Have double standards, so they are happy for you or someone to do something for them, yet they are unlikely to do it in return. It’s ok for them to do something to you, however, you should never do it to them.
Stubborn. Yes, people can be opinionated and stubborn, yet genuine people will see others’ viewpoints, or look, even if they don’t agree. It’s when someone is so stubborn to the extreme on their own views, only ever interested in their personal opinion.
Isolation. They come on very strong, want you to move away from friends and family, they need admiration and to be the centre of attention.
Genuine empathy. They seem to lack empathy for others when watching a show or movie where most would be feeling towards what the character is going through, yet the narcissist would not relate to how they feel or even say they deserved it in some way, or start talking about how they’ve had it far worse. watch out for those who treat animals poorly, and talk negatively about others.
Critical. They may be critical of you then they will brush it off with remarks such as. You’re too sensitive. You’re too emotional. You’re insecure I’m only messing, I’m only joking, you took that the wrong way etc.
Stories about exes. All the exes are crazy, yes we can all have one or two interesting exes depending on how many relationships they’ve had, but all??? they will not want you talking to any of the exes.
Exaggeration. They lie about past achievements or exaggerate what they have achieved.
Time. Wants every second of your time, calls and messages to see if you’re ok all the time, this seems really sweet at first. Yet they soon start sulking when they can not get hold of you, or you have other plans, they might begin to give you the silent treatment.
Envy. Very jealous of what others are or have, resentful of others.
Addictions. May have substance or gambling issues.
Warning signs within ourselves we need to stay clear of someone.
You’re questioning yourself more and more. As they will gaslight and project any of their own insecurities onto others. You begin to doubt yourself and blame yourself for their behaviour.
When you start to try and justify someone else’s bad behaviour, it’s time to see it for what it is and not for who you want to see them as, who they said they’d be, yet turned out not to be and walk away.
When someone is testing your boundaries constantly, they don’t have respect for you, and it’s time to walk away.
Your instincts are warning you, if something in your gut feels wrong, something usually is wrong.
Most people can have one personality trait of narcissism so don’t worry about someone who likes to achieve a lot if they don’t go around exploiting others, or someone with less patience if they don’t start having a go at others.
Don’t misjudge a confident person if they don’t go around putting others down.
Look at the bigger picture within a person, look for their actions, not only their words. Do the actions match the words?
12 things narcissists do to distract you.
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Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading.
Signs Of A Covert Narcissist.
The Nine Characteristics Of A Narcissist.