The grey rock method when you have children with a toxic or narcissistic ex.
Take control of what you can control. A positive mind for yourself, tell yourself good positive things, a happy home for you and your children.
Ignore what happens when your children are with ex, let them parent their own way. Just make sure you stick to your own boundaries and rules and parent your way at home. Talk to your children in a positive way, so they gain a positive mindset too.
You can not control how your ex treats your children, you can control how you treat them and how you talk to them and how you explain things to them.
One happy parent will see the children happy.
Never respond to ex if they’ve done something to or with the children that you don’t like, they will just do more off it.
Instead concentrate and yourself and your children.
As the saying goes, you can’t get blood from a stone. A narc can not get emotions from you if you don’t respond
So you need to be a rock for yourself towards them so they get no behaviour from you that would provide the narcissist with what they want from you.
Keep any conversations to a minimum and to the point If you don’t have to talk to them, don’t. Just say hello when they pick the children up, for the children to know how to great people nothing more, have the children ready before you open the door, so it can be quick with little conversation.Avoid interacting with them as much as possible. But don’t make it a big deal as this will just give them ammunition.
When you do have to talk to them, stick to the point, respond in a business like, If they start ask questions, give short, uninspiring answers that can’t possibly lead to further conversation. Do not allow yourself to get drawn in.
A simple yes and no will do whenever possible but sometimes, the question might mean you need to commit to an answer just respond with, maybe, perhaps or we’ll see nothing more.
Do not chat about your personal life, even the smallest details. Remain quite about your life without them, and response you have to make, make it boring, doing the washing etc, try not to respond at all. Never tell them how well you are doing,
Do not ask them questions. Even if it seems like harmless small talk,
Try to stick to facts only wherever possible, only small statements about children that they need to know as this will make it hard for them to turn the statement into a conversation.
Avoid mention of the past at all costs. If they mention it. Just say. That’s the past.
If they try to blame you for anything in the past or now just say ok. Even if it wasn’t you. A simple ok will do, they are trying anything to get a conversation from you.
The Gray Rock Method is not always easy, but it is often effective.
You might want to scream and shout at them at times, they will just come back for more. Stay quite. Tell yourself good positive thought and move on with your own life and your own self worth.