Why Society Needs Labels and Why Not Everyone Is a Narcissist.
In today’s society, labels are often seen as a negative thing, but when it comes to understanding and overcoming certain toxic behaviours, labels can actually be incredibly helpful. One such label that has become increasingly important in recent years is “narcissist.” This term is used to describe individuals who exhibit a pattern of selfish and manipulative behaviour that can be damaging to those around them. By identifying and understanding this label, victims of narcissistic abuse can begin to heal and move forward from the trauma they have endured.
It’s important to note, however, that not everyone is a little bit narcissistic, and not everyone is a narcissist. Being selfish once in a while isn’t necessarily narcissistic; in fact, it’s a normal human behaviour. Similarly, creating boundaries to protect oneself is not awkward or narcissistic. It’s a healthy practice of self-care. Reacting in certain ways to certain situations may exhibit narcissistic behaviour, but this does not automatically make someone a narcissist.
So, what exactly makes someone a narcissist? The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) outlines nine criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and an individual must exhibit at least five of these criteria to be diagnosed as a narcissist. These criteria include a grandiose sense of self-importance, a need for excessive admiration, a lack of empathy, a sense of entitlement, and a tendency to exploit others for personal gain, arrogant and haughty behaviours, a belief they’re special, envious of others, preoccupied with fantasies of brilliance or ultimate success.
To better understand the complexity of narcissism, let’s use the metaphor of a trifle. Traditionally, the layers of a trifle include cake pieces, custard, fruit pieces, jelly, and cream, but there are no hard and fast rules. Similarly, with narcissism, there are no set rules as to which criteria an individual may exhibit. They can have all nine, or perhaps only five or six, and they may exhibit different criteria than someone else with NPD.
For example, being preoccupied with a career goal is not inherently narcissistic. It’s simply a vision until it is achieved. Feeling entitled to something you have earned is also not narcissistic. Being jealous of what another has on its own is not a narcissist. Just like the trifle without the other layers, it’s not a trifle. It’s just cake or jelly, and other ingredients go into that cake and jelly. However, exploiting others in a pervasive pattern of behaviour is a clear sign of narcissism. Being envious of others and willing to manipulate others to take what others have with a lack of empathy, believing others are envious of them is. It’s important to distinguish between normal human behaviours and the red flags of NPD.
Furthermore, it’s important to recognise that while we may all relate to certain behaviours from various mental health disorders, simply exhibiting one or two behaviours does not mean that someone has the full disorder. For example, we may all exhibit some of the odd behaviours associated with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), NPD, ADHD, or anxiety, but having just one or two behaviours does not mean that an individual has the full disorder.
Narcissists seem to want a piece of everything, much like a trifle. They exhibit NPD criteria as well as criteria from other disorders, which further complicates the diagnosis and understanding of their behaviour. However, what sets narcissists apart is their repeated patterns of similar behavior, as well as their lack of self-awareness. They commonly engage in behaviours such as idealising and devaluing others, discarding people when they no longer serve a purpose, smearing the reputation of a scapegoat, and hoovering or attempting to suck someone back into their toxic influence.
In addition to these patterns, narcissists frequently engage in a variety of mind games to manipulate and control those around them. This includes gaslighting, projecting their own negative traits onto others, blaming and shaming their victims, triangulating relationships, smearing the reputation of others, replacing individuals with new targets, and changing the goalposts to constantly keep their victims off balance. They may also engage in future-faking or breadcrumbing – giving false hope or crumbs of affection to keep their victims strung along.
Ultimately, narcissists are masters of manipulation, lying, cheating on people, and cheating people out of things. They are adept at using their charm and charisma to lure in their victims, only to turn around and use and discard them at will. Then, they play the victim in the reality they created to isolate their victim further and gain sympathetic attention for themselves. It is crucial for society to understand the danger that narcissists pose and to support those who have been victimised by these toxic individuals.
In conclusion, while labels are often seen as limiting or negative, the label of “narcissist” is important for helping victims understand and overcome the trauma they have experienced. It’s crucial to recognise that not everyone is a narcissist and that exhibiting certain behaviours does not automatically qualify someone for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder. By understanding the criteria for NPD and the harmful patterns of behaviour exhibited by narcissists, society can better support and protect those who have been victimised by these toxic individuals.
Check these out!
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.-1
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People. (Understanding Narcissism.)
