Narcissism is a personality disorder characterised by a lack of empathy, grandiosity, and a constant need for admiration. Those who suffer from narcissism often exhibit manipulative and controlling behaviour, especially in their romantic relationships. One common tactic used by narcissists is something called “future faking,” which is the act of making promises or commitments about the future that they have no intention of keeping.
To better understand future faking, it can be likened to a mirage in the desert. Just like how a mirage creates the illusion of a desirable oasis in the distance, a narcissist uses future faking to create the illusion of a happy and secure future with their partner. However, just like a mirage disappears upon closer inspection, the promises made by a narcissist through future faking often evaporate when it comes time to fulfil them.
So, why do narcissists indulge in future faking? The answer lies in their need for validation and control. Future faking allows narcissists to manipulate their partners into staying with them, as it creates the illusion of a fulfilling and stable relationship. By making grand promises about the future, they are able to keep their partners hooked and under their control. Additionally, future faking also serves to boost the narcissist’s ego, as it reinforces their belief that they are powerful and desirable.
If you suspect that you may be dealing with a narcissist who is future faking, here are 10 red flags to look out for:
- They make grand promises about your future together without following through on them.
- They talk about marriage, children, and a future together very early on in the relationship.
- They are inconsistent in their words and actions, often saying one thing and doing another.
- They become defensive or dismissive when you ask for specifics about their promises.
- They use future faking as a way to avoid accountability for their actions in the present.
- They constantly talk about their own achievements and goals, without taking yours into consideration.
- They show little interest in your feelings or needs, focusing solely on their own desires.
- They often use future faking to manipulate you into staying in the relationship, even when it is clearly toxic.
- They show a pattern of making empty promises in other aspects of their life, not just in your relationship.
- They exhibit a lack of empathy and remorse when their future faking is called out.
Examples of future faking.
- The narcissist talks about plans for marriage and children, but never takes any concrete steps to make it happen.
- They promise to take you on a dream vacation and make elaborate plans, but never follow through.
- The narcissist talks about starting a business together, but never takes any action to make it happen.
- They promise to support you in achieving your career goals, but never actually provide any support or assistance.
- The narcissist talks about buying a house together, but never makes any real effort to save money or look for a home.
Recovering from the effects of future faking by a narcissist can be a challenging journey, but it is possible with the right support and resources. Here are some steps to take in order to heal from the trauma of future faking:
- Recognise and accept the reality of the situation. It can be difficult to come to terms with the fact that someone you trusted has been manipulating you, but acknowledging this is the first step towards healing.
- Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. Talking about your experiences with someone you trust can provide validation and help you process your emotions.
- Set boundaries with the narcissist. This may involve cutting off contact entirely or limiting communication to necessary matters only.
- Focus on self-care and healing. Engage in activities that bring you joy and peace, and prioritise your mental and emotional well-being.
- Educate yourself about narcissism and manipulation tactics. Understanding the behaviour of narcissists can help you avoid falling into similar traps in the future.
- Take your time to rebuild trust in yourself and in others. It is natural to feel wary of future relationships after being deceived, but with time and self-reflection, it is possible to learn to trust again.
Future faking is a common manipulation tactic used by narcissists to control and deceive their partners. Recognising the red flags of future faking and seeking support to heal from the trauma is crucial in breaking free from the grip of a narcissist. Remember that you deserve honesty, respect, and genuine love, and do not settle for anything less.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
The Narcissists Future Faking. (Understanding Narcissism.)