Narcissistic individuals are known for their manipulative and self-centred behavior, often exploiting others for personal gain. While their tactics can manifest in various aspects of life, one particularly insidious form is their weaponization of sex.
The exploitation of sex by narcissists is a manipulative tactic designed to control and manipulate their victims. Both male and female narcissists utilise sex as a tool to exert power and influence over their targets. It serves as a means for them to push their victims away and pull them back in, ultimately controlling their emotional reactions.
In the early stages of a relationship, narcissists employ love bombing, creating an illusion of the perfect partner fulfilling all of their victim’s desires. They study their target’s past relationships, analyse popular culture references, and learn what their victims are looking for in a partner. With this knowledge, they craft a persona that mirrors their victims’ ideal partner. Once they have their victims hooked, they begin to dismantle their sense of self and control them emotionally.
Narcissists do not view sex in the same way as those with empathy and compassion. They do not see it as an expression of love and intimacy, but rather as a means to gain attention, reactions, and a sense of entitlement. They manipulate their victims by exploiting their emotional connection to sex, knowing that it can make them feel loved and desired.
Some narcissists, particularly the somatic type, view sex solely as a means for their pleasure. They may intrusively inquire about their victims’ sex lives, seeking information that they can later use against them. They understand that the passion in the beginning of a relationship is intense, and they use this to their advantage by creating an intense sexual connection with their victims.
Narcissists use sex as a way to break down their victims’ sexual boundaries. They may pressure their partners into engaging in activities they are uncomfortable with, increasing their control over them. This manipulation is heightened by the fact that the connection in the bedroom can be incredible, an experience that victims may continue to crave even when they no longer like their narcissistic partner.
Those narcissists who are terrible in bed may use their lack of experience as a pity ploy, enticing their victims to teach them and creating a sense of dependence. Others may constantly demand sex to disrupt their victims’ lives and prioritise their own needs and desires over everything else. If their partners refuse, they may resort to instigating arguments or giving them the silent treatment as a means to extract attention.
Some narcissists may even engage in non-consensual sex, violating their victims’ boundaries and forcing them into unwanted sexual encounters. This behaviour stems from their need for control and power over others.
While some narcissists may initially enjoy sex, they may later become disgusted with it, viewing it as dirty and requiring immediate cleanup after engaging in sexual acts. They may even blame their partners for being sexually deviant or addicted despite rarely initiating sexual activity themselves.
Six ways narcissists employ sexual manipulation as a means of control and manipulation, shedding light on the dark side of their pathological behaviour.
- Sexual Manipulation as a Tool for Fueling Their Ego:
Narcissists thrive on admiration and attention. By leveraging sex, they seek to validate their inflated sense of self. They indulge in sexual conquests, objectifying their partners and using them merely as a means to satisfy their insatiable need for adoration, asserting their dominance and prowess over others.
- Emotional and Sexual Intermittent Reinforcement:
Narcissists often employ intermittent reinforcement, alternating between periods of intimacy and withdrawal to create dependency in their partners. By linking affection, attention, and sexual gratification to compliance or meeting their unrealistic expectations, they maintain a sense of control, ensuring their partner’s continued submission.
- Coercion and Manipulation:
Narcissists are skilled manipulators, often coercing their partners into engaging in sexual acts against their will. They employ emotional manipulation tactics, such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or threats of abandonment, to exert control over their partner’s consent, disregarding their limits and boundaries to satisfy their own needs.
- Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment:
Sexuality can also be weaponised by withholding it as a means of punishment, creating a state of emotional distress and insecurity in their partners. By denying physical intimacy or sexual gratification, narcissists assert dominance and manipulate their partners into conforming to their demands, further perpetuating the control dynamics in the relationship.
- Infidelity and Sexual Triangulation:
Narcissists often engage in infidelity and sexual triangulation to undermine their partner’s self-esteem and maintain a superior position. By seeking attention or sexual gratification from external sources, they intentionally create jealousy, insecurity, and a perpetual need for validation in their partners, ensuring their continued control and emotional power.
- Exploiting Vulnerabilities for Emotional and Sexual Blackmail:
Narcissists exploit vulnerabilities shared within the context of the relationship to gain leverage and manipulate their partners. They may threaten to reveal intimate details, such as explicit photos, fetishes, or fantasies, causing emotional distress and creating a reliance on the narcissist’s discretion, thereby enforcing obedience and compliance.
In conclusion, narcissists weaponise sex as a means of manipulation and control. They exploit their victims’ desire for love, intimacy, and pleasure, using sex as a tool to extract attention, power, and control. Recognising these tactics is crucial in protecting oneself from the harmful effects of narcissistic manipulation.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.