Let’s dive into the fascinating world of narcissists and explore why they absolutely despise losing control. If you’ve ever had the misfortune of encountering one, you probably know they’re not big fans of relinquishing their grip on power. But why is that?
First things first, narcissists have an insatiable desire for admiration and attention. They thrive on the idea of being the centre of the universe. So naturally, losing control means they lose their ability to manipulate and influence others. And let’s be honest, that’s not something they take lightly.
For narcissists, control is like oxygen. It keeps their carefully constructed facade intact. These folks are masters at crafting an image of superiority, grandiosity, and perfection. They need to maintain control to ensure everyone buys into their self-aggrandising performance.
Losing control also exposes their insecurities, and heaven forbid anyone sees beneath their confident veneer! They’d rather swallow a hot pepper than let anyone glimpse their vulnerability. Their self-worth is directly linked to the idea of being all-knowing, all-powerful, and flawless. And losing control challenges that perception, leaving them feeling exposed and, dare I say it, human.
Narcissists absolutely detest feeling dependent on others. They’re driven by their need for self-sufficiency and independence. Surrendering control, in their eyes, equals admitting weakness and relying on someone else’s judgment or decisions. It’s like Kryptonite to Superman, and they’ll do anything to avoid it.
Furthermore, narcissists believe they have an innate right to control others. They genuinely think they’re smarter, more talented, and more deserving than the mere mortals around them. To them, losing control represents a loss of power over the lives and choices of those in their sphere of influence. And that’s simply unacceptable for these self-appointed monarchs.
Lastly, narcissists fear that if they lose control, they might lose their carefully curated life and the resources that come with it. They tend to surround themselves with people who enable their illusions of grandeur. Losing control could mean losing those resources and the ability to maintain their inflated lifestyle.
In a nutshell, narcissists despise losing control because it threatens their carefully constructed image, exposes their vulnerabilities, challenges their self-perception, and risks their power over others. So, as frustrating as it can be dealing with someone like this, it might be helpful to keep in mind the fragile ego beneath their facade. So handle them with caution.
When you finally break free from the grip of a narcissist who once held you, hostage, you feel empowered, liberated, and ready to start a new chapter of your life. But hold on, because there’s one thing you need to remember – narcissists don’t take kindly to losing control over someone. Brace yourself because when the tables turn, narcissists bring out their arsenal of dramatic tactics. Here are nine things they commonly do:
- Denial Olympics: Narcissists are masters of denial, and when they lose control over you, they’ll refuse to accept it. They’ll downplay your independence, claim you can’t function without them, and desperately cling to their delusional reality.
- Guilt Trip Extravaganza: Brace yourself for an onslaught of guilt trips. Narcissists will try to make you feel like you’ve abandoned them, betrayed them, or somehow failed them. Prepare for sob stories, exaggerated victimhood, and an Oscar-worthy performance.
- Gaslighting Galore: Narcissists are experts at twisting reality, and when they’re losing their grip, they’ll kick their gaslighting game into overdrive. Get ready to question your own sanity and start second-guessing every decision you’ve made.
- Smear Campaign Fiesta: Here comes the smear campaign! Narcissists will try to discredit you, spread lies, and paint themselves as the victim. They’ll go to great lengths to make sure that everyone sees them as the poor, innocent soul while you become the villain.
- Emotional Blackmail Bonanza: Narcissists love to use emotional blackmail to manipulate people, and they won’t hesitate to employ this tactic when they realise they’re losing control over you. They’ll threaten to harm themselves, ruin your reputation, or sabotage your life if you don’t comply with their wishes.
- Hoovering Shenanigans: When narcissists see that they’re losing control, they might attempt to lure you back with love bombing and promises of change. Beware of their flattering words and extravagant gestures because it’s all part of their plan to reclaim their dominance over you.
- Provocation Festival: Narcissists hate being ignored, so they’ll do everything in their power to provoke a reaction from you. They’ll push your buttons, intentionally frustrate you, and try to bring out your rage or sadness to prove that they still have control over your emotions.
- Boundary Invasions Galore: Losing control means losing their power to disrespect your boundaries. As a result, narcissists might increase their boundary invasions, pushing your limits even harder to see if they can regain their hold over you. Stand strong and assert your personal space.
- Silent Treatment Showdown: Narcissists excel at giving the silent treatment, and when they realise they’re losing control, they’ll use it as a weapon to regain their power. Brace yourself for days or even weeks of stony silence, leaving you wondering what you did wrong and desperately seeking their validation.
Breaking free from the control of a narcissistic person can have a variety of long-lasting effects on an individual. Some potential effects include:
1) Emotional trauma: Enduring narcissistic games often involves manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse. This can result in long-lasting emotional trauma, including symptoms of anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD).
2) Low self-esteem: Narcissists often undermine and belittle their victims, leading to a significant impact on self-esteem and self-worth. Even after breaking free, individuals may struggle with feelings of insecurity and self-doubt.
3) Trust issues: Narcissists frequently exploit trust and manipulate others for their gain. This can lead to a deep-seated difficulty in trusting others, as individuals may fear being deceived or manipulated again.
4) Boundary difficulties: Narcissists often disregard the personal boundaries of others and fail to respect their autonomy. Victims of narcissistic abuse may struggle with setting or enforcing healthy boundaries in future relationships, leading to difficulties in assertiveness and vulnerability.
5) Relationship challenges: Having been in a toxic and manipulative relationship with a narcissist, individuals may have difficulties with future relationships. They might struggle with intimacy, find it challenging to distinguish healthy and unhealthy behaviour or attract narcissistic personalities again.
6) Complex feelings of guilt and shame: Narcissists often blame their victims for their own actions, leading to feelings of guilt and shame. Even after escaping, individuals may continue to harbour unfounded guilt and feel ashamed for not escaping sooner or not recognising the signs earlier.
7) Identity crisis: Narcissistic games often involve gaslighting, where the victims’ perceptions and reality are constantly questioned. This can lead to confusion and an identity crisis as individuals struggle to trust their own instincts and beliefs.
It is important to note that while these effects are common, everyone’s experience is unique, and not all individuals may experience every effect. Seeking therapy or support groups specialising in narcissistic abuse can be beneficial in addressing and overcoming these long-lasting effects. (Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw
Breaking free and recovering from a narcissist when they’ve lost control over you. It’s time to regain your sense of self and rock that confidence! Here are a few essential steps to get you on the path to freedom:
First things first, acknowledge their loss of control. You’ve recognised their toxic behaviour and taken the first step towards liberation. Pat yourself on the back because you’re about to put yourself first!
- Cut-off contact: This step can be tough, but it’s crucial. Sever any unnecessary ties or communication channels. Unfollow them on social media, block their number, and avoid places you might bump into them. This digital detox will help you reclaim some much-needed peace of mind.
- Seek support from your inner circle: Share your story with trusted friends and family who will offer love, understanding, and encouragement. Often, narcissists manipulate their victims into isolation, so connecting with others can restore your social support network.
- Educate yourself: Knowledge is power! Dive into resources about narcissism and emotional abuse. Understanding their tactics will help you detach emotionally and see through their manipulative games. Arm yourself with knowledge and protect your emotional well-being.
- Guard against guilt: Narcissists excel at making their victims feel responsible for their own toxic behaviour. Remind yourself that their actions are not your fault. Let go of any guilt or self-blame, and focus on rebuilding your self-esteem.
- Rediscover your passions: Narcissists thrive on controlling your interests and aspirations. Take this opportunity to reconnect with activities you love, discover new hobbies, and surround yourself with positive experiences. Embrace what brings you joy and remember who you are outside their grasp.
- Practice self-care: Treat yourself with kindness you treat others, and prioritise your well-being. Engage in activities that promote relaxation, such as meditation, exercise, or indulging in a bubble bath. Prioritising self-care helps in rebuilding your self-esteem and coping with the aftermath of a narcissistic relationship.
- Keep a journal: Document your thoughts, emotions, and progress. Writing can be a therapeutic outlet and provide a safe space to reflect on your journey. It also allows you to track your personal growth over time, reminding you of how far you’ve come.
- Seek professional help if needed: Healing from narcissistic abuse can be challenging, and therapy can provide invaluable support. A trained therapist can offer guidance, help you process your emotions, and empower you with coping strategies to navigate the aftermath. (Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw
Remember, you’ve broken free from the chains of a narcissist’s control, and that’s a remarkable achievement. Stay strong, surround yourself with supportive people, and keep moving forward. You deserve a life filled with love, respect, and happiness – and narcissists can’t take that away from you anymore.
Recovering from a narcissist takes time, patience, and self-compassion. Surround yourself with love, positivity, and understanding. Stay strong and believe in your ability to break free and reclaim your life. You’ve got this!
Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.
For the full course.
For the free course.
To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.
All about the narcissist Online course.
The narcissists counter-parenting.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp(Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.