When it comes to dealing with narcissistic people, they sell you an illusion of who you’d like them to be while they covertly hide from you who they indeed are.
Narcissists will give you false hope of how life could be with them, then find ways to blame you for why your life isn’t working out that way, why their life isn’t going how they’d like it to be, as to a narcissist, nothing is ever their fault it’s always somebody else’s fault.
There are many reasons people don’t see what’s happening to them while in a narcissistic relationship, and one of those is the environment a narcissist creates for people to live in.
A narcissist creates an environment of instability, so you’re left feeling a sense of uneasiness, left feeling unstable, not knowing what is reality anymore, what is the best thing to do for you or those around you. ￼￼￼￼￼￼￼
A narcissist will create an environment of insecurity, so you’re left feeling uncertain about yourself and unaware of the danger you are in.
A narcissist will covertly create an environment of confusion through many different manipulation tactics so that you’re no longer able to think clearly about what’s happening to you, so you’re left confused as to who they are, who you are or the reality that you’re now living.
A narcissist creates an environment of frustration within you. They’re envious of you, so they want to sabotage you because they fear abandonment, so if they discourage you from doing the things that you would like to do, you might start doing the things that they want you to do, and they will frustrate you to the point where you become upset, angry, annoyed you might then react to them, they can then blame you for your reactions so they can escape consequences for their actions.
A narcissist creates an environment of fear, so you’re always living on the edge, walking on eggshells about how they might respond to you. What might happen if you stand up for yourself, always living in fear of the mood they might wake up, of the mood they might come home and whether you say the wrong thing to doing something wrong.
Why do narcissists ￼do this?
Narcissists want to influence you to direct your life to suit them￼. Narcissistic￼ people feel entitled to￼￼ exploit people to meet a need of their own, those they are envious of they seek to destroy, and they lack the empathy to care for those they hurt. Narcissists are interested in getting their own needs met. ￼
When it comes to narcissistic people, they rule by love or fear, so they will love bomb, they will idealise, they will future fake, they will mirror you, they will sell you an illusion of who you would like them to be to get their needs met, or they will use their other manipulative techniques where they rage out at you, that uncontrolled anger that they can actually control when there are witnesses around, narcissists will fall silent on you, narcissists will withdraw affection, attention and support they will refuse to give you closure, compassion, instead they will sabotage you, they will deliberately destroy obstruct or damage, they will invalidate who you are the things you are capable of, so you no longer feel enough. They will go all out to prove you wrong. They will gaslight you, intimidate you, neglect you, fail to care for you, to rule you through fear to influence you to live your life by their rules.
Living in this environment causes us to live in a state of hypervigilance. We can be left full of anger and frustration with anxiety as we start to lose who we are, a shell of our former selves. To protect ourselves, we shut down who we indeed are for fear of reactions from the narcissist.
What can you do?
When it comes to narcissistic people, what you need to remember is misery, likes company. They are very empty miserable envious people who seek to take other people down. You cannot cure them with your kindness. They will exploit your kindness to meet the need of their own the kinder that you are to a narcissist, the more they believe that they can get away with it, the more that they believe that they’re the victim, the more that they believe you should serve them.
You need to make a decision, decide to choose to no longer settle in a place where you cannot be yourself. Where you don’t feel safe, when you don’t feel comfortable making that decision? Make that choice within your mind and then do what it takes to find a way not to go back to them. Create plans of what you would like in your life, how you would like to live, the peace that you would like, and the happiness that you would like, and focus on those to help you move forward. What the outcome you would like out of your life is?
No contact or, if that’s not possible limited contact and grey rock around a narcissistic person, boundaries don’t tend to work around narcissists, as they find ways to up their game, to get back at you. Boundaries can work in the beginning when you’re not too deep into the relationship, when you’ve been raised by one, just finished sharing a bed with one, they know all your weak points, and they see your boundaries as a challenge. Some will up their games. Others will move on to an easier target; however, when you’re dealing with narcissistic people, do everything you need to keep yourself safe￼. Boundaries are a great thing to learn, but you have to implement them very carefully around narcissistic people. ￼
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