People can have the holiday blues. However, they wouldn’t go around trying to ruin it for loved ones as they care for those loved ones, with a narcissist if it’s not about them as they believe they’re entitled to special admiration, they will seek to destroy it for those around them.
Special occasions are days to celebrate, to appreciate others or appreciate what others have done, to create and share memories, to show thanks or gratitude, to laugh, to spend time with loved ones.
The narcissist is envious, and as they feel entitled and deserving of all the attention, they feel great envy if they think others are getting something they’re not. They want to be in control, and when they feel like they’re losing control they go through major child-like tantrums, to ruin it for others or bring the attention back onto themselves, as they lack empathy to care for how their behaviour affects others, they believe they’re in the right to behave how they do, and they will project and pass the blame onto those around them.
The narcissist doesn’t enjoy not being the reason others are happy, so they’ll find an explanation as to why others have made the narcissist unhappy to justify the narcissist then bringing others down, to feel better about themselves.
They enjoy being in the driver’s seat of other peoples emotions.
Narcissist ruin special occasion to
1. Gain sympathy.
2. Hoover people.
3. Create drama, conflict, chaos.
4. Exclude people.
5. Raise peoples expectations, to let people down.
6. Use sentimental things to threaten people.
7. Giving gifts to use against people ”have you any idea how much this cost?”
In the love bombing.
They can use a special occasion by the giving of excessive gifts in order to pull people in, make people feel hopeful, or with excessive attention making people feel understood.
In the devaluation.
A narcissist can spin a fair pity play into why they don’t enjoy special occasions to make others feel guilty for celebrating, to excuse the fact the narcissist doesn’t want to, nor do they want others to. They can promise things then fail to deliver, gaslighting with. ” I never said that. ” or ”Don’t be so greedy.” ”Don’t be so ungrateful remember when.” or the narcissist classic ”If only you.” to excuse the fact the narcissist didn’t bother, and to shift the blame. A narcissist might not even acknowledge a special occasion in the discard.
They might explain why you don’t need to bother then sulk when you don’t bother, or sulk when you do because you knew if you didn’t, they’d sulk. They might expect you to go all out, then sulk when you don’t because they told you not to bother.
There’s no winning with a selfish, self-entitled hypocrite.
You’ll get nothing. Or they’ll be out there In the love-bombing stage with someone new, buying lavish gifts they promised you, for the new supply and they’ll get flying monkeys to make sure you know.
They might start sending gifts again, or making those false promises of the future, those future fakes of let’s get married, let’s go on holiday, they can also use these in the intermittent reinforcement stages to suck you back in and give you the false hope of something that was never meant to be.
A narcissist can ruin a special occasion by.
1. Project how they feel onto others, bait to make other angry, sulk to create the atmosphere, silent treatments to be neglectful, because they feel entitled to do so, the more we try to cheer them up, often the more they’ll try to sink us.
1. Buy you gifts they want, things you have no interest in if you mention they’ll call you ”ungrateful.” to focus on your feelings and not their behaviour.
2. Sulk at gifts they got, because whatever they have, they always want more.
3. Turn up late and expect everyone to be grateful they showed up at all.
4. Be a no show, in the hopes, everyone will chase them to see how they are.
5. Chip away at people to drain them, bring those around them down, once they’ve upset others often the narcissist is happy again as they’ve achieved their goal.
6. When they’re invited to a family event they might claim they really want to go, however, they can not because you don’t want to, triangulation and it helps with the narcissist smear campaign.
7. Pity play, how they never got.
8. Start an argument, either before an event, then when you arrive all frazzled, the narcissist will be the life and soul of the party, smearing your name as to how miserable you are and why you can never go anywhere, again triangulation.
9. They might go overboard, especially if there is an audience to influence, that grandiosity giving the best party ever, best gifts ever. The narcissist would expect you to shower them with eternal gratitude and obligation, then when you speak your truth, others don’t believe you after all the narcissist did for you, and enablers will say. ”after all they did for you.” ”I couldn’t imagine them being like that. They’ve always been great with me.”
If you’re still with them.
1. Set boundaries.
2. Don’t try to involve them, leave them to it.
3. Try not to isolate yourself.
4. Stay safe.
If you’re alone.
1. Set boundaries, whatever those boundaries are to you.
2. Treat yourself, spoil yourself, do those things you always wanted to do, yet the narcissist wouldn’t allow you to do.
3. As tempting as it is to hide, try not to isolate yourself.
4. When people ask what you’re doing let them know, this isn’t to go around playing the sympathy cards, if people ask be honest, genuine people who care will help, as you would them.
5. Self-care, you have to be at your best to give your best, don’t be too hard on yourself, lots of self-care.
6. Start new routines/traditions, things you’ve always wanted to do or try something new.
7. Get busy doing things you enjoy.
8. Find things you can be grateful for.
9. If social media is depressing you, get off social media and find something that lifts your mood.
The admiration seeking narcissist.
Why do narcissists ruin holidays?
Spending the holidays alone.
Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.