Red flags of a narcissist.
As the word ‘narcissist’ becomes more well-known, it seems to be getting thrown around a lot more. People end up questioning if they are a narcissist or if their parents, partner, or boss is a narcissist. Everyone’s ex seems to be a narcissistic person, and while in a lot of cases this can be true, in others, it’s not. Some exes might come close as most people have a trait or two of the disorder. However, it is a personality disorder. If they haven’t got at least five of the nine Characteristics, just because someone cheats a lot doesn’t mean they are a narcissist; someone who is confident doesn’t make them a narcissist, and someone who takes selfies doesn’t make them a narcissist. A parent who asks their child where they are going or gives them a curfew doesn’t make them a narcissist.
Also, some people are just negative or just toxic.
If you’ve turned to Google to try and understand someone’s behaviour, if you are full of self-doubt and second-guessing yourself, although we cannot diagnose, most likely, you’re not a narcissist, and if the behaviour of the person you are googling is or isn’t, they’re most likely toxic, as you’re trying to work out their behaviour in which case it could be time to walk away.
You are allowed to love yourself; this is the primary key to your inner happiness. We should all love ourselves, which can be extremely hard to learn; most people don’t love themselves; there are hurt people who go around helping people. Then, there are hurt people who choose to hurt people. There are narcissistic people who, deep down, don’t actually love themselves. They are very hurt, insecure individuals who fill their needs and make themselves feel better by sucking the life out of others, destroying people along the way, not realising this continued behaviour pattern isn’t a nice way to live, for themselves or those around them.
Most people have suffered from some form of trauma within their lives, although we are never responsible for our trauma and not responsible for someone else’s behaviour. However, we are responsible for our recovery.
The narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum. Those on the high end are incredibly toxic and dangerous, while those on the lower end might be manageable to be around and all those in between. Not all narcissistic people cheat. All do lie. Some manipulative people are not actually narcissists. They don’t destroy others to succeed. Some successful people are, and some are not.
There are many types of narcissists out there, and once you open up to others, you’ll notice just how similar they are in their treatment of others.
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
A narcissist is a con artist and will sell you a dream and deliver a living nightmare.
Here are some of the more common signs of how narcissists behave if you think you have or are dealing with one.
NO RESPECT, as part of the disorder, is A SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT. They believe they have a right to anything and everything they want. What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is my own attitude. Rules do not apply to them, yet to the narcissist, those rules will apply to those around them. They believe they are above all others, and some will manipulate authorities and courts, as they think they’re special. They believe they’re allowed to do as they please. All others should bow down to them.
They control others; another trait of the disorder is ARROGANCE AND HAUGHTY BEHAVIOR. They are unpleasantly proud of who they are. Some will be obvious in showing it, and some will hide it away. Or they use others. Controlling behaviour can be a sign in general. You can also have people who are perfectionists, so they come across as controlling. They’ll not be manipulative with it. Or people who are highly insecure and they are not narcissistic. They just need extra certainty within their lives to feel safe. A person on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum will try to control everything and everyone. From how others see them and you to how you see others, they will act controlling in any given situation. They will use tactics like Intimidating behaviour, threatening behaviour, pity plays, and silent treatments. They can be plain old vindictive, and nasty. They don’t care about what impact their behaviour has on others, only that they have control. They take the power of controlling behaviour to extremes. Overts can be very direct, and coverts can be more subtle. Remember, you cannot control how they act or what they do. You can control how you deal with it and how you respond. The best response is no contact with most narcissists. This is not always possible, so limited communication and keeping your focus on yourself.
Manipulation. Another trait of the disorder is, they EXPLOIT people. Whatever they do is only to ever meet a need of their own. They seem to be the masters of manipulation, especially when we are unaware of what they are, what games they are playing, or what they are capable of. They are highly skilled at turning any disagreements into a massive argument, taking Conversations off the original topic, making others blame themselves for the narcissist’s own bad behaviour. They gaslight others into self-doubt and self-blame. They can be extremely convincing and charming; anyone who goes against them will find themselves in the midst of a mass Smear Campaign and being outcast as people take the narcissist’s side. They control others and make decisions for others through guilt and blame to meet their own needs. Knowing your own reality, writing key things down, letting go of those who don’t support you, being alone and being lonely are two very different things. You can be with a narcissist and feel so alone, and you can be on your own and not feel Lonely.
KNOW IT ALL. Another trait of the disorder is GRANDIOSE. Whether they show it or not, they believe they are superior to all others. They think they already know everything, and it’s their way and their way only. They are not interested in other perspectives, points of view, or opinions as they believe within themselves that they already know everything.
Never accountable. They will never be wrong, and if they are, it’ll always be someone else’s fault. They will always find someone else to blame for anything that’s wrong within their life or any mistakes they have made. Everyone makes mistakes and gets things wrong, we are human it’s how we learn, even from the basics of learning to walk, talk, and eat, it’s rare for any child just to open their mouth and talk perfectly straight away, and we do all talk differently, most people lose this natural thought process that we don’t always get it right the first time, narcissistic people fear being seen as anything other than perfect, fear failure or making mistakes and they fear the judgment from others, no one likes being pulled up on what they’ve done wrong, so most people avoid doing hurtful things, there is no wrong way or right way to live our life, so long as our intentions are good, however, with a narcissist, they will never ever admit to being wrong, they will not accept responsibility unless it meets a need of their own, then they will downplay it, or shift the blame onto others, they project all their faults onto others as they never look at themselves or issues they cause, to them nothing is ever their fault. They don’t learn from the mistakes of their own actions; and instead, they just hit repeat time and time again. They react exceptionally badly if challenged or questioned, which most people can at times. Narcissistic people react all the time badly when they have been exposed for wrongdoing or even feel criticism in any way. How do they react badly? They either fight, have temper tantrums, raise their voices, deny, blame-shift, play the pity card, make excuses, or walk out, giving the silent treatment or sulking.
A False mask. Another trait of the disorder is JEALOUSY and ENVY. They are never truly happy and always want more. Some say they have a false mask, one face to cover the other face, but in my opinion, they are who they are. They have both faces, the admiration face at the beginning, which is them as it’s all manipulation and lies. They play nice to meet a need of their own, or to let you know you owe them further down the line. They are not helpful or kind because they care, they do this to use and manipulate people. Then, the envy face when things don’t go their own way, where they seek to break people down or destroy those who’ve escaped them. Some are too lazy to seek revenge. Most, however, resort to a smear campaign. Reasonable people can wear a mask in public for fear of being misunderstood or disliked. That is a part of who they are. It’s not to manipulate, it’s to fit in. Whatever face the narcissist has on, it is all about manipulation.
They idolise, devalue, discard, and hoover. This goes into their two faces, as another trait is, A LACK IN EMPATHY. They cannot truly feel what others do or put themselves in other people’s shoes. While they want to win you over, they will do all they can to be admired. If they feel like control is slipping, they’ll devalue you until you give in and do exactly what they want at that moment. This changes week to week, and they discard when they believe you’re no longer meeting their needs. When they feel envious, they try to destroy people.
Word salad. They can rationalise anything, as another trait is A BELIEF THEY ARE SPECIAL. They believe all others are inferior to them, and they will do their utmost to convince others they are correct, distorting others’ reality. They use pathological lying and manipulation, from gaslighting, provoking, and blame-shifting. A narcissist will try to get others to doubt themselves by telling them they’re insecure or that something never happened. Some will admit but find a way for it to be someone else’s or your fault for why they did something. If something doesn’t feel right to you, most often, it isn’t. Trust within yourself.
Constant lies or exaggeration, as part of the disorder, is PREOCCUPIED WITH POWER AND SUCCESS. Those who are victorious will brag, and those who are not will blame others. There are different types of narcissistic people. The classic narcissist, those who are successful and boast, exaggerate at just how incredible they are, as those around them often agree they can get away with this. Then, the vulnerable, covert narcissists, those not as successful that will blame life and others for mistreating them, how life is so unfair, how others always get everything, and just how badly they’ve been treated, and those in between that will do both. Those who work hard and are successful want praise. Those who are lazy want pity. In the narcissist’s reality, they are the hero or the victim, yet never the villain. They lie about things they’ve achieved or exaggerate things they’ve achieved. They lie about exes, lie about family, lie about mistakes. Lie to cover lies; in fact, some lie so much they believe their own lies. Now, reasonable people can have bad things happen and fall. Reasonable people can get caught up in a white lie, but they will not lie about everything.
Destructive. They will ruin a special occasion, as another trait of the disorder is REQUIRES EXCESSIVE ATTENTION. They need to be admired by others through love or fear, and anything that isn’t all about them. They will pull out all the stops to ruin, from birthdays to Christmas, weddings to funerals. If it is their birthday, they’ll find a way you didn’t get something right, and for someone else’s, they’ll find a way to ruin it. They will provoke you to get you in a bad mood, bring up things that happened years ago, bring the attention onto them for someone they’ve lost and offer little to no sympathy. In the beginning, they’ll pull out all the stops to show you they care, but once hooked, this will stop. They have extremely low to no empathy and do not care for how others feel. People who don’t support you through the good and the bad are not the people for you.
Drama. As a narcissist likes attention, a trait of the disorder is REQUIRES EXCESSIVE ATTENTION, and they don’t mind how they get that attention. Where they go, drama follows. Whatever they are doing, drama seems to follow as they EXPLOIT others. The narcissist might be gossiping and smearing people’s names, and they always seem to be holding a grudge against someone, how someone has wronged them. They are often playing people off against each other, provoking people, causing others to argue, lying, cheating, always seeking some form of drama. Narcissistic people have high levels of mood swings. They can have intense highs and intense lows, and good people can have mood swings. Life gets hard. Situations happen. Environmental factors like the narcissist you’re dealing with can cause you massive highs and lows. Yet, most people feel pain and try to avoid it. Narcissistic people thrive on drama and negativity in those around them to make themselves feel better. Those around them end up walking on eggshells to avoid the negativity and drama, trying to please them and not set them off. A narcissist doesn’t know what they truly want. They are a ticking time bomb and can go off without you even knowing what happened.
The narcissist is stuck with a disorder. They are not interested in changing as they don’t see fault within themselves. They will continue this pattern throughout life, often getting worse with age. It did not start with you, and it will not end with you. Whatever they do to you, it’s not about you. It’s all about them. They want you to believe you’re the problem to change who you are and help them. Most will straight out say to you, ”it is not all about you.” because they believe it’s all about them and their needs been met. They do not care for others. They only care for themselves. You cannot help them. You can help yourself by walking free. It is about you, your happiness, and your life. You choose to help others. They choose to destroy others. Whoever the narcissist is or was in your life, learn your own reality and your own truths. You do not need negative, toxic people who bring you down. Life’s hard enough; surround yourself with positive, supportive, uplifting people.
Check these out!
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.-1
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
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The envious narcissist.
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The narcissists counter-parenting.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Video on what narcissist abuse does to you.
Two faces.
Lack of empathy.
Manipulation.
Jealousy and envy.
