Overcoming narcissist abuse. By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
The narcissistic personality disorder has been around for many years, and growing awareness is happening in the most recent years, and people like us are looking into traits to see if we are dealing with negative, toxic, selfish fools, or something much more sinister, narcissists have a disorder and it’s who they are, dealing with them as you most likely already know, is far from easy if not impossible, there are those on the lower end of the spectrum, that once you know who they are, what they do, their patterns of behaviour, you can learn how to handle being around them, then there is The Malignant Narcissist.
We do all have narcissism within us, and there is positive as well and negative, narcissism is different from having a narcissistic personality disorder. Although those with negative narcissism, that keep going along the negative path will get worse with age, those with self-awareness will recognise and emotions like empathy, regret, remorse and guilt, will kick in. Which most often stops people hurting others in the first place, or if they do, they are self-aware enough not to do it again and learn from mistakes, toxic people look for others to blame to escape accountability, they have little to no self-awareness and hit the repeat button, often getting worse as they blame all others for their behaviour.
What is a malignant narcissist?
As far as I’m aware The malignant Narcissist isn’t an official diagnosis, even if you could get one. The term comes from psychologist Erich Fromm, who was a German Jew and fled the Nazi regime and settled in the USA he describes the malignant as.
“the most severe pathology and the root of the most vicious destructiveness and inhumanity”.
The malignant narcissist, Possibly the most dangerous and harmful narcissist there is, experts see very little difference between a psychopath and a malignant narcissist, these are the ones, you need to be extremely cautiously and safely get far, far away from and make sure they can never find you, or get hold of you.
They are a true psychopath if not worse, like most narcissists they have no empathy, they will commit, multiple crimes without care. Including violent and sexual offences with no remorse.
Psychologists suggest malignant narcissism is an extreme mix of the narcissistic personality disorder, and other disorders such as antisocial personality disorder, sadism, aggression and paranoia.
All narcissist can be dangerous, yet malignant ones take it to the next level.
Like most narcissists They rely on others to define them; self-esteem comes from the outside world, their moods can be all over; they seek approval from others. Extremely arrogant and self-centred. They have a very fragile, super-sensitive ego. They need to convince all others just how special they are.
They have the three E’s, of any narcissist.
Entitled, they believe they are entitled to do what they want, whenever they want, with whoever they want and whatever they want, and believe they are above all others.
Exploit, they will exploit all others to get their needs met, with no thoughts or feelings to how it affects those around them.
Empathy, or a complete lack of genuine compassion, they can act empathetically, I’ll add the cognitive empathy video link at the bottom.
The difference between the narcissist personality disorder and the malignant narcissist is the malignant will most often have a mixture of combined personality disorders, They have the narcissistic personality disorder, narcissistic people can have traits of other disorders, like paranoia, yet a malignant narcissist has paranoia personality disorder also psychopath personality disorder. They also have antisocial personality disorder. Most narcissists have traits of antisocial behaviour, and these have the full disorder.
1. Sadism will deliberately cause, harm, suffering, pain and distress to others, often showing hatred. They get great enjoyment in seeing people, animal, anything suffer.
2. Antisocial behaviour, these are pathological liars, they have unprovoked hostility and aggression, volatile mood swings, they cheat, steal and lie, they believe they are above the law and are extremely dangerous and toxic.
3. Manipulation, these don’t wait to see an opportunity to manipulate others, they actively create opportunities, they genuinely go around looking for those they can take advantage of, they plan, and they plot to win at any and all costs to those around them.
4. Paranoias, it’s not that they don’t just not trust those around them, because of how they think, they are extremely suspicious of those around them, and believe all others are out to get them.
5. No empathy, none, nothing, zero, they get pleasure out of harming others.
6. No responsibility, although they can actually admit wrongdoing, yet they will openly admit to other what they have done, by telling others that the person they harmed deserved it, at other times they will deny all knowledge, to what they’ve done to others.
7. Entitled, malignant narcissists have that sense of entitlement like most narcissists, they believe they are superior to others and expect to be treated that way.
8. Envy, they hate seeing others with something they haven’t got, or something they want, most often assuming it’s down to pure luck that others have achieved.
9. Charm, or ( superficial charm.) most narcissistic people can be charming, especially at first, as they put on that admiration face to draw people in.
Things a malignant narcissist could do.
They will retaliate and humiliate.
They make a strong statement in how they dress whichever that is to them, some might be smart in high powered jobs with the suits, homes and cars, some will be the gym bod in the gym gear and muscles, some will be the tough, hard, don’t mess with me look. ( people can look this way and not be narcissistic.) malignants are big on appearance whatever that appearance is to them.
They will go to extreme means, to be the top and get the worlds attention as they believe they are entitled to the world.
They will show fake empathy to follows to protect themselves, to get followers to protect them. People either love and respect them or genuinely fear them both will carry out their demands.
They will go to great lengths to protect themselves, all narcissists are manipulative, and even people who don’t have the narcissist personality disorder can be manipulative, the malignant narcissist, however, takes manipulation to the next level, they take it to the extreme, they as most narcissists see in black and white they gain enablers or enemies along the way, they have a complete disregard for others, and simply do not care for the video pain they cause to those around them, researchers say Adolf Hitler was a malignant narcissist. Look at the following he achieved, what he got others to do for him, and how many he destroyed.
They need power and control and achieve this by coming across as a great saviour to others in the beginning. They will go all out to protect their followers as this protects themselves.
They will hurt, and some will murder anyone who gets in their way.
They will tell you not to believe others, and they are just trying to split you up. They’ll manipulate you so well, you’ll believe them.
They will do things to others that are informing you to leave to maintain power over you. They are terrifying, and they will find any means possible to end your friendship with those trying to help you.
They will stop at nothing to protect what important to them if you escape one of these, you will most often need to move miles away.
The malignant narcissist is the most dangerous of all.
They are the least likely to attempt therapy, due to the disorder like other narcissists they do not see any fault in their actions blaming those around them for what they perceive as turning against them, or the fact they don’t see others as people having feelings as they don’t feel like others do, they see people as objects to use and abuse ad they feel, how they want and when they want, we are all individuals with different pain thresholds so what a narcissist on the low end might do could hurt someone in lesser ways yet they feel the same pain as how a malignant narcissist would use sadistic means to destroy those who they perceive to go against them.
Once you understand the narcissistic personality disorder. Most narcissistic people will become evident to you. Malignant, come across as helping others and are far harder to spot at first, also far harder to stop.
In a relationship like all narcissist they represent themselves as important, worthy of admiration and love, they might talk about those that hurt them in a way to gain sympathy. They might come across as an unfortunate individual who has been hurt.
As they present themselves as a loving, caring victim and your saviour, you will feel sorry for them. Partners will want to support them. They lie, manipulate and cheat like all other narcissists. They set it up, so you want to fight their corner and protect them. Once you are hooked, if you cross them there, psychopathy comes out, and they will do anything to protect themselves, and they will hurt you, to get their needs met. They may also get others to do this. Some will do anything to maintain their relationship with you.
How to deal with a malignant narcissist, don’t, gather as much help and support as you can, and not from mutual friends, get to safety, no one knows what lengths any narcissist will go to if they feel criticism or wronged by anyone, so always be careful, with a malignant never let them know you know, or you’re leaving, just get out safely.
1. Seek help and support in leaving if you suspect you are dealing with a malignant narcissist.
2. Remember they will not change; they do not have the self-awareness to change; it’s who they are.
3. Have a healthy fear of them, so respect what they are capable of, and keep yourself safe, yes these people need bringing to justice, but you must be careful around them.
4. They see in extreme black and white, and you will not win an argument or disagreement with these people, they genuinely believe they are right, and not only are you wrong, your an enemy, with their paranoia they will see this as you going against them and they do seek to destroy. Let them think they are right and leave them be.
5. Get support, do not be embarrassed about what you have been through you are far from alone, seeking support and talking to those who understand, helps you piece reality back together, know all those doubts, feelings, thought were real, that the reality you lived was real, validation that how you feel is normal, other do and have felt the same way, even those not dealing with malignant narcissists. Getting emotional support is a must also.
6. Do not isolate yourself, yes most like to go into hermit mode now and again and that’s ok, but don’t stay stuck in hermit mode and don’t stay isolated.
Don’t ever give up on yourself, and there is always hope. When good people come together, great things start to happen.
Join me on social media.
Click the link below for the full online course to help you understand and overcome narcissistic abuse, with a link inside to free access for the hidden online support group, with daily advice and support from me, alongside other survivors doing the course.
free online starter course for help with overcoming narcissistic abuse.
Help with Overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety online course.
All about the narcissist Online course.
For 1-2-1 Coaching with me, email @ email@example.com
The Covert Narcissist.