When you’ve been left heartbroken and empty, it is hard. Even if you leave them, building yourself back up to who you want to be is a must. Yet you may have doubts and take them back. We need to break that trauma bond. The average of people who take their abusive partner back is seven times.
If they’ve left you with nothing, remember as lovely as it is to cry in a comfy home. If your empty, you’ll feel empty wherever you are. Materialistic, superficial things do not make you happy. You have to make yourself happy. Then you can build these things back up for you. As much as you’ll appreciate them, you’ll never be relying upon them. Yes, it’s hard when you’re struggling to feed your children when you’re skipping meals so your kids can eat when you’ve lost friends and family.
Outside circumstances can, will and do drain you. You’ve got to get up and go again anyway to make this pain temporary.
You can find some of the wealthiest people are the unhappiest people, and some of the poorest are the happiest.
Your values, your beliefs, your self-worth, your self-love, when you fill these up, you’ll not need to keep hold of negative people, and you’ll naturally walk with positive people.
You have a purpose.
What others have said about you does not define you. All those put-downs are from self-loathing individuals that can not find their own happiness so have to destroy others. They are negative toxic people.
You are a fighter, a survivor, a warrior, a hero. You are more than loveable to the right people. You are good enough for the good people. You are worthy of those worthy of you. You are beautiful for being you.
”Self-love is the cure for self-hate.” Tyrese Gibson.
No matter who planted that hate in your mind, you can learn to love yourself again, find the things you enjoy, be kind to those who are kind to you.
Those who say they love you, then talk about you behind your back, put you down, try to destroy you, and you don’t see it because they are so good at saying they love you are the worst people. You were never the problem. Being loving and kind, wanting to help others is not a problem, saying you love someone while stabbing them in the back those are the ones with the problem.
When you realise what those people are, what they did to you when those lightbulb moments hit you, when you see all the manipulation, when you can bring yourself back into reality when you work on not feeling judged as you understand those who judge you are not for you. When you are able to speak out and speak up for yourself. When you are able to say no to things that don’t sit well with you, when you can walk away from those who hurt you, even though it feels like it’s killing you, you respect and love yourself.
When you complain about how much pain they cause you, then two weeks later they invite you out, and you go, you don’t love yourself, you’re relying on them to fill you up, yet all they do is bring you further down. You need to break the trauma bond.
Those who are jealous and envious and have to put others down to build themselves up are empty. When someone talks about all others to you, they talk about you to all others. Someone can be annoyed and vent about one person for help, support and advice. That’s normal, yet when they put everyone down, they sure as hell going to be putting you down, manipulatively to your face and manipulatively behind your back. Those who are spiteful, evil and messed up are not worthy of you.
You no longer want or need to be on the other end of the consequences of what these kinds of people bring to the table.
The longer you allow them around you, the longer they will drain everything from you.
You need to stop helping those who only wish to harm you, put that time, energy and effort into helping you, surrounding yourself with good people and helping those who are willing and able to accept help, be kind to those who are kind to you.
Be kind to those who are unkind to you by simply walking away.
It’s not easy. It’s not going to be fun. You’ve got to keep going and keep working on yourself, taking those daily steps to shape you into who you want to be and where you want to be.
Learn to respect and love yourself enough to say no. That will element some toxic people.
You are beautiful. You are kind. You are loveable. You are worthy. You are enough. You deserve to be treated right. Raise your Standards and be who you want to be.
You need to remove any and all energy draining vampires from your life, any vicious soul destroyers, any mean, cruel, self-absorbed toxic people from your life, so you can learn who you are. So you can love who you are. So you can learn, develop and grow so that you can find your peace, find your happiness, and you can find the strength and support to do so.
You can, and you will.
Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.
For the full course.
Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.
For the free course.
Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.
To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.
Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.
All about the narcissist Online course.
Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.
The narcissists counter-parenting.
Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.
One thought on “Loving who you are will help you spot a narcissist, and stay away from toxic people.”
I SO appreciate your posts, especially this one!
Knowing, Loving, & Valuing Self WILL disallow being charmed by a Narc. It’s not enough just know and love but you need serious morals and values that they can’t exploit! All sorts of personalities have fallen victim to a narc. If you place value in superficial things like looks, money and/or fame, those values could in fact be exploited.