Help with mediation/ child custody and the court with a narcissistic ex.
Keep all messages you receive from the narcissist, also print them off and keep backups, where the narcissist can not get hold of them, make sure you keep the original messages also, so it can be proven they’ve not been altered in any way.
Watch your responses in those messages. A judge doesn’t have time to listen to your explanations of emotional reactions; before you send, remember a judge shall read, think like your sending to the judge and not the narcissist.
Keep a diary of everything, and I mean everything no matter how small, that they say or do, keep it dated.
You have to keep everything you can documented.
Anything to prove you’ve done all you can, and that your ex is, in fact, a liar, who is Manipulating their children and using the children to manipulate you any way they can, this is why any child arrangements must be through messages or email.
Do not let the narcissist know about this, as some have been known to get hold of the documentation, destroy it or even use it against the documenter.
Do not slander the narcissist, explain patterns of behaviour but don’t accuse of causing problems. Things such as broken agreements, especially those the narcissist made that you have evidence for, describe their behaviour, don’t attack the narcissist’s character, don’t name call or diagnose.
When in court, don’t go for the overkill of evidence, and do not bring it back up, even if the narcissist does, only bring things back up if the judge does or directly asks you. The judge doesn’t have hrs to go over the same thing. The judge will have heard and seen the evidence, and they will have noted it. Just show a couple of recordings or a couple of messages. Let them know you have more if required; that’s if you have more evidence. Remember your conduct in these messages also; make sure you don’t give the narcissist reactions to react to.
Above all else, you must stay calm and only speak when the judge speaks to you.
If you can hire a solicitor or lawyer, do so and make sure they are aware of the narcissist personality disorder. Borrow money if you can, get legal aid if you can, do whatever you can to get the help you need.
Let those family and friends that you trust know what’s happening for extra support. A narcissist has no boundaries and only seeks to destroy others, so they will go all out to take you down and take your friends and family down with you.
They will use the legal system to continue to abuse and get to you, so you must not react to them with anything they do; in mediation or court, you must keep your composure, do not make eye contact with the narcissist. Best case, as the narcissist isn’t getting the reactions from you, they will show themselves for who they are in court.
They will make up false allegations about you, and they will do their best to charm, manipulate and lie to the solicitors, lawyers and judges.
Maintaining your composure, staying strong, know you’ve done nothing wrong, do not react to the narcissist, the narcissist will eventually shot themselves in the foot as they can not play their game alone.
Sam Vaknin. Who is a self-proclaimed narcissist? In his opinion says anyone with narcissistic personality disorder should be denied custody. Any visitation should be restricted and under supervision.
A narcissist believes all other adults and children are just an extension of themselves and will manipulate and use them for their own gains. Children are at risk of verbal, physical and emotional abuse.
Only a minority of children raised with narcissistic parents become narcissists themselves. Yet, it can happen, so limited contact if the children still see the narcissist, if you’ve already lost custody, heal yourself, get into a better place, educate yourself about narcissism, then fight back, and get those children to safety.
Help to beat a narcissist in court or mediation.
Stick to statements and facts, stick to your truths and your reality, which often contradicts the narcissist’s perception of reality.
The narcissist is likely to react with rage to all these. To re-establish their fantastic grandiosity, they are likely to expose facts and statements they had no conscious intention of exposing.
The narcissist feels entitled, so to be made accountable and made to explain their behaviour to a courtroom hurts them, and they often end up tangled in their web of lies and exposing themselves.
Narcissists will put their mask on when they walk into court and portray themselves as the best parent ever.
It’s not easy to remain calm with all they throw your way, but by remaining calm in the courtroom. Sticking to your reality and facts, this is your best method to achieve the correct outcome.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
More information on going to court.