Overcoming narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
Help with mediation/ child custody and the court with a narcissistic ex.
Keep all messages you receive from the narcissist, also print them off and keep backups, where the narcissist can not get hold of them, Make sure you keep the original messages also, so it can be proven they’ve not been altered in any way.
Keep a diary of everything and I mean everything no matter how small, that they say or do, keep it dated.
You have to keep everything you can document.
Anything to prove you’ve done all you can, and that your ex is, in fact, a narcissistic person, just using the children to manipulate you any way they can, this is why it’s vital any child arrangements is through messages or email.
Do not let the narcissist know about this, some have been known to get hold of the documentation, destroy it or even use it against the documenter.
When in court don’t go for the overkill of evidence, and do not bring it back up, if the narcissist does, only if the judge does and directly asks you. The judge didn’t have hrs to go over the same thing. They will have heard and seen the evidence and they will have noted it. Just show a couple of recordings or a couple of messages. Let them know you have more if required and if you have more evidence. Remember your conduct in these messages also, make sure you don’t give the narcissist reactions to react to.
Above all else, you must stay calm and only speak when the judge speaks to you.
If you can hire a solicitor or lawyer, do so and make sure they are aware of the narcissistic personality disorder. Borrow money if you can, get legal aid if you can, do whatever you can to get the help you need.
Let those family and friends that you trust know what’s happening for extra support. A narcissist had no boundaries and only seeks to destroy others, so they will go all out to take you down and take your friends and family down with you.
They will use the legal system to continue to abuse and get to you, so you must not react to them with anything they do, in mediation or court, you must keep your composure, do not make eye contact with the narcissist. Best case, as the narcissist isn’t getting the reactions from you, they will show themselves for who they are in court.
They will make up false allegations about you, they will do their best to charm, manipulate and lie to the solicitors, lawyers and judges.
Maintaining your composure, staying strong, know you’ve done nothing wrong, do not react to the narcissist, the narcissist will eventually shot themselves in the foot as they can not play their game alone.
Sam Vaknin. who is a self-proclaimed narcissist? In his opinion says anyone with narcissistic personality disorder should be denied custody. Any visitation should be restricted and under supervision.
Narcissist believes all other adults and children are just an extension of themselves and will manipulate and use them to their own gains. As children are at risk of verbal physical and emotional abuse.
I’ve managed to counteract as many as I could, but when my son tells me. “Daddy says I should pour boiling water over you.” And when soon comes home from a visit of nearly two weeks of silent treatment from the narcissist, not answering messages about picking the children up and says “I want to go to fucking daddy’s house.” To at that point, I spoke son about that’s not how you ask but if you’d like to, yet I can message him if you would like to. For son to say no, daddy and I have been singing it all day and daddy says I need to keep repeating it to you.
Thing is after two weeks of not responding to messages about picking up the children, those working with my son told me no contact from now on, yet I didn’t like this as the boys love their daddy, so we agreed the boys could go if they asked, which they did.
Now it’s no contact so mediation and possibly court.
Only a minority of children raised with narcissistic parents become narcissists themselves, yet it can happen, so limited contact if the children still see the narcissist, if you’ve already lost custody, heal yourself, get into a better place, educate yourself about narcissism then fight back, and get those children to safety.
Help to beat a narcissist in court. Or mediation
Stick to statements or fact, which contradict their inflated perception of his grandiose self.
The narcissist is likely to react with rage to all these and, in an effort to re-establish his fantastic grandiosity, he is likely to expose facts and stratagems he had no conscious intention of exposing.
The narcissist feels entitled to interact or be treated (or questioned) only by unique individuals. They resent being doubted.
Narcissists will put their mask on when they walk into court and portray themselves to be the best parent ever.