Narcissists have a way of treating you better than anyone ever has, yet worse than anyone ever has, leaving you even more confused about who they are and what’s happened to you.
Without any reason, a narcissist can be so quick to go from one minute seemingly treating you so right, then without even the blink of an eye, mistreating you. They just seem to flick a switch on and off. So fast you fail to see what’s happening.
They turn on and off, on and off towards you instantly, good, bad, black, white, never any in-between or a grey area.
From loving you to hating you to then loving you and straight back to hating you,
A fast shift from happiness to sadness, pleasure to pain, admiration to hate.
They are treating you so nice, then out of nowhere, just being nasty, then when they want something from you back to being nice, then in a flash back to nasty.
One minute they are fine and full of smiles towards you. The next, without warning, outcome those evil stares.
Suddenly gone is all the affection, and all you are left with is horrible silence or anger and aggression.
The traumatic shift in the speed at which they change how they are towards you leaves you bewildered and questioning so much about yourself.
One minute you’re chatting away, even laughing, the next to complete silence, which then leaves you asking them.” What’s wrong?” “ Have I done something to upset you?” Which they respond with no response, just more silence, Leaving you questioning, what just happened? What did I do?
You might have complimented them in front of the children or friends, then when you look, they have that horrible glare towards you, or everyone is chatting nicely. Out of nowhere, a subtle yet cruel put-down heads your way from the narcissist that those around you don’t even understand.
Or one minute you’re talking nicely, the next, out of nowhere, they raise their voice and outcomes a barrage of verbal abuse, leaving you to defend yourself, all while you are left wondering, what just happened?
When you ask them to get clarity on the situation and what’s just happened, it irritates them all the more. You just want to know what’s happening. While they just want to provoke you all the more.
You may have heard them say things like. “you should know what’s wrong.” Just before they punch a wall, smash a plate, throw their food, slam a door and stomp off with the narcissist’s incredible sulk.
So why without reason to you? Do they change so incredibly fast?
It’s simply because our view of relationships, communication and reality completely differs from that of a narcissist.
They’ve just manipulated you into a false reality. Through the idealisation for you to now live in their false reality of, which is both nightmare and a fairy tale, they dragged you into the false reality that is the narcissists’ world.
What happens to you and around you during a relationship with them makes no sense to genuine caring people, yet it makes complete sense to a narcissist. Why?
They might suddenly remember something you said two weeks ago that criticised them in some way, and they will have flicked the switch at that time, as they’ve been reminded in some way, they flick it again. Then their rage appears to draw more attention and emotions from you, or they could simply believe you weren’t laughing hard enough at their joke. You didn’t laugh loud enough. Therefore, you failed to provide the positive attention and energy that they required at that moment, and they then took this as a criticism and a challenge. You may have complimented them on one thing, but they forget that, as you didn’t compliment them on what they wanted, you should know what they want, so they again they feel criticised and take it as a challenge. You may have paid someone else attention, congratulated or praised another in front of them, which offended them, or simply asked if they had a good day. A narcissist doesn’t think they should have to answer to you, yet when you fail to ask, a narcissist will be offended that you didn’t ask them and fall silent towards you.
Not that they’ll ever let you know that. You’ll have no clue as to what’s caused them to react that way towards you. They’ll not have a two-way conversation to communicate how they feel. No, they’ll just reduce you to tears and gain those emotional reactions that way. Also, to gain more power and more control over you.
Because of their narcissism, they’ll shift and alter depending on how they feel at that moment and what they take as a criticism. What you did well for the last week, you failed this week.
It’s their self-defence, and they have to do it fast to confuse you, gain emotions from you, feel better about themselves, and get control and power over the situation and over you.
You were never the problem, it did not start with you, and it’ll not end with you. You can break free and move into a much happier life.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.
Why a narcissist can not see your point of view.