The narcissist, stealing your trust in them, your trust of others and your self-trust.
They can do this often with ease as they most often choose people who do trust in themselves and others, people who like to see and look for the good in people, and people who want to help others.
Narcissists choose people who value honesty and trust, then they play many manipulative games, so people trust them so they can abuse that trust.
When someone tells you, “you’ve worked hard.” “You’ve done well.” “I like your top.” You trust them, and you’ve no reason not to. You wouldn’t usually think twice about questioning them why.
You trust the food you buy from the shop will be edible, you trust that order you placed online will be delivered, as you’ve no reason not to, if it didn’t turn up, you may think it’s lost in the mail, check it’s not with neighbours, either way, you trust you’ll get it, if not you trust you’ll get a refund. You trust police and courts, to keep law and order.
You trust in a partner, in your family, to love and care about you, to want what’s best for you, as you do them. Not hurt you, as you wouldn’t hurt them, to love with a full heart and trust completely, you go into relationships trusting them and assume they will do the same, you don’t go around suspicious of those around you, you take things at face value, this is normal human behaviour.
You are honest, and you hate dishonesty, you like to know the truth. In the idealisation stage, they treat you so well, that you are conned into believing how much they love and care about, you believe they tell you the truth, you believe they are honest and open, they make you think you can trust them, they may even tell you, about how others have hurt them so much in the past, they know how that feels, and they wouldn’t do that to anyone. Most often, they will treat you so well in the idealisation stage, they will validate your feelings and come across and genuinely caring for you. Most people trust them, as they’ve no reason not to, yet they are just manipulating you, to gain your trust and pretend you can trust them.
So when they start to say. “ it’s just a friend,” you trust them. When they say, you’re their soul mate. You trust them. When they borrow money from you, you trust they will pay you back like they said they would, when the women say they are on the pill, you trust them when they say they are working late. You trust them. When they say, they’ll take care of the bills. You trust them. They can then slowly and surely shatter your trust.
Trust is valuable to use, they take it, disrespect it, hurt you and slowly try to take it from you.
If you do question them, it’s then an onslaught of their mind games those silent treatments, the gaslighting, blame-shifting, project and so much more, leaving you with self-doubt, feeling insecure. That feeling is often validated by the very person you trust telling you. “You’re insecure.” Or “you’re just too sensitive.” Or “it wasn’t that bad.” Or “I’ll pay you next week.” Or “what money.” And the rest, often leaving you walking on eggshells around them, for fear of what they will say or do, or worse believing you’re imagining things.
Then when you see what’s been happening, they will have often left with no explanation and no closure, leaving a horrible pain in your heart and awful thoughts running through your head, that you can not escape, leaving you to deal with all the aftermath. With all that narcissist do, you’re left with no trust, within yourself and those around you.
You might then feel foolish and not want to talk to others, don’t you are far from alone, with how they manipulate it’s hard to see, as they can bring that idealisation stage back in at any moment it’s even more challenging to see. You can, and you will get your trust back, first in yourself and then in others.
One step on rebuilding Your self-trust After a narcissistic relationship.
After the trauma bond and cptsd, rebuilding your trust, not only in yourself but trusting those around you. Your intuition is key in this, listen to it and take action with that it’s telling you, this will help you make the right choice and slowly re-build your trust.
Start reflecting back, at all those moments your intuition did know. Still, because you couldn’t work out what it was on about, you pushed it down ignored it and carried on anyway, little things, in the beginning, you made excuses for, minimised them, perhaps instead of trusting that intuition you ended up asking the narcissist who lied it all away, even though your intuition was telling you what they were saying wasn’t right, you wanted to believe them, so you ignored your own intuition, that gut feeling, remember how many times you ignored it, you lost some more trust.
You may have plans and ideas of how your life is going to work out, and then Life gets in the way, don’t think of it like that, think of it as you were going in the wrong direction and now life is guiding you a new way. Listen to your inner truth, what that gut of yours is telling you, that intuition, sometimes, it can be something out of nowhere that wasn’t even planned, if your intuition is telling you to do something, follow it.
If you look back 15 years,
Ten years, five years, one year or six months, you’ll see how much wiser you are now, how much you’ve come through and learnt.
When you see signs, your intuition is trying to tell you something, look and listen to those signs.
If you are isolating yourself take steps to stop isolating yourself, start getting out there find your intuition and take action, every time you listen to your intuition, take action, see that it works for you, it’ll build your trust back up within yourself, then when you listen to it with those around you. It’ll build your trust up in others.
When you take action that agrees with your intuition, you’ll learn to trust yourself again.
Keep going, you can, and you will overcome this how they invalidate people.
Who attracts narcissists, how to avoid narcissists.
Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.