The silent treatment, why narcissist do it, how it makes you feel and what possibly caused them to use silent treatment in the first place.
Silent treatment is a very manipulative mind game where the narcissist says everything by simply saying nothing.
A few types of silent treatment, one where you’re in your home with the children or out with friends and they will happily talk to everyone around you. Seeming really nice and happy yet they will not look at you, engage with you, acknowledge your are present.
The one where they ignore you for, 10 minutes a few hrs. A day, a couple of days or a week.
The one why they disappear and you just simply can not get hold of them.
Which ever they use and if they use all three they all have the same effect on you. It is a valuable method for them to use whatever why they do it the reaction from you is the same.
You will find yourself repeatedly asking yourself, what is wrong, you will try and ask them “ what is wrong” “ what happened “ “ have I done something to upset you”.
Your concern may give you many feelings. Hurt, upset, confused, Anxiety, frustration, panic and even anger, therefore you are giving them emotions, you try to talk to them, you call, email, text, you may even get in touch with their family and friends.
You are constantly asking yourself, what have I done? what happened? was it me? You go over everything analysing every thing you did and happened on the lead upto, the silent treatment. You wonder if you simply forgot to give them a kiss when they came in from work, if you didn’t ask how their day was.
You are left hoping that the situation will lift, so you can think straight as to what is happening, you may end up actually providing them with suggestions of what you may have done, you still keep apologising, not knowing what it is your actually saying sorry for, hoping the silent treatment will end like last time. Willing it to stop. Also because of that golden period at the start of the relationship you’re questioning and doubting yourself more by thinking, what if this is it? what if it’s over? What will I do them? What did I do to cause this? Was it me is it them? This then may cause you to panic. You then pick your efforts up to get them back, you’re trapped in fear.
The narcissist knows how they are making you feel and they love it, which drives them to do it all the more, seeing you so confused and you having an inability to see what’s really happening gives the narcissist great delight.
What you need to realise, see and believe is why the narcissist is doing this, it’s nothing you’ve done, just because you didn’t cut the sandwich right or add enough mayo, isn’t just reason to give silent treatment, normal people that have emotions and empathy simply do not do this to people.
It’s harsh but, narcissist is simply enjoying and tacking great pleasure in playing with your feelings,
You mean nothing to them.
They do not care about you.
They enjoy the reactions they are getting from you, they believe that you are inferior to them.
To the narcissist you are simply and extension of them selves or an appliance, for them to pick up and put down when they need to, turn on and off when it suit their needs. You are just convenience when needed. They have compete disregard for your feelings, it should be reinforcing to you that you simply don’t matter to them yet you try and do anything to stop and break the silence. Whilst all the time they are breaking you.
By them giving you silent treatment. You lose your lack of respect for yourself, you are slowly losing your own identity. You are that caught up in trying to fix it and stop the silence, you fail to see the true meaning in the message they are giving you. They simply don’t care for you, but because of how they play all the mind games so well you don’t see it that way as to why they are behaving like this to you.
They could simply be behaving like when they were children, who were told they couldn’t have that last piece of chocolate, sat sucking until the parent felt sorry for them and gave in, most children with empathy towards others will grow out of this. Narcissist see this as power and control they have over others to get their needs met, they love the attention and how they can use it to wrap people around their finger. They do not know as a child the lesson they have just learnt and how the will go into using this when older to destroy others, keeping themselves at the top.
To realise what they are and why they do this, can help you to heal and move on from your self doubt.
If your children have limited contact, it helps as they don’t get to used to the other parent so when they don’t meet the other parents demands and get the silent treatment it will not have such a great affect on them. Also why it’s a great idea to have back up plans for your children if the other parent fails to show on days set. Keeping your children’s mind occupied with great fun activities and knowing they have one person they can always count on.