The Narcissist Personality Disorder, Signs Of A Narcissist.

Some signs you are dealing with a narcissist, people can and will have one of the traits or two. Some are human nature, which doesn’t mean they have the disorder. They could just be a negative person or very confident within themselves. Sometimes the behaviour is similar. However, the intentions are different. Pay attention to the actions of those around you, the repeat patterns of behaviour. Sometimes It’s not what people say; It’s what they do.

To have the disorder, they need five of the nine criteria.

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance. Exaggerating achievements and talents.

2. Preoccupied with ultimate success. Lives in a fantasy world of power, control, dominance, brilliance.

3. Superiority. Believing they are special and above all others.

4. Entitled. Feels entitled to have all their own needs met, demanding, manipulative and controlling.

5. Excessive admiration. A constant need for excessive admiration.

6. Exploits others. Takes advantage and manipulates others to get their own needs met.

7. Lack of empathy. Can not truly connect with how others are feeling.

8. Envious and jealous. Hate people who have something they want, also believing others are envious of them.

9. Arrogant. An exaggerated sense of their own abilities and behaviours.

Signs of a narcissistic person.

  • They have an over-exaggerated sense of self-importance. They put all their wants and needs before those around them.
  • They are selfish. They lack consideration for others. They are preoccupied with getting their own needs met.
  • They have a real sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration.
  • They need, want and expect to be recognised as superior even without achievements to back it up.
  • They will Exaggerate and lie about any achievements or talents.
  • They have their own fantasies about success, power, beauty or the perfect mate, the perfect child, the perfect life.
  • They think and believe that they are superior and can only be around people equally special people.
  • They take over conversations, making it all about them, and belittle or look down on people they think are not as good as themselves. They will also belittle people who are doing better than them and find a way of how lucky they are, and it’s nothing they did; they must have received an inheritance to get that new car etc.
  • They Expect special favours from those around them and unquestioning compliance with their expectations. They will rarely do any favours in return.
  • They are more than happy to Take advantage of others to get what they want.
  • They have a great inability or unwillingness to recognise the needs and feelings of others. Will do very little or nothing at all to help those around them unless they can get something greater from it.
  • They are extremely envious of others and believe others envy them.
  • They behave arrogantly. They seem conceited, boastful and pretentious.
  • They really want and believe they are entitled to the best. They even expect and insist on having the best of everything, for example. The best clothes, the best car, the best house holidays, the best table, fast service.
  • They have great trouble handling any form of criticism.
  • They will become very impatient or angry when they don’t receive special treatment.
  • They have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted.
  • They will react with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior.
  • They have great difficulty regulating their emotions and their own behaviour.
  • They have major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change, and they may not show this to others.
  • They can feel depressed and moody because they fall short of their own sense of perfection.
  • The insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation, these are often hidden within themselves.
  • They can fall silent at a moments notice.
  • They can provoke people into speaking out about them while they stay silent and let those around them feel sorry for them, sticking up for the narcissist to those speaking out about the narcissists lies.

Signs in an intimate relationship.

  • Lie about anything and everything, often believing their own lies.
  • Project all their feelings onto you.
  • Gaslight you.
  • Blameshift. Especially when caught out on a lie, they will twist and turn your words in any way possible.
  • Silent treatment.
  • Talk badly about you to everyone around them, often making up stories of what you are doing to them, when in fact, they are doing it to you.
  • Cheat.
  • Have no financial responsibility, often taking as much money from you as they can.
  • Try to move in with you real fast.
  • Try to get you to move away from your family and friends as they know. Your friends will see a change in you, and they know your family and friends will spot their true self before they’ve altogether got you hooked.

Signs in Parents.

  • They controlled every single aspect of your childhood, Or they completely ignored you like you didn’t even exist? Or they might have tried and lived through you by pushing their hobbies onto you and not allowing you to learn your own goals.
  • They ruined special occasions.
  • They never gave you hugs.
  • They denied your love and affection unless you achieved something they wanted, then you might have received hugs.
  • They were never wrong.
  • They Never allowed you to speak against them.
  • They would they twist everything to blame you or anyone but themselves.
  • They never apologised.
  • They never seemed to take your thoughts, feelings or opinions on board.
  • They always criticised you and put you down.
  • They insulted you or those around you.
  • They told you that you were ”Selfish.” If you didn’t do as they pleased or wanted to do something for yourself.
  • They Always spoke of their problems with you but never listened to yours.
  • They always ignored you, the forgotten child.
  • The golden child that always had to perform for your parent or the scapegoat always being blamed.
  • They would never let you share your thoughts or feelings, as they would be used against you.
  • They always take the credit for your achievements.
  • They would guilt-trip you, “After all I’ve done for you?”
  • They always seem envious of neighbours and other family members. ”They only got that because of an inheritance.”
  • They always play the victim about their own childhood.
  • They pitted off against your siblings, either. ”look how good your sibling is, why can you not do that.” or ” I don’t know what’s wrong with your sibling, I’ll treat you to this, as you know how to behave.
  • Signs in narcissistic siblings.
    • They are extremely self-centred and want everything their own way.
    • They would be extremely envious of you as they are so empty on the inside. They would instead project these feelings onto you then acknowledge them within themselves.
    • They will put their siblings and others down to boost themselves because of their lack of self-esteem.
    • They will only be interested in you, if they feel they have something to gain, they are extremely envious of you, and believe they are entitled to whatever you have.
    • They have no conscious, and if they want something that’s yours, they feel entitled just to have it.
    • They have a lack in empathy, so have no regard to your feelings.
    • They will plan and plot against you. No matter what the age gap.
    • It’s all about what they want when they want it, and they usually get, precisely what they do want through endless manipulation tactics.
    • Some have extremely aggressive personality’s, some children are born aggressive, and some are sensitive. Yet, parental input, usually helps them develop with empathy, if you had a narcissistic parent, the parent might have encouraged your sibling’s aggressiveness towards you.
    • They do not care for who you are, how you feel, or what you think, and it is merely all about them.
    • Now and again, when they wanted something from you, or they wanted to use you for something, they would have played nice, as all narcissists do, just to confuse you even more.
    • They will plot and plan with great detail, to claim any and all inheritance.

    Recovery.

    Learn to focus your mind on what it is you do want from life now.

    As much as you try to move away from pain, your mind may still be focused on it, meaning your emotions will be too.

    Humans are designed to survive at all cost. Therefore you will focus on the pain to find subconscious coping methods for your fight for survival. Human minds are more interested in survival than they are your happiness. So your mind is always on the lookout for danger.

    The narcissist caused you lots of pain through manipulation, words and possibly physical violence, and now your brain is focused on them, confusing you even more.

    If your subconscious is filling your mind with negativity, it’ll take you there, So now you need to take control of your mind and consciously think positivities thoughts, visual them in your mind or looking at photos, and you’ll subconsciously take yourself there, so long as you intentionally take action to take yourself there.

    Write down your goals, and start taking action in achieving them; focus your time and energy on putting positive affirmations into your mind, consciously removing any negative ones.

    It’s time to reprogram your own mindset, into a positive, happy person, to where you want to be. We are allowed off days, just deal with them and move past them. Start working on your mind and your future today.

    Repeatedly telling yourself what it is you want, then going out and getting it for you.

    What you resist persists, what you focus on grows stronger, so keep those positive thoughts; great things can happen for you, only you have to action them.

    So start thinking about what you do want from life, then go to work on achieving it.

    Anything is possible if you can see someone else doing something, you can do that too if you want to.

    Signs of narcissism.

    Narcissistic relationship.

    Narcissistic siblings.

    Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

    On Facebook. 

    On YouTube.

    On Twitter.

    On Instagram. 

    On Pinterest. 

    On LinkedIn.

    The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

    For the full course.

    Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

    For the free course.

    Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

    To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

    Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

    All about the narcissist Online course.

    Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

    The narcissists counter-parenting.

    Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

    Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

    Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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    When Narcissist’s Provoke Anger And Resentment.

    Overcome your anger and resentment. 

    Anger is a common emotion when we’ve been hurt by someone, deceived by someone, provoked by someone. This can cause us to feel resentment, betrayal, bitterness, which are normal emotions when someone has hurt you or betrayed you. It can cause many to react. When we react, we can then feel emotions such as shame, guilt or remorse. 

    A narcissist often baits people into reacting so they can accuse peoples reactions of being in the wrong to avoid taking responsibility for their behaviour being in the wrong.

    How the narcissist baits you.

    In the dictionary, bait means to intentionally make someone angry by saying or doing things to annoy or taunt them deliberately. To hook, trap or entice someone, and getting someone to do what you want them to do.

    Baiting is used by a narcissist to provoke an emotional response from us so that they can have the power over our emotions, and ultimately, over our thinking so that they can further their control over us.

    Baiting makes people feel scared, guilty, responsible, anxious, even hopeful, which makes it easier for the narcissist to manipulate them further.

    A narcissist will provoke you to get a reaction from you so that they can blame it all on you.

    From our reactions which are perfectly understandable given the situation we are in, we often then believe everything is our fault, the narcissist will only ever tell their side of the story that they want others to know in their smear campaign against you, the one where they miss out everything they did, the one with only our reactions, where you looked bad, what you did to them, what you said to them, they’ll not tell people the lead up to what happened, it’s just further manipulation for the narcissist to play the woe is me, victim, to those around them and make you feel like you’re in the wrong and need to apologise.

    Abusers love the reactive abuse as it’s proof in their minds that the person who reacted is unstable and crazy, that the one who’s reacted is mentally ill, they will use it against you for years to come, narcissistic people rewrite their own history, they change the stories they tell themselves, they are never accountable, they say so many lies they often believe their own lies and reality, and they will use reactive abuse against you for years to come.

    You can naturally feel angry when someone provokes you in some way, often leading to resentment. You have no control over someone else provoking your anger. These feelings are normal.

    You feel anger and resentment towards wounds that you haven’t healed from the way people have treated you in the past.

    How do you handle that?

    When it’s in the moment, and you react, it gives you a moment of release, yet you then feel bad for reacting and blame yourself, then the narcissist will use this against you to further their advantage of you.

    Even when you may have learnt not to react or to seek revenge when they pull a new stunt that can cause you to feel angry, you can not control what they do. However, you can control how long you hold onto that anger and how you let it affect you. 

    You go through three emotionally feelings, first is the anger when they provoke you. Then comes the rage when you want to react, then comes the resentment as you feel bad for how you reacted or if hold onto that anger. 

    When you understand they have a disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, that disorder is who they are. You did not cause it. You can not change it. You can not help them. When you start to take a step back and Re-evaluate your perceptions on it, understanding that they don’t have the emotional intelligence to think or feel like others do, they live in constant fear. Fear holds them back that others will view them for who they truly are, they act out to make you fear them, to keep control over you, they do not have the capacity to put themselves in another’s shoes, they are quite foolish as they can not find their inner happiness, they have bring others down, they have to provoke others to destroy others, to feel better about themselves when you realise this then you will start to pity them, you’ll want them nowhere near you. You might get to a point you feel sorry for them.

    Definition of Pity “sympathetic sorrow for one suffering, distressed, or unhappy.” 

    When you pity someone, you lose the anger, you no longer feel the need to react, and you no longer hold the resentment; instead, you see them for who they are and the game they’re trying to play.

    You can not control what someone says, but you can always take control of your reactions. It takes work at first, but it becomes easier, and you can hit that point if you have a wish and drive to do so.

    How to not react? Remember, it will never hurt the narcissist as much as it hurts you. Your reactions often benefit the narcissist. You not reacting to them, not paying attention to them frustrates them. When they provoke you when you react to their anger, their feelings of envy are released. When you don’t react, you’re leaving them to deal with their own feelings. You’re not taking responsibility for their anger by reacting to them. Instead, you’re leaving them with it.

    When you feel that anger rising, remember to retreat and rethink. Only respond once you’re calmer and if you need to do so.

    How to lose the resentment? Keeping the thought in mind that, when you keep hold of that resentment, you’re allowing someone to control your mind and your feelings, you can not control how someone treats you, you can control the meaning behind it, your mind controls your emotions, and you control your mind. Using pattern interrupt helps shift them straight back out of your headspace. 

    There is nothing wrong with anger. It’s a human reaction when you’re provoked, served actually to protect you. When someone angers you, it’s time to step away from that person. When you react, however, you then feel guilt for how you reacted, which lasts a lot longer than that temporary relief from reactions. Narcissists live with that inner shame on a daily basis, why they must project onto others, gain the reaction, blame them for reacting, thus removing the shame from themselves, yet it’s only a temporary fix.

    Don’t feel guilty when you feel angry. Just process that anger the right way. 

    They can not fix who they are. You can not fix who they are. You can, however, help how you feel for a far happier, more full filling life for you. You are now learning to take back control of your own mindset.

    It all takes time, it takes work, and it takes effort. If you keep going with a mindset of where you want to be, you will get there, believe in yourself. 

    Always be cautious about narcissists. Do not ever stop living how you want because of them, but if you fail to prepare, then prepare to fail, so always keep your guard up around them and stay safe, most will not act out, but you do need to be vigilant around those with a lack of empathy.

    Dealing With Anger.

    If you’re feeling angry that someone has hurt you, this means a rule you have a standard or a boundary, someone has crossed, or you let them cross, or you might have let your own standards slip, for someone who raised your expectations.

    If you feel angry that someone has let you down, you need to keep your own standards high and your expectations low of them.

    If you feel angry when someone provokes you, it’s time to think, “what did they use to provoke me?” Take action to heal that wound so they can not provoke you again.

    Suppose you feel angry when someone has hurt you. The first time you need to communicate with them, see if your perceptions are different, see if you can compromise. If you can not, and they continue to hurt you, you need to take action to remove them from your life.

    If you feel angry because someone oversteps one of your boundaries, the first time you need to communicate that standard to them, if they continue to try and overstep the boundaries, you need to learn to leave them be.

    Remember, if you tell someone something yet didn’t explain, you didn’t want them to share the information, they might not have known, don’t feel anger toward those who didn’t know, just communicate. If they do know and do it again, those people are not your problem, leave them be and find people who respect you.

    When the anger is about the past, we often go into autopilot to escape the pain, as we never truly dealt with the emotions at the time.

    How to recover.

    Write out the reason you feel resentment and anger, and then the underlying reason, such as hurt or fear.

    Observe it when it comes into your mind. Write what triggered the thought, what happened in the past.

    Identify that as you didn’t know the situation in its entirety at the time, you didn’t help yourself sooner, acknowledging the fact you helped yourself as soon as you realised and be proud that you did.

    Share the feeling with supportive people who understand you and have been in similar situations.

    Learn relaxation techniques when you feel anger and resentment, taking deep breaths in and out, look for the things you can be grateful for, in life, exercise, mediation and yoga also help.

    Resist the urge to take it out on those who didn’t cause the pain. Some people subconsciously do this, talk to them and explain instead, good people will understand and help.

    Remember it’s in your past, you can not change your past, you do not need to carry it in your future, realise what’s holding you back in the present moment, those feelings no longer serve you, remember that you deserve more and better.

    Stop explaining to the narcissist.

    Getting the narcissist out of your head.

    Baiting.

    Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

    On Facebook. 

    On YouTube.

    On Twitter.

    On Instagram. 

    On Pinterest. 

    On LinkedIn.

    The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

    For the full course.

    Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

    For the free course.

    Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

    To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

    Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

    All about the narcissist Online course.

    Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

    The narcissists counter-parenting.

    Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

    Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

    Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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    How Narcissist Justify Their Behaviour Through Logical Reasoning.

    Narcissists like to justify their behaviour. Rationalise their behaviour, so they can get away with their behaviour, to distract you from the truth of their behaviour by using Logical reasoning, the narcissist will use a serious of statements that sound logical to distract you from the truth, to mislead another into a conclusion that benefits the narcissists best interest, it often leaves us feeling bewildered and confused as a narcissist moves from one misconception to another to distract us from the original point, the more we try to get honest answers the more a narcissist will distract us from justifying to rationalise and to get away with their behaviour.

    The ad hominem.

    Where the narcissist will direct the context of the conversation away from their behaviour and onto your character, rather than answering a question, a narcissist will attack you. A narcissist will flirt with someone in front of you. Then when you question them, they’ll accuse you of being insecure or jealous, so you question your feelings and not their behaviour. If you keep asking, they’ll claim their ex never minded, so you think you’re the one with the problem. When you say no, they’ll claim you’re awkward, so you question if you are awkward as the narcissist tries to break down your boundaries.

    Red herring.

    This is used by a narcissist to distract you from the original topic, creating a smokescreen, by bringing something irrelevant up, so if you ask about a promise the narcissist made yet failed to deliver, they can use the ad hominem and say, “If you hadn’t.” Or they can go with the red herring and say. “Oh, I’ve been working really hard.” Or just begin talking about the weather, anything other than the original question. It usually involves a topic that’s irrelevant to the original question.

    When a narcissist can not convince you, they’ll go all out to confuse you.”

    Appeal to emotions.

    Instead of answering the question at hand, a narcissist will use manipulation of your emotions. The narcissist wants to win the argument by using your very emotions against you. It is also a type of red herring as they avoid the original topic as they don’t answer the question. Instead, they appeal to your fear, appeal to consequences, appeal to pity, appeal to spite, appeal to ridicule, appeal to flattery, appeal to guilt. The narcissist wants to use your emotional thinking such as fear, joy, guilt, shame, obligation when you’ve said no, and they’re trying to take a boundary. “If you loved me, you would.” If they fear exposure. “What would your friends think if they knew.” If they fear abandonment. “After all, I’ve done for you.” Or they’ll suddenly have an illness or things like “What about the children.”

    Appeal to popular opinion.

    When a narcissist is trying to claim your going crazy, they might add. “Even your mother thinks you’re crazy.” “My family thinks.” “Everyone thinks you’re.” to get you to doubt yourself. Or when they’re driving to fast, and you ask them to slow down as they’re scaring you. “Everyone drives at this speed on this road, what’s your problem?” even though the narcissist is breaking the speed limit because they believe they’re entitled to do so.

    Slippery slope.

    The narcissist’s slippery slope is used in an argument to stop you from doing something for fear of what they’ll do next. From those intimidating covert threats of “ You’ll wish you hadn’t.” to the overt “If you do, I will.” if they find out you’re thinking of leaving, so they claim. “You’ll never see the children again.” or “If you don’t, I’m cutting you out of the will.” whatever it is you’re thinking of doing if you take action A, the narcissists will take it to B and then into C, usual, so you fear doing A, sometimes when it comes to leaving a narcissist we have to step over the fear safely, onto that slope, and ride it out until we are free from their controlling behaviour.

    The burden of proof.

    When you ask a narcissist about something they’ve promised and not delivered, they’ll gaslight with “I never said that.” and as it was something they said we have no proof, a narcissist will just deny and lie.

    Moving the goalposts.

    If you catch them out on a lie, they’ll move the post with their gaslighting of. “If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t.” whatever the topic of conversation, they move it onto something else, one where no matter what you do, it’s not right by them, to distract you from the wrong they do to you.

    Blanket statements.

    When you try to discuss future plans that they once were more than happy to do, once they have you where they want you, they don’t want to put effort into delivering those future fakes, so they’ll come at you with. “You’re never satisfied.” of if they’ve hurt your feelings “I was only joking.” or “You’re so sensitive.” to distract you from their actions by getting you to focus on your reactions.

    False dilemma.

    If you speak out about their cheating, they claim, “You’re jealous.” If you speak out about their lies, they’ll claim “You’re imagining things.” when you speak out about their abuse, they’ll claim “You’re bitter.” the false dilemma is when the narcissist counteracts one thought with another thought, where you question yourself. No, in-between, no, you’ve caught them cheating as they lack morals, respect, loyalty, etc., to a narcissist, it is because of you.

    The straw man.

    When you ask a narcissist about something they shouldn’t be doing, and they justify it with a distorted vision of something you’ve done, claiming your actions to be the same when they’re not, to justify theirs, “ What about when you.” or if you learn they use illegal substances so you ask and they claim. “At least I’m not at the pub every night like Sams partner is.” to justify their unjust behaviour.

    Circular argument.

    Where they answer with the start. Which is also the end. A cheating narcissist uses this to distract you from the fact they’re cheating. “You don’t trust me because you’re hung up on your past, so you went through my things. It’s wrong to go through my things because you’re hung up on your past. You have trust issues.”

    Scapegoating.

    Where the narcissist will unfairly blame you or someone else for the narcissist’s behaviour, narcissist families often scapegoat anyone who could damage the families reputation.

    Willed ignorance.

    A refusal to change their opinions, even with facts and evidence against them as they believe they’re entitled to do as they please and they lack the empathy to care for how it affects those around them.

    Appeal to your fear.

    When all else fails, a narcissist will try to control through fear, to get you to comply with them and stop questioning them.

    What narcissistic people say to distract you from the truth.

    What is the narcissist’s word salad?

    Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

    On Facebook.

    On YouTube.

    On Twitter.

    On Instagram.

    On Pinterest.

    On LinkedIn.

    The courses Elizabeth Shaw has available.

    The full course.

    Click here for the full course to help you understand and break free from narcissistic abuse. 

    The free course.

    Click here to join the free starter guide to breaking free from narcissistic abuse. 

    Help with overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety.

    Click for help overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety. 

    All about the narcissist Online course.

    Click here for more information about narcissist personality disorder. 

    Recovery from narcissistic abuse and help with Co-Parenting.

    Click here for more information on recovery and co-parenting with a toxic ex. 

    For 1-2-1 Coaching with me, email @ beyourselfagaintoday@gmail.com

    Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with (Sponsored.) BetterHelp. You will be matched with a licensed councillor who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

    Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading.

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    The Covert Vulnerable Narcissist.

    With many narcissists, they like to play games to distract others from who they indeed are, to hide their intentions or their behaviour from others. Some are arrogant enough to be pleasantly proud of who they are and how they dupe people, exploit peoples kindness with a vulnerable narcissist, they put on a grand show of the perfect sob stories, and pity plays.

    A vulnerable covert narcissist can inflict unimaginable pain on their friends and families while guilt-tripping their families into standing by them. They enjoy playing the victim to gain sympathy from those around them, they use the kindness, generosity, forgiving nature in those around them to exploit people into not seeing who the narcissist truly is, whilst taking whatever they can for free, holidays, homes, cars, clothing, food, and the worst part about it is their stories seem real and valid.

    They will go all out on special occasions to not want families around, providing excuse after excuse, because they don’t want to share in the joy, they don’t want to spend money on their loved ones, yet they will expect a family to invite them over, and when families do the narcissist will go all out with “Are you sure? Only if I’m welcome? Only if you want me.” So you feel bad for them. Whatever gift you buy them will not be enough for them, or they’ll claim, “You shouldn’t have.”

    The vulnerable covert narcissist is often far from vulnerable, they can have homes, cars, money, family that might have tired of their behaviour, yet they will dress like the homeless to play the role of the homeless to extract sympathy from strangers, to gain free food, to take clothing away from the homeless because they feel entitled to have it.

    They will sit and eat your last cookie because they claimed they were hungry, then once they’ve eaten it in front of you, they’ll pull out some freshly made cookies someone baked especially for them and eat them all to themselves in front of you if you dare ask for one they’ll claim “no these were made for me.”

    They are takers and never givers. They will take whatever isn’t strapped down if they believe they can get away with it or rationalise it. With many, it becomes an addiction for the dopamine rush when they achieve it. Many know right from wrong. However, they’re addicted to the wrong, the quick fix, the great escape, then the mind games and manipulation after that to get away with their behaviour.

    The covert vulnerable narcissist will come at you with things such as.

    “If you loved me, you would.”

    “I only did that because of you.”

    “Oh, I knew it would be my fault.”

    “No one understands me.”

    “I knew you’d take their side.”

    “I don’t know why I bother.”

    “I’ve had to do everything myself.”

    Vulnerable narcissists are that self-entitled hypocrite. They believe they deserve special attention, special privileges, or special treatment. However, they don’t believe others do. They will put on a false appearance to exploit people, often with those sob stories to gain sympathy and attention. They’ll expect others to help them through hard times. However, they’ll not be willing to help others unless they can play the “look how good I am.” To gain something in return, they will help out in the community if they can gain something in return.

    Vulnerable narcissists are often incredibly envious of others, believing that others are envious of them, they will repeatedly put people down, always finding the negative in others achievements, or taking credit for others achievements, they will only offer false or insincere praise, those backhand compliments of, “congratulations I never thought you’d be able to do that.”

    Vulnerable narcissists are exploitative as they use others for their own gains, only interested in things that suit them. However, they will have sob stories to rationalise why they can not help others if helping others doesn’t suit themselves.

    They play the victim so well, sometimes to the point where they merge into that role and become depressed when the reality gap closes in, however as that depression often helps them, they use it to exploit others further.

    Vulnerable narcissists are always going to shift the blame, twist the story to suit themselves.

    “If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t.”

    “I’m not controlling. You’re trying to control me.”

    “If you would have done what I asked, it wouldn’t have happened.”

    “You know what I’m like in the morning, and you should have left me alone.”

    “If you’d had paid me more attention, I wouldn’t have gone elsewhere.”

    “I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d act like this.”

    “It’s not my fault your too sensitive.”

    “I knew you’d blame me for your trust issues.”

    “Why do you have to push my buttons.”

    A vulnerable narcissist is more prone to using passive-aggressive behaviour such as the incredible sulk, the silent treatments, procrastination. Hence, people try to help them, not realise the narcissist is trying to manipulate them. They might slam doors or punch holes in walls, which of course to the narcissist will be someone’s else’s fault, the whole “you made me don’t.”

    They are the very negative woe is me, which can be heartbreaking as they tell tails of woe from their hard done by childhood, only it’s not because they’re seeking help for their trauma, it’s because they’re using their past to exploit your caring nature to get their needs met in the present.

    Highly sensitive to criticism, where they might start talking over you, throwing things, as they don’t want to be exposed for you they are, they want to place that fear into you, of course, they’ll still blame, shame, or guilt-trip you for their rage. “You know what I’m like if you hadn’t. I had a different past. I have no one without you.”

    Vulnerable narcissists often hold many grudges. They are very resentful, believing others have all the luck, that no one cares for them, that others are privileged, they’re often very bitter, why they see no wrong in taking from others as they believe others take from them, they rationalise in their mind that others deserve the bad treatment of the narcissist and the narcissist deserves what they can steal from others.

    They are incredibly selfish. They lack the empathy or consideration of others thoughts, feelings or opinions, only concerned with their own profit, gains, or happiness in exploiting another.

    The vulnerable covert narcissist is committed to playing the victim’s role to get their own needs met. Some will set the stage. They’ll create the conflict or drama. They will bait others into reacting, so the narcissist can stand there with a smug look on their face and play the victim.

    How to handle.

    Radical acceptance that their repeat pattern of behaviour is who they are, don’t react, retreat, rethink and only respond if you need to do so, remember you did not cause it, you can not change it, it’s who they are, the more you sympathise with them and help them, the more they’ll exploit you, you can only help those who are willing to help themselves, with a vulnerable narcissist they’re only willing to help themselves to your stuff. Limited contact and grey rock, no contact if possible, talk with those who understand the unbelievable yet real behaviour of a narcissist, work on your values and beliefs to create your boundaries, work on your thought process and the meanings you give to things, step away from those who are never there for you, only their when they need something from you.

    A vulnerable narcissist will smear your name. They’ll ruin neighbours business by trying to ruin their neighbour’s reputation purely because the narcissist is envious, they smear friends, family, work colleagues, they will scapegoat people, they will gossips about people, spread half-truths, outright lies, they will slander people’s names, anything to shift the blame, shift the negative attention away from themselves gain sympathy and destroy others. All while playing the victim.

    Vulnerable narcissist.

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    Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

    Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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