Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse By Elizabeth Shaw -Life Coach.
Healing after narcissistic abuse, whether you were raised by narcissists or didn’t meet one until later in life, no matter who that narcissist was to you. It is a step by step process, we all have good days, and we all have those moments and those moments that can turn into one of those days, we can then start to overthink, over-feel and wonder what’s going on especially when we’ve been doing so well. When our minds are not sure, they might then start to wander and look for what’s wrong. Sometimes it is something that has triggered us, if it is that we do need to feel the pain, face the fear to deal with it, let it go and move past it, yet sometimes it’s not that, sometimes it is just life, life likes to knock us off balance at times, when we can not pinpoint what it is we can then look for problems to make sense of it all, sometimes it’s just one of those moments, one of those days, sometimes life gets hard. When those days hit, in the morning think about three things no matter how small, you will achieve that day, and do them, then acknowledge you did in the evening, this builds momentum, and do the same the next day, your mind might be craving some certainty within your life, or a shift in your routine can help, being more prepared for the next day, finding something funny, or even trying something new, your human needs might just be wanting to create some uncertainty in your life, positive uncertainty, like a new hobby. Reaching out to friends as you might be craving some connection with others, just know it’s ok to have those off moments and those down days, just find the method within to keep going, the moment will soon be over and you can find brighter things. Just know and remember you’re not alone. We all have our moments.
Remember when you hit a low, you’ve just been planted to grow, when those dark moments come, work through them to find the light.
“Darkness can not drive out darkness only light can do that, hate can not drive out hate, only love can do that.” Martin Luther King jr.
Learning to love yourself again for who you are and not what others tell you to be.
Here are a few things to remember and recognise you are healing, if you’ve come so far and that bad moment has made you question something.
First, of all no matter where you are in your life’s journey of rediscovery and healing No matter where you are in your journey. congratulate yourself for taking the steps to overcome an extremely painful and traumatic experience both emotionally, psychologically and sometimes physical, even if they were never physically violent emotional abuse takes a toll on our physical health, from adrenaline fatigue to blood pressure, illness, lots of things.
Congratulate yourself for now choosing every day to no longer participate in the narcissist deeply hidden slow mental abuse, congratulate yourself for working out what is very hard to see. Congratulate yourself for taking positive steps forward, for making the choice to change direction in your life, to find your happiness and your joy.
When you have newfound confidence, happiness, respect for yourself and others, moving forward in your life no matter how slow or how fast, you are a great example to others going through this very traumatic experience, you are healing from narcissist abuse. You are stronger and wiser than you were before and you have a newfound ability to stand up for yourself. You now recognise when you’ve been manipulated by, shame, guilt, passive-aggressive behaviour. Take steps to keep discovering your inner confidence, it’s something you create from within daily. By how you walk, how you talk to yourself, how you dress, trying new things, growing who you are as an individual.
If you can now assertively and loving to communicate who you are to others, if you can now say no to something that you don’t believe is good for you, even if you take a step back, that’s ok just go again, reminding yourself of your values, who you are. What you will and will not accept from others.
If you’ve seen reality, even if that reality hit hard, if you now can respect and know yourself enough, to walk away from people who simply don’t make you feel good, not fearing hurting those who hurt you by simply walking away, remember they Handed you the knife with their treatment towards you. That’s why you had to cut them loose, this is never mean or to hurt another. This is because they hurt you, they are no good for you. All you did it’s what’s best for your mental health, they are not worthy of you, nothing to feel guilty or ashamed for, you are a loving, kind, caring person who gave it your all and perhaps more than you should as you didn’t understand. Now you are starting to understand you know you can not help them, you’re freeing each other, what they choose to do with that is up to them, your entitled to live in a non-toxic environment, you’re entitled to be you.
When you are no longer in denial, you want to stand up for yourself, you want to be valued and be heard, you’ll no longer worry about being judged, as you know those who judge have their own issues, those who truly love and care about you, will respect you as you do them. With good intentions, there is no wrong way or right way to live your life. There is only your way. Don’t worry about judgment from others, the haters or the naysayers. They are not your problem, you can believe and recover. You can aim high and miss them go again, we all make mistakes, those mistakes are ok, we just get up, learn from them and go again.
Be humble, not everyone needs to know your business, most don’t care, some are glad it’s you and others are envious of you, yet there are those who truly care about you, just like you care for others. Share with those who raise you up, those who pull you down, teach them with massive action and success, whatever you want to be successful in that they underestimate you.
When you start to feel whole within yourself and not need someone else to complete you, you’ll know if you’ve found the right one or someone to walk away from. When you fill your own cup up, create your own inner happiness, shifting away from those moments to the great moments, it’s ok to not be ok all the time, in fact, it’s normal, learning to Handel who you are, how you think and how you feel.
When you no longer people please, you’ll be able to say no to others without fear of them walking out of your life because you’ll know people like that are not worthy of you. Even if you’re just learning the art of saying no, recognising that you can be with someone and feel alone, yet you can be alone and not feel lonely, this takes time and practice, once you start doing things for you it gets easier.
When know and recognise that any relationship is given and take. You’ll happily give to those who are willing to give to you. When respect and manners are no longer being served you now know to leave the table.
No longer making excuses for other people’s bad behaviour. Knowing how someone behaves is a reflection of them, not you, always be kind to others, even if that kindness is walking away, don’t let how others act towards you affect how you feel, their bad behaviour is their responsibility only, your response is your responsibility.
Either keep on or start to surround your self, with people who understand others have different opinions and that it’s ok. People who are willing to learn and grow, you’ll know everyone makes mistakes, but those who are willing to learn from them you want as friends. People who understand we have highs and lows, people who can relate, people who have your back, through the good times, the bad times and the ugly times.
Knowing that your empathy and compassion is always a good thing. It’s beautiful, you are special, worthy, loveable and you have greatness within you. You’ll know that you need to apply those to yourself before others. You need to create the best of you to give the best of you, even when you’re feeling at your worst, like the plain, you put the oxygen mask on yourself first, so you can be at your best to help others, good people will walk with you, we all make mistakes, we all have flaws, good people will see those flaws and making you flawless, they see imperfections as what makes you perfect, they’ll see vulnerabilities as strengths, they’ll see kindness as quality. Be who you want to be, good people will be right with you at your worst on those bad days when you’re overwhelmed with emotions and on those good days when you’re feeling so lucky.
When you lose interest in people, who have vague communication skills, who are mysterious, who play mind games, as you’ll be well aware of these games. You’ll no longer be confused. You’ll be able to observe situations with more objectiveness, you understand what’s flattery and what compliments.
Know you are not alone, we all fall, we all struggle, we all have those moments, it ok to feel down, and it’s also ok to build yourself back up and feel strong, life’s a roller coaster, ride out those lows and create those highs, when a dark cloud from the past comes along, it’s not to dampen your day or your spirit, it’s to remind you of how far you have come, how much you have grown, how much brighter your days are. How much you have to be grateful for. Stay strong, you’ve truly got this and I for one am right behind you.