Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People Rule 7 Don’t Personalise.

When it comes to narcissistic people due to the characteristics of the disorder the best approach is to go no contact and leave them to go and live their life while you go and live yours, however, with some narcissistic people this isn’t always possible as they try to sneak back in, or for various other reasons such as sharing children you might not be able to go no contact. In which case we need rules to deal with a narcissistic person, these shouldn’t ideally be used long term as narcissistic people will up their games. Escalating their manipulation to try and gain what they want from you or to try and sabotage you, so no contact is always best, if that’s not possible, limited contact.

Rule 7 of dealing with a narcissistic person is never take what they say or do personally, never adjust yourself to meet their requirements, stay humble around them to protect yourself, don’t outsmart them in front of them to protect yourself, don’t outsmart them to meet their needs, stay humble to protect your goals, ideas, dreams, celebrations. By no longer falling victim to the narcissist’s insecurities, narcissistic people are incredibly envious, self-entitled, exploitative people and they lack empathy which is a dangerous combination, therefore if they believe you’re getting one over on them they’re going to seek to punish you, if you stay humble around them you’re not going to fall prey to their insecurities, to their character traits, meaning you can protect yourself around them.

Narcissistic people will personally attack you and it is intentional especially when they don’t have a valid argument against you.

Narcissists will go after the things that matter to you the most, as these are the things you’ll most passionately defend and they can then play the victim to the reality they created.

They use the things you’ll take personally so you go try to justify and explain even defend yourself to them, to which they’ll then accuse you of attacking them.

When you try to defend yourself from a narcissist it often serves the narcissist, they can either believe you’re attacking them to gain flying monkeys and enablers to their side or wind you up, get you going to gain that reaction to blame you, you explaining yourself to them makes them feel like they’re important to you.

By telling a narcissist how you feel, give the narcissist more ammunition to use against you.

The fact they’re making personal attacks towards you, shows that they lack the empathy to value your opinion or care for your thoughts, they lack the ability to understand your point of view, and they just want to get at you or get one over on you.

They don’t care for how their behaviour affects you, therefore defending, arguing, rationalising, explaining or justifying yourself to them, is going to work in their favour, you’re meeting their requirements for attention, they’re getting the information they so desperately need from you, they’re getting the reactions they need from you, the attention they need from you, they don’t care for your feelings, or your explanations, so stop giving them what they want from you, by never taking what they say to you personally, recognising that it’s their insecurities, issues and problems, that they’re trying to make yours, so that you communicate more with them, give more attention to their problem, while they make out you’re the one causing all the issues.

It is incredibly challenging not to take things personally that are a personal attack on you, narcissistic people are going to make it personal as that’s their best defence against how they feel.

If a narcissist has done something that they shouldn’t have done, which is morally wrong and you try to call them out, not only will those cause a narcissistic injury, potentially leading to narcissistic rage, and placing you in danger, they’re going to attack back, if you’re doing something or if you are something that a narcissist is envious of, they’re going to purposely attack you, if you’re stepping away from a narcissist they’ll go after the things you care about to draw you back in, to gain those reactions from you, to punish you for daring to leave them.

Narcissists don’t want to see other people being happy, unless they’re the reason for that happiness so you feel grateful and obligated to them, often giving them the praise and recognition they’re so desperately seeking from you. They can use empathy to guilt trip you, to exploit you, to make you feel bad, to get you to change your mind, so you don’t stop communicating with them. Narcissists know exactly what emotional buttons to push within you to trigger emotions that will best serve them, and you need to stop adjusting yourself to meet their needs and start adjusting yourself to meet your own.

Narcissists use personal attacks as leverage to get one over on you, you’ve got to start using their personal attacks on you to become a better you, you’ve got to start using their personal attacks as leverage for yourself, narcissistic people are going to attack your character, they’re going to attack who you are as a person, and they might start off small, they might start with the things they know you’re insecure about and then create insecurities you knew nothing about. They’re looking to cause that self-doubt within you, don’t defend, argue, rationalise or explain, don’t take it personally, recognise it’s their personal attack on you, because they’re feeling envious of you or they want something from you, they lack the empathy to care about you and work on being comfortable with the characteristic they’re trying to attack about you. To prove to yourself that what they’re saying about you isn’t true, don’t prove it to them, prove it to yourself, stay humble around them, and let them think whatever they want to think about you, as they’re going to anyway.

Narcissists will attack your motives, your reason for doing something, when you say no to them and they start accusing you of being awkward, recognise it’s because they’re not getting their own way, therefore they want to accuse you of having motives you do not have to make you feel bad and change your mind to serve them, due to how you have to handle yourself around narcissistic people, it’s normal to feel like you’re being awkward, you can not compromise with those who are unable or unwilling to compromise with you. They’re going to take advantage of your willingness to compromise with them, so you have to stand your ground with them, give a narcissist an inch, and they will take a mile. You have to stick to your values and beliefs and say no, to which a narcissist will accuse you of being awkward, to use your emotions against you, to get you to do what they want you to do. To get you to meet their requirements, therefore don’t take it personally. Recognise what your intentions are and don’t explain them, if they want to believe you’re awkward let them believe it. Know your truth and leave them to it.

Narcissistic people will attack your feelings, they’ll accuse you of being insecure, being too sensitive, recognise they’re incredibly insensitive people who’ve usually done something to personally attack you due to their insecurities, the narcissist’s projection, when you call them out they lack the valid argument, they don’t want to take responsibility, and choose to try and play the victim, when you try to call a narcissist out, they don’t take responsibility, instead, they blame you, so they can avoid taking responsibility and avoid any consequences for their actions, they need you and those around you to question your feelings, so people don’t question their behaviour. Don’t take it personally, personally recognise the emotions they’re pulling out within you and their behaviour that’s causing that emotion, then use that as leverage, as guidance as to what you need to do, to meet your requirements to keep your emotions protected around them.

Narcissistic people will go all out with their smear campaigns to attack your reputation, they want to damage your character, they want to influence other people’s opinions of you, and paint you in a bad light, narcissistic people usually do it in a way where you then take it personally, “why is this happening to me, why are they doing this to me, what can I do about this.” You might then start defending yourself and explaining yourself to protect yourself, which usually plays straight into a narcissist’s hands, because they’ve already set the game up before you even knew the game was going to be played, they can usually twist your explanations and reactions in their favour. The best way to handle a narcissist attacking your reputation, is don’t take it personally, which can be very challenging when their smear campaigns are ruining your life, and your livelihood, recognise they want you to ask them to stop, they’ll not stop, they know they’ve got you, when you step away and no longer play, they get bored and eventually leave you alone. The narcissist is often concerned that you could expose them, therefore they’ll try to ruin you first so your truths aren’t believed by others and their lies are. The best approach to a smear campaign is to leave them to it, recognise why they’re doing it and prove by your actions that what they’re saying about you isn’t true.

With some narcissists the more you stand your ground, the further they escalate their games, however, when they’re getting nothing from you most give up, they’ll still blame you.

A Narcissist will personally attack your abilities, they’re envious of others, therefore they don’t want to see others doing well, they want to sabotage and see others fail. A Narcissist will go all out to find many underhand methods to sabotage you, your skills, your talents, and your attitude, they’re going to personally attack these to cause that self-doubt within you, this is when you’ve got to use those personal attacks as leverage to prove to yourself that you can do something if you start with the mindset of “I’m going to prove them wrong.” Then use that as leverage to get you started, to prove yourself, every time you’re having a bad day, remember that person who is waiting to see you fail, remember that person who told you, you couldn’t and show you, you can. Don’t show a narcissist, don’t outsmart a narcissist, by showing the narcissist they seek to destroy you, don’t outsmart them by showing them you can, outsmart them by not giving them the privilege to that information about you, by proving to yourself they can’t take you down, as you’ll just get back up and become better than the person you were before. Don’t take their attack personally, use it as leverage to help you achieve the things that you’re capable of doing, remember if they cared for you, they’d be supportive towards you, and they’d help you through your mistakes not create your mistakes. When they’re discouraging you, they are envious of you and lack empathy to care for you.

Narcissistic people will attack your choices. “Are you sure you should be doing that?” “Do you really think you can do that?” “As if you’re capable of that.” they often sell it to you as though they have your best interests at heart, but they don’t have your best interest at heart they have their own best interests at heart, they want to personally attack your choices, so that they can have the control over your choices, so when they say “you sure you really want to do that.” say “I’ll go and think about it.” and then when you’re away from them don’t let the self-doubt creep in, recognize they’re trying to sabotage you and do it for you.

Use the narcissist’s personal attacks against you as motivation to adjust yourself to your requirements for you, be humble around a narcissistic person, and let them have a low estimate of your capabilities because the less they think of you the less they’ll attack you, have a high value of yourself and the things you can achieve with a strong desire, some drive and determination. When a narcissist is telling you you’re not capable, use this as leverage to prove to yourself you are.

Going to someone who lacks empathy, who is envious, to show you did something they said you couldn’t, might make it so they seek to destroy it for you, they might seek to punish you, so do it for you and not for them,

Never personalise their personal attacks on you, recognise their behaviour for what it is, and leave them to it. Limited contact, if possible no contact.

https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw. (Sponsored.)

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

9 Of The Narcissist’s Biggest Weaknesses.

We can all have our strengths and we can all have our weaknesses, when it comes to a narcissist the very things that can be seen by some as strengths are often hiding their biggest weaknesses.

When it comes the narcissist’s weaknesses these are usually tied into the criteria of the disorder, so they can’t escape them, what can be in one aspect perceived as their strength is actually their to hide from their weaknesses.

1. Envy.

Narcissistic people are often very envious of other people, they can be envious of another’s looks, luck, qualities, job, homes, holidays, families, possessions etc, thinking others have it all, that others have all the luck, they’re that self-centred they don’t see another’s suffering, only their own, however, that very envy they carry causes them their own misery, they can’t be pleased for another happiness or success, instead, another’s person’s happiness or success can cause that anguish within the narcissist, often to the point where the narcissist will then feel so much resentment towards another’s happiness or success they seek to destroy the person that they are envious of.

2. Entitlement.

Narcissistic people feel entitled to what other people have, therefore when others have something they want they become envious when someone receives some form of treatment, such as they booked a table at a restaurant and got seated, however, the narcissist failed to book and is kept waiting the narcissist becomes very impatient, the narcissist feels offended that someone else’s needs have been put before those of the narcissist, many narcissistic people will be envious of their own children, holding grudges when their children’s needs are being met, or claiming “you’d do it for the children.” When you won’t do something for them that they’re adult enough to do for themselves. The narcissist’s sense of superiority is often hiding their insecurities.

3. Lack of empathy.

The narcissist’s lack of empathy means they go around life never truly connecting with others, never trusting in others, never truly getting to know someone or enjoying another’s company, causing them to have great difficulty in maintaining healthy relationships, never belonging, always moving from one person to another.

4. A belief they’re special.

As the narcissist holds a belief that they’re special they often struggle to take on board any form of helpful advice, often going against that advice and making things worse for themselves, never admitting fault so not learning from their mistakes, instead, they repeat them, blaming others, so the cycle repeats as they believe that others are out to get them, ruin things for them, are envious of them, failing to truly connect with others. When others try to offer a narcissist constructive criticism or point out something the narcissist doesn’t want to see they become offended, they walk around naturally getting offended by other people. Narcissists will do for others to look good, and they feel offended when they don’t receive the praise or recognition they believe they’re entitled to, they get offended when things don’t go their way, that belief that they are special is what can cause that arrogance within them.

5. Arrogance.

As a narcissist is full of that charismatic charm, or the most hard-done-to person you could ever meet, who’ll not take onboard any form of advice, they have all the arrogance yet often lack the competence, they often lack the ability, they can talk the talk, yet struggle to walk the walk, and often have to lie to hide who they are, struggling with secrets to hide, many have to move on before people can recognise who they truly are, why many a narcissist will ghost you. A narcissist will happily argue with you while becoming offended by the argument they caused, yet they’ll fail to recognise they caused it, and instead blame you for it, they’ll refuse to admit fault, forever causing issues and never resolving them.

6. Grandiose.

Narcissistic people can be grandiose, therefore they become offended when they don’t get the special treatment or attention they believe they’re entitled to, they exaggerate or lie about their achievements, then they’re forever trying to avoid exposure, however, if they are exposed that’ll be someone else’s fault, not theirs, they never lied, you jumped to conclusions or misunderstood them. Narcissists are forever seeking that external validation from those around them, and when they don’t get it, this questions their sense of self.

7. Seeking excessive attention.

Narcissists are seeking that admiration and validation from those around them, and when they don’t get it, this hurts them, it offends them, often causing them to resort to goading people to gain reactions so they can blame people, living in conflict, while blaming those around them for the conflict they’ve placed those around them in, making other people miserable, due to their internal misery.

8. Preoccupation with fantasies of ultimate success.

As they live in a fantasy world, an illusion, a false belief of who they are and how things should go, when anyone threatens this illusion the narcissist feels attacked and becomes offended, often attacking those who are trying to help them, breaking those who try to support them, and then blaming those who tried to help them for why things didn’t go as the narcissist expected them to go, usually because the narcissist failed to take on board the advice from others, and if they do, and it works out for them, the narcissist will claim it was all their idea anyway, they’re quick to anger when people don’t go along for the ride with them, they believe others have turned against them, and often seek to ruin those who don’t just say yes to them.

9. Exploitative.

As narcissists are exploitative people they’re forever running around with secrets to hide, that secretiveness can cause those mood swings within them, they can’t settle down for too long in case someone exposes them, so they’re forever on the hunt for new sources of supply, narcissists can’t find their true happiness because they’re that hung up, that envious of everyone else’s happiness, they refuse to stay in their own lane, instead, they’re in everyone else’s business to avoid facing their own.

Narcissistic people find it very hard to be pleased for others, therefore they seek to make those around them as miserable as they are within themselves.

https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw (Sponsored.)

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond and those anxiety triggers.

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists are counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

How Do You Put A Narcissist In Their Place?

Narcissists have a remarkable ability to draw you into non-productive arguments, to frustrate you, to intimidate you, to make you feel like you’re in the wrong, to cause that anger and resentment, to make you feel like you can’t do anything right by them, to sabotage your life, anyway they can, when you have plans, and they go all out to disrupt these plans for you while blaming you, to shame you, criticise you, mock you, to judge you, and get those around you to question your intentions, morals and ethics and not those of the narcissist, a knack for making you feel so bad, that you change your behaviour to what works in their favour.

So just how do you put a narcissist in their place?

1. No Contact.

One of the best and most effective ways to put a narcissist in their place is to go no contact, to fall silent on them, to block and delete them, to leave them to go and live their life while you go and live your life. More often than not when you fall silent on a narcissistic person, some will up their games, they will try to love bomb you back into their games, false promises of change, future fakes, or guilt trips, or they’ll try to smear your name and sabotage you any way they can, to get that attention from you, to gain that validation that they matter to you, that they’re important to you, so some narcissistic people will play nice and start doing all the things they once promised to do, yet failed to deliver on. Other narcissistic people will start taking badly of you in the hopes you’ll go to them and ask them to stop, which makes them feel superior, smug and in control. Asking them to stop doesn’t work, the more you communicate with them, the more they learn exactly what gets you going, and the further they’ll push things, to wind you up. So no contact is the best method to put a narcissist in their place, just remain silent towards them. The silence isn’t the silent treatment to manipulate them into living life on your terms, it’s to let them be free, while you free yourself of them. No contact isn’t always possible.

2. Limited contact and grey rock.

Grey rock is, business like communication, don’t give them any form of emotional response, don’t tell them what your plans are, and don’t tell them what you’re doing, as when they have that information, they use it against you to sabotage you when they don’t have that information they struggle to use it against you, the more information a narcissist has on you, the more they’ll use that information against to punish you, to hurt you, to sabotage you.

3. recognise the game they’re playing and no longer play.

It’s not that easy to recognise the game they’re playing and no longer play it, however, once we realise that they need us to play that game with them, it becomes easier to no longer play. sometimes we can be in that place of frustration, anger and resentment, making us want to get one over on them, normal feelings when someone is playing the games that a narcissistic person plays with you, and one of the best ways to get one over a narcissist is to recognise that game and no longer play. leave them to it and remain silent. when it comes to narcissistic people, if they’re not getting their needs met by you, they’re often going to attack you in some way, to get you to react to them, so they can play the victim to the circumstances they created.

4. Don’t attack back.

it’s human nature, it’s natural, it’s normal when someone just keeps chipping away at you, baiting you, goading you, provoking you belittling you too, to at some point snapback out at them, attack them, when someone is constantly insulting you, at some point you might turn around and insult them, to which a narcissist is going to morph into the victim in front of your eyes, not only are they going to morph into the victim in front of your eyes they’re going to tell everyone what a horrible person you are, to get their enablers and flying monkeys onto their side, to isolate you from people, so when a narcissist is attacking you, recognise their game, and don’t attack back, once you attack back, you’ve played into their hands, they’re doing these things to gain that reaction from you so they can blame everything on you.

5. Don’t take responsibility for things you’re not responsible for.

Narcissistic people don’t do responsibility, nothing is ever their fault, instead, they find a scapegoat to blame, and the narcissist is going to go all out to shame you into feeling like you’re the one that’s in the wrong, so the narcissist can escape any consequences for their actions, and it’s difficult when you do take responsibility for who you are as a person not to take responsibility when someone is shifting the blame over to you. Narcissistic people need you to take responsibility for the things they’ve done, so they can get away with their behaviour. So no longer take responsibility for the things you’re not responsible for.

6. Don’t try to one-up them.

Don’t try to outsmart the narc, due to the very nature of their behaviour we can often want to get one over on them, how you one-up a narcissist, how you get one over on a narcissistic person is by going no contact, remaining silent, limited contact, not reacting, not taking responsibility for their behaviour, no longer playing their games, no longer attacking back, that’s how you one-up a narcissist, that’s how you outsmart a narcissist. That’s how you put a narcissist in their place. As when you try to one-up a narcissist, narcissistic people see this as game on, which is why you’ll often notice when you go no contact, or remain silent, they escalate their games, to gain that response from you, and once they have that response from you, they blame everything on you, they know what gets to you and they will go their again, they lack the empathy to care for how their behaviour affects you, the more you try to show them how much better of you are without them, the further they’ll go to try and sabotage you. So in a lot of cases, and it can be challenging, however, you’re better off being in the narcissist’s shadows. Let the narcissist live their life, while you go and live yours, which they know nothing about so they can’t ruin it for you. Narcissists leave out information that stops you from making an informed choice, you leave out information that is none of their business as you’re no longer with them.

7. Don’t stop doing the things you enjoy.

Once you stop doing the things you enjoy it can naturally create that anger, resentment and bitterness within you, and that misery within you, and narcissistic people will go all out to stop you from seeing friends and family, to stop you from doing the hobbies they once claimed they enjoyed doing too, they now seek to put you down, insult you, get you to question why you enjoy the things you enjoy, make out they’re boring or pathetic, make you feel stupid for enjoying your hobbies, don’t stop doing the things you enjoy, if you’re still with a narcissistic person, be careful, if you’re out of the situation, be careful, the more they know about you the more they’ll use against you.

8. Stop explaining.

Don’t explain, you can’t explain to a narcissistic person if it’s not going their way they’re not interested, you can’t explain your feelings to them, they’ll use those feelings against you to hurt you, you can’t explain the things that matter to you, they’ll use those things against you to hurt you, you can’t explain how their behaviour has hurt you, they’ll just gaslight you into doubting, blaming and shaming yourself while they go right ahead and hurt you all the more, you can’t explain how something is affecting your life, as a narcissist will do it all the more, you cant explain what you meant by something, because if it’s not in the narcissists fantasy you’re wrong, you’re lying, you can’t explain how they’re hurting another person, narcissists lack the empathy to care, you can’t explain why you behaved in a certain way as a narcissist isn’t interested, they’re interested in conditioning you to live life on their terms, you can not appeal to the conscience of those who lack one, and you can not have sincere honest open communication with insincere, deceitful, closed-minded people. Every time you explain yourself to narcissistic people it makes them feel important to you, it makes them feel validated, it makes them feel superior that you feel a need to justify and explain yourself to them, and they use those explanations and justifications against you, to punish you, to hurt you all the more.

9. Don’t take their personal attacks personally.

This is incredibly difficult at first as narcissists are going to make their attacks personal, as this is the best way they can hurt you, punish you, diminish you, or gain a reaction they so desperately require from you. To gain the explanation they need from you, to get you to take responsibility, to get you to play their games, narcissists are going to make it personal, however, it’s nothing to do with who you are as a person and everything to do with who they are as a person. We all have those insecurities, and vulnerabilities, things we are really passionate about, we all have those Achilles heels that people can attack, and a narcissistic person will prey upon these, to get at you, due to their insecurities, their ego, because they are seeking that external validation because they’re miserable about your happiness and success, so they want to take your happiness and success away from you, as they’re arrogant enough to believe they’re the most important person in the room, and if someone is taking the spotlight away from them, they’re going to destroy it for that person, narcissists have just as many insecurities, they just lack the empathy to care for yours, where you might try to help someone up, narcissists seek to tear everyone else down. Where you seek to encourage and support, due to a narcissists envy they seek to sabotage and destroy, and invalidate, and mock, so don’t take their personal attacks personally, it’s who they are as a person and has nothing to do with who you are as a person, they’re just using who you are as a person so they can pull you down so they can feel superior.

Someone who genuinely cares for you, wouldn’t use your insecurities against you, and the more they attack you, they’re creating more opportunities for you to attack back, then once you attack back, they then turn into the victim and go around telling everyone how horrible you are, to turn people against you.

https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw (Sponsored.)

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

11 Ways A Covert Narcissist Will Try To Sabotage Your Life.

There a many manipulative underhand ways a narcissist will try to coercively control your life to suit their needs of you, most try to sabotage you without you even knowing what they’re doing to you or to make you feel like you’re the problem, so you don’t realise they’re causing your problems.

1. Sleep deprivation.

Sleep helps with our ability to think clearly, our memory and our ability to make choices wisely. It helps with our happiness, our immunity and our ability to regulate our emotions. Not getting enough sleep can be dangerous, from our lack of concentration to our emotional and physical health, leading to poor choice-making, depression and illnesses.

Being around a narcissist can cause sleep deprivation in many ways, from the stress and anxiety making it difficult to sleep, to the narcissist controlling when and where you sleep. The narcissist might request you stop up with them. If you say no, they might guilt you by saying “if you loved me.” so you feel bad and obliged, to the narcissist waking you in the night for special favours and if you say no, there’s hell to pay. To them keeping you so busy running around after them even when you’re resting, you’re not rested.

2. Playing the victim.

Narcissists are out for attention, one criteria of the disorder is seeking excessive attention, and another is to exploit others. When you feel bad, guilty or sorry for another, it can lead you to making poor choices because you’re coming from an emotional place of thinking and not a logical one. When a narcissist does something, and you call them out, they fire back, “ oh, I knew it would be my fault. I forgot you were perfect.”. Hence, you end up explaining yourself to them, so they don’t have to explain themselves to you, or they can say things like “ what about when you.” so you feel bad for something that is irrelevant to the current topic of conversation.

You can let them know weeks in advance that you’re going somewhere, then when it comes to you going, a narcissist will claim that you never told them, or simply state, “well, what am I supposed to do.” making you feel bad for doing things that make you happy.

3. Regularly breaking arrangements.

We are all capable of making arrangements with someone, and then life seems to get in the way. We might wish we hadn’t said yes to something; however, most genuine people will try to stick to their promise. A narcissist will make a promise in the present moment to get their needs met then fail to deliver on that promise, yet they’ll not take responsibility for this; instead, they’ll pass the blame, “it wasn’t my fault, you forgot to remind me.” so you feel bad for not reminding them as due to your own sleep deprivation you know how easy it is to forget things and can understand them, yet when you remind them they’ll claim, “I never said that.” or “you must be imagining things.” to get you to question your memory and not their lies. A narcissist will still sabotage, delay, deny and lie, it’s always a tomorrow away, or that was never said. A narcissist will make a promise to get their needs met, fail to deliver on the promise made, then lie, deny or blame someone else. Narcissists don’t do responsibility. They hurt others and fail to take accountability

4. Losing things.

We can all lose things, misplace things and forget things, especially when drained and running on empty, so when a narcissist loses something, forgets something, we can show understanding and compassion not knowing the narcissist is using our understanding against us, gaslighting by hiding things from us then helping us look for the very things they took, a narcissist will take your mental health, claim you’re going crazy and then get you on antidepressants for the problems you don’t see they’re causing you, so you’re grateful for them supporting you. Meanwhile, they’re behind your back telling everyone just how crazy you are and gaining sympathetic attention from those around you, so when you finally wake up from the trance a narcissist put you under and speak up, no one believes you. Everyone looks at you like you’re the crazy one. Reinforcing the belief within your mind that you’re the problem, helping the narcissist further their control over you and what those around you think of you.

5. Deliberately hiding information.

A narcissist doesn’t leave out information to protect your feelings. They don’t tell you to protect themselves. Narcissists don’t hide information that’s personal to another person. Narcissists can be very forward in telling you other peoples business that’s none of yours or telling others yours that’s none of theirs, such as letting others know you’re forgetting things, drinking more, your struggling when you’ve told the narcissist not to inform others, narcissists don’t tell you things that would lead you to make a choice that isn’t in that narcissist’s best interest. When you find out and ask them, while you’re emotions are understandably all over because you’re worn out, stressed out. You discover you’ve been lied to. A narcissist is going to come at you playing the victim, claiming, “I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d act like this, because you’re depressed.” as you can be feeling depressed as you’re reacting. The narcissist is stood all calm, saying, “you’re overreacting. You need to calm down.” you can find yourself in a position of apologising to the very person who should actually be saying sorry to you.

6. Deliberately disclose
personal information.

Just like telling you other peoples business and narcissist will be telling everyone yours, any mistakes, insecurities, problems, a narcissist shall be out there twisting the story, smearing your name so the narcissist can gain enablers to feel sorry and support the narcissist in your downfall.

7. The narcissist’s invalidation.

A narcissist will use your thoughts, feelings, opinions, weight, shape, Job, hobbies, dreams, relationships. It can be as severe as everything about who you are and what you do against you. They will reject, ignore, criticise, blame, shame and judge, so you don’t feel enough, as a narcissist doesn’t want to see you succeed. They are usually envious of others and want to see you fail. Sabotaging your dreams by invalidating them is the quickest way for a narcissist to sabotage your happiness and then blame you for their unhappiness. As you feel unhappy, a narcissist will project with you. “No wonder I’m so miserable being around you all the time.” so again, you’re left doubting yourself, working harder to change yourself to please the narcissist, not realising that they are destroying you.

8. Fail to give direct answers.

As we can all have moments where we need time to gather our thoughts, we can appreciate and understand when another needs to gather theirs. However, with a narcissist, it’s a repeat pattern of behaviour when they don’t want to be called out on something they definitely did do or when they don’t want to admit that they don’t want to do something they promised to do. A narcissist will not give a direct answer to doing something with you, to stop you from making arrangements without them, to stop you from doing the things you enjoy. If you do it without them, you can find yourself saying, “i asked you, can you not remember.” as a narcissist gaslights with “first I’ve heard, you never asked me.” then pity plays with. “Well, what am I supposed to do.”

9. Changing plans.

To cause resentment and frustration within you, narcissists will let you down, changing plans at the last minute, denying they ever agreed to something that they definitely agreed to, a narcissist will go all out to gain an emotional reaction out of you, so the narcissist can claim “well if you’re going to be like this I don’t want to go with you.” again you end up apologising and changing to suit the narcissists and not you.

10. Sabotage your relationships.

To gain further control over you, a narcissist will try to isolate you. Not only will the narcissist be telling others private information about you, but they’ll also be telling you. “I don’t trust them.” as you trust the narcissist who’s seemingly helping you through a bad patch when you go to talk with the other person who gives you funny looks, you question if you can trust the other person, not realising the narcissists is setting you up, either lying to them about you or setting situations up for you to trip into so the narcissist can tell others to use against you. The narcissist’s triangulation.

11: Ruin occasions.

A narcissist will go all out to sabotage any occasion that isn’t going their way, or they’re not the centre of attention.

As we can all have moments of not feeling like going to the party, a narcissist will play on this by bringing your mood down before an event or making snide remarks, “are you wearing that,” then, if you ask what is wrong with it, the narcissist will claim. “I was only asking, why do you have to turn everything into an argument.” if you say nothing and go get changed, the narcissist will say. “ that’s just like you holding us up, making everyone late.” if you mention why you’re getting changed the narcissist will turn into the victim right in front of you. “Oh, I knew it would be my fault.” they might then project with. “ you think you’re so perfect, you never take responsibility for anything.” once the narcissist has baited you into the argument, they’ll turn it around with. “ if you didn’t want to go you only had to say.” once the narcissist has you in a mood, they’ll head to the party happy and tell every “see this is what I have to put up with.” smearing your name to those around you.

The narcissist is envious, and as they feel entitled and deserving of all the attention, they feel great envy if they think others are getting something they’re not. They want to be in control, and when they feel like they’re losing control, they go through major child-like tantrums, to ruin it for others or bring the attention back onto themselves, as they lack empathy to care for how their behaviour affects others, they believe they’re in the right to behave how they do, and they will project and pass the blame onto those around them.

The narcissist doesn’t enjoy not being the reason others are happy, so they’ll find an explanation as to why others have made the narcissist unhappy to justify the narcissist then bringing others down to feel better about themselves.

Narcissists enjoy being in the driver’s seat of other peoples live and emotions.

When it comes to dealing with narcissist people, the best advice is don’t, instead deal with your emotions to the best of your capability, see the narcissist for who they are and what they do, then look at what you can do to make your life work for you.