Some signs you are dealing with a narcissist, people can and will have one of the traits or two. Some are human nature, which doesn’t mean they have the disorder. They could just be a negative person or very confident within themselves. Sometimes the behaviour is similar. However, the intentions are different. Pay attention to the actions of those around you, the repeat patterns of behaviour. Sometimes It’s not what people say; It’s what they do.
To have the disorder, they need five of the nine criteria.
1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance. Exaggerating achievements and talents.
2. Preoccupied with ultimate success. Lives in a fantasy world of power, control, dominance, brilliance.
3. Superiority. Believing they are special and above all others.
4. Entitled. Feels entitled to have all their own needs met, demanding, manipulative and controlling.
5. Excessive admiration. A constant need for excessive admiration.
6. Exploits others. Takes advantage and manipulates others to get their own needs met.
7. Lack of empathy. Can not truly connect with how others are feeling.
8. Envious and jealous. Hate people who have something they want, also believing others are envious of them.
9. Arrogant. An exaggerated sense of their own abilities and behaviours.
Signs of a narcissistic person.
- They have an over-exaggerated sense of self-importance. They put all their wants and needs before those around them.
- They are selfish. They lack consideration for others. They are preoccupied with getting their own needs met.
- They have a real sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration.
- They need, want and expect to be recognised as superior even without achievements to back it up.
- They will Exaggerate and lie about any achievements or talents.
- They have their own fantasies about success, power, beauty or the perfect mate, the perfect child, the perfect life.
- They think and believe that they are superior and can only be around people equally special people.
- They take over conversations, making it all about them, and belittle or look down on people they think are not as good as themselves. They will also belittle people who are doing better than them and find a way of how lucky they are, and it’s nothing they did; they must have received an inheritance to get that new car etc.
- They Expect special favours from those around them and unquestioning compliance with their expectations. They will rarely do any favours in return.
- They are more than happy to Take advantage of others to get what they want.
- They have a great inability or unwillingness to recognise the needs and feelings of others. Will do very little or nothing at all to help those around them unless they can get something greater from it.
- They are extremely envious of others and believe others envy them.
- They behave arrogantly. They seem conceited, boastful and pretentious.
- They really want and believe they are entitled to the best. They even expect and insist on having the best of everything, for example. The best clothes, the best car, the best house holidays, the best table, fast service.
- They have great trouble handling any form of criticism.
- They will become very impatient or angry when they don’t receive special treatment.
- They have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted.
- They will react with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior.
- They have great difficulty regulating their emotions and their own behaviour.
- They have major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change, and they may not show this to others.
- They can feel depressed and moody because they fall short of their own sense of perfection.
- The insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation, these are often hidden within themselves.
- They can fall silent at a moments notice.
- They can provoke people into speaking out about them while they stay silent and let those around them feel sorry for them, sticking up for the narcissist to those speaking out about the narcissists lies.
Signs in an intimate relationship.
- Lie about anything and everything, often believing their own lies.
- Project all their feelings onto you.
- Gaslight you.
- Blameshift. Especially when caught out on a lie, they will twist and turn your words in any way possible.
- Silent treatment.
- Talk badly about you to everyone around them, often making up stories of what you are doing to them, when in fact, they are doing it to you.
- Have no financial responsibility, often taking as much money from you as they can.
- Try to move in with you real fast.
- Try to get you to move away from your family and friends as they know. Your friends will see a change in you, and they know your family and friends will spot their true self before they’ve altogether got you hooked.
Signs in Parents.
- They controlled every single aspect of your childhood, Or they completely ignored you like you didn’t even exist? Or they might have tried and lived through you by pushing their hobbies onto you and not allowing you to learn your own goals.
- They ruined special occasions.
- They never gave you hugs.
- They denied your love and affection unless you achieved something they wanted, then you might have received hugs.
- They were never wrong.
- They Never allowed you to speak against them.
- They would they twist everything to blame you or anyone but themselves.
- They never apologised.
- They never seemed to take your thoughts, feelings or opinions on board.
- They always criticised you and put you down.
- They insulted you or those around you.
- They told you that you were ”Selfish.” If you didn’t do as they pleased or wanted to do something for yourself.
- They Always spoke of their problems with you but never listened to yours.
- They always ignored you, the forgotten child.
- The golden child that always had to perform for your parent or the scapegoat always being blamed.
- They would never let you share your thoughts or feelings, as they would be used against you.
- They always take the credit for your achievements.
- They would guilt-trip you, “After all I’ve done for you?”
- They always seem envious of neighbours and other family members. ”They only got that because of an inheritance.”
- They always play the victim about their own childhood.
- They pitted off against your siblings, either. ”look how good your sibling is, why can you not do that.” or ” I don’t know what’s wrong with your sibling, I’ll treat you to this, as you know how to behave.
- They are extremely self-centred and want everything their own way.
- They would be extremely envious of you as they are so empty on the inside. They would instead project these feelings onto you then acknowledge them within themselves.
- They will put their siblings and others down to boost themselves because of their lack of self-esteem.
- They will only be interested in you, if they feel they have something to gain, they are extremely envious of you, and believe they are entitled to whatever you have.
- They have no conscious, and if they want something that’s yours, they feel entitled just to have it.
- They have a lack in empathy, so have no regard to your feelings.
- They will plan and plot against you. No matter what the age gap.
- It’s all about what they want when they want it, and they usually get, precisely what they do want through endless manipulation tactics.
- Some have extremely aggressive personality’s, some children are born aggressive, and some are sensitive. Yet, parental input, usually helps them develop with empathy, if you had a narcissistic parent, the parent might have encouraged your sibling’s aggressiveness towards you.
- They do not care for who you are, how you feel, or what you think, and it is merely all about them.
- Now and again, when they wanted something from you, or they wanted to use you for something, they would have played nice, as all narcissists do, just to confuse you even more.
- They will plot and plan with great detail, to claim any and all inheritance.
Learn to focus your mind on what it is you do want from life now.
As much as you try to move away from pain, your mind may still be focused on it, meaning your emotions will be too.
Humans are designed to survive at all cost. Therefore you will focus on the pain to find subconscious coping methods for your fight for survival. Human minds are more interested in survival than they are your happiness. So your mind is always on the lookout for danger.
The narcissist caused you lots of pain through manipulation, words and possibly physical violence, and now your brain is focused on them, confusing you even more.
If your subconscious is filling your mind with negativity, it’ll take you there, So now you need to take control of your mind and consciously think positivities thoughts, visual them in your mind or looking at photos, and you’ll subconsciously take yourself there, so long as you intentionally take action to take yourself there.
Write down your goals, and start taking action in achieving them; focus your time and energy on putting positive affirmations into your mind, consciously removing any negative ones.
It’s time to reprogram your own mindset, into a positive, happy person, to where you want to be. We are allowed off days, just deal with them and move past them. Start working on your mind and your future today.
Repeatedly telling yourself what it is you want, then going out and getting it for you.
What you resist persists, what you focus on grows stronger, so keep those positive thoughts; great things can happen for you, only you have to action them.
So start thinking about what you do want from life, then go to work on achieving it.
Anything is possible if you can see someone else doing something, you can do that too if you want to.
Signs of narcissism.
Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.