The Most Common Patterns Of The Narcissists Behavior.

Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

The word narcissist gets thrown around a lot these days, everyone’s ex seems to be a narcissistic person, and whilst in a lot of cases this is true, in others it’s not, some exes might come Close as most people have a trait or two of the disorder, however it is a personality disorder, so someone who cheats a lot doesn’t mean they are a narcissist if they haven’t got other traits, someone who is confident doesn’t make them a narcissist, someone who takes selfies doesn’t make them a narcissist, also some people are just negative, or just toxic. You are allowed to love yourself, in fact, this is the main key to your own inner happiness, and we should all love ourselves first, which can be extremely hard to learn, most narcissistic people deep down don’t actually love themselves, they are very hurt, insecure, individuals who fill their needs and make themselves feel better by sucking the life out of others, destroying people along their way, not realising this continued pattern of behaviour isn’t a nice way to live, for themselves or those around them.

The narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum and there is those on the high end that are extremely toxic and dangerous, those on the lower end that you might be able to manage your time around them and all those in between, not all narcissistic people cheat, all do lie, some manipulative people are not actually narcissists, they don’t destroy others to succeed, some successful people are, some are not.

There are many types of narcissists out there and once you open up to others, you’ll notice just how similar they are in their treatment of others.

A narcissist is a con artist, they will sell you a dream and deliver a living nightmare.

Here are some of the more common signs of how narcissists behave if you think you have or you are dealing with one.

  • They will never be wrong, and if they are it’ll Always be someone else’s fault. Everyone makes mistakes and gets things wrong, we are human it’s how we learn, even from the basics of learning to walk, talk and eat, it’s rarely for any child just to open their mouth and talk perfectly straight away, and we do all talk differently, most people lose this natural thought process that we don’t always get it right the first time, narcissistic people are scared of failure or mistakes and from the judgment of others, no one likes being pulled up on what they’ve done wrong, so most people avoid doing hurtful things, there is no wrong way or right way to live life, so long as your intentions are good, however, with a narcissists, they will never ever admit to being wrong, unless it meets a need of their own, then they will downplay it, or shift the blame onto others, they project all their faults onto others as they never look at themselves or issues they cause, nothing is ever their fault. They don’t learn from mistakes of their own actions and instead, they just hit repeat time and time again. They react extremely badly if challenged or questioned which most people can at times, narcissistic people react badly all the time when they have been exposed for wrongdoing, or even feel criticism in any way, how do they react badly, they will do one of the following, they either fight, temper tantrum, raise their voices, denial, blame-shift, pity plays, make excuses, or flight, walk straight out of the door, silent treatment, sulking.
  • Constant lies or exaggeration, there are the different types of narcissistic people, those who are successful and boast exaggerate at just how incredible they are, and those not as successful that will blame life for treating them so badly, and those in between that will do both. Those who work hard and are successful want praise. Those who are lazy want pity, in the narcissist’s reality they are the hero or the victim, yet never the villain. They lie about things they’ve achieved. Or exaggerate things they’ve achieved. They lie about ex’s, lies about lies. They lie about family, lies about mistakes. Lie to cover lies, in fact, some lie so much they believe their own lies. Now good people can have bad things happen and fall. Good people can get caught up in a white lie. They will not lie about everything.
  • Some say they have a false mask, one face to cover the other face, in my opinion, they are who they are, they have the admiration face at the beginning which is them as it’s all manipulation and lies, they play nice to meet a need of their own, or to let you know you owe them further down the line, they are not helpful or kind because they care, they do this to use and manipulate people. Then the envy face when things don’t go their own way, where they seek to break people down. Or destroy those who’ve escaped them. Some are too lazy to seek revenge, most, however, do the smear campaign. Good people can wear a mask in public for fear of being miss-understood or disliked, that’s part of who they are it’s not to manipulate, its to fit in, whatever face the narcissist has on it is all about manipulation.
  • Where they go drama follows. Whatever they are doing drama seems to follow. They might be gossiping and smearing people’s names, playing people off against each other, provoking people, causing others to argue, lying, cheating, always seeking some form of drama, narcissistic people have high levels of mood swings. They can have intense highs and intense lows, good people can have mood swings, life gets hard, situations happen. Environmental factors like the narcissist you’re dealing with can cause you massive highs and lows, yet most people feel pain and try to avoid it, narcissistic people thrive from drama and negativity in those around them, to make themselves feel better. Those around them end up walking on eggshells to avoid the negativity and drama. Trying to please them and not set them off, as a narcissist doesn’t know what they truly want, they are a ticking time bomb and can go without you even knowing what happened.
  • They control others, or they use others. Controlling behaviour can be a sign in general, you can also have people who are a perfectionist so come across controlling, they’ll not be manipulative with it. Or people who are highly insecure and they are not narcissistic they just need extra certainty within their lives to feel safe. A person on the narcissistic personality disorder will try to control everything and everyone, from how others see them and you, to how you see others, they will act controlling in any given situation and they will use tactics like, intimidating behaviour, threatening behaviour, pity plays, silent treatments, they can be plain old vindictive and nasty. they don’t care for what impact their behaviour has on others, only that they have control, they take the power of controlling behaviour to extremes. Overts can be very direct, converts can be more subtle. Remember you can not control how they act or what they do, you can control how you deal with it and how you respond, the best response is no contact with most narcissists, this is not always possible so limited communication and keeps your focus on you.
  • Manipulation, they seem to be the masters of manipulation, especially when you are unaware of what they are, or what they are capable off, they are highly skilled at turning any disagreements into a massive argument, taking Conversations off the original topic, making other blame themselves for their own bad behaviour, they gaslight others into self-doubt and self-blame. They can be extremely convincing and charming, anyone who goes against them will find themselves in the midst of a mass smear campaign and being outcast as people take the narcissists side. They control others and make decisions for others through guilt and blame, to meet a need of their own. Knowing your own reality, writing key things down, letting go of those who don’t support you, being alone and being lonely are two very different things. You can be with a narcissistic and feel so alone, you can be on your own and not feel Lonely.
  • They idolise, devalue, discard. this goes into their two faces, whilst they want to win you over the will do all the can to be admired, if they feel like Control is slipping they’ll devalue you until you give in and do exactly what they want at that moment. This changes week to week, they discard when they believe you’re no longer meeting their needs. When they feel envious they try to destroy people.
    They can rationalise anything, and convince others they are correct, distorting others reality, they use pathological lying and manipulation, from the gaslighting, provoking and blame-shifting. A narcissist will try to get others to doubt themselves telling them they’re insecure or that something never happened, some will admit but find a way for it to be someone else’s or your fault for why they did something, in such a way people often believe them. Anything that doesn’t feel right to you most often isn’t trust within yourself.
    They will ruin a special occasion, anything that isn’t all about them, they will pull out all the stops to ruin, from birthdays to Christmas, weddings to funerals, if it is their birthday they’ll find a way you didn’t get something right, someone else’s they’ll find a way to ruin, they will provoke to get you in a bad mood, bring up things that happened years ago, bring the attention onto them for someone they’ve lost and offer little to no sympathy, in the beginning, they’ll pull out all the stops to show you they care, once hooked this will stop. They have extremely low to no empathy and do not care for how others feel People who don’t support you through the good and the bad are not the people for you.
    They believe they already know everything, it’s their way and their way only, they are not interested in others perspectives, points of views or opinions as they believe within themselves that they already know everything.
    Rules do not apply to them, yet they apply to those around them, they believe they are above all others and some will manipulate authorities and courts, they believe they’re allowed to do as they please and all others should bow down to them.

The narcissist is stuck with a narcissistic personality disorder, they are not interested in changing as they don’t see fault within themselves, they will continue this pattern throughout life, often getting worse with age, it did not start with you and it will not end with you. Whatever they do to you, it’s not about you and it’s all about them, they want you to believe your the problem to change who you are and help them, most will straight out say to you. ”its not all about you.” because they believe it’s all about them and their needs been met, they do not care for others, they only care for themselves, you can not help them, you can help you by walking free. It is about you, your happiness your life, you choose to help others, they choose to destroy others, Whoever the narcissist is or was in your life, learn your own reality and your own truths, you do not need negative, toxic people who bring you down, life’s hard enough, surround yourself with positive supportive uplifting people.

The Key To Recovery After Narcissistic Abuse.

Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse By. Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

Being around narcissistic people in your life, be it your parents, friends, work colleagues, or partner, being around negative toxic people is incredibly draining, you lose so much, from who you are, you’re possessions, your physical health to your mental health. The effects these once charming people have on you is devastating and makes it incredibly hard to just go about your day to day life.

The best success on recovery is focusing on you, creating who you want to be, learning to love and accept yourself for who you are, growing daily, learning daily, removing self-doubt, anxiety and fear of judgment from others, and it all starts with the power of your own mind.

What you think about you bring about, no this doesn’t mean you thought you’d get abused so you caused it to happen to you, no one causes this and no one deserves to be treated this way, what I mean by this is for you to develop who you are now, when you’re in the mindset of why is this happening to me, you look for the things that are happening to you and react, when you’re in the mindset of woe is me, you feel sorry for yourself and take your own power away, the way you stand, the way you dress, the way you talk to yourself, if done in a negative way had a massive impact on your life. You know this to be true as you’ve been around a narcissistic person that’s put you down, holding you back, gaslighted you into worry, fear, dread and full of all those negative emotions, their cruel twisted words have a massive impact on your life, and you have to change that pattern for you to create a much happier, more confident you.

When you’re telling yourself you can not your mind starts to believe it and you don’t, when you’re full of pain, hurt anger, fear of judgment it stops you living in joy, happiness, freedoms to be who you want to be.

There is no wrong way or right way to live your life. With good intentions there is only your way, live it to be true to you and who you want to be.

It can be incredibly hard cutting toxic people out of your life as you don’t want to hurt others you want to help, you don’t want to feel bad, you want to care, but to be the best possible version of you, so you can give the best possible version of you, to good people, you have to let those toxic people go.

When you become happier within, you walk differently, talk differently, smile more and you attract good, happy people that you can then give the best version of yourself to, you might well also attract narcissistic people, but as you are being true to you, you’ll stop people-pleasing and say no, this is a massive deal breaker as no one can throw a tantrum quite like a narcissist not getting their own way.

Controlling your own mind again, and also being able to shift how you’re thinking, helps massively especially when you have narcissistic people throwing everything they can at you.

I know you might think how, I’ve lived the games I’m still living them, I’m not saying the games will not affect you, they make you cry, they make you angry, you can not believe the unbelievability of some of the stunts they pull to get at you, and when they get at you, they’ve achieved exactly what they wanted.

Even a couple of days ago, I was brought to tears about and outside situation out of my control, with another game the ex narcissist is now playing, the key is not to dwell, you can not change what they do, you can not change how they act, you can change the meaning it has in your mind, if you can not change the meaning, you can change your focus. You can release those emotions and carry on with you day, free of the narcissist.

It’s not easy to start, like learning any new skill it takes time and practice, even when you’ve got it, you might have a moment.

Your own thoughts are your key to your power and success.

So what do I mean by this?

Beliefs, your beliefs are one thing that can hold you back, keep you trapped, feel like you’re stuck.

Most often we don’t make conscious choices to what we think about, instead, these have been programmed into our minds over a period of time from our past, so it’s about recognising them, saying things to ourselves like. “Why is this happening to me? How can they do this to me? I’ll never get free. I’ll never be happy. I can not do this.” Gives your mind to look for all those reasons on the past that bad things have happened, those times people have hurt you, those times you’ve felt or are feeling pain, those times you failed. We are human and life is hard, sometimes bad things happen regardless of what a good person we are. Hurt people hurt people, no matter how good you’ve been to them, we all have unhappy moments and we all fail.

All this negative self-talk is no good for us and it keeps us in those negative emotional thought process, trapped within our own minds, always looking for the bad, always feeling incredible pain, and this is no way to live, we have the powers within our own incredible minds to change our story.

Now I’m not saying change our story as narcissistic people change theirs, I’m not saying lie to ourselves, I’m saying recognising the emotions, recognising the situations, don’t make them worse than what they are. And I know all too well just how difficult narcissistic people can make your life, recognising the situation for what it is. dealing with them as and when they happen, then shifting our mind and our focus. Do focus on the worst that could happen, or something negative that could happen next week. Next month. Focus on the best possible outcome you can get for you. Know why you want that outcome, focus on that outcome and you will find a way at some points for it to work for you.

Blocking things out will not help, those emotions are real, the more you cover them up, the more you build them up, the more unhappy you become, the harder it becomes to dig your way out, just like the narcissist did to you through all their toxic words, they might have played nice for a week, a month, six months, yet because we didn’t recognise how their carefully chosen words affected us, it slowly sank us .

Those negatives words from others when we absorb them, or from ourselves, has a major effect on our day to day lives, we slowly sink into a pattern of depression and anxiety, CPTSD, all things we have to work on also to more forwards. You do have the power to overcome this if you want to.

Choose to work on your mind and stop letting those negative thoughts hold you back, stop limiting yourself, break free from the narcissist and their toxic words also, just because they speak you have the power to not take those words into your mind and keep them locked in there. You have the choice to see how unbelievable and wrong they are about you. Now you don’t have a choice whilst living it, you do, however, have a choice when you have the knowledge of what they do. You also now have a choice to think how you want to think, when hard times happen in life it will affect our emotions, that’s part of life, we can choose how we deal with these emotions and how long we will let things bring us down before we tell ourselves “no that’s not how I want to think, feel or live.” Then we make a choice to change something and that choice can change everything. We have the choice when we get knocked down or of the track to get up and go again, get ourselves back on track.

You need to work on your own thoughts, and start making those thoughts work for you. No longer live in fear or self-doubt and start living in joy happiness and confidence.

Start with little things you can change for you. To give you the evidence you can do it, then work up to the big things. If you’re struggling to get out of bed. Set your alarm, tell yourself you can and you will. have a focus of what you’re going to get up for, going for a walk to get some fresh air and feed your mind and body, or start getting up to read a good book. To have a cup of coffee, changing your routines or creating new routines, creating new patterns for you.

You have to make a conscious choice that you can and you will do it. Look for what you’ve achieved in the past to show yourself you can.

When the narcissist throws one of their hideous games your way. Recognise the emotions and let yourself know. “I can not control what they do, I can control how it makes me feel.” Cry it out if needed, scream it out. If you can dump it out of your mind with good positive people who’ve lived it. Get the support help and guidance you need. The more you connect with others that understand how you feel. The more you’ll recognise you’re not alone in how you feel, the more you connect with those who have overcome it. The more you’ll see it’s possible for you.

Ask yourself “can I solve it.” If not leave it. It’s not worth worrying about something you can not solve. Refocus your mind into the present. It’s happened, it’s now in the past, deal with the emotions, release them and move on. If it’s something that might affect your future, focus on the outcome you want in the future, keep that focus, even if you don’t know a way forward now to get that outside if you focus on it you will achieve it. Look at those things you’ve wanted to happen for good in the past that you created, you found away.

If you can not do anything about it at the moment, take your mind onto something you are passionate about, something that makes you smile, it’s hard to cry when you’re smiling, or find something that makes you laugh, what makes you happy?

Use your conscious thoughts daily to focus on good things you want to bring into your life, know why you want them and keep trying different methods until you achieve them. Even if to kick start your main focus is. ” the best revenge is success.”

As you move into a new much happier you, find a new Why? Whenever you stall to find a new way. Whenever you fail. All people fail at times, that ok just get up and go again and find a new approach.

Yes outside events hurt and that’s normal, you don’t have to accept the effects it has on the rest of your life. You now get to choose for you. Choose self-love, self-happiness. Choose living the best life you can for you, believe in yourself, repeatedly tell yourself you do deserve better, surround yourself with positive people who are on the same journey as you, do you can raise each other up in those low moments, give each other good advice and support, give each other ideas, and be pleased for each other and recognise when you do well, even if that starts with online friends.

You can and you will.

Lies Narcissists Use To Keep You Locked In The Relationship.

Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

It takes an average of seven attempts to get out of an abusive relationship and stay out of an abusive relationship. Narcissists through their many manipulation tactics, brainwash people into losing reality and use many lies to keep their targets hooked.

Narcissistic people use many lies throughout the relationship from the beginning and even after the relationship is over, lying is second nature to them, most often a lot of them tell that many lies they actually believe their reality, some on the higher end of the spectrum are more aware and harder to catch out, those on the lower it’s just instinct, wherever they are on the spectrum of the disorder, most repeat those same lines, if you’re still trying to work out if you were with a narcissist, or learning how to avoid them in the future, here are some of the most common lies I heard myself and from others who’ve survived the narcissistic relationship.

”I could not imagine my life without you.” this is mostly used in the love-bombing phase along with. ”you’re the love of my life.”or ”I’ve never met anyone like you.” these are hard to tell between good honest people who also say these things, if they’re telling you all the exs were crazy that’s a red flag with these statements. With a narcissist, these words are used to hook you in or keep you hooked, even during the relationship if they haven’t anyone else lined up to keep using you.

”my exs are crazy and hurt me.” again this is a hard one as good people have been hurt, narcissistic people use this to play the victim card, to get you to open up your empathy and to have sympathy for them. if they’ve been back and forth with partners in the past, some people that have been hurt go back, so look at the bigger pictures, or if they hate every single one and something just doesn’t add up in the story’s they are telling you when they say things like. “They will not let me see the children.” Or ” my children have no respect for me.” This could be true, yet you need to listen closely to the words they say and not take them on face value, especially if something just doesn’t seem right.

“I’m amazing.” Or “with all, I do for you.” Now most narcissistic people like to see themselves as amazing and project all their faults and flaws onto others. Yet when you truly look at things they actually did for you, most often you’ll find other than, disrespect you, hurt you, and cause great psychological pain, they did nothing for you, other than instilling negativity and self-doubt, any achievements of theirs are usually exaggerated, lies or they’ve destroyed others in the process of getting to where they want, those who haven’t achieved, will blame those around them for them being unsuccessful, things like. “They sucked up to the boss, or “they got help from others.”

“You’ll never find someone like me.” Not a complete lie as it seems to be a growing epidemic or could be growing awareness. They use these words to manipulate your already confused mind into believing they are special, especially when they add things like. “Who’d love you.” Or “nobody would want you, you’ll end up alone.” To add fear into you and more self-doubt that’s you’re not good enough, words to a narcissist are just further manipulation. Focus on why you’re leaving, or that you have left, if they left you, that you are better off without them, you will heal, you will receive and now you are aware you’ll make sure you never find another like them. Remember you are worthy and you are lovable, nows the time to surround yourself with the right people.

“That didn’t happen.” Or the “I never said that.” Along with “You’re crazy.” Are some examples of the major gaslighting phrase they use. The same as “you’re over sensation or insecure.” As the narcissist does not genuinely care for your feelings, they just want you to become more emotionally insecure and more dependent on them. Gaslighting is so you doubt reality and is an insidious form of mental torture. Narcissistic people do not admit to or own up to their own mistakes, they project and blame shift, to escape accountability. They are only interested in the reality they want, the more you try and get them to take responsibility the bigger their tantrums and lies get. If you are still with them, if your out and trying to piece it all together, or they’re still trying to destroy you, learn your own truths, start writing things down, stop reacting to them, and start focusing on giving yourself the correct answers, get reading or learning something new to feed your mind the right way, connect with those who’ve experienced it so you know how you’re thinking and feeling is normal and you will recover.

“How can you of all people not understand me.” This is so the narcissist gets you to question yourself and work harder for their attention and approval. So you feel in the wrong and like you need to learn more. Most of us don’t understand them until we learn about them, you can not understand what you don’t know, then when you do understand them, you never want to be around one again.

“You’re just like my ex’s.” Triangulation and to cause fear within you that you might lose them, some might use the “my ex would have.” So you break down your own standards, beliefs and boundaries to keep the narcissists interested not understanding within yourself they are brainwashing to act how they want and not true to who you are. Or it’s the guilt trip so you feel sorry for them and want to be a better person for them. You are a better person, you care and want to help others, the narcissist is not worthy of you.

“If you hadn’t I wouldn’t.” The classic blame shift when they’ve done someone wrong and want you to take all responsibility, to Distort your reality into playing what they’ve done down. Good people can admit their mistakes, we are human, bad people can not, no matter what you have or have not done, there is no excuse for someone else’s the bad treatment of you.

“I’ll change if you help.” This is the one to pull on you’re heartstrings, and suck you back onto helping them, once they’ve succeeded with their pity play, they will be back to hurt you. They can not be helped as they are unwilling to help themselves, however, you can do your personal best in helping others to the point you lose yourself. So now is the time to shift all the time and effort you put into them onto you and build a much happier life for you.

You can and you will recover.

How To Get The Narcissist Thoughts Out Of Your Head.

Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

A narcissist is a parasite and their targets are their host, contrary to most beliefs if the narcissist has got a target and especially if they have not got other sources lined up they don’t actually want to destroy their host completely, narcissistic people have an infectious ability to find a target and attach without the host even knowing they are slowly being infected and destroyed. By the time the host wakes up from the trance, the narcissist has put them under. The host is well and truly infected, feeling like they’ve lost their minds, feeling confused, crazy, like no one will ever understand them. making escape extremely difficult and recovery a step by step process.

How do they do this?

Like all parasites the narcissist lies in wait to find a target hook them in and make them the narcissists host, Usually with the love bombing, showering with affection, mirroring all the targets likes and dislikes. Flattery, charm, the target is led to believe they have met the one.

Once you are hooked, the narcissist subtly and slowly starts to drain everything about your life right out of you, from digs about your flaws, insecurities, vulnerabilities, how you dress, your opinions, feelings, imperfections, making you out to be stupid, never missing an opportunity to to point out your errors, and they reinforce it by doing so continually, the narcissist brainwashes you on so many levels, gaslighting is another one, this is an insidious form of mental abuse, where the narcissist psychological makes you doubt your own reality, blame-shifting, further manipulation so you feel like you are and take all the blame for any problems in the relationship, provoking you so that you believe you are more to blame due to your own reactions. Yet they have also shown you at the beginning of what a good person they can be to make you doubt yourself even more, with silent treatment which is another form of mental torture, you look for what you did wrong and ways to fix it, then beg and plead for forgiveness to end the extreme pain you are feeling within. Again they will show the nice narcissist so you believe it was all your fault, they will borrow money, make excuses for not paying you back. From the time they might have given you something years ago, or you are walking on eggshells and too afraid of their reactions or punishment and the pain you feel within from that punishment to ask, the same goes when they ask for things that break down your boundaries, your afraid of their reaction you give in, or they triangulate you with other people to distort your mind and perceptions so you give in.

The relentless manipulation and constant pressure effect your own judgment and thinking skills. They want to gain control of your mind and your life, and most narcissistic people succeed 100%.

Taking back control of your mind.

The first step is to identify why.

Getting away from the narcissist so you’re no longer listening to them, is the start, of you, do have to see them learning to observe and not absorb their toxic words. Then You have to learn and know what the thoughts are, and that those thoughts are not your own, which is hard to differentiate, especially if they’ve been drilled into you from childhood. Our brains are thinking, we believe it’s our thoughts, sometimes you might recognise the ex’s words, or your parents, talking it through with professionals that can catch you out on your words in a good way can help to recognise them all, or writing them out, it becomes easier as you work through. Thinks like.

“I’m stupid.”

“No one will love me.”

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m insecure.”

“I’m a bad parent.”

“I’m crazy.”

And the rest, those negative self-doubting thoughts that linger in your mind and are affecting your present.

Even when you’ve gone no contact, that thinking can still be your way of life and it holds you back, to fully move on and find your happiness you’ve got to remove all the toxic poison they planted in your own mind, it’s time to stop letting those seeds grow and pull them out by the root one by one.

Whilst we all have insecurities, flaws and vulnerabilities, the narcissistic person will have picked these apart and really broken them down within us. You need to learn to accept those things or change those things, only for you though, no one else you.

Writing down all the negative thoughts you have about yourself, especially those that the narcissist drilled into you, then look for reality that proves otherwise.

“I’m stupid.” We all have our moments of doing things we wish we hadn’t, however, this does not label us as stupid. So look for things you have achieved. Would a stupid person be able to achieve that? No, so you’re not stupid.

“No one will love me.” Ask yourself, why will no one love me? You’re an empathetic, kind, caring loving person, and yes you are, the evidence you fell for and tried you’re best to help a narcissistic person. Write down all your good qualities, start falling in love with yourself and the right people.

“I’m not good enough.” Ask yourself, why am I not good enough? Just because a narcissistic person is not worthy of you, does not mean you’re not worthy. Look again for things you have achieved, people you’ve tried to help even if they sank you. Set your small tasks and prove to yourself you can do them. Little goals add up every day, people can feel not good enough even when they haven’t had a narcissistic relationship, yet the narcissist will use this insecurity against people to make themselves feel better and make you feel worse, you are good enough, find those good qualities within.

“I’m insecure.” Ask yourself, why am I insecure, most likely you were listening to and spoke up about your instincts which were true, to get gaslighted, it’s not insecurities when people are doing the very thing you fear and denying it to you, that’s the reality. Learning who you are and who you want to be, real insecurities are things like, worrying you don’t fit in, which most good people do, and when you open up to the right people, you’ll often find they feel the same and will want to lift you up, just like you want to lift others up, narcissistic people use this against people and make you feel worse about yourself to isolate you. Fear of failure is another real insecurity most people have, and another where narcissistic people and those afraid to fail within themselves. Face the fear and do what’s right for you, most successful person has failed at some point, to fail is just your first attempt in learning. Speak up for you, say how you feel, if people don’t like you, they are the ones with the issue, all good people will understand you and no doubt had similar feelings at some point in their lives.

“I’m a bad person.” Ask yourself, why am I a bad person? Reactive abuse, choices you made, if you look back, either the narcissist pushed your buttons, or you made a choice at that moment with good intentions.

Whatever words the narcissist planted in your mind, start to question them and give yourself the correct answers. Look for evidence to prove those negative thoughts otherwise, and find positive people that will help you to do this.

Your brain has different thinking skills.

Emotional thinking. So when you feel fear, you make a choice on that fear, happy, you make a choice on that happy, thinking with your emotions to decide what you’d like to do, or what emotion you’ll get by doing something.

Logical thinking. So what we say makes sense. ” when I have a shower I get wet.”

Critical thinking. Making a reasoned judgment that is well thought out. Finding the evidence to support the thoughts. Tuning into your criteria thinking skills, to help you see different perceptions, then finding the reality so your logical thinking matches.

So if you can see something is true that’s your logical, if an action or a situation has triggered an emotion you might use your emotional thinking. If you a perceiving something to be true without facts your critical thinking.

You can and you will recover from this.