Narcissists Are Jealous And Envious.

Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

Jealousy is common emotion, and most of us could have been jealous at one point or another in our lives, something you wish you had, a place someone visited that you’d like to go to, in fact, something like that, healthy people will say, “ I’m so jealous I’d love to visit there.” Or “I’d love to have that.” normal human behaviour.

Jealous means, the feeling of resentment towards another’s, achievements or possessions.

Showing of feeling resentment that a partner could be attracted to or involved with someone new.

Protective of our own possessions or rights.

Resentment is usually a feeling of bitterness towards another.

Envy. A feeling of discontentment of someone else, luck, qualities or possession, a desire to have what someone else has.

Sometimes low self-esteem can cause this. To healthy people, jealously means to envy.

With a narcissist, jealous means to envy and to destroy. They have little to no self-esteem. Therefore they are extremely jealous of everything around them, not that they’ll show it to all those around them. Narcissists believe that everyone around them has something they don’t and they want it, no matter what they have, as they don’t have inner happiness they want more to fill that void, not understanding happiness comes from within, they can be jealous of their own children, for a number of reasons main one if the children are getting more attention than themselves, often why when the children do succeed at something, in the narcissists mind it’ll all be down to the narcissist, if that’s the fact they helped them achieve it, or it’s from the narcissists DNA. The narcissist will always try to turn the attention back onto themselves.

Most people deal with their jealously internally, and as they are embarrassed by it, a narcissist will tell those close with comments like “ they must have received an inheritance to afford that.” And things like “ they only got that because someone gave them a hand, I’ve had to do everything for myself.” Please note just because some people say these things. If they don’t have other characteristics, they are not a narcissist, Narcissism is a disorder on a spectrum, and they will have the characteristics even if they show some less than others.

Due to Jealous and envy, a narcissist will try to sabotage, anything and everyone around them, that the narcissist perceives as doing or achieving more than them.

A narcissist believes everything is a competition, that they need to win, they think it’s unfair for others to have something they don’t have. They don’t believe others should be happy, narcissists feel inadequate, in every way about everything, which is why they are so jealous of everything. As a narcissistic person cannot sustain or even achieve self-worth, they have to get it from those around them. Their own reflective coping mechanism, means they have to get it through others, to meet their needs. Either directly through attention or indirectly through contests they create to win. This is to combat their inner self-hatred and their feelings of shame, and they will deny these feelings often to their inner selves and those around them. If they don’t win, they feel that self-hatred and they have to take action to cover it up and make themselves feel better. This is why when they are jealous of sympathy or attention others get, and they will create a smear campaign. Narcissist uses the smear campaign to destroy others so that people don’t help the party the narcissist is jealous of. Good people, tell the truth to the to relevant authorities, to protect themselves, and often find it hard to do so, good people chat to others for help and support, for clarity on things that have happened. Narcissistic people smear names to destroy others, the narcissists smear campaign is mostly based on lies, or twisted truths and it’s designed to ruin that person name, so the attention is directed onto them. They may steal, ruin or destroy others possessions, they will try to control those around them that in their minds are working against them, by simply not having the same opinions and not putting the narcissist first in everything they do. Their attempts to destroy people and items they are jealous of, while these are harmful towards those around them, is the narcissist telling themselves they are!not good enough? So they set out to destroy others to win, thus making themselves feel better. Instead of coping with their inner insecurities and feelings, they project them onto others, this is their coping mechanism, making it someone else’s problem, someone else’s fault. When they feel jealous and envious it triggers shame, which can result in their rage, when they feel jealousy or envy, they will create a defensive scenario in their own heads to deflect this onto others by blaming them of being jealous or envious of the narcissist. It is pitiful to some and scary to others. The lies they tell about you, which is most often actually the things they did to you, or they miss out the part they played, and the smear campaign often isn’t actually about you in the first place, it’s all to validate themselves at the expense of other people.

You can not help a narcissist, by trying to prove they are wrong, the internal makeup in the narcissist has been in them for a long time, it’s nothing you have done, there is nothing you can do. They are not someone who can be fixed with reassurance, and there is nothing you can do for a narcissist to help them. You did not cause it, and you can not change it, most often when you try to help, they will just twist it all around back onto you, again to validate to themselves that they are not the problem, even if to you it makes no sense at all. There is no point in defending yourself to them about motives you do not feel, things that did or did not happen, or emotions you do not feel when they come at you with something. There is no point in explaining your intentions, as they are not interested. You will never be able to prove something to another, who is unable or unwilling to believe it.

One of the cures for jealous is, self-improvement, something a narcissist cannot do for themselves, as they do not see themselves as a problem, It could be pitiful if some weren’t so dangerous.

When it comes to us, we’ve most likely felt jealousy or envy at some point within our lives, yet usually we can be pleased for the other party and try to achieve it for ourselves, as the emotional feeling of jealousy is a good sign you’d like something, yet you would not usually want to bring the others down to achieve it. We are only ever in competition with ourselves and our self-improvement.

Being around narcissistic people, their negativity can rub off onto you. Negativity breeds negativity, and when they promise you the world to not deliver, then they are doing it with a new partner, your sibling, your co-worker, this can trigger jealousy within anyone, with how the narcissist manipulates other.

You can not control the feelings of jealousy and envy when they come in, you can use them to work for you, with narcissist leave then be, with others be pleased for the other person if you can on what they have achieved, feel proud of them if you have children you are often proud of their achievements. Not jealous of them as you love and care for them. Narcissists envy their own children and seek to destroy them.

When you feel any form of envy creeping in using it to work for you, what is it that made you feel jealous or envy? What is it you would like? What steps can you take to achieve it for yourself?

Sometimes life can feel like it’s happening to you, you can change this to make it happen for you. Life can be difficult, and it can seem like one thing comes after you and no sooner are you done with that, another thing is sent your way to deal with.

Don’t let others take advantage of your weaknesses, use your weaknesses to grow you, not easy yet possible.

Use envy, to recognise what you would like for you, and go out there to achieve for you. We are all people, we are all individuals, we are all worthy, and we can all achieve whatever it is we want within our own lives, and start making life work for us.

Remember, with good intentions, and there is no wrong way or right way to live your life.

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The smear campaign.

How narcissistic abuse affects your brain.

Overcoming emotions.

Overcoming Anger And Resentment.

Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

Overcoming any anger and resentment.

You feel angry when someone provokes you in some way, this can often lead to resentment, you have no control over someone else provoking your anger, and most narcissists are great at provoking anger and resentment in others, they know your strengths, they know your weaknesses, they know your insecurities and most will stop at nothing to use each and every one against you. The narcissist will find your most significant wound and rip them wide open, to provoke that anger within you, to get reactions from you, so they can then blame it all on you. We all have things that can make us angry, and it’s a normal human response to certain situations, how we handle that anger, is how we claim control back of our thoughts, our feelings, and our lives.

How do you handle that anger? Do you start an argument? Seek revenge? Do you react to it?

When you react, it gives you a moments release, yet this is often only ever temporary, and then you end up feeling bad for reacting and blame yourself.

When you argue with a narcissist, they will twist the story, take you off-topic and often leave you with nothing resolved and full of self-blame and self-doubt.

When we seek revenge against others, we are the ones left feeling bad; the best attack is healing and moving on with our lives finding our happiness and leaving them in the past with all their negativity.

You can not help them; some people don’t want to be supported no matter how much they ask, some people don’t want to change no matter how many times they say they will, some people will always be stuck on that pattern of repeat, you are not that person.

You can not change them. It’s a tough enough job changing ourselves; only they can change if they ever wish to do so.

When someone tries to provoke you, always remember, retreat, rethink and only respond if you need to do so.

So now you may have learned not to react or to seek revenge when they pull a new stunt, that causes you to feel angry, you can not control what they do, you can control how long you hold onto that anger and how you let it affect you.

You go through three emotional feelings when people provoke you in any way, first is the anger when they provoke you. Then comes the rage when you want to react, then if you react comes to the resentment as you feel bad for how you reacted or held onto that anger.

When you understand they have a disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, you start to take a step back and reevaluate your perspective on it, they don’t have the emotional intelligence to think or feel like others do, they live in constant fear, and fear holds them back, that others will view them for who they indeed are, they act out to make you fear them, and with that fear they keep control over you, they do not have the capacity to put themselves in other shoes, they are quite foolish as they can not find their inner happiness, and have to destroy others, when you realise this then you will start to pity them, you’ll want them nowhere near you. But most get to a point you feel sorry for them.

The A teams great MR T “I pity the fool.”

A Definition of “Pity” Merrian-Webster defines pity as “sympathetic sorrow for one suffering, distressed, or unhappy.”

When you pity someone, you lose the anger, you no longer feel the need to react, and you no longer hold the resentment.

You can not control what someone says to you or does to you, but you can always take control of your reactions, it takes work at first, but it becomes easier, and you can hit that point if you have a wish and have the drive to do so.

How to not react? Remember, it will never hurt the other person as much as it hurts you.

How to lose the resentment? Keeping the thought in your mind that, when you keep hold of all that resentment, you’re allowing someone to live in your mind without paying any rent. Use pattern interrupt and shift them straight back out of your headspace.

There is nothing wrong with anger, and it’s a human reaction when you’re provoked, served to actually protect you, when you react. However, you often feel guilt, shame or resentment for how you reacted, which last a lot longer than that temporary relief from reactions. Narcissists live with that inner shame on a daily basis, why they must project onto others, gain the reaction, blame others for reacting thus removing the guilt from themselves, yet it’s only a temporary fix.

Living with those negative emotions daily delivers us a negative life, we can learn to shift that, live to find the things to be grateful for, live for joy and live a much happier life.

Don’t feel guilty when you feel angry, just process that anger the right way.

They can not fix who they are, and you can not fix who they are. You can, however, fix how you feel, for a far happier more full filling life.

It all takes time, it takes work, and it takes effort if you keep going with a mindset of where you want to be you will get there, have a belief in you.

Always be cautious about the narcissists. Do not ever stop living how you want because of them, but if you fail to prepare, then prepare to fail, so always keep your awareness up and stay safe, most will not act out, but you do need to be vigilant around those with no empathy.

Remember as soon as you start to feel that anger rise within you, stop and find something to be grateful for, to be happy about, sometimes that makes you proud, or makes you laugh, or hold your head high tell yourself. ”I’m not feeling that way.” and smile, it’s hard to feel anger when we all looking at things that make us smile, or think of something you want to create in your future, it’s hard to feel resentment from the past when we are looking forward to a happier future.

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Click the link below for the full online course to help you understand and overcome narcissistic abuse, with a link inside to free access for the hidden online support group, with daily advice and support from me, alongside other survivors doing the course.

free online starter course for help with overcoming narcissistic abuse.

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Pattern interrupt.

Overcoming insecurities.

Don’t argue with a narcissist.

Forgivness Is Always For Your Own Peace Of Mind.

Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

Can you forgive a narcissist for everything they put you through?

Do you want to forgive them and move forward with your own life?

You are an individual, first of all, forgiveness is for yourself, you have to forgive your own mistakes before you forgive the other party, don’t forget them, learn from them and take those lessons with you, you never know when you might need them.

How, do you forgive someone who’s not even sorry? How do you forgive someone who hurt you so much and continues to try to do so?

You are an individual, if you want to forgive them or not is up to you, again forgiving them, is not for them, you can not tell them you forgive them, they don’t see themselves as the problem, you forgive them for you. Just because you forgive someone doesn’t make their actions towards you right, forgive them for you, let them go their own path in life without you, while you move forward in your future much happier without them.

When you spend your life holding grudges against you, that did you wrong, it can keep you locked in that negative mindset and the past, forgiveness is always for you to move on and create a better future for yourself, when we don’t forgive, they still have a hold over our thinking, when we forgive those who seek to harm us, they no longer have any control over us, when we can learn to no longer care about the things they did to us, it releases the pain of our past hurts, so we can heal and move on, is it easy? Not always. So we want to? Not all of us. Is forgiveness worth it? Yes.

You can not forgive what you don’t understand, understanding what makes narcissists do what they do, it will never excuse their abusive ways towards others, forgiveness doesn’t mean they are not accountable for their actions, even if they don’t see that they are. When you understand they have a personality disorder, when you understand something made them that way, and they can not change, when you understand they have a problem, they have an addiction, that even most of them do not understand.

You will understand that they are broken and they can not be fixed, as you’ve probably tried time and time again to help them. You can not expect your broken mobile phone to work like a fully functioning mobile phone. Once you understand they are broken, you adjust your expectations of them, what they are and are not capable of doing and understanding within themselves.

When you understand the narcissists level of capacity for understanding, when you learn not everyone has the capability to change, the capacity to love or be loved, the capacity to have empathy for others, that not everyone has the capacity to understand their faults and to take action to change them.

When you expect someone to love others who are incapable of love, you will be the one that’s frustrated for the rest of your life, so you have to understand, they are incapable of loving themselves as they do not know who they indeed are, they are incapable of loving others and they are incapable of caring for others.

They can only fake it, and that falseness cannot last, for something to last it needs to me meant.

When you expect someone to take on board your thoughts and your feeling which they can not even understand their own, when you expect someone to think on a gallon level but only have the capacity to think on a pint level, you will be frustrated for the rest of your life.

When you understand them for who they are, forgive them for not being able to do anything about it, forgive your self for not understanding, then you can move forward with your own life of inner peace and happiness, you can, if you want to build yourself back up. Be the bigger person, be happy, something you have to understand they will never be able to do. Forgiveness is for you, and only you. As to a narcissist, they will never be the problem.

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Click the link below for the full online course to help you understand and overcome narcissistic abuse, with a link inside to free access for the hidden online support group, with daily advice and support from me, alongside other survivors doing the course.

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Overcoming guilt.

The Female Narcissist Friend.

Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

All relationships are about to give and take; sometimes it might be 50/50 and others 90/10 depending on if one is more at need at any given time, then it might go to 40/60 and 10/90 or back to 50/50 etc.

Most people do have narcissistic traits, that doesn’t make people a narcissist. So if your friend meets someone, you might see less of them for a while, yet if you were in need, they would be there for you, mutual respect and understanding of each other’s needs. Most friendships survive the odd disagreement or misunderstanding, and healthy friendships understand that, jobs, family and life, can sometimes get in the way, yet even if you’ve been busy for weeks or months without each other when all is going well, you know you could call them in an emergency, and they’d be there as would you them, the give and take, you might often think of each other, meaning to send that message, yet for whatever reason you don’t at that moment, and the next time you remember it’s late at night. Or you might spend most days or weeks together. However, it is, there is that give and take.

Signs of a female narcissist friend.

Female narcissists lack empathy, believe they are entitled and manipulate to exploit others to meet their own needs.

Deep down all Narcissists have an extremely low to possibly even no sense of authentic self, they are often very envious people, they have very fragile egos and are insecure, so they have to mask all of this, by playing victim or being grandiose, covert or overt narcissist, It’s all an act to cover up how damaged they genuinely are and how envious they are of those around them, it’s all a defence mechanism. It’s nothing to do with you, and it is not anything you have done, they have a disorder it’s who they are, the disorder is a reason behind their behaviour, it’s never an excuse to be abusive towards others.

The female friend will use manipulation, and gaslighting, they’ll be charming, they’ll raise you up, they’ll be your soulmate, as we do have many ’soulmates’, a soulmate isn’t just a lover they are people you connect with and have a deeper understanding of each other, unfortunately a narcissist is a con artist so they will match all your likes and dislikes in the idolisation stage, then once you genuinely, love, care and respect them, they’ll deliver you a nightmare and take you for all that you are and all that you have, devaluing you with lies, intimidation and invalidating your opinions, your beliefs, how you dress, what you are capable of or they will put you down and say things like ” I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” or ” I don’t think they like you in that way.” or ”you can not do that.” often then as you pull away they’ll offer that idolisation stage back, so you doubt your instincts, and if you question them like most narcissists it’ll be things like. ”you misunderstood me, it wasn’t like that.” or ” I was just thinking of you.” then words like ”why are you so sensitive.”

The female will most often be obsessed with achievements, status and money, they often want to be successful, although not all are, and those who are not successful, will play the woe is me. ”if only they.” or ”if only you.” always blaming those around them and never looking at their authentic selves. Whatever they have, it’s never enough, and they always want more to try and fill a void they never can, as they are filling it in the wrong way.

They often like to spend money theirs or not, not all, but most female narcissists want to hook up with someone who has money, be it a partner or friend.

Females want to brag and flaunt, everything they’re getting from their male partner. Brag about anything new they have, and put down anything you have achieved.

Most female narcissists want to be the centre of attention, due to needing to feel validated and cover up their low self-esteem. If that’s getting attention by being superior or playing the victim and requiring support, now good people can do well for themselves and if they don’t have at least five of these characteristics they are not a narcissist, or if they need support from a traumatic past if they don’t have at least five, they do possibly just need gentle guidance. The main things to look out for are. Do they lack genuine empathy? Do they exploit others, do they believe that they are indeed entitled, whether they have earned it or not.

1. Exaggerating achievements and talents.

2. Preoccupied with ultimate success. Lives in a fantasy world of power, control, dominance, brilliance.

3. Superiority. Believing they are special and above all others.

4. Entitled. Feels entitled to have all their own needs met, demanding, manipulative and controlling.

5. Excessive admiration. A constant need for excessive admiration.

6. Exploits others. Takes advantage and manipulates others to get their own needs met.

7. Lack of empathy. Can not truly connect with how others are feeling.

8. Envious and jealous. Hate people who have something they want, also believing others are envious of them.

9. Arrogant. An exaggerated sense of their own abilities and behaviours.

Female narcissists believe they are better than everyone else, and people will look up to them and be envious of them.

They are just showing superficial and false things to cover their inner feelings. It’s mostly false.

With a female narcissist, they are often bitchy, and a bully.

Most women will have had a moment of gossiping, and not feeling so good for doing it, that’s normal, we can all gossip. You will have a moment and think, nope I shouldn’t be judging, and gossiping and feel awful for doing so.

With a female narcissist, they will gossip about anyone and everyone they do not care, and they are bully’s, it’s just to make her feel better about herself, you get something new, they’ll get something better, they enjoy bringing others down. Even if they’re not a narcissist someone who consistently puts others down, is basically screaming out their own insecurities.

They will triangulate friends, playing them off against each other to divide and conquer, if you say ”no” they’ll say that ok Susan will, they will tell you that your mutual friend talks about you behind your back. They will try to gossip with you about that person, and then they will try to gossip with then about you.

If a mutual friend asks the narcissist to let you know about an event, they might not let you know, telling that other friend you didn’t want to attend. They will make friends feel uncomfortable around each other, and play the, ”I’m not going if you invite Susan.” then give you a lie on something Susan did, so you believe Susan to be unkind.

Female friends, as most narcissistic people do, enjoy putting others down, to make themselves feel better.

Female narcissistic friends can be passive-aggressive and cut others down because they are jealous of you. Because you’ve got quality’s, they can never have. They can not see the damage they do towards others as their fault, they can’t self-reflect and change themselves, they cannot accept accountability, and they have to blame others. They believe they are perfect, and it’s others that are at fault.

Female Friends are willing to find and to make a golden friend, a scapegoat friend, a forgotten friend, and depending on their need can switch these around.

Female Friends will idolise, devalue, smear and discard.

Female Friends will suck all your happiness from you; they will take all your joy; they will try to send you crazy; they want to take all your qualities and leave you with theirs.

They can spend weeks or months turning up at your home unannounced, wanting to borrow things, chat about their problems, then the next poof they are gone, spending the next few months leeching off another friend, then once they’ve used them up, they’ll be back to drain you.

Conversations often end up being all about them, so if the conversation started about you, whatever is happening in your life, it will soon get turned onto the narcissists life experiences, they will have always had worse, or had better, seen more or done more, say more and know more than you do.

As we grow friends do get busy, good friends will make time for you if needed, they not just swing by to use you.

So to sum up the signs of a female friend on the narcissist Personality Disorder spectrum.

1. They drain you.

2. Their way is the only way.

3. They gossip about others.

4. They put you down.

5. They are never genuinely happy for you.

6. Not there when you need them the most.

7. They never stand up for you.

8. Act like you are attacking them if you offer advice.

9. Their opinions are correct, and all others are invalid.

10. Generous to start, then after a while, all they do is take.

11. Only want to spend time with you, if and when it suits them.

12. Topics of conversation are usually what they want to talk about.

How to handle narcissistic friends.

1. If you choose to stay friends with someone who could have a narcissistic personality disorder, think about why you want to be friends with them? What do you benefit from that friendship? And what do they? This isn’t to be hurtful to them, and this is to protect yourself and your inner happiness, if you genuinely don’t want to remove them from your life then set realistic expectations, of what you will and will most likely not get from the friendship.

2. Learn to observe their toxic behaviour and not absorb.

3. Set clear boundaries, and once you’ve said no, stick with your no.

4. Don’t defend yourself to them, and they will most often twist the topic and provoke an argument, explain once and only if you need to do so.

5. Don’t take what they say or do personally, remember you did not cause it, you can not change it, and you can not control them, it’s who they are, and as they have every right to be who they are, you have every right to be who you are.

6. Limit the time you spend around them if you are always left drained, or hurt after spending time with them, cut down that time.

7. No contact with a narcissist is always best, sometimes it’s not possible and others it’s hard going no contact, but by removing negative, hurtful people from your life, that bring you down, let you down and continue to hurt you. You can make way for more like-minded friendships.

Whoever the narcissist or narcissists are in your life, the way in which you handle them is the same.

Video on how not to argue.

Video on observing don’t absorb.


Video on no contact.

Join me on social media.







Click the link below for the full online course to help you understand and overcome narcissistic abuse, with a link inside to free access for the hidden online support group, with daily advice and support from me, alongside other survivors doing the course.

free online starter course for help with overcoming narcissistic abuse.

Help with Overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety online course.

All about the narcissist Online course.

For 1-2-1 Coaching with me, email @