How To Know You’ve Hurt The Narcissist?

A Narcissist will blame you for everything that goes wrong while accusing you of blaming them.

How to know you’ve hurt a narcissist? They devalue and discard you.

Narcissists love bomb to influence you into believing and trusting them, so when they punish you, they can blame you, and you doubt yourself because every now and again, the narcissist treats you right.

Narcissistic people mirror and future fake, leading you to believe they want the same things as you, they treat you well, and you reciprocate, they message constantly. You message back, they call you answer, they want to spend time with you, and you do them, then they become envious of you spending time with your friends and family, they become resentful and seek to sabotage this, they can simply cause arguments, accuse you of cheating, accuse you of caring more about others than you do them, they can claim they had a surprise and don’t remember you telling them you were out with friends, they slowly isolate you from friends and family, then they pull back from you, they start going out more, as you’re alone and becoming more dependent on them, you might find yourself begging for their time, to which a narcissist will accuse you of being possessive. A narcissist will drop their friends, then go crawling back, smearing your name, claiming you wouldn’t leave them alone, you’re obsessed with them, they’re concerned for your mental health.

Narcissistic people are easily hurt, and it’s nothing you do. It’s their own deeply hidden insecurities. When they feel hurt, they seek to devalue you and make you feel less than them so that they can feel better about themselves. They seek to make you feel inferior so that they can feel superior, and then they seek to see how much you’ll put up with.

As you’ve been repeatedly told you’re not good enough, you’ll never amount to anything. You couldn’t do it without them. You’ll never find anyone like them. You become so anxious and depressed, full of insecurities and anxieties, that you don’t think you deserve any better. They make you feel so stupid that you start to believe you are the problem. They make you feel small so that they can feel significant, important and in charge of you.

Narcissists are envious of your happiness and success, and they seek to destroy those for you while simultaneously blaming you. “If it wasn’t for you, you made me do it.” They lack the empathy to recognise your pain and suffering. They only care for their own and don’t believe others deserve happiness.

Once a narcissist has sunk you, they up and leave you. They discard you. However, when they see you doing better without them, they suddenly want you back. Narcissists discard to punish you for not being there for them. They don’t care that you needed them. They discard you because you’re no longer playing their games. After all, you no longer have the energy to fight back, they discard because they’re no longer getting the supply they need from you.

Narcissistic people, devalue or discard to punish you as they believe you’ve hurt them. You go no contact, and they seek to punish you because your no contact hurts their feelings. You stay in contact. They seek to punish you to test how much you’ll put up with. You can not win with a narcissist.

You fall silent. It criticises their ego, and they seek to punish you. They’re allowed to fall silent on you. However, you must never fall silent on them.

How to know if you’ve hurt a narcissist, they devalue you, they smear your name, they discard you, they want to make you feel small so that they can feel big?

What hurts a narcissist.

Losing control over you criticises their sense of entitlement to own you.

Exposure criticises their grandiose persona that they’ve spent time getting others to believe. They seek to gaslight you.

Being ignored criticises their belief that they are special and deserve special attention. They might provoke to gain reactions from you.

Indifference, this criticises their arrogance that they believe they’re right and all others are wrong. They could throw the word salad your way to confuse you.

Asking them something they don’t know criticises their arrogance, that they know better than all others, and they seek to humiliate you.

Not putting them first, criticises their sense of entitlement. They seek to make you feel guilty whenever you don’t put them first in everything you do.

When you walk away from them, criticises their entitlement to you, and they might see to hoover you back in, so they can punish and discard you.

Your success triggers the narcissist’s envy, and they seek to sabotage your success in any way they can.

Your happiness triggers their envy and belief they are special. You should only be happy because of them. They seek to sabotage your happiness, then rescue you, to which they’ll demand eternal gratitude.

Not praising their arrogance, criticising their beliefs that they are special, the persona they’re selling to the world to gain that attention, they seek to devalue you, mock, humiliate, criticise and belittle you if you don’t admire them.

Moving on, the biggest criticism of a narcissist as they don’t believe you’re anything without them, and they seek to try and control how others see you.

Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Why Do Narcissists Need To Put You Down.

Narcissistic people seek to devalue you and make you feel inadequate and undervalued so that the narcissist feels valid. Narcissistic people seek to make you feel inferior so they can feel superior. They want to make you feel small so that they can feel big.

A narcissist will compare you to others. They’ll question your credibility in front of others. They’ll mock you, invalidate you when you wish to try something new they’ll say “do you really think you can do that?” When they learn you’re trying to lose weight, narcissistic people are the type of people that will bake you a cake, then get offended when you don’t eat the cake they spent hrs to make, to make you feel bad. They’ll offer you that cigarette when trying to quit. When you are cutting back on the alcohol intake, they’ll need you to go for a drink with them.

Narcissistic people put you down, creating negative feelings within you that don’t just last at the moment. They have a negative psychological effect on how you see yourself. Often you begin seeing yourself in a negative light, and you can even start to see the world negatively.

Constantly being belittled and invalidated can cause your mood to drop, your shoulders to slump, and you have a negative outlook on life, to which a narcissist will say, “who’d want to spend time with you.” When they fail to take you somewhere, they once promised to take you.

Narcissists indirectly indicate that your thoughts, feelings, opinions and abilities are invalid. They make you feel not enough, often dysregulating your emotions, to which they invalidate your emotional state of mind further by claiming, “you’re too sensitive, you’re insecure, you’re overreacting, you can’t take a joke, stop being so serious,” making you feel like your not enough and you’re going crazy.

Narcissistic people point out your faults, flaws, weakness and mistakes, and once they’ve got you worried about those, they’ll create more. “Do you really think you should wear that?” Or “I wouldn’t do that if I was you.” They do this so they don’t have to look at their own inadequacies. They make you feel bad, so they feel better. Once you’re self-conscious, you become weaker and limited, to which a narcissist will devalue you to see just how much you’ll put up with, and to the narcissist, it’s not their behaviour which is wrong. It’s your fault for putting up with their unbelievably hurtful behaviour.

When you want to achieve in life, a narcissist will deceive, they’ll covertly sabotage you any way they can to bring you down, any achievement you’ve made a narcissist will talk about what they’ve done better always one-upping you, any suffering the narcissist will bring the conversation back around to how they’ve suffered worse.

Narcissists don’t want to see you do well. They don’t want to help you succeed. They want to drag you down, to see how much you’ll put up with it, to prove to themselves you’re not perfect. They don’t take responsibility. They view it as you’re no better than them.

Narcissistic people are envious of others. They don’t have the empathy to see others suffering, only their own. They don’t believe others deserve happiness. They think, “what makes them so special.” and seek to make you feel stupid to feel like you’re an idiot. Narcissists aren’t pleased when you achieve something. They think that’s not fair. Why isn’t it working out for me, and seek to destroy it for you. They’re envious of your happiness and your success, so they destroy it and blame you for it.

Their envy means they often compare themselves to others, becoming bitter and resentful. However, they don’t take responsibility for this. Instead, they compare you to others, the narcissists projection, and accuse you of being insecure.

Narcissists seek to sabotage you as they’re envious of your success. Therefore they don’t want to watch you succeed. They want to covertly help you fail. Narcissists are cynical and bitter, they devalue others to make others feel worthless so the narcissist can feel better within themselves, narcissists put you down, which not only upsets you at that time it changes how you view yourself so you have more negative emotions and less positive emotions, to which the narcissist will blame all your problems on your negative emotional state, they project “your bitter, you’re jealous.” which can lead you to feeling like the narcissistic one, narcissists are contemptuous people, if they don’t feel validated it dysregulates their emotions, thereby making them feel less than, therefore they seek to pull you down to raise themselves up, narcissists don’t feel enough, so they strive to make you feel unworthy, so they can feel enough, they seek to point out your flaws, so they don’t have to pay attention to their own, they’re envious of others, they don’t believe others deserve what they don’t have, they lack the empathy to be aware of others suffering, they just think it’s unfair you have something they don’t, they don’t believe you deserve it and seek to take it, narcissists aim down and they aim to take you down with them to prove their vision of people as correct, to prove to themselves you’re not better than them, if a narcissist doesn’t want or cant do something, they’re going to make sure you can’t either. Their arrogance means if you do well, they’ll top what you’ve done if you’ve suffered, they’ve suffered worse. If you try, they’ll sabotage to prove to themselves you are no better than them. Yet, they don’t recognise their inadequacies. They create yours. They pull you down to see if you’ll put up with it so they don’t have to take responsibility because, to them, you’re the one who failed, not them.

Recovery tips.

Stand tall, raise your shoulders, lift your head, only compare yourself to who you were yesterday, lose those who seek to drag you down with them, and talk to yourself about how you speak to those you care about and desire to help.

Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

5 Manipulative Ways Narcissists Get What They Want From You.

Narcissistic people use many different mind games to get their needs met by you, often by gaslighting you. Gaslighting causes psychological trauma to our minds. The gaslighter creates a false narrative which distorts our reality, gets us questioning our experience, our thoughts and our feeling, and leaves us second guessing ourselves through the narcissists blame-shifting, where we are led to believe by the narcissist that we are the sole problem and the narcissist does no wrong, through the narcissist’s projection, which is a mixture of the narcissist blame-shifting and gaslighting, whereby the narcissist will project all their faults, flaws, failings, insecurities and mistakes over to us, leaving us full of self-doubt, and second-guessing ourselves.

This can lead to brain fog, where we genuinely believe we are the problem and we are going crazy. The narcissist’s mind games often leave us living in fear not only of the narcissist but also of ourselves, fear of doing or saying the wrong thing, fear of being misunderstood, and fear of not being enough. Obligation, feeling Indebted and obligated to serve the narcissist’s needs, often forgetting about our own, feeling obliged to help the narcissist out, and guilt, feeling guilty for doing everyday things that many people do, feeling like we’re letting them down, feeling like we’re hurting their feelings if we don’t do as they please.

Five manipulative ways a narcissist will confuse you to get their needs met by you.

1. Flattery insincere compliments and praise.

A narcissist will come at you with those insincere compliments. They will come at you with “ you look nice today.” they will say things such as “you look really good today.” right before they ask something of you, be it asking you to do something for them, or asking if you mind if they go somewhere, even though they promised to do something with you, future faking, where they promise you something to get their needs met in the present. Once their needs are met, they find a way of getting out of that promise they once made to you, usually done in a manner that makes you feel bad if you were to try and hold them accountable. They butter you up with insincere compliments right before they pull the rug from beneath you and let you down again. However, by trying to hold them accountable, they’ll accuse you of being “selfish.” or claim you’re “always making it about you.” so again, you feel bad, and they continue to hurt you.

With their insincere flattery, they might promise to do something for you that you don’t enjoy doing. If you do something for them that they don’t enjoy, however, once you have done it for them, they let you down, yet they do it in a manner of. “You do it far better than I would. Would you mind? I’m really tired.” so you feel obligated to do it for them. They stroke your ego to get out of doing things for you. At the same time, you slowly find yourself doing everything for them, call them out, and they’ll twist it to “if you loved me, you would.” to get you feeling bad for not doing for them, the very things they’re unwilling to do for you.

2. Coercion, threats, blackmail, intimidation.

A narcissist will ask something of you that perhaps you feel uncomfortable in doing, lying for them, covering for them. When you say no, this criticises the narcissist’s sense of entitlement, and they seek to punish you, so they might overtly, directly threaten you. “If you don’t, I will.” so if you don’t do action A, they will take action B, which will cause you pain. However, A can cause you pain. Or the covert indirect of “what if.” then something bad, yet again call them out, they’ll claim to be joking, or state you’re overreacting, to make you feel paranoid.

Intimidation, they might covertly just stand in the doorway, blocking the doorway, so you feel uncomfortable. They might just get in your space, not say or do anything directly intimidating, just get in your face. Or overtly, directly, stand over you, shout at you. To place fear within you to do as they say, call them out, they’ll claim you’re in the wrong, overthinking or paranoid.

Blackmail, most people have made mistakes, done things they’re not proud of, confided in those they’re close to, a narcissistic person will feel no shame in using your secrets against you, they’ll ask something from you, you say no, they’ll come at you with. “What if your family knew.” they’re going to put you in a compromising position to get their needs met by you as they lack the empathy to care for you.

3. The silent treatment.

When one person has hurt another person, the hurt person can fall silent as they process their thoughts. When a narcissist doesn’t get their entitlement met, this causes their psychological pain, and they seek to punish you for everyday things. You could simply have a friend’s birthday coming up, as the narcissist feels contempt towards this friend, believing you think the friend is more important than the narcissist, meaning the narcissist might sulk before you go. If a narcissist isn’t happy ain’t nobody going to be happy, you’ll often find once a narcissist has dampened your mood, the narcissist feels smug, narcissists get pleasure out of your pain, if you go, they’ll be silent on you return, to punish you, get you questioning what you did, as surely they can’t fall silent because you went to celebrate a friends birthday, right. Wrong, a narcissist is going to punish you for celebrating somebody else’s birthday. Yet ask them, and they’ll claim it’s not that. It’s because you’re selfish. A narcissist will cheat on you and then claim it’s because you weren’t giving them enough attention. Narcissists use silence to punish while blaming you for their inability to communicate their feelings because they don’t want to be exposed as requiring excessive attention, feeling entitled or feeling envious. Instead, they’ll fall silent and blame you.

4. Playing the victim.

Be it the vulnerable narcissist that’s going to ask you to do something that you either don’t have time to do or you don’t want to do. You say no, the narcissist is going to turn round and say, “after all I’ve done for you. You won’t do this one thing for me.” Now non-narcissistic people can find themselves saying this usually because they’ve done so much for the other person. When the puzzle starts to click, they can stand back and think, after all I’ve done for them, they won’t do this one simple thing for me. With a narcissist, you’ll find yourself doing absolutely everything for them while they do the bare minimum for you. Yet claim you do nothing for them. You will find yourself doing more and more for them as they do less and less for you.

A grandiose narcissist might proclaim you’re not doing that for me and then list a lot of people that would potentially do that for them, again, to get you to question yourself, and they might even turn round and say, well, if you loved me you would.

5. Logical reasoning.

This is when a narcissist might have promised to do something for you. If you did something for them, they would make dinner for you when they came home. They come home and say, “you’re so much better at making dinner than I am. I’ve had a really bad day, a really long day. My back is really hurting me. Would you mind making dinner? I know I said I would. Still, I promise I’ll do it next time.” Only next time rarely to never comes, and as people can genuinely have backaches, we find ourselves justifying, rationalising, sympathising with them, trying our best to help them out, not recognising that they are taking advantage of us. They are exploiting our compassion towards their tail of woes that we can’t see what they’re doing so that the narcissist can get away with their behaviour.

Narcissistic people have a way of getting you to do things for them out of fear, out of obligation or out of guilt, and when you don’t do something for them, they will find a way to shame you, criticise you and blame you and punish you for not serving their sense of entitlement as they believe that you should do, often leaving you feeling like you’re going crazy and feeling confused to which a narcissist will accuse you of going crazy when you try to point them out one of their behaviours.

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – A life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

7 Signs They Don’t Care About You.

When it comes to dealing with narcissistic people, due to their very nature and exploitative behaviour, it’s difficult to see if they care or not due to their many covert manipulative mind games to distract us from who they are. Their behaviour is often covert as it’s hidden from us. Narcissistic people are incredibly deceptive. They sell you an illusion of who they can be, based on the information they’ve gained from us of who we’d like them to be, then they will love bomb, idealise, mirror and future fake to hide the fact they lack the empathy actually to care for us, here are seven red flags that they don’t care.

1. They don’t do favours for you.

Narcissistic people don’t do favours for anyone other than themselves, which is why it’s so confusing when they do something for you, something you might have not even asked them to do, leading you to believe that they care. However, they will one day use this as currency against you to emotionally manipulate you. When they ask something from you, and you say no, they don’t respect your no. Instead, they say, “after I did that for you.” Or “after I let you.” To guilt you into changing your no into a yes to serve them, they’ll even accuse you of not caring for them, so you’re the one left feeling inadequate, not seeing what they’re trying to do to you, playing with your emotions. Narcissistic people will only do a favour for anyone if it somehow benefits themselves, like the image they’re trying to sell to others.

2. They don’t care about your needs.

Narcissistic people are preoccupied with themselves. They’re self-entitled and exploitative. They don’t care about what you need unless they need something from you. They can act like they care when it suits a need of their own. However, when you need something from them, they’ll disappear on you and tell you to “deal with it.” Accuse you of being selfish, demanding, or stubborn, yet when they need something from you, and you don’t do it straight away, they’ll accuse you of not caring about them, so you feel guilty and want to prove you care, failing to recognise they don’t care for you.

3. They don’t know the little things about you.

Narcissistic people lack the empathy to care and are arrogant enough to believe they already know everything, as they don’t care, they’re not interested in the little things about you, unless they can use these things against you, they find a thing you’d like to do, and claim they’ll do it with you, future faking, once their need has been met, they forget about that promise they once made to you, if you bring it up, they claim they never said that you imagine things, if you weren’t so demanding they’d want to spend time with you, so you’re left feeling hurt and bad for chasing them, changing yourself to suit them, not recognising all they do is suit themselves.

4. They put the minimum effort.

Narcissistic people will put the bare minimum effort in, sending generic messages, taking you somewhere they want to go, picking up generic gifts, not doing much for you, claiming they’re tired, had a bad day, you know what they’re like in a morning, yet they expect you to put maximum effort in for them, they’ll avoid taking you to important medical appointments (unless they can play the hero.) yet they expect you to chauffeur them.

5. They don’t talk with you.

Narcissistic people don’t talk with you. They talk at you. You might ask how their day has been. If they want to talk, they will. If they don’t, they’ll be silent, leaving you questioning what’s wrong, what you have done and chasing them. However, if they talk, they’ll want acknowledging for their achievements or sympathetic attention for their problems, they might even ask how your day has been, yet they’ll interrupt you, and bring it back onto themselves if you ask about this they’ll accuse you of making it all about you, exactly what the narcissist is doing to you, making it about them, yet if you push the topic they’ll accuse you of not being interested in them, so you question yourself and not their behaviour.

6. They don’t remember the good times.

Narcissistic people focus on what you haven’t done, failed to do, or didn’t do good enough. With their insecurities, they seek to pull others down to feel superior to themselves. No matter how much you do for them, it’s never enough for a narcissist. However, if they want something from you, they’ll come at you with “remember when I.” If they’re trying to hoover you back in, they claim. “We were so good together, remember when.” Which is often something in the love bombing or intermittent reinforcement stage, or when they did for you because they wanted something from you. When you don’t take the bait, a narcissist will accuse you of being ungrateful.

7. They’ed rather impress a stranger than care for their own family.

Narcissistic people don’t do responsibility. They do deception, and their family might not know who they are; however, due to the toxic nature of the narcissist, their families might no longer admire the narcissist as the narcissist feels entitled, or the narcissist might seek to punish the family for not attending to the narcissist. “ if you’d had paid me more attention.” However, no matter how much attention you give a narcissist, it’s never enough for a narcissist, so they seek it elsewhere because those who are unaware are easily influenced be the narcissists charismatic charm or victim plays, admiring the narcissist or feeling sorry for the narcissist, giving the narcissist the attention that the narcissist believes they’re not getting at home.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook.

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram.

On Pinterest.

On LinkedIn.

The courses Elizabeth Shaw has available.

The full course.

Click here for the full course to help you understand and break free from narcissistic abuse. 

The free course.

Click here to join the free starter guide to breaking free from narcissistic abuse. 

Help with overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety.

Click for help overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here for more information about narcissist personality disorder. 

Recovery from narcissistic abuse and help with Co-Parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery and co-parenting with a toxic ex. 

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with (Sponsored.) BetterHelp. where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse. 

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading.