Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People, Rule 3 Don’t.

The best way forward after any kind of narcissistic relationship is no contact, which is not always easy and not always possible.

A narcissist isn’t going to learn how to treat us right. Only how to manipulate us by treating us right when they want something from us; therefore, when we can’t go no contact, we need to learn just how to handle ourselves best when around them. Limited contact is always best after no contact.

So rule 3 for dealing with narcissistic people is don’t.

Do not deal with them. At all costs, avoid them, avoid seeing them, avoid spending time with them, avoid communicating with them, avoid their games, avoid their traps, avoid eye contact especially in a court situations, avoid the narcissist, and act like they’re not in the room, they don’t exist, direct all answers to those who are asking if the narcissist is asking, direct answers to the judge and look at the judge.

Avoid dealing with narcissistic people at all costs to protect your psychological health.

Narcissistic people can be some of the most self-entitled people you could ever meet, that with their exploitative behaviour, willingness to manipulate situations in their favour, the narcissist seeking adoration and lacking empathy to care for others, you do need to be careful when no longer dealing with narcissistic people, they can take your lack of attention as criticism and seek to punish you.

When it’s one person in a friendship group you don’t often see, one family member that you might only see at another family member’s special occasion, it’s going to be easier to implement the don’t deal rule.

When it’s someone you live with, you need to be careful as those with high characteristic traits of seeking adoration, exploration, entitlement, and lack of empathy you need to be extremely cautious around. As sometimes, when you stop dealing with a narcissist, the narcissist will double down. They’ll escalate their games to get something from you.

Narcissists require attention from others to fill their own perceived inadequacy’s. As the narcissist is struggling internationally, which you can not help them with, they need to help themselves. However, they don’t want to. They seek to help themselves to other people’s stuff. Narcissistic people help lift themselves up by tearing others down. Therefore due to the narcissist’s own internal struggles, they require that attention, adoration, recognition and praise from outside sources of supply, and they learn what supply they can gain what attention from.

Narcissists aren’t interested in how you’re feeling. They’re interested in how they’re feeling, so if you have a special occasion coming up that the narcissist isn’t going to be the centre of attention of, feels envious of, they’re going to seek to extract negative emotions from within you. They’re going to seek to frustrate you by delaying you, anger you by taunting you, invalidate you by mocking you, hurt you by ignoring you, confuse you by humiliating you, and make you feel insecure to destroy your confidence.

When a narcissist isn’t happy, they’re going to go all out to make all those around them feel unhappy. Then once the narcissist has got you there, they’ll suddenly be ok again and ask. “Are you having a bad day?” “Wow, you’ve got a temper.” To further frustrate you, yet the more you feel worse, the happier the narcissist becomes as they’ve passed all their negative feelings over to you.

A narcissist will play the hero to gain admiration. They’ll be your saviour, to later down the line use those very things against you, “after all I’ve done for you?” A narcissist will play the victim to a reality they created to gain that compassion and sympathetic attention “if it wasn’t for them.” To pull on people’s compassion.

A narcissist will be controversial for controversies’ sake just to create an argument between people. They will blame, shame, ridicule, and judge others to feel better about their own insecurities. Their own inadequacy also to creat self-doubt within those around them, then a narcissist can scapegoat one person to take the fall for the narcissist’s behaviour, so the narcissist can get away with their behaviour or getting everyone to talk badly of one person, it creates a smugness within the narcissist. The narcissist feels superior when they get away with their behaviour.

A narcissist will exaggerate, they will exaggerate achievements to gain adoration, they will exaggerate traumas to gain compassion, and a narcissist will guilt trip others to get their needs met by others.

A narcissist will go all out go create drama, conflict, and absolute chaos and then they’ll stand back and watch the show.

A narcissist will bait, provoke, and goad people, a narcissist will do all they can to get people going, and once the other people have lost all control of their manipulated emotions, the narcissist will act all calm and smug.

They will lie, cheat and steal, then deny or knowledge or shift the blame over to you or those around you.

A narcissist will go around complaining about anything, everything and simply nothing at all just to find something to complain about. Food too hot, too cold, too hard, too soft, too early to late, whatever you do, it’ll not be enough, and it’ll not be right.

As one of the criteria of narcissism is seeking excessive admiration, the best way to deal with them is don’t. The more you give, the more they want, the more you don’t deal with them, and the more likely it is they’ll leave you alone. If they’ve got what they wanted in the past, they might double down with their manipulation. The longer you don’t fall for it, the sooner a narcissist will leave you alone.

Those who suffer with eczema, they might need, different diets, creams and oils, but if they leave the eczema well alone, it usually heals on its own, depending on the severity; however, eczema can be extremely irritable as soon as you give into the itch and start scratching, it gets progressively worse until you treat it the right way and leave well alone. Just like a graze, leave it, and it heals, give in to scratching the irritating scab. It can bleed, get worse and take longer to heal. Scratching at an itch gives temporary relief. However, it makes healing longer. Reacting to a narcissist gives temporary relief. However, it makes breaking free longer.

Looking at a narcissist as an irritant and as much as you want to react towards them, it might give you temporary relief, but it’ll give you long term grief.

It’s instinct, human nature to scratch eczema, scratch the scab, it’s difficult to stop ourselves at times we might do it without realising, it’s human nature to want to defend and react to narcissistic people who are irritating us, it’s tough to step away.

We have to learn to give a narcissist no reaction, no response. When a narcissist is coming at you with those verbal attacks, you need to take your attention elsewhere. You’ll often find with a narcissist when they don’t get a rise out of you. They’ll repeat that little dig they’re making towards you. When you don’t acknowledge them the first time, they’ll keep repeating the same thing. You might hear them speaking to someone else, “I don’t think they’ve heard me.” Or “have you seen how rude they are.” As the narcissist doesn’t see their words as an issue, they see your lack of response as the issue.

Do not let them know anything about you. The less is more approach, the less they know about you, the less they have to use against you.

Don’t try to outsmart the narc, don’t try to outshine a narcissistic person, know your truth yet act naively. Sometimes the best way to approach a narcissist is not to outsmart them. Outsmart them in your mind, know their games, know your reality, know your truth, let them think you don’t know, let them believe they are getting what they want, let them think they know more, let them think they’re getting their own way, it saves triggering a narcissists insecurities to the point where they’ll make you a victim of their insecurities. Sometimes around narcissistic people, you’re best playing dumb to get them to leave you alone.

Don’t take things personally. When they’re attacking your character, recognise it says nothing about your motives and capabilities and everything about their insecurities. When they’re playing the victim, don’t try to rescue them. The more we try to save them, the more they learn they can manipulate us the less they learn to be honest with themselves. When they are playing the victim to a reality, they created, step away. If you need to respond, it’s the narcissist’s words of “I’m sorry you feel that way.” as the more you help a narcissist, the more they’ll exploit your helpfulness, support the right people they’ll appreciate you, help the wrong people and they’ll exploit you. The right people wouldn’t ask too much from you and would respect you if you had other things you needed to do, a narcissist will sulk at you for not putting them first, and they’ll expect more from you. They’ll be offended if you’re too busy.

If they’re being controversial, don’t engage if you have to one-word answers. “Ok.” “I see your point.” just because you don’t agree doesn’t mean you can’t see. In your own mind, stand in your truth. However, you don’t need to defend your truth to a narcissistic person, as they’re usually being controversial to draw you into that non-productive argument with them, step away.

Don’t people please, don’t give in. However, when they’re coming at you with a controversial topic, just nod your head, and take your attention elsewhere, don’t agree or disagree, leave them to it. If you disagree with a narcissist, they take this as in-depth criticism, and they seek to punish you. Don’t let them draw you into non-productive arguments, so they learn that the topic is not going to get under your skin. When they don’t get under you, they might try to get one over on you again. Give them nothing until they learn it’s not going to work with you. Some might repeat because they need you to pay attention to it. The more you take your attention away from it, at some point, they will stop repeating because they’re not getting the reaction they want from you. Stay safe if you live with them, as some will escalate their behaviour

When they’re blaming, shaming, criticising, judging you or others, don’t give them any attention, don’t defend yourself, don’t explain yourself. As soon as you start explaining yourself to them, they’re going to use those explanations against you to hurt you all the more. The only person you need to explain and justify yourself to is yourself. Genuine people who are willing to communicate with you, yes, narcissistic people who are going to use your explanations against you, no. Once we’ve explained ourselves to someone once, and they’ve used it against us, that’s our lesson not to explain ourselves to them again. Disengage from the conversation, disengage from the situation. If it is a family event or with a group of friends, and you’re in a group conversation, and the narcissist is escalating, excuse yourself and go talk to someone else; it doesn’t matter what they think of you. It’s what you think of yourself.

Don’t take the bait, recognise the game, just like that scab on your skin, recognise it wants you to scratch it because it’s irritable. Still, you need to find something to take your mind away from the irritant, something to soothe the irritation, and the best way to soothe yourself around an irritating narcissist is by taking yourself out of the conversation, out of the situation, and leaving them to it, recognise the game they play, recognise what they’re trying to bait you into and step away, acknowledgement to yourself that you know what they are doing then finding something to do that creates happiness within you. Ignore their insults and recognise it says more about their character than it ever will yours.

The more you don’t respond to a narcissist, the sooner the narcissist learns they’re not going to get the attention they want from you, and unfortunately, they go to seek that attention elsewhere.

Once you can recognise who the narcissist is and what they are doing, leave them well alone. The more you engage in conversations and give emotional reactions to the narcissist, the weaker this makes you. The more you disengage from communication and disagreements with a narcissistic person, the more it weakens them because, the less knowledge they have about you. The less attention they get from you, the more you disengage, the weaker they become. Yes, some will escalate their games, so you need to stay safe; however, most at some point will realise they’re not getting what they want from you and, unfortunately, move on to someone new

Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People Rule 2, Less Is More.

Narcissistic people can be some of the most self-entitled, exploitative people you could ever meet, and with their lack of empathy, they can be some of the most hurtful people you could ever meet. With their admiration seeking face, they can treat you better than anyone ever has, then with their envious face, treat you worse than anyone ever has while refusing to take responsibility for their behaviour, often leaving those around the narcissist confused, frustrated, anxious and feeling like they’re to blame.

No contact is always the best approach to dealing with narcissistic people. However, this isn’t always possible. There are several rules to deal with narcissistic people, and one of those is less is more.

You do have to remain vigilant and careful around those who lack empathy as there’s no low they won’t go to get one over on somebody or get back at someone if the narcissist can create an opportunity to do so.

When dealing with that narcissistic family member, you might see at a family event, that narcissistic person within the friendship group, the narcissistic Co-worker, or narcissistic ex that you share children with, we have to find the right coping strategies to deal with them. However, those coping strategies have to be in place depending on the situation you are in. Your safety must come first.

When it comes to dealing with narcissistic people, less is more in so many ways.

The less time you spend around them, the clearer your thoughts will become, the kinder the words you speak to yourself, the more peace you will have, the better the ability to think for yourself, and the happier you’ll become.

The less you defend yourself to them, the less they be able to frustrate you, and the more clarity you’ll get. When around offensive people, it’s effortless to want to defend ourselves to them, getting drawn into those no productive arguments which a narcissist will often be claiming “I don’t want to argue.” When what they’re meaning is they want to state their point, and you do not have one, the more you state your point, the more a narcissist will wind you up, the less you respond, and the sooner a narcissist will leave you alone because they’re not getting the supply of attention from you.

The less you argue with them. The more peaceful your life will get. This isn’t easy. When narcissistic people become incredibly offensive, it’s easy to become defensive and argue our point to them; however, they’re not listening to our points, at least not understanding them. They’re listening to use our points to get us going all the more so they can claim, “I told you I didn’t want to argue with you.”

The less you respond to them, the more chance you have of them leaving you alone. When a narcissist is provoking you, it’s time to step away and see the situation in its entirety. Recognising what they’re trying to do and no longer playing into their hands. One of the best lines of defence against a narcissist is knowing who you are and leaving the narcissist to think whatever they want.

The less you explain to them, the more control you’ll have of your own thoughts. The less you explain, the more you’ll be able to regulate your thoughts and feelings, as the less the narcissist will be able to use your explanations against you.

The less you excuse their behaviour, the more you’ll see their true character.

The less you provide for a narcissist, the more they’ll move away from you because they’re no longer getting what they want from you.

The less they know about you, the more likely it is they’ll leave you alone. Narcissistic people are incredibly envious people, so if they see something you have that they want, they’ll go all out to take it from you, either to exploit you for it or sabotage it so you can’t have it. Tell them about a job interview they’ll hide your keys to make you late, an achievement they’ll take the credit for, special occasion they’ll destroy it. The less a narcissist knows about you, the less opportunity they’ve got to hurt you and the more freedom you’ll have.

The less a narcissist knows about you, the better for you. Narcissistic people use any information about you against you, whether that’s to discredit your character in their smear campaigns so you can’t expose their true character, or if they’re using your compassion to guilt trip you, your past to intimidate or threaten you, the things you tell a narcissist in secret they’ll use to keep a hold over you. A narcissist will use your personal information against you, so they can further their advantage over you.

Narcissistic people seek excessive attention, so the less attention you give them, the less praise you give them, and the less admiration you give them, especially to their negativity, toxic, hurtful behaviour, the more your thoughts, feelings and opinions will become clear.

Narcissists use the silent treatment to punish you. Genuine people who enjoy open communication and learning about each other, who can empathise with others and show compassion learning how something might hurt another, so if they’ve unintentionally hurt someone they can learn not to do it again, narcissistic people are not interested in this type of communication, they’re interested in getting their own way, and when they’re not getting their own way they can fall silent on you, give you one word answers, so they don’t have to explain or justify their actions to you, the narcissists silence negatively impacts us, as the more they refuse to communicate the more we feel less than, we question and doubt ourselves, chase them for answers, the more we ruminate about them, the less we care for ourselves, the less a narcissist communicates the more we analysis and question everything, because the narcissist is silent towards us, the more we think about them, the more we question and doubt ourselves, the more we try to open communication up with the narcissist. The more we start explaining ourselves to them, giving them information that they will at some point twist and use against us. Narcissistic people fall silent when they don’t get their own way. As you’re left overthinking, a narcissist will then accuse you of overthinking or tell you to stop overthinking. As they’ve put you in a place of overthinking, you think they understand you, not recognising it’s them doing it to you.

We have to learn to have more control and respect their silence. The less communication from them, the more easier it becomes to free ourselves from them. We should respect their silence and stop communicating with them. It can go against every grain of who you are why it’s challenging, yet it’s can also be so freeing. Often when you don’t chase a narcissist that’s fallen silent on you, they’ll leave you be, dents their ego chasing you. The more self-control we develop over our voice, the less control a narcissist will have over us.

Speaking less to a narcissist giving a narcissist less information, so we have more control over our voice, our thoughts, feelings and opinions. When your opinions don’t match those of a narcissistic person, they’re not interested in your perspective. They’re interested In invalidating you, chipping away at you, provoking you for not readily agreeing with them, or playing the victim of “you just don’t understand me. You always take their side.”. Narcissists are only interested in proving themselves right by going all out to make out you’re wrong. If you disagree with a narcissist there’s no point going further into the conversation with them because they’re only listening to the parts of the conversation they can use against you.

A Narcissist will cause intrigue. One way they do this is to leave out information. Then why do you call them out. They claim, “I didn’t tell you because I knew you couldn’t handle it. I knew you’d react like this.” A narcissist will bait you into non-productive arguments. They will gaslight you, blame you, shame you, project out onto you or fall silent on you. A Narcissist will go all out to provoke feelings such as anger, resentment, bitterness, confusion, frustration, jealousy, guilt, pain, sadness and many more negative emotions within you, so when a narcissist doesn’t get what they want from you, they might go all out to guilt trip you, “after all I’ve done for you.” To guilt trip you into either doing something for them that you don’t want to do or asking something of them that they once promised to do. This is when we have to recognise they’re guilt-tripping us. The more we try to explain ourselves to them, the more the narcissist feels their control is slipping away, and the more a narcissist will provoke you into reacting so they can discredit your character to protect theirs. Once they have your reaction, a narcissist will stand back and say, “what’s wrong with you? Are you having a bad day?” As a narcissist wants to provoke pain within you that they believe you have caused them.

The more you try to communicate with a narcissist, the more they use this communication against you. The less you communicate, the less they have to go on to hurt you.

When a narcissist isn’t getting their own way, so they start accusing you of being selfish, awkward and stubborn because the narcissist wants you to question and doubt yourself, to feel shame and blame yourself, to give in, so the narcissist gets their own way.

Never compromise who you are as a person to compromise with those who are unable or unwilling to compromise with you. Compromise is good when it’s mutual. Nothing is ever mutual with a narcissist. The more you stand by your values, the less frustrated you’ll be, the less resentful, and the more freedom and happiness you’ll feel.

When a narcissist claims you feel something you don’t, or your emotional reactions to their actions are the problem, instead of giving them more, recognising they don’t care for your feelings and give them less, narcissists crave attention when they’re not getting it they move on. Some will double down. However, the more you stay true to yourself, the less they get from you, the sooner they leave you alone, they’ll still blame you, that’s a choice that they make, it’s nothing to do with us. It is not up to us to change what another thinks about us. It’s not up to us to change how someone perceives that reality. If we can communicate with someone great, get others thoughts, feelings and opinions, see each others point of view, gain a greater understanding of one another great, if they’re unable to communicate on a genuine level it’s too late, they’re not interested, only in themselves and getting their own way.

Narcissists seek to punish you when you don’t go along with what they want from you.

When dealing with narcissistic people, less is more. The less you deal with them, the more you’ll be able to live a happier, more peaceful life.

So when it comes to dealing with narcissistic people, less is so much more.

Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People Rule 1, Never Outsmart The Narcissist.

Narcissistic people can be some of the most frustrating people to deal with, as they believe they’re always right one of the best methods to deal with narcissistic people is don’t, go no contact and leave them to it; however, this isn’t always possible so just how do you deal with narcissistic people that you can not cut out of your life.

One method is to not offend the narcissist. Far easier said than done, narcissistic people tend to be highly sensitive and have fragile egos, not that they’ll admit to this. So never outsmart the narc, never get the better of a narcissist and never defeat the narcissist, at least not while they’re in your company or where they can seek to sabotage you or take revenge on you, be careful around those who lack empathy, there is no low they won’t go to get one over on you if they believe you got one over on them.

Narcissistic people are incredibly envious people, so by simply being yourself around them can trigger their envy, and they seek to ruin things for you. Being yourself, you can outsmart or outshine a narcissist because you’re an individual with different talents; however narcissistic people seek to be the best of everything, so they seek to take from you what you have, or if they can not take it or take the credit for it, they seek to destroy it for you.

You want to avoid offending narcissistic people. By knowing more than them, this offends them. Having something they want this offends them, by defeating them this offends them. Narcissistic people take things personally.

Be extremely careful navigating yourself around narcissistic people. They lack the compassion to care for you. Be careful around those who lack empathy.

Never suppress who you are to impress who they are, which is what you need to do around narcissistic people. Suppress yourself just enough not to outsmart them so that they can notice. However, in the long term being around a narcissistic person will suppress who you are, which has detrimental effects on who you are as a person. Therefore never suppress who you are to impress them. Suppress who you are around them in order to protect yourself, know your reason why, and don’t lose touch with who you are. Why limited contact is always best to get the space to be who you want to be. Just limit the information you give them about yourself, limit the communication and limited time, and let them do the talking, but don’t do much listening. They’ll soon leave you alone and find someone who will stroke their ego, say things like ok, good for you, but don’t get drawn into a conversation. When they ask what you’ve been up to, it’s something like “nothing much.” They’re either after information they can use against you, information to sabotage you, or information to invalidate you. They’re not interested in what you’re doing. They’re interested in what they can use against you.

When dealing with insecure people, and not all insecure people, Narcissistic people can be some of the most insecure people you could ever meet. When around insecure people that have a sense of entitlement, are extremely exploitative and lack empathy, the last thing you want to do is bring out their insecurities, as that often triggers them to go into the survival mechanisms of fight mode, where they’re going to attack you to feel better about themselves, they’re going to fight back to punish, win and control you, because they’re not in control of their own emotions they want to control yours.

You can have people with insecurities that try to help others do better. You can have people with insecurities that turn to the survival fawn and go all out to please others. They might take flight and become obsessive in other areas of their life. They might freeze and avoid situations. There are many different ways people respond to their own insecurities, especially when their insecurities are triggered with narcissistic people who are envious, self-entitled, exploitative and lack empathy. When their insecurities are triggered, they are placed into a state of fear, and that fight survival mechanism kicks In within them, and they seek to punish you. They seek to hurt you, and there’s plenty of evidence within this as a narcissist will go all out to invalidate you, they’ll go all out to discredit who you are, discredit your thoughts, feelings and opinions if it doesn’t match those of the narcissists or what the narcissist wants. They will go all out to devalue you. They’ll go all out to make you feel like you are not enough, like you’re worthless. They will go all out to criticise you, so you no longer trust within your own thoughts and feelings. You no longer trust your own beliefs, values or opinions because the narcissist will suppress any of those within you that don’t match those of the narcissists to feel better about themselves.

It’s nothing about who you are, what you have or haven’t done. It’s the narcissist’s own inadequacies, the narcissist’s own insecurities, playing out in a format that they have to suppress who you are to feel better about who they are.

A Narcissist will judge you, a narcissist will go all out to rain on your parade because they don’t want you to outshine them, it hurts them, and it hurts them to a point where they must punish you, which shows because when you do better than a narcissist they seek to pull you down, mock you, judge you, sabotage you, or even take the credit for the things you’ve done. A Narcissist will have a subtle dig to chip away at your self-confidence. When you are perceived by a narcissist to be doing better than them, they can’t handle it. Their fragile ego can not take it. When you are perceived by a narcissist as having something better than them, they’ll gossip about it, discredit it, and ruin it. They’re going to criticise it, pull it down, and tear it to pieces because they are envious of it. They can’t think, wow, I’d love to do that, I’d love to have that, what can I do to achieve that? Narcissistic people think you stole it from them, and they want it back. They believe they deserve it more than you, so they seek to take it from you or destroy it for you, which is why you should never tell a narcissist information about yourself.

Sharing your good news with a narcissist never goes well as it questions who they are, their sense of superiority, it crushes their ego, even sharing bad news a narcissistic person can not take it, you can not achieve more than them, or have suffered worse than them, they seek all the admiration, attention and support, narcissistic people don’t like anyone taking the limelight away from them.

If something tragic happens, In your life. You’re taking the sympathy away from the narcissist, which questions their sense of belonging. It places the narcissist into their fear zone, why they fight back with how they’ve suffered far more than you, lived through far worse than you. So that the narcissist can become the victim to gain the sympathetic attention from you. This isn’t two genuine people having a mutual conversation to share and understand each other’s feelings to validate each other and help each other through. This is a narcissist suppressing your feelings to outshine you with theirs, you can not win with narcissistic people, they’re not looking to understand you, they’re looking to control you, you can not outshine a narcissist.

If you can not go no contact with a narcissist, it needs to be limited contact, don’t inform them of anything, don’t tell them what you are doing, what you’ve accomplished or what you’re going through if you have to tell them because they’d find out another way. They’ll react to not being informed, do it in a way of asking for their advice, not to take their advice on board, to make them feel superior, things like, this happened to me today do you have any advice, have you ever experienced this, to pull them into a conversation they believe they’re in charge of, as the more a narcissist does the taking, the more you learn about who they are as a person to distance yourself from them and find people who are supportive of you as you are to others. It does need to be limited contact around narcissistic people, as the more you are around them, the more they’ll suppress you, the more they’ll trigger your emotions, the more they’ll push your buttons to trigger you into reacting to them, so they can play the victim and blame you. Narcissistic people are looking for the drama, and the more suppressed we are, the more likely it is we’ll react, and as we take responsibility for our actions, we’re then the ones left feeling bad for acting out of character. We know that’s not a side of us we like within ourselves. We then, in turn, try to make it up to the narcissist when the narcissist provoked the worst within us. The narcissist then sees us as less than, reinforcing their belief that they are superior.

Reacting to a narcissist never solves anything. In the long run, they feel superior, and we feel worse.

Letting a narcissist think you’re naive, letting them believe they know better, letting them think it was their idea, that you couldn’t have done it or got through it without them, even if you could, stroke their ego, makes them feel superior, especially narcissistic parents the best thing you can do, with narcissistic parents, is let them believe you couldn’t have achieved without them while holding onto your truth, you will often find narcissistic parents don’t like their children doing better than them unless they can take the credit to brag and boast about them, they get their talent from me, they get their looks from me, if it weren’t for me, if I hadn’t done this for them, they wouldn’t be doing what they’re doing now. So when you can not escape a narcissist or needing to find a safe way out, let them think something was their idea.

If you win against a narcissist at a game and you speak up about it in front of others, a narcissist will criticise you, judge you, and claim you were lying or cheating. Narcissistic people want to invalidate that experience for you, to make you feel bad, hopefully getting people to laugh at you, so the narcissist feels better about losing to you. So if you bring something up, claim they taught you everything you know, if it wasn’t for them, stroking the narcissist’s ego, and shut it down at the same time, as they can’t then disrespect you, as they’d be disrespectful of themselves when you’ve just claimed they taught you.

It’s about rubbing the narcissist’s ego the right way, not being cruel, to speak to them on a level they understand so that you don’t set off their insecurities, so they don’t feel a need to punish you.

Learning and understanding how they work, so you can respond in a maner that’s not going to intimidate them, not going to set them off on the spiral of punishing you, not placing fear in them, so they no longer hurt you.

No longer be the victim of the narcissist’s insecurities and remaining in control of the issues they might cause you and the issues within you. Sometimes we like to take credit for our own achievements. No wrong in that; however, if someone is going to react in a negative way to punish you for that, sometimes you have to play the game on a level they understand to avoid falling victim to their insecurities avoiding falling victim to their issues by remaining in control of your own.

Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

YouTube playlist on Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.

The Narcissists Coercive And Controlling Behaviour.

Is someone in your life, or have you ever had someone in your life controlling you without you even knowing it? You trust in others, believing and knowing we all make mistakes, yet we all love and care for each other. People surely don’t go around hurting and wanting to destroy others. How could they? We often think that is something that happens in movies or on very rare occasions. So when it happens to us, we are left questioning, Do they even have the essential compassion and empathy to care? Unfortunately, as a lot of you might already know or coming to realise, if a narcissist raised you or you had a narcissistic partner, some people simply only care about themselves only interested in meeting their own needs. What they gain from other people, then they throw you away, discard you, like you never truly mattered to them.

One criteria for the narcissist personality disorder is a lack of empathy, so narcissistic people are either unwilling or unable to identify with the feelings of another. Narcissists are exploitative, another criteria for the disorder, so they will happily take advantage of others to meet their own needs. They tend to require excessive admiration and often feel criticism when things aren’t going their way as they believe they are entitled, so narcissistic people have unreasonable expectations that others should just comply with their demands, and narcissists use many manipulation tactics to control those around them.

Coercive controlling behaviour is a pattern of behaviour where someone will covertly control another person’s life through perceived love or perceived fear.

A narcissist will covertly, so more often than not, subtly take control over another’s life without that person even realising. Narcissists don’t walk in and straight out take control over another’s life as most people would turn around and walk straight back out. Narcissists swoop in and sweep people off their feet, narcissists love-bomb, idealise, future fake, they breadcrumb, they reward and give intermittent rest bites. Narcissists use so many manipulation games to keep people unwittingly trapped within their relationship with them.

Coercive controlling behaviour is another pattern of behaviour a narcissist will use to keep control over another person.

A narcissist can coercively control someone out of perceived love, so the narcissist will influence the person into believing the narcissist is genuine, the narcissist loves and cares for the person, wants what is best for that person, or through perceived fear, whereas a narcissist is going to intimidate and threaten another into confirming to the narcissist’s demands, where people are too scared to stand up to the narcissist for fear of repercussions from the narcissist. A narcissist will do all they can to keep control over their reality and the perceived reality of those around them.

Nine signs some is trying to control your life without you realising what they are doing.

1. Controlling behaviour.

A narcissist wants to influence you into making decisions that suit them. They want to discreetly gain control over your day to day life while influencing you into believing you’re making your own choices. Often a narcissist will do this through perceived love, where they’ll be claiming they want what’s best for you, or through perceived fear, where the narcissist will threaten with some form of punishment if you don’t tow their line, or from reactions of the narcissist’s silence in the past, so you fear upsetting them and do as they say.

A Narcissist will try to control your feelings. They’ll go all out to influence you into feeling a way that is of benefit to the narcissist. If a narcissist wants negative reactions, they’ll provoke anger. If they want praise, they’ll offer those acts of kindness to provoke feelings of gratitude, and a narcissist will expect eternal gratitude.

A narcissist will try to control how you behave to help in their smear campaigns, where you go to isolate yourself from support, they’ll try to control your financial resources, they’ll try to control your hobbies and your career, to keep control over you and your life.

2. Isolation.

A narcissist will go all out to isolate you from support, isolating you from emotional support, isolation from financial support, isolating you from friends and family, hobbies and careers, creating atmospheres or environments. Hence, you have the minimal time and minimal resources to do the things you enjoy and be with the people who genuinely care. The narcissist might discredit your beliefs, invalidate your thoughts, and discredit the intentions of your friends and family, as once you’re isolated from support, it’s easier for the narcissist to gain control over your life.

3. A narcissists monitoring of you.

A narcissist will monitor your social media, your spending, your whereabouts, what you wear, what you eat, and when and where you sleep. A narcissist wants to monitor what you’re doing so they can control what you do.

A Narcissist will keep records of things they’ve done for you to use against you, “what about when I did.” They’ll keep records of times you haven’t done something for them, “if only you had, what about when you didn’t.“

Narcissistic people aren’t coming from a place of honesty, respect, loyalty, understanding, compassion, give and take. They’re coming from a place of control and getting everything their own way.

4. They don’t compromise.

Narcissists don’t settle disagreements. They create disagreements and then accuse you of trying to cause an argument. A narcissist will create conflict while playing the victim every time you need to discuss something, and they’ll claim you’re creating the drama or that they don’t want to argue, so nothing gets resolved.

A narcissist seeks to control you by finding any way they can to take your voice away from you.

Be careful stepping away from those who treat you in these ways as narcissistic people do not like losing control.

5. The narcissists guilt trips.

A narcissist will act all offended by your values, beliefs and your opinions when you create boundaries around who you are as a person. When a narcissist keeps a record, they’ll fire things back at you and say, “what about when I did this for you? You never did that for me,” to make you feel bad, to control your feelings to coercively control you through obligation into doing something for them that went again who you are. Or to guilt-trip you into not doing something for yourself that isn’t of benefit to the narcissist, isolating you, “so your friends are more important than me?” To stop you from going out and doing the things you enjoy doing.

Narcissists are looking to guilt trip you so they can sabotage who you are as a person. To control your finances. If you have children, they’re going to place as many obstacles as possible to stop you from working if working is what you’d like to do, such as “ well if you don’t care for the children.” to guilt and shame you into not doing what’s right for you.

6. A narcissist will shame you.

A narcissist will get you questioning your judgment, opinions, values, and beliefs. If your perception of reality doesn’t match that of the narcissists, the narcissist will go all out to make you feel like you are in some way wrong because the narcissist themselves always has to be right. A narcissist wants you to question who you are as a person, so you don’t question who they are as a person. A fragile narcissist will play the victim of “I knew you’d take their side,” to guilt you into feeling bad for not agreeing with them, to get you feeling like you’ve offended the narcissist, to get you questioning if there’s something wrong with your judgment, your reality, something wrong with your perception, so you’re conditioned by the narcissist into taking on board their opinions as your own, slowly losing your opinions and your voice. Even if you still have your own opinions, a narcissist will shame you into that much self-doubt. You’ll question and overanalyse your own, becoming too afraid to speak up for fear of judgment or fear of offending those around you.

A narcissist will go all out to humiliate you. If they can do this in front of an audience so they can isolate you, get you second-guessing what others think of you, getting others to laugh at your expense, this works in a narcissist’s favour as you lose your voice to the narcissist and to those around you.

A narcissist will blame you for everything that goes wrong not only within your life but also in their life. So you’re forever apologising to them and those around you for things you didn’t even do.

A narcissist will invalidate you into no longer feeling enough, and intimidate you, so you fear being yourself.

7. The narcissist claiming they care.

Narcissistic parents with their “this is going to hurt me more than it will you,” a narcissist will hurt you while they claim it’s because they love you, they’ll lie to you while claiming you can’t handle the truth when in reality it’s the lie that hurts more than the truth, narcissistic people lie to force you into making a choice you wouldn’t make with full disclosure of all relevant information, which hurts us more.

A narcissist will love bomb you just enough to make you feel like they want what’s best for you, not realising they are sabotaging you. “Do you really think you should do that? I wouldn’t do that if I was you, it’s only because I care.”

8. Hiding things from you.

A narcissist will stoop as low as to hiding your car keys from you, so you can’t get to work, can’t see your friends, often then finding them for you later and expecting eternal gratitude for doing so, “if it wasn’t for me finding your keys.” So they influence you into believing they’re helping you while the narcissist is covertly sabotaging and distracting you. They will hide financial information, how many children they have. A narcissist can be some of the most secretive people you’ve ever met because they’ve got things to hide.

A narcissist will create feelings of intrigue within you while creating doubt within you while creating fear within you, so you dare not discuss things with them for fear of repercussion from them, getting ignored, insulted, shamed, blamed, humiliated, threatened, and you’ve no one to speak to because they’re already isolated you.

9. No longer able to enjoy life.

Be it the environment you end up In or the atmosphere a narcissist creates, they get you to a point where you can no longer enjoy, let alone do, all the everyday things you used to do. A narcissist will drain you, so you no longer have the energy to do the things you love to do, or they’ll provoke that much fear and self-doubt within you to stop you from doing the things you enjoy.

A Narcissist will claim your anxious, depressed or crazy, and as they’ve provoked these very feelings within you, you again question yourself and not what the narcissist is doing to you.

Narcissists want to control, which is why they coercively control not only you but those around you, through love or through fear, through sweetness or through tears.

Finding a safe way out is always one of the first steps in recovery

  • Write down what truly happened to put your memory and reality back also to look through if you have doubts and want to reach out and get in touch with them.
  • Remove the abuser’s negative thoughts from your mind, and start to put your own in, “I am good enough. I do deserve better. I am worth it.” And keep going until you have removed them and you’re thinking for yourself again.
  • Start putting yourself first. When travelling on a plane, if the cabin pressure drops, and you are told to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help others, you have to be at your best, now is the time always to be kind to yourself first, then be kinds to others.
  • Get creative, write, draw, sing, paint, garden, play an instrument, find your creative side again.
  • If you feel ok to do so, share your story with others that understand you, getting it out of your mind space, some people don’t want to out loud. This is normal. Write it out and destroy it to get it out, or keep it to refer back to.
  • Connect with genuine people, reach out to old family and friends. You might have to ditch your pride for this. Genuine family and friends will understand and be there for you, step out of your comfort zone and, find places to meet new people, surround yourself with positive people now.
  • Dress how you want to dress for yourself, do the things you love doing for yourself and might have been stopped from doing them, go for that run, join the gym, hoover when you want, sleep when you want, eat what you want, when you want.
  • Create new routines for you, remove reminders of them.
  • Take control of your diet and exercise. Just start drinking a little more water and taking a walk. Yoga, meditation are extremely good. Dance to music on your phone.


Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook.

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram.

On Pinterest.

On LinkedIn.

The courses Elizabeth Shaw has available.

The full course.

Click here for the full course to help you understand and break free from narcissistic abuse. 

The free course.

Click here to join the free starter guide to breaking free from narcissistic abuse. 

Help with overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety.

Click for help overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here for more information about narcissist personality disorder. 

Recovery from narcissistic abuse and help with Co-Parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery and co-parenting with a toxic ex. 

For 1-2-1 Coaching with me, email @ beyourselfagaintoday@gmail.com

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with (Sponsored.) BetterHelp. You will be matched with a licensed councillor who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading.