Exposing the Top Tactics Narcissists Utilize to Idealise You | Narcissistic Behaviour.
Narcissists and the beginning of genuine relationships may appear similar due to love bombing, but they possess contrasting intentions. Love bombing is a tactic narcissists use to quickly establish control and manipulate their victims. They lavish excessive love, compliments, and attention, creating an intense emotional bond. Similarly, a genuine relationship may also involve affection and attention at the start, fostering a deep connection. However, the key distinction lies in the underlying motivation. Narcissists love bomb to exploit vulnerabilities and gain power, while genuine relationships thrive on sincerity, trust, and empathy. Love bombing is fleeting, serving as a destructive tool in the narcissist’s agenda, whereas genuine relationships evolve into long-term partnerships built on mutual respect and understanding. It is crucial to recognise the red flags of love bombing to avoid falling victim to manipulation while fostering an authentic relationship requires time, patience, and a genuine desire for personal growth. While love bombing and the beginnings of a genuine relationship might exhibit similarities in their initial stages, their ultimate nature and intentions sharply contrast.
Narcissists possess a unique ability to sell us a dream, a vision of an ideal relationship that promises happiness and fulfilment. Through a calculated series of tactics and manipulations, they draw us in, captivate us, and make us believe that they are the answer to all our desires. However, this dream they sell us eventually unravels, revealing the nightmare that lies beneath. In this article, we will explore some strategies that narcissists employ to win us over initially, as well as delve into examples of the phrases they commonly use.
Songs:
One tactic that narcissists often employ is the use of songs. Lacking empathy, they do not experience the same emotional connection to music as we do. Yet, they pay close attention to the lyrics and use them as a weapon to manipulate our emotions. During the beginning stages of the relationship, they strategically link songs to moments in our lives, creating a stronger emotional attachment within us. These songs then serve as triggers, reminding us of the seemingly joyful and blissful times we spent together. However, these associations are not about genuinely creating memories with us; instead, they are carefully constructed illusions, mirroring scenarios from movies or past relationships that have proven successful for the narcissist in the past.
Mirroring:
Another tactic used by narcissists is mirroring. They have a default setting to copy and mimic us, often without us even realising it. They reflect our body language, adopting our speaking patterns and pace, all in an effort to establish a deeper connection with us. Through this mirroring, they create a false sense of similarity and understanding, making us believe that they truly comprehend and appreciate us.
Words:
Additionally, narcissists carefully choose their words to ensnare us further into their web. They use phrases such as “I’ve never met anyone like you before,” “You’re different from the rest,” “You’re special,” and “I’ve never felt this way about anyone.” These sentences are strategically employed early on in the relationship to expedite our emotional involvement. Behind these words, however, lies manipulation. The narcissist does not genuinely mean what they say; instead, these expressions are designed solely to make us believe that they love and care for us.
Matching.
Furthermore, narcissists actively like and dislike the same things we do. They create an illusion of complete compatibility by enthusiastically agreeing with our likes and dislikes. This mirroring of our preferences makes us believe that we have found someone who understands us better than anyone else. Falling in love with someone who shares our every interest and detests what we dislike is a seductive prospect. Yet, this alignment is merely part of their manipulation. By creating a sense of profound similarity, they ensure that we become deeply invested in the relationship, convinced that they are our perfect match.
Taking you out.
Taking someone out to dinner, going to the cinema, bowling, or engaging in sports can be enjoyable activities for most people. It provides an opportunity for individuals to bond, have fun, and create lasting memories. However, within the context of a relationship with a narcissist, these seemingly innocent activities take on a dark and manipulative undertone.
Narcissists are individuals who possess an inflated sense of self-importance and exhibit a constant need for admiration and attention. They view themselves as special and expect others to cater to their needs and desires. Consequently, they will use any means necessary to ensure they receive the attention they crave, including using shared experiences against their partners to manipulate further and control them.
When a narcissist takes their partner out to dinner or to the cinema, it is not out of genuine affection or a desire to spend quality time together. Instead, it is a calculated move to create a sense of obligation and debt within the relationship. By indulging in these activities, the narcissist expects their partner to feel indebted, as if they owe them for the gestures they have made. This paves the way for future manipulation by the narcissist, who will not hesitate to use the line, “Don’t you remember when? After all I’ve done for you.”
It is crucial to understand that a narcissist’s actions are driven by their own self-interest. They do not experience joy from the activity itself or the connection with their partner. Instead, they derive satisfaction solely from the attention and admiration they receive. Thus, the main objective of taking their partner out is to further assert their control and superiority within the relationship.
Time.
Furthermore, narcissists will use the amount of time they spend with their partner to manipulate and isolate them. In the initial stages of a relationship, a narcissist will shower their partner with attention and affection, always striving to be by their side. This constant companionship serves as a means of ensuring that the partner becomes dependent on them. By gradually cutting off their partner from their friends and family, the narcissist limits their support system and increases their own control over their partner’s life.
Future faking:
Additionally, a narcissist engages in what is known as “future faking.” They often make grand promises about the future, creating a sense of hope and security within their partner. However, these promises are merely empty words meant to manipulate and control. They give the illusion of a loving and committed partner, keeping their victim emotionally invested while the narcissist continues to exploit their vulnerabilities.
Excessive gifts and extravagant trips:
showering with excessive gifts and extravagant trips. This manipulative behavior aims to create a sense of indebtedness and dependence within the you, making it easier for the narcissist to exert control. By inundating you with lavish presents, the narcissist plays on their desires for material possessions and experiences, creating a false sense of intimacy and care. It appears as though the narcissist is attentive and invested, fostering feelings of gratitude and obligation in the victim. However, beneath this façade lies a calculated intent to exploit and manipulate. The excessive gifts and trips are not genuine gestures of kindness, but rather tools used to exert power and control. The victim becomes conditioned to rely on the narcissist’s generosity, making it difficult for them to challenge their actions or assert their own needs and boundaries.
Every action a narcissist takes during the initial stages of the relationship is calculated to gain our admiration, adoration, and attention. Whether it is the smiles on our faces when we see them, the surprise gifts they bring us, or the assistance they offer with daily tasks, all of these positive responses confirm their ability to manipulate us further. Yet, it is vital to recognise that none of these gestures come from a place of genuine love or joy. The narcissist may have learned to mimic and mirror the expressions of love and care, but it is all a performance; they do not experience true pleasure or fulfilment from these acts.
Narcissists possess the uncanny ability to sell us a dream, exploiting our emotions and vulnerabilities to draw us into a nightmare. Through tactics such as leveraging songs, mirroring, strategic use of words, and manufacturing common interests, they create an illusion of the perfect relationship. Every action performed by a narcissist in the early stages of a relationship is a carefully orchestrated manipulation tactic. Taking their partner out, spending excessive time together, and making empty promises are all tools of control. A narcissist’s primary goal is not to foster a genuine connection but to ensure that they receive the attention and admiration they believe they are entitled to. However, behind these carefully constructed facades lies a narcissistic individual who seeks only to exploit and manipulate. It is imperative for us to be aware of these tactics and protect ourselves from falling victim to their charm and deceit.
The change.
Once we fall unwittingly into the clutches of a narcissist, they have the power to change the game entirely. Initially, during the idealisation stage, they show us affection and admiration, making us believe we have found the perfect partner. However, as they begin to devalue us, their true toxic and hurtful nature starts to emerge. We are left bewildered, wondering what happened and what we did wrong. The narcissist takes advantage of our confusion, twisting and manipulating us even further. One of their favourite tactics is the silent treatment, claiming that we have hurt their feelings. In doing so, they make us doubt ourselves and believe that we are responsible for their hurtful behaviour. We find ourselves apologising and trying harder to please them, desperately hoping to regain the love and affection we initially received.
During the devaluation phase, the narcissist strategically raises our expectations only to systematically lower our boundaries and standards. As we continue to invest more of ourselves in the relationship, we gradually learn to accept less and less from them. However, if we manage to snap out of the trance, they have put us under, or if they fear losing us without having a backup plan, they will try to bring us back using intermittent reinforcement. They revert to the idealisation stage again, showering us with promises, gestures, and romantic dates. This cyclical pattern ensnares us further, keeping us in an endless loop of hope and disappointment.
Throughout the devaluation phase, the narcissist employs various phrases and manipulative tactics to maintain control over us. They may say things like “I do for those what those do for me” or “If you tried, so would I,” subtly implying that we are to blame for their behaviour. They play mind games with gaslighting, making us doubt our actions and emotions while diverting attention from their own manipulative tactics. Their gaslighting sentences, such as “I never said that” or “You’re crazy,” further fuel our self-doubt and make us question our sanity. They capitalise on our empathy and care for them and the relationship, using these vulnerabilities to manipulate us even further.
During the discard phase, when the narcissist decides to end the relationship, they unleash a torrent of demeaning and hurtful comments. They want to send us spiralling into a state of mental anguish and make us believe that we are the ones to blame for the demise of the relationship. They may hurl phrases like “I’m the best you ever had” or “You’ll never find someone like me,” stripping away any lingering confidence we might have.
When we finally manage to escape the grip of a narcissist, the fallout can be even worse. The intensity of their tantrums escalates as they lose control over our minds. No one throws a bigger tantrum than a narcissist who is confronted with the prospect of losing their control over someone else. It is during this phase that the narcissist may resort to extreme measures to regain dominance.
This is why maintaining no or limited contact is crucial, especially when children are involved. Gray rock method is particularly useful in minimising emotional engagement and preventing narcissists from manipulating us further. It is important to establish strong boundaries and protect our mental and emotional well-being.
In conclusion, once we unwittingly become entangled with a narcissist, we are subjected to a highly toxic and manipulative relationship. The narcissist employs various tactics, such as idealisation, devaluation, and gaslighting, to control and manipulate us. Escaping their grip can be difficult, as they will go to great lengths to make us doubt ourselves and keep us under their control. However, by recognising their tactics, establishing boundaries, and maintaining little to no contact, we can begin our journey to healing and reclaiming our lives.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
