The Grandiose Narcissist.

The Grandiose, Overt narcissists.

The narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum. Those who have the disorder will have at least five of the nine Characteristics . How they act is like they all read from the same book. However, they are individuals, and their personalities differ from narcissist to the narcissist in the way in which they portray themselves to be. The way in which they manipulate those around them, someone can have one or two traits and simply be an annoying idiot, being confident, for example, that doesn’t make someone a narcissist.

We ourselves can often wonder at times if we are the narcissist, as most people can act in one way or another like one or might have in their past, the Difference is we can reflect on our behaviour, we don’t exploit others, and we have empathy for others, we can learn from our mistakes. Someone who has the disorder will look to blame those around them and never themselves.

People who have the narcissist personality disorder, are extremely self-centred, they are arrogant, they exploit those around them, they lack the empathy to care for those they hurt, they are often very Jealous of others achievements, they believe they are special and feel entitled to receive special attention, they are often preoccupied with power and success.

Those who have the disorder are very reluctant to change, as they go around, causing endless problems and heartache to those who love them. Yet, the narcissist will blame the very people the narcissists’ actions are hurting for why the narcissist themselves is not living the life that narcissist believes themselves to be entitled to.

First, You need to identify what you’re dealing with, then move on with your life. If someone’s abusive has a lack of empathy, exploits others, whatever they are, find a way to safely get out and stay out.

The grandiose narcissist is the one most people think about, those with the looks, the money, the charm, the confidence, and those around them mistake their Arrogance for confidence, their manipulation for charm.

As the disorder is on a spectrum, and as those who have the disorder are individuals, their personalities can differ, which is why most researchers and psychologist have categorised them.

A lot will compare the grandiose to those who are famous, which for some it’s true, however many famous people worked hard to get where they are and didn’t exploit others to get there, often they were exploited, especially child stars.

A grandiose narcissist can just as easily be your neighbour, your boss, your parent, that incredible new partner you’ve just met telling you all about their fabulous holidays, yet not interested in listening to you.

Most narcissist tactics are covertly hidden, the grandiose is more outrageous, more the Overt narcissist, as they usually believe themselves to be special and with their charm, they often lead those around them to agree.

A grandiose like other narcissists believe they have a right to everything, and they are self-entitled, they do believe they are special. They have a lack of Empathy, think they are better than all around them, and they believe they are good enough.

  • Grandiose v’s vulnerable.
  • Prefers to play the hero v’s often playing the victim.
  • Arrogant v’s shy.
  • Apparent v’s Hidden.
  • Loud v’s quite.
  • All narcissist are all manipulative, they have their Admiration face, where they put on the charm and seek positive attention, then they have the envy face, where they seek to destroy those they perceive to be doing better than them or break free from them. They all try their best to hide who they truly are. They just have different ways of doing it. Some are only more direct and more outrageous in the way they twist everything.

    Grandiose, overt or as some say obvious narcissism, most often have no self-awareness and are oblivious to the impact they have on those around them.

    They are the kind of people you want at a party if things are going their way. They will be the life and soul of the party. They are fun to be around.

    Signs of a grandiose narcissist.

      Extremely self-centred.
      Extremely stubborn,
      No respect for boundaries,
      They will still play the victim when needed.
      They are manipulative,
      The tell countless lies,
      They are false,
      They exaggerate their achievements,
      They will manipulate anything, everything and everyone.
      They feel superior to others.
      They have a sense of entitlement.
      They have a very inflated ego.
      They dominate and exploit, lying and cheating their way to the top.
      They see others as an extension of themselves.
      They are incredibly dominant and very charming, which draws people to them, they easily seduce, and when their needs are no longer being met, they move quickly onto the devaluation and discard phase.
      When their attempts to exploit others aren’t successful, or their demands and self-entitlement are not being met. They have anger and rage. They will destroy others that don’t conform to their demands.
      They can be prone to boredom.
      They are extremely jealous of others and very egotistical.
      Overt Narcissist is very grandiose very in-your-face and very assertive.
      They can be impulsive and big risk-takers.

    Obvious.

    The grandiose, although they can act covertly they are often overt, meaning they openly show themselves as to who they are, as they are often oblivious to the effect their behaviours have on those around them, they also usually have. Army of Enablers supporting their behaviour, they often have the monetary items that help with their feelings of superiority.

    Demanding.

    They believe they are special, and as those around them often look up to them, either mistaking their arrogance for confidence or through all the narcissist Future Faking, living in the hope the narcissist will deliver on those dreams the narcissist promises and sometimes delivers. Or through fear as anyone who is perceived to criticise them will be Devalued and Discarded in devastating ways, often followed with a mass Smear campaign with the narcissist’s supply of Flying Monkeys. They have exaggerated beliefs of their own self-importance, they expect and can demand admiration, they don’t want to wait in line, they want to skip to the front of the Que in anything they do, often exploiting others along the way.

    Pride.

    They often have the ego to match their arrogance, they will want to paint the perfect picture to the outside world of how well life is working out for them, and when it isn’t, that, of course, will be someone else fault, as they stick with their black to white Cognitive Distortions thinking. They’re often oblivious to any overspending which they’ll blame on a spouse if any awareness is made.

    Fantasies of power and success.

    With their belief in the fact they are special and entitled, they often have great fantasies of status, wealth and perfection, whatever that perfection is to the individual narcissist, career, home, looks, family, money etc. However, they’ll not want to work for it, and they’ll not be humble about it. Instead, they’ll exaggerate all achievements, and they’ll control the conversations to all about them, getting very bored if the discussion isn’t about them, often finding some way to get the attention back onto them.

    Self-absorbed.

    As with fantasies of power and success and the fact they love to talk all about themselves and their exaggerated accomplishments. Even those who have achieved will often exaggerate, there is no humbleness to them. Anything you can do, they have done bigger and better, so many grandiose narcissists actually haven’t achieved much, due to their fear of failure, if they were to fail this would damage their fragile ego of who they pretend to themselves to be. They will be jealous and envious of others achievements. They’ll often demean or belittle those around them who have achieved with put-downs and criticism, to claiming others only have what they have due to help from those around them. The narcissist never got that support. Even the grandiose will play the victim if it meets a need, if they can play on someone’s empathy to exploit them, or if by playing the victim, they can escape responsibility.

    Controlling.

    They will control those around them, through triangulation, manipulation, Coercive Control, they will criticise, they will invalidate, they will even control through fear with their temper tantrums of pure anger, rage and hatred.

    What can you do?

    Learning it’s not you.

    It’s difficult, and most of us blame ourselves and walk on Eggshells around these people, but we have to realise it did not start with us. It will not end with us, those who have the disorder, have a disorder, it’s who they are, we did not cause it, most people have suffered some form of trauma, they choose to act how they do, they choose not to get help to learn how to manage their behaviour, we can not change it, that is who they are, it’s a hard enough job changing ourselves, we can not change, nor should we change another, although no one is entitled to abuse another, the responsibility is on them not us. You can not control it, no matter what anyone does we are not here to control others, only ourselves, and trying to control ourselves to keep a narcissist happy we lose who we are, it’s just not worth it. You deserve better.

    If a Narcissist can not control their behaviour, how come they change it when their could be consequences?”

    Limited contact, grey rock or no contact.

    I can not recommend No contact enough. It’s not easy. It’s a learning curve, however long term it’s so worth it. No contact isn’t always possible, in which case limited contact and grey rock.

    Boundaries.

    Learning your beliefs, your values, your dreams, your hopes. What you want from your life, anything that doesn’t fit your happiness, if the other person can not compromise as you would with them, it’s a no. Treat people how you wanted to be treated is great, but when they don’t have the respect to treat you how you should be treated, with honesty, respect and loyalty, your no needs to mean no, and it’s time to walk away, let them go left, and you go right into the path of creating your future happiness.

    No wrong way or right way to live your life, with good intentions only your way.

    Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

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    Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

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    The narcissists counter-parenting.

    Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

    Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

    Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

    Mind Games.

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    A Narcissist’s Belongings.

    The narcissist and what they do with theirs and your belongings.

    The narcissist personality disorder is a disorder, people can have narcissistic traits, yet it doesn’t mean they are a narcissist, they would need to have five of the nine characteristics to be on the spectrum. so some people can do this just because they are hurting.

    Things to look out for are, do they think they are entitled to everything? Do they use people for their own gains? Do they exploit others? Do they lack in empathy towards others? Do they find blame within others and never themselves? If those answers are yes, you are most likely dealing with someone on the disorder. You did not cause it, and you can not change it, you can not control it, that is who they are, you can only control your reactions to it, retreat, rethink and respond only if you need to do so, stick to the point and only respond once, most often if what you are saying does not match what they think, then to them you are the enemy. They seek to destroy, through smear campaign , gaslighting, silent treatments, blame-shifting, and other manipulative games.

    Narcissists love playing manipulation games with people, and they will do so via any means possible including theirs and your belongings.

    If you’ve been with a narcissist you’ll know most will up and leave as and when it suits, a lot of the times when you are at a low point and need them the most, yet some will only take a few of their belongings. Why do they do this? Do they simply not care about their belongings. More about finding ways to get at you, or playing victim to others of how you’ve kept everything. YES, they care about some of their belongings, those belongings they most often take with them, the rest it is just another one of their manipulative tactics.

    With narcissist it’s all about those manipulative mind games they seem to enjoy so much. So every time you are on the rise to true happiness again, something they will never be able to do within themselves. They like to have a backup plan of more manipulation to see if they can mess with your mind some more. Which simply means they are in desperate needs of a reaction from you, they need others attention, and if they can not get positive, they will happily take negative attention. To say they don’t care about you is very accurate. They care when you are meeting their needs. What they do care about is themselves, they care about getting your emotional reaction.

    Those on the disorder are missing emotional empathy so they can not truly relate to how others feel, they might have cognitive understanding, meaning they can think how they feel. Yet, they are incapable of putting themselves into another person’s shoes to connect on a deeper level.

    Psychologists also say the lack in object consistency, this is developed around the age of two or three with the primary caregiver, those of us who have object consistency can relate, think and care about others even if there is conflict or distance, yet as soon as there is and conflict or distance for the narcissist they can simply just stop caring.

    Belongings.

    They can leave their belongings just to leave you with some hope they’ll come back because they believe you’ll be waiting for them and they think you don’t know what they are. Healthy people don’t go from I love you yesterday to nope I just don’t love you today. Yet without empathy and object consistency, those with the disorder do. It is okay if you’ve ever hoped or is still hoping they return, you are not a narcissist, you cared for them and wanted to help them, we all accept behaviour from them we should have never accepted, yet we learn and grow from it. Then we move on from it for a much happier life.

    They leave their belongings as they think they can return because a manipulator has to talk to you to manipulate you. So they can message, email or call you up about their belongings, to test the waters on the hoover or just irritate you’re spirt, especially if you have not yet healed, they will also blame-shift that you’ve kept them twisting it all around onto you, so you defend yourself. The narcissist has you right where they want you, locked into an argument of proving yourself to them and possibly others, you know you are a good person, if you are struggling with knowing this, write down everything you did to help them, even those negatives when you were possibly an enabler, you most likely had good intentions. One step better they might try to arrange to come and get their belongings when you’re in. All while they’re telling the replacements the woe is my story about how you’ll not give them their belongings back, which falls into the next reasons they’ll happily leave as much of their stuff as possible.

    To help the narcissist with their smear campaigns, most people who’ve been discarded will feel anger and resentment So what they really want to do is, burn their belongings, cut it up, go to the new partners and dump it, which then matches the narcissists’ story of you’re crazy, if you’ve done this, you are not alone, you’re human with emotions. Or if pack all their stuff up and chuck it in the bin, take a photo and press send then again you have just reacted. They can now mind mess with your head about how childish you are, even though they disappeared and don’t talk to you for a week or five, even months or years.

    Or you pack up all their belongings and dump onto the front garden of your replacements house which might make you feel good for the second but it’ll not last so please don’t. Yes, a normal person that messes up and cheats, their new partner will see precisely why you’d do this. A narcissist new partner is not the same. Remember the narcissist has filled their head in with lies about you and just how crazy you are, all they told you about their apparent “crazy ex.” Before you. And the smear campaign. How’s this act going to look? Meaning you’ve just played right into the narcissist’s hands.

    Best way to handle a smear campaign is leaving them to it, they find it increasingly difficult without reactions from you, it’s understandable to want to defend yourself, yet you do not need to explain yourselves to these people, they don’t listen, and they don’t care, or they are pleased it happening to you. You’re reacting, gossip is much harder to spread without any evidence.

    Please don’t worry if you’ve already done this it’s a perfectly normal reaction for most people who’ve been cheated on especially in the way narcissist do it. Unfortunately, because of how a narcissist is programmed, they will not feel guilty like someone healthy who just cheated on you would. They’re waiting on your reaction to confirm the crazy story off you.

    Two years ago, I packed all my ex’s stuff up and placed in the garage for them to collect. Sent them a message letting them know. Even his parents who he was giving a 7-month silent treatment too, so they came round to see the grandchildren, said how thought-full I was and I wasn’t like all the others, who’d Chucked it, burnt it and cut it up. I fully see why they did this, and I give them a round of applause 👏 for doing so and for breaking free.

    So what did I get a thank you? Nope, I got a message saying “ for someone who’s regimented and organised, you’ve not packed my things very well “ think I almost wet myself with laughter. I did not respond.

    Although I did respond about a telly they so desperately wanted back, the one in the living room that our two young children sit and watch. The only thing the narcissist had brought for the home in the last five years. Even though they were living with my replacement, who had TVs.

    So they said I had to buy it off them for £500. Or they wanted it tomorrow. Well, that telly was in the sale. So I purchased a brand new one exactly the same for £299. Win-win. I messaged to say new telly arriving in morning yours will be in the garage to collect. What did I get. “ no today’s no good. I don’t want it today”. “ no, I don’t want it at this house.”

    That would be ok, but I didn’t want it getting broken. I didn’t want the responsibility of it. I was finally free of the narcissist, and I wanted to be free of their belongings. So what did I do? I picked up that 40inc tv with a grin on my face marched it to my replacements home when I knew ex-narcissist was home. Put it in front of the gate and messaged. To get a barrage of an abusive message back on how they didn’t want it. Hang on a min you wanted it back! What changed, oh yes you got your telly as you asked. You did not get any reaction from me. I just replied, “ it’s outside “.

    I waited and took a photo to have proof they’d gotten it as I’d got wiser to who they were, how they’d use anything to manipulate and twist.

    I was strong-minded. Strong-willed and I was taking back control of my life for me. While they slowly slipped into the someone, I used to know bracket.

    If they have belongings of yours, they’ll not give it to you, and they might make arrangements to return them or let you pick them up, for them to break those arrangements then, as you are most likely aware by now, they are full of empty, false promises, this is just to get a reaction from you. They can not function on their own, which is why they triangulate exes. When it comes to your belongings, if you can get sentimental items out first this is best if you’ve already left, do you have a friend or family member who could get your belongings? Otherwise, you’re best just leaving it, and some might bring it back, usually if they are coming for the hoover.

    You can not negotiate with these people, and they are not interested in what you have to say.

    If all else fails and you’ve had their belongings for a long time. Take to a family member if there are any good ones and not flying monkeys or enablers. Take it to a charity shop. You don’t need their belongings. In your home just because you’re a good person, it’s time to get rid of it all. If they ask about it after it’s gone, don’t worry, no doubt you gave them plenty of chances, if you destroyed it don’t worry, that’s in the past. Just play them at their own game, and either doesn’t respond or just keep replying with “ what belongings?” Don’t get drawn into an argument, the best response is. “I don’t have your things.” Best is block, delete and don’t respond.

    So where you might have left belongings in your haste to get out. They leave to further manipulation, either to come for the hoover, to get you to defend yourself in a verbal battle, or to help with their smear campaign.

    Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

    On Facebook.

    On YouTube.

    On Twitter.

    On Instagram.

    On Pinterest.

    On LinkedIn.

    The courses Elizabeth Shaw has available.

    The full course.

    Click here for the full course to help you understand and break free from narcissistic abuse. 

    The free course.

    Click here to join the free starter guide to breaking free from narcissistic abuse. 

    Help with overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety.

    Click for help overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety. 

    All about the narcissist Online course.

    Click here for more information about the narcissist personality disorder. 

    Recovery from narcissistic abuse and help with Co-Parenting.

    Click here for more information on recovery and co-parenting with a toxic ex. 

    Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with (Sponsored.) BetterHelp. where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse. 

    Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading.

    Video for more information on the smear campaign.

    Video for more information on the idolisation, devaluation, discard and hoover.

    The Vulnerable, Victim Narcissist.

    “The irony of a narcissist saying.” Why do you have to make things so difficult.”

    The vulnerable narcissist is often described as the victim narcissist as they seek to gain attention by playing the victim, all narcissists are more than capable of playing the victim if it meets a need of their own. They’re also often described as the Covert narcissist, all narcissists can act covertly, as they do their best to keep their manipulative behaviour hidden from those around them. The victim narcissist often just uses their manipulation where they are to be seen as the fragile person within the relationship, they play on our emotions such as our empathy and out guilt like any other narcissist to gain control over us, however where some narcissists want to be admired for their looks, their achievements, their intelligence, their arrogance ( which we easily mistake for confidence.) The vulnerable seeks to gain attention through the grand array of pitty plays, and they’ve always suffered far worse than anyone around them. The vulnerable will exaggerate or even make up things they’ve been through to gain sympathetic attention.

    The vulnerable narcissist are also know is introverted, covert, fragile or closet narcissist, they still feel, and believe they are superior to most people they meet, yet they hate being in the spotlight. They often seek to try to attach themselves to what they see as special people, and they will find pity from others to get sympathy and maybe excessive generosity to receive the attention and admiration they need to boost their inner self-worth. A victim narcissist wants us to feel sorry for them so they can control us through our pity for them, whereas a malignant will Control through love or fear, yet they can still play the victim if needed.

    The narcissist personality disorder is on a spectrum. They do have to have at least five traits to have the disorder, as it’s on a spectrum, they are individuals and have different characteristics on the surface. However, the underlying characteristics that put them on the spectrum are the same they can have five, six, seven, eight or all nine, and depending on which they have and who they are around, depends on the personality they have and what manipulation tactics they use on those around them, they can also cross over with those underlying traits.

    1. A sense of entitlement. They believe they have a right to anything and everything they want. What’s yours is mine and what’s mines my own attitude.

    2. Arrogance and dominance. They are proud of who they are. Some will be obvious in showing it, and some will hide it away.

    3. Exploitative. Whatever they do is only to ever to meet a need of their own.

    4. Grandiose. If they show it or not, they believe they are superior to all others.

    5. Jealous and envy. They are never truly happy and always want more.

    6. Lack of empathy they can not truly feel what others do or put themselves in other people’s shoes.

    7. Preoccupied with power and/or success. Those who are successful will brag, those who are not will blame others.

    8. Requires excessive attention. They need to be admired by others, through love or fear.

    9. The belief they are special. They believe all others are inferior to them.

    All those people on the disorder that have Lack of empathy, Sense of Entitlement, Lack of emotion regulation, Feelings of superiority, Disorder in home life and professional life, Non-linear relationship between facts and feelings, Self-esteem issues characterised by up and down moods, and so many more. You can come across narcissistic people, yet they are not a narcissist, however, if they are abusive, exploit you and bring you down, if they don’t want to change, you can not help them. It’s a great job changing ourselves, so you’ll be unable to change those who don’t see their actions as an issue.

    The vulnerable narcissist is considered to be covert narcissists.

    Vulnerable narcissistic traits.

    1.Self-Absorbed.

    A vulnerable narcissist has a victim mentality. They are always playing the victim, and always require a lot of sympathetic attention; they are often highly sensitive, they take offence to the slightest perceived criticism, and as narcissists do they make everything about them, if you’ve suffered a loss, theirs was far worse, if you had a bad day, they would bring it onto how theirs was far worse, offering you no emotional support and expecting you to forget about your needs and emotional support them.

    Like all narcissist types, They are emotionally draining to be around. With the vulnerable, it’s, mostly because of how sensitive they are on top of being emotionally demanding. Their mission in life is to get the people around them to see them as the perfect creatures they are.

    2. Lack in empathy.

    Vulnerable narcissists are often depressed. The life they live does not meet the fantasy of the life they feel entitled to. The lack in empathy toward others; however, they often show compassion towards themselves.

    The vulnerable narcissist has emotional ups and downs like those with Borderline Personality Disorder. However, unlike people with other disorders that try to take their own lives or self-harm, Vulnerable narcissists are one of the few people to make threats of self-harm in order to get attention. They rarely follow through with it. They can not connect to others on that empathetic level of how someone else might be feeling. They’ll quickly turn a conversation into all about them, not to show you they understand, or to have that two-way conversation about something you can both relate to, whatever’s happened to you they’ll have been through, or going through far worse, a true victim often but not always will downplay the things they’ve been through, often from the narcissists gaslighting of “It wasn’t that bad.” A victim narcissist will exaggerate to gain sympathetic attention.

    The victim narcissist will often be ill, as this is the perfect excuse to get them out of doing anything. Headaches is a great one they play on, as you can not tell if they genuinely have a headache or not. Also, bad backs, if they can not pinpoint an illness, they’ll often make ones, this is why headaches are the best that they use, this is also a tactic to use to gain more sympathy from those around them.

    Vulnerable narcissists often appear to be calm, quiet, reserved people, and as they have very confusing self-esteem issues.

    3. Passive-aggressive.

    Their first line of narcissistic defences they will be, passive-aggressive and shutting people out optioning to use the silent treatment as their preferred manipulation method to punish others. Like many narcissists, they will always play the victim card because they will always see themselves as the victim.

    4. Highly sensitive.

    Not all sensitive people are narcissists; however, the vulnerable like most narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism, but they’ll twist this around into them being the victim. Even if you didn’t mean to criticise them, they would use their passive-aggressive behaviours, such as the sulks, those silent treatments, provoking you until you react, so they can play the victim and blame it all on you. Insulting you, then passing it off as ”I’m only joking.” blame-shifting ”If only you.”

    5. Envious and jealous.

    The vulnerable are extraordinarily envious and jealous of others, often not understanding why others get stuff they do not. You might hear. “They had an inheritance.” “They sucked up to the boss.” Talking of those who are working hard for themselves and achieving. They can procrastinate as they believe the world owes them and they don’t need to work for anything. They can be very antisocial. They will continually nag if they work, they often change jobs fast, they get bored very quickly, they are extremely lazy.

    6. Financial dependant.

    They will offer a little flattery to their partner turning on the charm now and again when they can be bothered, and they will happily bleed their partners financial dry. They will financially help a little just to keep their partner second-guessing. Then they’ll play the poor woe is my card, so you feel sorry for them and help them out more, they’ll promise to pay you back. One day in the future which never arises, while we end up questioning ourself, if you question them, you’ll get the “ do you not remember when I brought this for the house” often something in the beginning.”

    8. Blaming others.

    They will not take responsibility for their own behaviour, and if they do in a moment, it’s only to get their own needs met and further down the line it’ll be your fault, or someone else fault.

    How to handle.

    Boundaries.

    Have healthy boundaries. These are not to harm another. These are to protect yourself, to let people know your values, beliefs, morals. It’s not to hurt them. It’s to protect you.

    Limited contact.

    No contact is always best around toxic people, they’ll not change into the nice person they claim to be, only ever temporarily to meet a need of their own. However, no contact isn’t always possible, so the next best thing it limited contact.

    Don’t take it personally.

    Learning not to take anything they say or do to hurt you personally, their behaviour and attitude says more about them than it ever will you. When you’ve tried your best time and time again just to be used up and discarded time and time again, you have every right to walk away and no longer play.

    Grey rock.

    • Business like communication.
    • One word answers.
    • Be boring.
    • Be monotonous.
    • Don’t ask about them.
    • Don’t tell about you.
    • Straight face.
    • No emotions.
    • Need to know basis.

    Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

    On Facebook.

    On YouTube.

    On Twitter.

    On Instagram.

    On Pinterest.

    On LinkedIn.

    The courses Elizabeth Shaw has available.

    The full course.

    Click here for the full course to help you understand and break free from narcissistic abuse. 

    The free course.

    Click here to join the free starter guide to breaking free from narcissistic abuse. 

    Help with overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety.

    Click for help overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety. 

    All about the narcissist Online course.

    Click here for more information about the narcissist personality disorder. 

    Recovery from narcissistic abuse and help with Co-Parenting.

    Click here for more information on recovery and co-parenting with a toxic ex. 

    Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with (Sponsored.) BetterHelp. where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse. 

    Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading.

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    The Cerebral Narcissist.

    ”Don’t look to those who tried to break you to heal you.”

    The narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, and for someone to be diagnosed by a professional as having the disorder, they would need to show at least five of the nine traits from the DMS-5 which are.

    Narcissistic characteristics and the meaning, they might not show them all at the same time.

    1. A sense of entitlement. They believe they have a right to anything and everything they want. What’s yours is mine and what’s mines my own attitude.

    2. Arrogance and dominance. They are proud of who they are. Some will be obvious in showing it, and some will hide it away.

    3. Exploitative. Whatever they do is only to ever to meet a need of their own.

    4. Grandiose. If they show it or not, they believe they are superior to all others.

    5. Jealous and envy. They are never truly happy and always want more.

    6. Lack of empathy they can not truly feel what others do or put themselves in other people’s shoes.

    7. Preoccupied with power and/or success. Those who are successful will brag, those who are not will blame others.

    8. Requires excessive attention. They need to be admired by others, through love or fear.

    9. The belief they are special. They believe all others are inferior to them.

    Although those with at least five of the nine traits who have the disorder have the disorder, they are still individuals, with different personality types.

    Types.

    • Malignant.
    • Grandiose.
    • Vulnerable.
    • Communal.

    Subtypes.

    • Overt.
    • Covert.
    • Somatic.
    • Cerebral.

    As they are individuals, they can also cross over to meet a need of their own. Although a grandiose will often be dominantly grandiose, however, they will play the victim, or if they are dominantly the vulnerable victim, they can act grandiose when required. All narcissists act covertly. As covert means secret, hidden, private. The overt can usually get away with their outrageous behaviour as they believe they are special, and those around them often agree. The malignant often rules through fear or love, those who love will often unwitting enable, those who fear will be too scared of consequences if they stand up to the malignant so often turn to the survival mode and Fawn to the narcissist’s demands. All manipulate as we know all too well, a narcissist will go all out in their manipulation of others through, gaslighting to distort another reality, future faking, to give the victim hope, blame-shifting to avoid responsibility, projection to escape accountability and pass the blame onto another, triangulation to create doubts in those around them, isolation from any support, intimidation to put fear into those around them so the fawn and conform to the narcissists’ demands, and invalidation, to take the power of self-belief and self-worth out of good people, so they’re left full of self-blame and self-doubts.

    If someone is intelligent, if they are high achievers, if they are preoccupied with success, and like to be in control if they believe they are special because they are intelligent. They have achieved; this alone does not make them a narcissist. If they have those things and they lack in empathy, if they exploit others, if they exaggerate achievements, and if they believe they are entitled to have or do as they please, with the above, you could be dealing with someone who’s on the spectrum, at the very least someone who’s narcissistic and not in a good way.

    Cerebral vs Somatic.

    A Cerebral narcissist is focused on intelligence, so their brains are their biggest power. A Somatic narcissist is focused on looks, So they get their needs met by either Using their body’s (Somatic.) or using their minds. (Cerebral.)

    The cerebral narcissist.

    Cerebral narcissists are often high functioning and extremely intelligent. The cerebral could possibly be one of the most dangerous, along with the malignant narcissist.

    Like most narcissists the cerebral, along with the covert can be extremely hard to detect, and even harder to get support after you’ve left as they are an extremely convincing con artist, that most often have all those around them, believing they are good people.

    Cerebral narcissists can appear to be, intelligent, sensitive and playing by the rules, they are extremely skilled in getting people to trust and like them and fitting in with those around them, they are often very energetic and in high powered positions.

    Cerebral narcissists are often like most narcissists as they like to go under the raider in society, all narcissist try to be unknown, In what they do, with the cerebral, because of their intellect, they usually manage not to be exposed. As they appear to be model citizens, they can be highly skilled at ’fitting in.’ to society’s norms, and getting those around them to trust in them, often making the cerebral narcissist hard to identify.

    Cerebral is like all other types of narcissists unwillingly to take a real look at themselves or admit any wrongdoing on their part. They are often congratulated by those around them for who they are, as people don’t understand just how dangerous they can be.

    The Cerebral narcissist has a lot more control of their inner rage, so these are most likely to be on the upper end of the spectrum, as they will plot more, about a smart way to get those around them back, rather than show rage and anger, they believe all others are incredibly envious of them. They think everyone is out to get them.

    Cerebral narcissists often use their intellectual abilities and achievements to draw people in.

    You may discover in conversations with them, that they do hold lots of grudges, yet these narcissists are in it for the long game, they will plan and plot, then once they have a plan they will use that plan to get to others.

    They are lacking in empathy as all other narcissists. In a relationship, they will devalue and discard. It’s hard coming out of any narcissistic relationship. These are possibly one of the hardest as you will have most likely lost all those you love to the narcissist, they rarely to never use physical violence and often seem to uphold and respect their law.

    The narcissist is competitive, but these can be to the extreme. Not all competitive people are narcissistic.

    In the home, you’ll notice how they have extreme double standards. They may convince partners to give up their jobs so that they feel financial powerless to leave the narcissist.

    To those around the narcissist, they will they accuse the partner of being a gold digger and using the narcissist for material gain.

    1. Pride and concern in achievements to excess.

    They will try to pull people in through their intellect. They not only try to impress those around them with complicated words. Long, drawn-out conversations, but also to destroy anyone who dares to question their intellect or theories, they take this as deep criticism, as they believe they are special and superior to those around them, they will seek to harm those who go against them.

    2. Arrogant.

    They are likely to come across, superior and extremely self-righteous, they struggle to have close, loving sexual relationships, like all narcissist they are not interested in others, or even listening to others, they are only interested in themselves.

    They usually are in great opposition with someone, as with all narcissist it’s you v’s me attitude.

    3. Little to no interest in sex.

    A cerebral narcissist is often asexual. Although they might be attracted to another, they often have little to no sexual desires. A cerebral narcissist often lacks the sexual attraction towards people. They have very little desire for sexual activity which would involve another, often opting to self masturbate.

    4. Self-absorbed.

    A cerebral will often show contempt to those around them, as they believe they are superior and most intelligent to those around them, they will show disregard to others ideas, thoughts or feelings, however, if someone has a wise idea the cerebral shall take this, adapt it and use it for their own.

    6. Criticism.

    A narcissist can not stand criticism, real or perceived. To a cerebral, if this is perceived as undermining their intellect, they can invalidate you in a moment with their words or they often remain calm and plot your downfall.

    7. Gaslighting.

    Like all narcissists on the spectrum a cerebral, will gaslight those around them. Gaslighting is to psychology manipulate you into losing your reality. After a narcissist has done this, they’ll happily call you crazy, for feeling all over the place due to their manipulative gaslighting behaviour. With their blame-shifting and projection, we often end up blaming ourselves and thinking we’re going crazy. You’re not the crazy one.

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    Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with Click here for BetterHelp. (Sponsored.) Where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

    Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading.

    Video for mind games narcissists play.

    Fight, flight, freeze or fawn.