12 Strange Things Narcissists Do That Leave You Confused
Why do narcissists behave in such bizarre ways? From ruining special occasions to ignoring loved ones without explanation, some narcissistic behaviours can leave people feeling confused, frustrated and questioning their own judgement.
One of the most difficult aspects of narcissistic abuse is that the behaviour doesn’t always make sense. Someone can appear charming, generous and considerate in public, yet behave very differently towards the people closest to them.
While no single behaviour proves someone has narcissistic personality disorder, repeated patterns of manipulation, entitlement, emotional invalidation and controlling behaviour can be deeply damaging.
Here are 12 strange behaviours that may occur in narcissistic and emotionally abusive relationships.
1. They Become Jealous of Their Own Children
Most parents want their children to succeed, develop independence and receive recognition. However, a parent with strong narcissistic traits may perceive their child’s achievements, relationships or attention from others as competition.
They might belittle accomplishments, make celebrations about themselves or become resentful when their child receives praise.
Rather than allowing their children to develop their own identities, they may expect them to fulfil their emotional needs.
For a child, this can create confusion, guilt and the belief that being successful or happy somehow threatens their parent.
2. They Ignore You Without Explanation
One moment, everything appears normal. The next, they refuse to acknowledge your presence.
You ask what’s wrong, but receive silence, dismissive responses or accusations that you’re imagining things.
When deliberately used to punish or control someone, this behaviour is commonly called the silent treatment.
The uncertainty can leave you replaying conversations, searching for mistakes and apologising for things you haven’t done.
Importantly, taking time alone to regulate emotions is different from deliberately withholding communication to cause distress.
3. They Ruin Birthdays, Holidays and Special Occasions
Have you noticed that arguments seem to happen whenever something important is approaching?
Birthdays, Christmas, weddings, graduations and family celebrations may become opportunities for conflict.
They might start an argument before leaving the house, criticise your appearance, complain about arrangements or suddenly become offended.
Instead of enjoying the occasion, you spend your time managing their mood.
Over time, you may begin dreading events you once looked forward to because you’re anticipating another confrontation.
4. They Refuse to Answer Simple Questions
You ask a straightforward question, yet somehow end up in a lengthy argument.
Instead of answering, they challenge your tone, question your intentions or accuse you of being controlling.
For example, asking why they arrived home late might lead to accusations that you don’t trust them.
The original question becomes irrelevant because the conversation has shifted towards defending yourself.
When this happens repeatedly, ordinary communication becomes exhausting, and you may eventually stop asking questions altogether.
5. They Hide Your Belongings and Help You Search for Them
One particularly disturbing form of manipulation involves deliberately moving or hiding someone’s belongings, then pretending to help find them.
The person responsible may appear concerned while watching you become increasingly frustrated.
When repeated intentionally, this behaviour can undermine your confidence in your own memory.
You may begin questioning whether you’re forgetful, careless or imagining things.
However, misplaced belongings alone are not evidence of manipulation. Intent and a wider pattern of behaviour are essential distinctions.
6. They Suddenly Become Completely Silent
Some emotionally abusive people withdraw from conversations precisely when communication matters most.
You may be discussing something important when they abruptly stop responding.
They might stare at you, walk away or behave as though you aren’t speaking.
This can leave you feeling powerless, particularly when the withdrawal follows an attempt to address hurtful behaviour.
Healthy relationships allow people to request space while communicating when they intend to return to the conversation.
Punitive silence, by contrast, leaves the other person in uncertainty.
7. They Pretend to Cry Without Genuine Distress
Some people use displays of emotion to redirect attention away from their actions.
During a confrontation, they may suddenly appear devastated, prompting you to abandon your concerns and comfort them.
The conversation shifts from what they did to how upset they supposedly feel.
However, tears or the absence of tears cannot reliably reveal whether someone’s emotions are genuine.
The important question is whether their emotional response becomes part of a repeated pattern of avoiding responsibility.
8. They Treat Strangers Better Than Their Own Family
This is one of the most painful contradictions people describe.
Someone may be exceptionally charming, helpful and generous towards colleagues, neighbours and strangers, yet consistently dismissive or cruel at home.
They might spend hours helping an acquaintance while refusing to offer their partner or children basic consideration.
Outsiders see a wonderful person, making it difficult for family members to explain their experiences.
This difference between public and private behaviour can also contribute to self-doubt because others may struggle to believe what happens behind closed doors.
9. They Walk Ahead and Leave You Behind
Walking ahead of someone isn’t automatically narcissistic. People naturally walk at different speeds.
However, repeatedly leaving a partner behind, refusing to wait or becoming irritated when asked to slow down can reflect a broader pattern of disregard.
The issue isn’t simply walking speed.
It’s the repeated message that your comfort, needs and presence are unimportant.
Small everyday interactions can reveal whether someone considers you an equal or expects you to accommodate them constantly.
10. They Take Your Belongings and Claim You Gave Them Permission
Some controlling individuals behave as though they are automatically entitled to other people’s possessions.
They may borrow money, take belongings or use something valuable without permission.
When confronted, they insist you agreed, accuse you of being selfish or claim you’re remembering the situation incorrectly.
Repeatedly denying what happened can leave you questioning your judgement.
Healthy relationships respect ownership, consent and personal boundaries, even between people who are extremely close.
11. They Accuse You of Doing Things They Regularly Do
Projection can occur when someone attributes their own unwanted feelings or behaviours to another person.
For example, someone who repeatedly lies might accuse their partner of dishonesty.
Someone who seeks constant attention may accuse others of being attention-seeking.
These accusations can create confusion because you find yourself defending against behaviour you haven’t demonstrated.
However, accusations alone don’t prove projection. Look for consistent contradictions between what someone says and what they actually do.
12. They Provoke You and Then Act Shocked When You React
One particularly damaging pattern involves repeated criticism, insults, dismissiveness or provocation followed by outrage when the other person finally reacts.
They may push an argument until you become visibly distressed, then focus entirely on your emotional response.
Suddenly, your raised voice becomes the problem rather than the behaviour that preceded it.
This can create a distorted picture of the relationship, particularly when outsiders witness only the final reaction.
Although everyone remains responsible for their actions, there is an important difference between an ongoing pattern of abuse and a distressed reaction to that abuse.
Understanding the context matters.
Why Do Narcissists Behave This Way?
There isn’t one explanation for every behaviour.
Some actions may reflect entitlement, difficulty tolerating criticism, insecurity, a need for admiration or attempts to maintain control.
Others may have explanations unrelated to narcissism.
What matters is recognising repeated patterns, particularly when someone consistently disregards your feelings, refuses accountability or uses confusion to gain power within the relationship.
You don’t need to diagnose someone to recognise that their treatment of you is harmful.
How to Protect Yourself From Narcissistic Abuse
Living with repeated emotional manipulation can gradually undermine your confidence and sense of security.
You may find yourself overexplaining, apologising unnecessarily, anticipating arguments or questioning your own memories.
Recovery involves learning to recognise unhealthy patterns, rebuild trust in your judgement and establish boundaries that protect your wellbeing.
If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse and want structured support, my How To Heal From Narcissistic Abuse: A CBT Recovery Programme provides practical tools to challenge self-blame, understand trauma bonds, manage emotional triggers and rebuild confidence.
Begin your recovery journey:
Final Thoughts
The strangest thing about narcissistic abuse isn’t always the individual behaviour. It’s how ordinary situations can become sources of confusion, anxiety and conflict.
A birthday becomes an argument. A simple question becomes an accusation. A disagreement becomes days of silence.
Eventually, you may spend more time trying to understand someone else’s behaviour than considering how that behaviour is affecting you.
You don’t have to understand every reason someone mistreats you to recognise that you deserve better.
The goal isn’t to label every difficult person a narcissist. It’s to recognise harmful patterns, hold people accountable for their actions and stop sacrificing your wellbeing to maintain an unhealthy relationship.
Check these out!
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
The Things Narcissists Teach Us About Ourselves: Finding Self-Worth, Healthy Boundaries, Healing & Freedom After Narcissistic Abuse Transform your pain into growth by rebuilding self-worth, strengthening boundaries, healing emotional wounds, and creating a life beyond narcissistic abuse.
How To Deal With Dickheads: A Survival Guide For The Difficult People In Your Life
Everyone knows one. The drama creator. The blame shifter. The boundary pusher. Learn how to protect your peace, stop pointless arguments and become dickhead-proof.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
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