9 Narcissistic Behaviours That Aren’t Normal (But They Pretend They Are)
When you’re dealing with a narcissist, one of the most confusing parts is realising that many of the behaviours they treat as “normal” are anything but. They act as if their reactions, habits, and choices are everyday behaviour — and if you question them, they make you feel irrational, dramatic, or oversensitive. This is how they normalise dysfunction and maintain control.
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
Below are nine narcissistic behaviours that are deeply toxic, yet often dismissed, minimised, or disguised as something harmless. Understanding them helps you see the patterns clearly — and recognise that these behaviours are not normal, healthy, or acceptable.
1. Jealousy of Their Own Children
A loving parent celebrates their child’s achievements. A narcissistic parent feels threatened by them.
This jealousy isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s subtle — a snide comment, an eye roll, a lack of enthusiasm, or a sudden need to “one-up” the child’s achievements. They may dismiss accomplishments, sabotage milestones, or turn special moments into competition.
To a narcissist, their child is not a separate person with needs and potential. They are a mirror — and anything that shifts the spotlight away from the narcissist feels like an attack.
This behaviour is not normal parenting. It’s emotional deprivation disguised as “just joking,” “tough love,” or “teaching them resilience.”
2. Ruining Special Occasions
Birthdays. Weddings. Holidays. Graduations.
If the focus is not on them, a narcissist will find a way to pull it back.
They may start an argument, cause a scene, sulk, withdraw, or find a fault in everything. They may even disappear suddenly, forcing everyone to worry about them instead of enjoying the event.
To a narcissist, any situation where they are not the centre of attention feels unbearable. So they create chaos, ensuring all eyes return to them — even if the attention is negative.
And they will pretend this behaviour is justified, normal, or “your fault.”
3. Refusing to Answer Simple Questions
A straightforward question should have a straightforward answer. But with a narcissist, even small queries turn into mind games.
Ask where they’ve been, and they’ll dodge the question.
Ask why they did something, and they’ll get defensive.
Ask for clarification, and they’ll accuse you of interrogation.
This behaviour is about control, not confusion.
By refusing to answer, they keep you unbalanced, frustrated, and unsure. They turn normal communication into a maze, then blame you for “starting drama” when you try to get clarity.
Healthy adults communicate. Narcissists avoid it unless it benefits them.
4. Dry Begging
Instead of directly asking for help, they hint, complain, or play helpless:
“I wish someone cared enough to help.”
“I guess I’ll just struggle on my own.”
“Must be nice having support…”
This manipulates you into offering assistance so they don’t have to appear needy — and they avoid gratitude because technically, they “never asked.”
This is not normal communication.
This is manipulation dressed up as vulnerability.
5. Impressing Strangers While Ignoring You
Narcissists put on their best performance for people who don’t know them well. They charm neighbours, colleagues, acquaintances, even strangers — while giving the people closest to them the bare minimum.
Their public image matters more than private reality.
They crave admiration, not connection.
This behaviour is deeply invalidating. You see the real them — dismissive, cold, self-centred — while everyone else sees a carefully crafted character.
This is not normal. It’s a façade prioritised over genuine relationships.
6. Walking Ahead of You
It seems small, but it’s symbolic.
Narcissists walk ahead of you to assert dominance, superiority, and emotional distance. They don’t walk with you, don’t match your pace, and don’t connect. They stride ahead as if they are the leader and you are an afterthought.
A healthy partner slows down for you.
A narcissist speeds up to outpace you.
They pretend this behaviour is normal or unconscious — but it’s a quiet declaration of hierarchy.
7. Weaponised Incompetence
Narcissists are masters at pretending they “can’t” do something to avoid responsibility:
“I’m no good at cleaning.”
“You know I’ll mess it up.”
“You’re better at this stuff.”
They perform incompetence so you’ll do everything.
It’s not lack of ability.
It’s lack of accountability.
Over time, you end up overworked, overwhelmed, and resentful — while they appear carefree and innocent. Weaponised incompetence is not a quirk; it’s manipulation.
8. Future Faking
Narcissists make big promises — holidays, moving in, babies, marriage — not because they intend to keep them, but because these promises keep you emotionally hooked.
Their words create hope.
Their actions create confusion.
Once you stop reacting to small tactics, they escalate to bigger promises to regain control. And when the promise is due, they gaslight, deflect, or push it further away.
Healthy people plan with you.
Narcissists plan to keep you invested.
9. The Silent Treatment
Silence is not calm.
Silence is punishment.
Narcissists withdraw affection, communication, and presence to make you anxious, insecure, and desperate to regain their approval. They pretend they “just need space,” but their silence is calculated to hurt, destabilise, and control.
This behaviour is psychological warfare, not emotional self-regulation.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists pretend these behaviours are normal, justified, or caused by your reactions. But none of these patterns are healthy. They are control tactics — designed to confuse you, lower your self-esteem, and make you dependent on their approval.
Recognising these signs is the first step in protecting your boundaries, rebuilding your confidence, and understanding that their behaviour is not a reflection of your worth.
You are not too sensitive.
You are not imagining things.
You are not the problem.
Their behaviour is not normal —
and you never have to accept it as if it is.
Check these out!
9 Narcissistic Behaviours That Aren’t Normal (But They Pretend They Are)
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
