Covert vs. Overt Narcissists: What’s the Difference?
Understanding the difference between covert and overt narcissism is crucial for identifying toxic behaviours in relationships. Narcissistic personality disorder manifests in various ways, and while overt narcissists may be more obvious in their displays of self-importance and arrogance, covert narcissists are equally damaging but harder to spot. Both types can wreak havoc on relationships, yet they operate in distinct ways that affect those around them differently.
In this article, we will explore the seven key distinctions between covert and overt narcissists to help you better identify and navigate these complex personalities. By understanding these differences, you’ll be better equipped to protect your emotional well-being and make informed decisions in relationships.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
What Is Narcissism?
Narcissism refers to behaviours and personality traits rooted in excessive self-centeredness, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) exists on a spectrum, and people with NPD display these traits in varying degrees. While overt narcissists are the type most people envision—loud, arrogant, and attention-seeking—covert narcissists present differently, often hiding behind a mask of humility and vulnerability.
Despite these differences in appearance, both covert and overt narcissists engage in manipulative behaviours that can damage their relationships. Understanding how these two types differ will allow you to better recognise narcissistic traits and protect yourself from the emotional harm they can cause.
1. Expression of Superiority
One of the most striking differences between covert and overt narcissists is how they express their sense of superiority.
- Overt Narcissists: Overt narcissists openly flaunt their sense of entitlement and superiority. They frequently boast about their achievements, status, or talents, often to the point of exaggeration. Their need to be seen as exceptional is obvious, and they expect admiration from those around them. In conversations, they are likely to dominate the discussion, focusing it on their accomplishments or perceived importance.
- Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists, on the other hand, tend to hide their superiority behind a veil of humility or self-doubt. They may use passive-aggressive comments or subtle hints to elevate themselves in the eyes of others, portraying themselves as more competent or morally superior without openly bragging. This understated form of superiority can be harder to detect, making covert narcissists seem more modest or even insecure.
2. Attention-Seeking Behavior
Narcissists thrive on attention, but how they seek it can vary greatly between overt and covert types.
- Overt Narcissists: Overt narcissists crave attention and go out of their way to get it. They may behave dramatically, speak loudly, or even provoke conflict to ensure that all eyes are on them. Their need for admiration is clear and constant, whether in professional, social, or personal situations. They thrive on being the centre of attention and will do whatever it takes to maintain that spotlight.
- Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists seek attention in more subtle ways, often by positioning themselves as victims or martyrs. Rather than demanding admiration, they might elicit sympathy by highlighting their hardships, struggles, or sacrifices. This form of attention-seeking makes them appear vulnerable, but in reality, they are still manipulating others to receive the validation and recognition they crave.
3. Empathy (or Lack Thereof)
Empathy is a key trait that distinguishes healthy individuals from narcissists, but both covert and overt narcissists use their lack of empathy differently.
- Overt Narcissists: Overt narcissists generally have little to no regard for the feelings of others. They often dismiss or ignore other people’s emotions, focusing solely on their own needs and desires. In interactions, they can be harsh, cold, or blunt, displaying a clear indifference to how their behaviour affects others.
- Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists may appear to show empathy, but this is often a tactic to manipulate others. They might feign concern or sensitivity to gain trust, only to use that perceived empathy as a way to control and influence. Their empathy is often selective, used strategically when it benefits them or helps them maintain their facade of being the “caring” individual.
4. Reactions to Criticism
One of the most telling traits of narcissists is their reaction to criticism, which can vary significantly between overt and covert types.
- Overt Narcissists: Overt narcissists react explosively to criticism. They may lash out, become defensive, or even retaliate aggressively when their flaws or mistakes are pointed out. Their sense of superiority makes them intolerant of any feedback that suggests they are less than perfect, and they often respond by attacking the person offering the criticism.
- Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists, by contrast, respond to criticism with passive-aggressive behaviour. Rather than confronting the critic directly, they may sulk, withdraw, or subtly undermine the person who criticised them. Their response is more indirect but equally manipulative, using emotional withdrawal or guilt to punish the other person.
5. Relationships
The way narcissists handle relationships reveals a great deal about their personality, and covert and overt narcissists approach them differently.
- Overt Narcissists: Overt narcissists typically have shallow, transactional relationships based on admiration and status. They surround themselves with people who feed their egos and drop those who fail to do so. These relationships are often short-lived, as overt narcissists discard anyone who no longer serves their need for validation.
- Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists often form more intimate, longer-lasting relationships but use emotional manipulation, guilt, and subtle control to maintain dominance. They may position themselves as the “victim” in relationships, using their partner’s empathy or compassion against them to create a sense of indebtedness or obligation.
6. Self-Image
How narcissists view themselves plays a central role in their behaviour, and the contrast between overt and covert narcissists is especially clear here.
- Overt Narcissists: Overt narcissists maintain a grandiose self-image, believing they are inherently better than others. Their inflated sense of self-worth is obvious, and they frequently remind those around them of their superiority. They view themselves as exceptional and expect others to recognise and reinforce this belief.
- Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists, by contrast, often struggle with deep-seated self-esteem issues. While they still believe they are special, they may feel inadequate or unappreciated, which drives their need for validation. Rather than overtly showcasing their superiority, covert narcissists tend to seek reassurance in more subtle, indirect ways.
7. Behavior in Social Situations
Narcissists’ behaviour in social settings further highlights the differences between overt and covert types.
- Overt Narcissists: Overt narcissists thrive in social situations, often dominating conversations and seeking to be the centre of attention. They enjoy public recognition and actively work to ensure they are noticed, whether through their words, actions, or appearance.
- Covert Narcissists: Covert narcissists may appear shy or withdrawn in social settings, but their need for validation is just as strong. Instead of commanding attention, they manipulate others in quieter ways, such as through subtle comments or self-pity, to draw sympathy or validation.
Overt vs. Covert Narcissism: Key Differences and How to Spot Them.
By understanding these seven key differences between covert and overt narcissists, you can better recognise the unique traits and behaviours each type displays. Whether dealing with someone who is openly arrogant or subtly manipulative, it’s important to protect yourself by setting boundaries and maintaining your emotional well-being. Recognising the signs early on will empower you to navigate relationships with narcissistic individuals more effectively and avoid falling into their toxic patterns.
Check these out!
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
