Dealing with a narcissistic individual can be incredibly difficult and emotionally draining. Whether it’s a parent, friend, or ex-partner, the manipulation and mind games they play can leave you feeling confused, hurt, and powerless. One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with a narcissist is when they try to win you back after a breakup or a falling out. They will go to great lengths to reel you back in, using a variety of tactics to appeal to your emotions and manipulate you into giving them another chance.
In this article, we will explore the disturbing games that narcissists play in an attempt to win you back. These tactics can be used by narcissistic parents, friends, or exes and can have a lasting impact on your emotional well-being. Understanding these games and learning how to protect yourself from them is crucial for anyone who has experienced or is currently dealing with a narcissist.
- Hoover
The term “hoovering” refers to the narcissist’s attempts to suck you back into their web of manipulation and control. This tactic is named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner, as it symbolises the narcissist’s relentless attempts to “suck” you back into their life.
The hoovering phase often comes after a period of silence or the end of a relationship. The narcissist may suddenly reappear in your life, acting as if nothing has happened and trying to re-establish a connection with you. They may shower you with affection, compliments, and promises of change, hoping to lure you back in.
It’s essential to recognise hoovering for what it is – a manipulative tactic to regain control over you. The narcissist is not genuinely interested in your well-being or in making things right; they only want to maintain their power over you.
- Love bombing
Love bombing is a manipulation tactic commonly used by narcissists to overwhelm you with affection and attention. During the love bombing phase, the narcissist will shower you with compliments, gifts, and declarations of love, making you feel like the centre of their universe.
This tactic can be incredibly enticing, especially if you have been feeling neglected or unappreciated. The intense love and attention can make you feel valued and special, and it’s easy to get swept up in the narcissist’s charm.
However, it’s essential to remember that love bombing is not genuine. It is a calculated tactic designed to manipulate and control you. Once the narcissist feels they have regained your trust and affection, they may revert to their old behaviours, leaving you feeling even more hurt and confused.
- Accidental message or phone call
Narcissists are not above using manipulative tactics to get your attention. One common ploy is the accidental message or phone call. The narcissist may reach out to you under the pretence of a mistake, claiming that they didn’t mean to contact you or that it was a slip of the finger.
This tactic creates a sense of urgency and confusion, making you wonder if the contact was intentional or if there is a hidden meaning behind it. The accidental message or phone call can leave you feeling anxious and unsure, opening the door for the narcissist to further manipulate and control you.
- False apology
Narcissists are masters of manipulation, and they are not above using false apologies to win you back. During the love bombing phase, they may offer remorseful and apologetic words, claiming to have realised the error of their ways and promising to change.
It can be tempting to believe these apologies, especially if you have been hurt by the narcissist’s actions. However, it’s crucial to recognise false apologies for what they are – a tactic to manipulate and control you. The narcissist may not genuinely feel remorse for their behaviour, and their promises of change are often empty and insincere.
- Claiming they’ll change
One common tactic used by narcissists to win you back is the claim that they will change. They may promise to seek therapy, work on their issues, or make an effort to be a better person. This promise of change can be incredibly appealing, especially if you have been hurt by the narcissist’s behaviour in the past.
However, it’s important to be cautious and sceptical of these claims. Narcissists are adept at manipulation, and they may use the promise of change as a ploy to keep you in their orbit. Real change takes time and effort, and it’s unlikely that a narcissist will suddenly transform into a better person overnight.
- Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to make you doubt your own perceptions and reality. During the hoovering phase, the narcissist may use gaslighting to make you question your decision to leave or to make you feel like you are overreacting to their past behaviour.
Gaslighting can be incredibly damaging to your mental health, leaving you feeling confused, anxious, and powerless. It’s essential to recognise gaslighting for what it is and to trust your instincts and perceptions. Remember that the narcissist’s goal is to control and manipulate you, and gaslighting is just one of the many tools they use to achieve that goal.
- 3rd party
The narcissist may go so far as to involve a third party in their attempts to win you back. They may use a mutual friend, family member, or even a new partner to convey messages to you or convince you to give them another chance.
This tactic is designed to create a sense of urgency and pressure, making you feel like you are missing out or making the wrong decision by not giving the narcissist another chance. It’s essential to recognise this tactic for what it is – a manipulative ploy to control and manipulate you.
- Guilt trip
Narcissists often use guilt as a tool to control and manipulate others. During the hoovering phase, they may play on your emotions, making you feel guilty for leaving or for not giving them another chance. They may use phrases like “I can’t live without you” or “You are the only one who understands me” in an attempt to appeal to your emotions and make you feel responsible for their well-being and happiness.
It’s essential to recognise guilt trips for what they are – a manipulative tactic to control and manipulate you. Remember that you are not responsible for the narcissist’s emotions or well-being, and it’s crucial to prioritise your own mental and emotional well-being.
- Pity plays
Narcissists are not above-using pity to manipulate and control others. They may play the victim, portraying themselves as the one who has been wronged and hurt in an attempt to elicit sympathy and compassion from you.
It’s crucial to recognise pity plays for what they are – a manipulative tactic to control and manipulate you. Remember that the narcissist is not a helpless victim but a master manipulator who will do whatever it takes to regain control over you.
- False promises of the future.
One common tactic used by narcissists is to make false promises of the future. They may paint a rosy picture of what could be if you were to give them another chance, making grandiose declarations of love and commitment in an attempt to win you back.
It’s essential to be cautious and sceptical of these promises. Narcissists are adept at creating an illusion of a better future, but it’s unlikely that they will follow through on their promises. Remember that actions speak louder than words, and it’s essential to prioritise your own well-being and happiness over empty promises.
- Obsessive behavior.
Narcissists can be incredibly persistent and obsessive in their attempts to win you back. They may bombard you with messages, emails, and calls, refusing to respect your boundaries or your decision to end the relationship.
This behaviour can be incredibly overwhelming and exhausting, leaving you feeling trapped and powerless. It’s important to set clear boundaries with the narcissist and to prioritize your own well-being and mental health. Remember that you have the right to control who has access to you and to prioritise your own happiness and well-being.
- Smearing your name
In some cases, narcissists may go so far as to smear your name to isolate you, making it seem easier for you to go back to them. They may spread rumours or lies about you, tarnishing your reputation and credibility in an attempt to make you feel isolated and alone.
It’s essential to recognise this tactic for what it is – a manipulative ploy to control and manipulate you. Remember that you are not responsible for the narcissist’s behaviour or actions, and it’s crucial to prioritise your own well-being and mental health.
Dealing with a narcissist can be incredibly challenging, especially when they try to win you back. It’s essential to recognise the games they play and prioritise your well-being and mental health. Remember that you have the right to set boundaries and to prioritise your own happiness and well-being. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist, and take the necessary steps to protect yourself from the narcissist’s manipulation and control.
Games Narcissists Play To Try And Win You Back On Side.
Check these out!
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.-1
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
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