When the Narcissist’s Discard Isn’t the End: Understanding the Cycle and Moving On.
Dealing with a narcissist can be an emotionally draining and painful experience. Their manipulative behaviour, lack of empathy, and constant need for attention can leave a trail of destruction in their wake. One of the most devastating aspects of being in a relationship with a narcissist is the discard phase. This is when the narcissist abruptly ends the relationship, leaving the victim feeling abandoned, confused, and heartbroken.
In this article, we will explore the concept of the narcissist’s discard, the pattern of idealisation, devaluation, and discard, and the games they play post-discard. We will also delve into the trauma bond that keeps victims tethered to the narcissist and discuss how to move on from a relationship with a narcissist.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
What the Narcissist’s Discard Is:
The discard phase of a relationship with a narcissist is a cruel and calculated move on their part. It is a final act of control and manipulation designed to leave the victim feeling worthless and desperate for the narcissist’s attention. The discard can come suddenly and without warning, leaving the victim feeling blindsided and devastated.
In a narcissistic relationship, there are typically two roles assigned to individuals: the Golden and the Scapegoat. The Golden is showered with praise and admiration by the narcissist, while the Scapegoat is constantly criticised and belittled. Regardless of which role the victim is assigned, the discard can be a devastating blow to their self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
The Narcissist’s Supply:
Narcissists thrive on attention and validation from others, known as narcissistic supply. This can come in the form of praise, admiration, or even fear from those around them. The narcissist’s need for supply is insatiable and drives their manipulative behavior in relationships.
The Pattern of the Narcissist’s Cycle:
The narcissist’s behaviour typically follows a cyclical pattern, which includes idealisation, devaluation, intermittent reinforcement, seeking new supply, smear campaigns, discard, and hoovering. During the idealisation phase, the narcissist puts their victim on a pedestal, showering them with love, affection, and attention. This phase is designed to hook the victim in and make them feel special and valued.
The devaluation phase follows, during which the narcissist begins to criticise, devalue, and emotionally abuse the victim. This can be a confusing and painful time for the victim as they struggle to understand why their once-loving partner, friend, parent, etc, has suddenly turned against them. Intermittent reinforcement, in the form of occasional kindness and attention, keeps the victim hooked and hoping for a return to the idealisation phase.
Once the narcissist has secured a new source of narcissistic supply, they may engage in smear campaigns against the victim to tarnish their reputation so the narcissist looks like the victim in the eyes of others. The final phase of the cycle is the discard, during which the narcissist abruptly ends the relationship, leaving the victim feeling discarded and worthless.
How the Narcissist’s Discard Isn’t the End:
For many victims of narcissistic abuse, the discard is not the end of the torment. The narcissist often engages in post-discard games, including hoovering tactics and smear campaigns. Hoovering is a manipulative technique used by the narcissist to suck the victim back into the relationship. This can come in the form of apologetic messages, promises of change, or even grand gestures to win the victim back.
The trauma bond that develops between a victim and a narcissist can make it hard for the victim to resist the hoover. The trauma bond is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when a victim of abuse becomes emotionally bonded to their abuser. This bond is reinforced by the release of cortisol and dopamine in the brain, creating a powerful and addictive connection to the narcissist.
The Final Discard:
As the narcissist discard is often a disengagement, the final discard comes from you.
In many cases, the final discard may actually come from the victim. After enduring the cycle of abuse and manipulation, the victim may finally reach a breaking point and initiate the end of the relationship. This can be a difficult and painful decision to make, as the trauma bond and fear of being alone can make it hard for the victim to let go.
Moving On from a Relationship with a Narcissist:
Moving on from a relationship with a narcissist can be a challenging and painful process. It is important for the victim to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help them process their emotions and rebuild their sense of self-worth. Healing from the trauma of a narcissistic relationship takes time and patience, but it is possible to move on and create a healthy and fulfilling life. (Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw
In conclusion, the discard phase of a relationship with a narcissist is not the end of the torment. The patterns of manipulation and abuse often continue post-discard, making it difficult for the victim to break free. Understanding the cycle of abuse, the trauma bond, and seeking support are essential steps in moving on from a relationship with a narcissist. With time, healing, and self-care, it is possible to break free from the grip of a narcissist and create a happy and healthy future.
The Narcissists Discard Isn’t The End | Narcissistic Behaviour.
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.-1
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
( Sponsored .). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
