How Narcissists Covertly Sabotage You.

Elizabeth shaw

2 years ago

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Narcissists are known for their manipulative and controlling behaviour, but some individuals are more covert in their tactics. These individuals often use subtle and insidious methods to gain power and control over their victims, making it difficult for them to recognise the abuse and seek help. In this article, we will explore 11 covert control tactics used by narcissists and provide examples to help identify these behaviours. We will also discuss how to recover from the trauma inflicted by these manipulative individuals.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Sleep Deprivation: The Gateway to Control
One of the most insidious tactics used by covert narcissists is sleep deprivation. They may subtly disrupt their victim’s sleep patterns by making noise, keeping them up late at night, or waking them up early in the morning. By depriving their victim of sleep, the narcissist gains control over their mental and emotional state, making it easier to manipulate and influence their behaviour.

For example, a covert narcissist may prevent their partner from getting a good night’s sleep by constantly engaging them in late-night arguments or deliberately making noise in the bedroom. Over time, the victim becomes exhausted and more susceptible to the narcissist’s influence.

Playing the Victim: A Manipulative Game
Covert narcissists often play the victim to garner sympathy and manipulate those around them. They may feign helplessness or portray themselves as the victim in every situation, using their perceived vulnerability to gain control over others. By eliciting pity and compassion, they can manipulate others into doing their bidding and fulfilling their desires.

For instance, a covert narcissists may constantly complain about how they are mistreated at work, or they may portray themselves as the victim in their relationships, using their perceived suffering as a means to control and manipulate those around them.

Regularly Breaking Arrangements: A Pattern of Betrayal
Another covert control tactic used by narcissists is to regularly break arrangements and promises. They may habitually cancel plans at the last minute, fail to follow through on commitments, or change their mind about important agreements. This behaviour creates a sense of uncertainty and instability, making it difficult for their victims to trust and rely on them.

For example, a covert narcissist may agree to attend a family event with their partner but cancel at the last minute, leaving their partner feeling disappointed and let down. By creating this pattern of broken promises, the narcissist maintains control over their victim’s feelings and decisions.

Losing Things: A Tactic of Gaslighting
Covert narcissists may use the tactic of “losing” important items or personal belongings as a form of gaslighting. They may claim to have misplaced their partner’s belongings, deny any knowledge of their whereabouts, or accuse their victim of being forgetful or careless. This behaviour causes their victim to doubt their own memory and perception, making it easier for the narcissist to manipulate and control them.

For instance, a covert narcissist may take and hide their partner’s car keys, claiming their partner misplaced them, causing their partner to question their own memory and sanity. This subtle form of gaslighting allows the narcissist to maintain power and control over their victim.

Deliberately Hiding Information: Creating a Web of Deceit
Covert narcissists often engage in the deliberate hiding of information as a means of control. They may withhold important details, lie by omission, or conceal their true intentions to keep their victim in the dark. By controlling the flow of information, they can manipulate their victim’s thoughts and actions, creating a web of deceit that is difficult to untangle.

For example, a covert narcissist may hide financial information from their partner, such as secret bank accounts or undisclosed debts, in order to maintain control over their partner’s financial decisions and independence.

Deliberately Disclosing Personal Information: A Ploy for Control
Conversely, covert narcissists may also use the tactic of deliberately disclosing personal information as a means of control. They may share private details about their victim with others, manipulate sensitive information to their advantage, or use personal revelations to maintain power over their victim.

For instance, a covert narcissist may divulge their partner’s private struggles or insecurities to friends or family members in order to gain sympathy and support, while simultaneously undermining their victim’s autonomy and self-worth.

The Narcissist’s Invalidation: Crushing Dreams and Aspirations
Covert narcissists often invalidate the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of their victims as a means of control. They may dismiss their victim’s ideas and aspirations, belittle their accomplishments, or undermine their self-esteem in an effort to maintain power and dominance.

For example, a covert narcissist may invalidate their partner’s career goals or creative pursuits, dismissing them as unimportant or unrealistic. This constant invalidation serves to control their victim’s aspirations and maintain the narcissist’s position of authority.

Fail to Give Direct Answers: An Evasion of Responsibility
Covert narcissists frequently evade responsibility and accountability by failing to give direct answers to questions or concerns. They may deflect blame, avoid confrontation, or use vague language to sidestep any form of accountability. This behaviour allows them to manipulate their victim’s perceptions and maintain control over the narrative.

For instance, a covert narcissist may refuse to provide a clear answer when confronted about their behaviour, instead deflecting the conversation or shifting the blame onto their victim. This evasion of responsibility serves to maintain the narcissist’s power and control over their victim.

Changing Plans: A Tale of Manipulation
Another tactic used by covert narcissists is to constantly change plans and expectations, creating a sense of chaos and unpredictability. They may alter agreed-upon arrangements, impose last-minute changes, or disrupt established routines to keep their victim off balance and susceptible to their influence.

For example, a covert narcissist may insist on changing weekend plans at the last minute, leaving their partner feeling disoriented and at the mercy of the narcissist’s whims. This manipulation serves to maintain control over the victim’s time and decisions.

Sabotaging Relationships: A Stratagie for Isolation
Covert narcissists often engage in the manipulation of relationships to isolate their victim and maintain control. They may sabotage their victim’s friendships, poison their relationships with others, or create rifts and conflicts to keep their victim dependent on them.

For example, a covert narcissist may spread rumours or sow distrust among their partner’s social circle, causing their victim to question the loyalty and support of their friends and family. This isolation serves to maintain the narcissist’s power and control over their victim.

Ruin Occasions: A Tactic of Envy and Self-Gratification
Lastly, covert narcissists may engage in the deliberate sabotage of important occasions and milestones as a means of control. They may ruin special events, demean their victim’s achievements, or spoil cherished moments in order to satisfy their own envy and self-gratification.

For example, a covert narcissists may belittle their partner’s accomplishments at a celebratory event, turning the focus onto themselves and diminishing their victim’s sense of achievement. This behaviour serves to maintain the narcissist’s power and control over their victim’s emotions and self-esteem.

Recovering from the Control of Covert Narcissists:
Recovering from the manipulative and controlling tactics of covert narcissists can be a challenging and demanding process, but it is possible with the right support and resources. Here are some steps to help victims of covert narcissistic abuse recover and heal from the trauma:

Recognise the Abuse: The first step in recovery is to recognise and acknowledge the abusive behaviour of the covert narcissist. It is important to understand that you are not to blame and that the narcissist’s actions are a result of their own manipulative tendencies.

Seek Support: It is crucial to seek support from trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals who can provide validation, understanding, and guidance in navigating the recovery process.

Establish Boundaries: Setting clear and firm boundaries is essential in protecting yourself from further manipulation and control. Establishing boundaries with the covert narcissist and enforcing consequences for their abusive behaviour is crucial in reclaiming your power and autonomy.

Practice Self-Care: Engage in self-care activities that promote physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This may include exercise, meditation, therapy, or spending time with supportive and nurturing individuals.

Educate Yourself: Educate yourself about narcissistic abuse and the tactics used by covert narcissists. Understanding the manipulative behaviour of the narcissist can help you identify and resist further attempts at control.

Focus on Healing: Take the time to heal from the trauma inflicted by the covert narcissist. This may involve addressing any psychological or emotional wounds through therapy, self-reflection, and introspection.

Empower Yourself: Reclaim your power and autonomy by pursuing your passions, setting and achieving goals, and engaging in activities that make you feel confident and empowered.

It is important to remember that recovery from the control of covert narcissists is a gradual process that requires patience, understanding, and self-compassion. By educating yourself about the manipulative tactics of covert narcissists and seeking support from trusted individuals, you can begin to heal from the trauma and reclaim your life.

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.-1

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

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