Narcissists have a tendency to enter into relationships and start families for a multitude of reasons, many of them centered around their own desire for control, attention, and validation. This article will delve into the specific reasons why narcissists choose to have children, and provide examples to illustrate each point.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
- An illusion to serve themselves.
One of the primary reasons narcissists choose to have children is to create an illusion that they are loving, caring, and responsible individuals. By having children, they can portray themselves as selfless and nurturing despite the fact that their true motivations are often self-serving. They may use their children as props to bolster their public image, posting loving family photos on social media and presenting themselves as exemplary parents to their friends and acquaintances.
For example, a narcissistic parent may boast about how much they love their children and how involved they are in their lives, but behind closed doors, they may neglect or emotionally abuse them. This illusion allows the narcissist to maintain their facade of perfection while ensuring that their darker behaviours are kept hidden from public view.
- A feel-good redemption story about themselves.
Narcissists often view having children as an opportunity to rewrite their own personal narratives and present themselves as redeemed individuals. They may see parenthood as a chance to atone for past mistakes or bad behaviour and believe that by being a parent, they can absolve themselves of their faults and shortcomings.
For example, a narcissistic parent who has a history of toxic relationships and selfish behaviour may view having a child as a chance to demonstrate their capacity for love and selflessness. By playing the role of a devoted and nurturing parents, they can convince themselves and others that they have changed for the better despite their continued patterns of manipulation and control.
- Painting themselves into victim or hero mode.
Narcissists often use their children to manipulate the narrative of their relationships, casting themselves as either the victim or the hero in the dynamic. They may invent scenarios in which they are unfairly prevented from seeing their child by the other parent, effectively painting themselves as the mistreated and misunderstood party. Conversely, they may position themselves as the saviour of their child, claiming to have rescued them from a toxic or abusive environment.
For example, a narcissistic parent may engage in a bitter custody battle with their ex-partner, portraying themselves as the innocent victim who is unjustly denied access to their child. Alternatively, they may depict themselves as the valiant protector of their child, fabricating stories of abuse or neglect on the part of the other parent in order to justify their own control and interference.
- Creates a distance of brokenness within themselves.
Narcissists often use their children as a means to temporarily distract themselves from their own inner turmoil and brokenness. By focusing on their role as a parent, they can avoid confronting their unresolved emotional issues and personal traumas. However, this distraction is ultimately unsustainable, as the narcissist’s underlying issues will continue to manifest in their parenting behaviour, causing further harm to their children.
For example, a narcissistic parent may throw themselves into the role of a doting and attentive caregiver, using their child as a source of validation and distraction from their own emotional pain. However, their inability to address their own trauma means that they are unable to provide their child with the stability and support they truly need, resulting in a cycle of dysfunction and despair.
- The finish line is the ultimate control over the child’s other parent.
Narcissists often view having a child as a means to exert control and dominance over their romantic partner or ex-partner. By creating a shared offspring, they believe they can maintain a permanent connection to their partner, ensuring that they remain entangled in the narcissist’s web of manipulation and abuse. This desire for control extends to the child as well, as the narcissist seeks to dictate and manipulate the relationship with both parents.
For example, a narcissistic individual may intentionally conceive a child with their partner as a means of solidifying their bond and maintaining a hold over them even after the relationship has ended. They may use the child as a bargaining chip or leverage in their interactions with the other parent, seeking to ensure that they remain the dominant influence in the child’s life.
- Narcissistic supply.
Narcissists are perpetually in need of a source of admiration, validation, and attention, known as narcissistic supply. They may view having children as a way to secure a constant and reliable source of admiration and validation, as children are inherently dependent on their parents and look to them for love and guidance.
For example, a narcissistic parent may constantly seek praise and adoration from their child, using them as a means to fulfil their insatiable need for attention and affirmation. They may prioritise their own ego and desires over their child’s well-being, exploiting them as a source of narcissistic supply and neglecting their own emotional and developmental needs in the process.
- To scapegoat.
Narcissists often use their children as scapegoats for their own failings and insecurities. They may project their own negative traits and behaviours onto their children, blaming them for their own shortcomings and using them as a convenient outlet for their frustrations and anger. This allows the narcissist to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and maintain their own self-image as faultless and blameless.
For example, a narcissistic parent may constantly criticise and belittle their child, attributing their own flaws and mistakes to the child and using them as a scapegoat for their own inadequacies. They may create a toxic and abusive environment in which the child bears the brunt of the narcissist’s rage and self-loathing, all the while being blamed for the problems that the narcissists themselves have caused.
- To gain attention.
Finally, narcissists often have children as a means of garnering attention and admiration from others. They may view parenthood as an opportunity to showcase their success and superiority, using their children as a tool to elicit praise and envy from their social circle. They may seek validation and recognition for their parenting skills, exploiting their children as a means to boost their own ego and self-worth.
For example, a narcissistic parent may constantly showcase their children as trophies of their own success, using them as a means to attract attention and admiration from others. They may prioritise their own need for validation over the well-being of their children, exploiting them as a means to bolster their own image and status in the eyes of others.
In conclusion, narcissists have a multitude of reasons for choosing to have children, many of which are rooted in their own self-serving desires for control, attention, and validation. They may use their children as pawns in their manipulative games, exploiting them for their own gain and neglecting their true emotional and developmental needs in the process. Understanding the motivations behind a narcissist’s decision to have children is crucial to identifying and addressing the ways in which they may harm those under their care.
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.-1
Narcissistic Parents
Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.
For the full course.
For the free course.
Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.
To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.
Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.
All about the narcissist Online course.
Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.
The narcissists counter-parenting.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Thank you for helping make aware of the danger of getting involved with this type of person. They can cause emotional distress for years and suffer no pain.They are without empathy and professional liers . How would one ever suspect,blinded by love?