When you go no contact with a narcissist, their reactions can be quite predictable. Initially, they will likely plot and scheme, feeling deeply offended that you would dare to treat them this way. In the eyes of a narcissist, they are the most important person in the world, and your refusal to engage with them is an ego blow.
Moving forward with your life without even glancing back at them is a huge blow to their ego. They realise that not only are you finding happiness without them, but you are also becoming successful. They feel like failures because they let you slip away and couldn’t control you or get any emotional reactions from you anymore.
When narcissists realise that you have escaped their grasp, they often resort to various manipulation tactics. They may begin with a false apology in an attempt to suck you back in, but when that fails, they may shift the blame onto you and project their own faults onto you. As their anger escalates, they might resort to threats and even flaunt a new person in front of you to provoke a reaction. They will also go to great lengths to smear your reputation and ensure that their allies, known as flying monkeys, let you know certain information to hurt you further. Ultimately, they might employ the silent treatment as a last resort.
Without any reaction from you, narcissists suffer. They have to seek emotional reactions from elsewhere, but once their egos are recharged, they will likely try again to draw you back in. They might play the pity card, claiming illness or that someone close to them is unwell. If you have children together, they may even use them to get to you. In such situations, it is important to focus on maintaining a positive environment for the children, explaining your values and opinions, and not letting the narcissist know that their actions are affecting you. By observing their behaviour, you can recognise the pattern they cycle through, which ultimately leads them back to silence.
The damaged ego of a narcissist stems from the fact that you outsmarted them and abandoned them. They become jealous and envious of your ability to survive and thrive without them. Narcissists hate it when people escape their grasp; they want you to return to them, showering them with positivity so they can destroy you once again. They create problems for you just so they can swoop in and play the hero, hoping to win you back before devaluing and discarding you all over again.
However, it is important to remember that they do not genuinely want you, they just want to rebuild their egos by taking everything they can from you. They enjoy both the positive and negative energy you provide, relishing in the destruction they cause. By going no contact and getting on with your life, you rob them of the reactions they seek, leaving them to spend their time plotting ways to destroy you once more. In this process, they often end up damaging their relationship with a new person, as they constantly compare them to you, leading the new person to mimic your appearance, hobbies, and interests under the narcissist’s twisted jealously-fueled words.
Sometimes, you may find yourself going back to the narcissist a few times, breaking your no-contact rule. It is expected to want to believe that people can change, but narcissists do not change. Therefore, it is important to stick to no contact or limited contact and practice grey rock, which means being unresponsive and emotionally detached.
It is also worth noting that many narcissists will stalk you online, using fake accounts or enlisting flying monkeys to contact you on their behalf. They will try everything to hinder your progress and hold you back. However, your goal should be to leave past mistakes behind, move forward towards a happier life, and avoid allowing those who wish to harm you back into your life. Narcissists will throw everything they can at you. Still, it is important to remain strong, maintain your boundaries, focus on the positive aspects of your life, and not react to their provocations. If necessary, consider obtaining non-molestation orders to protect yourself, and seek legal and professional support from people who understand narcissistic personality disorder. Keep records of any incidences, as every little piece of evidence can help build your case.
Narcissists may even enlist new partners to come after you, hoping to invoke a reaction. It is crucial to provide no reaction to the new supply and seek comfort from trusted friends and support groups. Remember, you are not alone in this struggle, and it is essential not to let the narcissist’s injured ego know that they are affecting your life. Fight back using legal means and continue to advocate for your right to live in peace. Show the narcissist that you are not afraid to challenge them through the court system, but remain emotionally detached during any legal proceedings. Hire solicitors or lawyers who understand narcissistic personality disorder and consult with police officers who have experience with such cases. Keep a record of everything, as even the smallest details can make a difference.
It may require effort, but you can regain a sense of normalcy in your life. Remember that narcissists enjoy a challenge, and if they see that they are starting to win, they will keep going. However, when they encounter barriers in the form of law enforcement, their determination may waver. They will begin to search for easier sources of supply and eventually leave you alone if their games fail to have any effect. The final discard comes from you, and once you stop reacting to them, narcissists will look for easier targets.
In conclusion, going no contact with a narcissist can be challenging but ultimately liberating. By not providing them with the reactions they seek, you rob them of their power and force them to find validation elsewhere. Focus on moving forward, maintaining boundaries, seeking support from trusted individuals and groups, and utilising legal means to protect yourself. With time and effort, you can regain control of your life and live happily without the narcissist’s toxic influence.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.