Why narcissists lie, and some of the more common lies narcissists might use.
Narcissistic individuals are known for their manipulative and deceitful behaviour. They lie and deceive others with such conviction that most people unwittingly get sucked into their games and falsehoods. But why do narcissists lie? And what are some of the more common lies they might use?
Firstly, it is important to understand that the origins of narcissistic personality disorder are not fully known. It is believed that narcissists and sociopaths are made throughout life, influenced by various factors such as upbringing, trauma, and environment. Psychopaths, on the other hand, are believed to be born with their antisocial traits. Narcissistic personality disorder exists on a spectrum, with different individuals exhibiting different characteristics and tactics to varying degrees.
One of the key characteristics of narcissists is their lack of empathy towards others. They have little regard for the feelings or needs of others and are unable to take accountability for their own actions. They often blame others for their own faults and believe they are entitled to exploit people to meet their own needs.
Unlike most people who might tell white lies to spare someone’s feelings or due to a momentary lapse in judgment, narcissists lie purely to meet their own needs. The sheer volume of lies they tell can often lead them to believe their own falsehoods as they create their own distorted reality. However, it is important to note that not all narcissists are the grandiose type, nor are they necessarily successful or attractive. In fact, their insecurities often drive them to create false images of themselves to boost their self-esteem and hide their true selves. They lie about their achievements and abilities to appear better than they actually are, and they use manipulation and lies to try to mask their deep-seated insecurities.
Here are some common lies narcissists might use and the reasons behind them:
- In the idealisation stage of a relationship with a narcissist, they might say things like, “You’re my soulmate” or “I’ve never met anyone like you before.” This is part of their manipulation tactics to gain your admiration and attention. They mirror your likes and dislikes to receive positive admiration from you.
- To hook you in more, narcissists might say, “I love you” or “You’re the only one for me.” However, if you ask a narcissist why they love you, it will never be about you as an individual. Instead, they will focus on what you do for them and what you provide them. They see people as tools to gain attention, emotions, and material items, much like how others see appliances to fulfil certain needs.
- During the devaluation stage of a relationship with a narcissist, they engage in blame-shifting and triangulation. They might say things like, “It’s because you didn’t do this that I acted that way” or “My friend’s partner lets them do it.” They refuse to take responsibility for their actions and project their faults onto others, believing it is always someone else’s fault.
- In the manipulative discard stage of a relationship with a narcissist, they might use guilt trips and blame-shifting such as, “You weren’t there for me” or “You’re selfish.” They demand constant attention and become sulky or enraged when they are not the centre of your world. They want you to put them before anything or anyone else.
- In the manipulative Hoover stage of a narcissistic relationship, they might play the victim and say things like, “I’ll change” or “I need you to help me.” This is a tactic to keep you hooked and avoid revealing their true selves to others. However, it is crucial to note that true change is rare in narcissists as they lack the ability to empathise and self-reflect.
- Gaslighting is another common tactic employed by narcissists. They might say things like, “I promise” or “I never said that”, Also “You’re too sensitive.” or “You’re overreacting.” to confuse, dismiss and manipulate you. They often make you doubt your own memories and experiences, causing self-doubt and confusion.
- Narcissists have a sense of superiority and entitlement, so they might say things like, “Don’t worry about anything” or expect everyone around them, including the police, the court, and the law, to bow down to their demands. They often use others as scapegoats and expect others to clean up after their messes.
- Narcissists constantly seek validation and admiration, so they might lie about their intelligence or achievements, saying things like, “I’m so intelligent” or “I’ve achieved so much.” They put others down to raise themselves up and constantly seek to be the centre of attention.
It is important to remember that you are amazing and deserving of a fulfilling and authentic life free from lies and negativity. Narcissists may cycle through the same behaviours, blaming others for their problems and using manipulation to exploit those around them. However, you have the ability to reflect, learn from past mistakes, and build a happier and healthier life for yourself.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.