Gaslighting: The Narcissist’s Arsenal of Psychological Warfare Revealed.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic commonly employed by narcissists to distort another person’s sense of reality. It involves subtly undermining the victim’s perception of events to the point where they question their own sanity. Gaslighting is the narcissist’s way of concealing the abuse they inflict on their victims, making them feel as if they are going insane.

The goal of gaslighting is to make the victim doubt their memory and their version of reality. By creating confusion and self-doubt, the narcissist gains control over the victim’s thoughts, feelings, and, ultimately, their life. Gaslighters are compulsive liars who use this tactic to assert power and control over others. They aim to convince their victims that their own version of events is wrong, while the gaslighter’s interpretation is the only truth.

This form of psychological manipulation is employed to erase any evidence of abuse and shift the blame onto the victim. Gaslighters will fabricate stories, deny events that occurred, or change the circumstances of past occurrences to confuse their victims further. Their ultimate objective is to distort the victim’s mind, making them question their sanity and rely on the gaslighter for guidance and clarity.

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to distort another person’s sense of reality, ultimately making them question their sanity. Gaslighters employ lies and manipulation to gain control and power over their victims, erasing any evidence of abuse while convincing them that their version of events is incorrect. Recognising gaslighting and seeking support is crucial to preserving one’s sanity and breaking free from the control of the gaslighter.

Gaslighting Phrases: Tactics Used by Narcissists.

This insidious form of psychological abuse involves using specific phrases designed to invalidate, undermine, and control the victim. Understanding these gaslighting phrases is crucial to recognising and protecting oneself from the detrimental effects of narcissistic abuse.

One common gaslighting phrase employed by narcissists is, “I didn’t say that.” Even when confronted with evidence, they strongly deny statements they made, leading the victim to question their own recollection of events. Similarly, narcissists often twist the truth by saying, “You said (they will add something you never said).” This tactic makes it challenging for the victim to defend themselves and further erodes their confidence.

Another gaslighting phrase used by narcissists is, “It’s not a big deal.” By dismissing the victim’s concerns and minimising the impact of their actions, the narcissist undermines the validity of their emotions, making them question the significance of their feelings and experiences. Alongside this, statements like, “You must have a problem with time,” are aimed at shifting blame onto the victim, diverting attention from the narcissist’s poor timekeeping and manipulating the victim into questioning their own perceptions.

Gaslighting phrases often involve invalidating the victim’s experiences and memories. Narcissists use phrases such as, “You must have dreamt that,” or “That didn’t happen.” These tactics attempt to make the victim doubt their own memories and question their perception of events. When the victim dares to question the narcissist, they often face the dismissive response, “You’re sensitive,” aimed at making them feel overly emotional or irrational.

In severe cases, narcissists resort to damaging comments designed to undermine the victim’s mental stability. Phrases like “You’ve got mental problems” or “You need a mental evaluation” seek to stigmatise and belittle the victim, further isolating them and discouraging them from seeking outside assistance. The narcissist progresses this gaslighting by labelling the victim as “crazy,” “paranoid,” “losing their memory,” or “unhinged,” making them question their own sanity and fostering dependency on the narcissist’s version of reality.

Triangulation is another manipulative technique employed by narcissists through gaslighting phrases. By telling the victim that others have said negative things about them, the narcissist aims to sow seeds of doubt, create division, and foster dependence on the narcissist for affirmation and protection. They may even assert, “Everyone thinks you are crazy,” to silence the victim and prevent them from speaking out against the abuse.

In some cases, narcissists may use deceptive tactics to mask their toxic behaviour. They may claim, “No, I didn’t mean it that way. I’m just concerned about you,” or “I’m only joking.” These covert narcissistic expressions allow them to avoid accountability for their hurtful actions, as they maintain plausible deniability while continuing to manipulate and control the victim.

It is essential to differentiate between individuals who occasionally exhibit narcissistic traits and those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). While some people may unintentionally say gaslighting phrases, true narcissists display a pattern of abusive behaviour, lacking remorse, and repeatedly causing harm. It is crucial to understand these distinctions to protect oneself from long-term psychological damage.

Understanding gaslighting phrases used by narcissists is pivotal in recognising and countering the effects of narcissistic abuse. By employing manipulative tactics aimed at distorting reality, narcissists attempt to control and undermine their victims’ sanity, memories, and perceptions. Recognising these gaslighting phrases is crucial in breaking free from the cycle of abuse and reclaiming one’s sense of self.

The side effects of being gaslighted.

Gaslighting can have profound and lasting effects on its victims. Over time, it erodes one’s sense of self, leaving them in a state of perpetual confusion and self-doubt. The insidious nature of gaslighting can be mentally and emotionally debilitating, resulting in a range of distressing symptoms.

Brain fog becomes all too familiar, clouding one’s ability to think clearly and make rational decisions. Fear and paranoia creep in, as the victim begins to question their own perception of reality. Dizziness may even ensue as the narcissist’s constant manipulation spins the victim’s world in disarray. The once confident and independent individual feels vulnerable and powerless, finding it increasingly difficult to assert their own autonomy.

The profound impact of gaslighting is not limited to the immediate aftermath. Its toxic effects linger long after the abuse has ended. Victims often struggle with overwhelming self-doubt, forever plagued by the notion that they are losing their minds. The incessant feeling of guilt perpetuated by the narcissist’s gaslighting tactics keeps victims trapped in a cycle of apologising and self-blame.

Isolated and misunderstood, victims of gaslighting may find themselves on the brink of a nervous breakdown. The relentless manipulation further intensifies feelings of loneliness and despair. As one embarks on the journey towards healing and recovery, there may emerge a newfound need to constantly seek clarification, double-checking reality to regain a sense of certainty and stability.

Perhaps most distressing is the act of erasing the abuse through deceptive rhetoric. The narcissist’s words can inflict wounds far deeper than the original abuse itself. The victim, already vulnerable and raw, faces the anguish of having their experiences invalidated and dismissed, amplifying their pain and hindering the healing process.

The effects of gaslighting on an individual are far-reaching and devastating. The control sought by the narcissist leaves the victim in a state of constant turmoil, grappling with self-doubt, confusion, and feelings of isolation. The road to recovery is arduous, marked by the persistent need to clarify and validate one’s reality. Gaslighting not only inflicts immediate harm but also leaves enduring scars on the victim’s psyche, illustrating the profound and detrimental impact of this manipulative tactic.


Recovery from gaslighting and toxic relationships is a difficult journey, but with awareness and self-empowerment, it is possible to reclaim one’s sense of self and well-being. Gaslighting only thrives when the victim is unaware of the manipulative techniques being employed. However, once the person becomes aware of the gaslighting dynamics, they hold the key to their own recovery.

Paying attention to both actions and words is crucial in identifying gaslighting behaviour. While occasional forgetfulness can be forgiven, consistent manipulation and toxic behaviours indicate a harmful individual. Each person deserves to be treated with respect and kindness, so recognising this is the first step towards healing.

Trusting one’s intuition is a powerful tool against gaslighters. If something feels off or not right, individuals should heed their inner self’s warning and validate their own intuition. External validation may not always be available or reliable, so relying on personal feelings is essential. It can be beneficial to document events with the gaslighter, as memory suppression is often a tactic employed by manipulative individuals.

Seeking a reality check from an unbiased third party can provide much-needed clarity. Sharing experiences with someone outside of the situation helps validate one’s reality and empowers them to break free from the gaslighter’s influence. It is essential to speak up and assert one’s truth without attempting to rationalise or convince the gaslighter. Their main objective is to avoid accountability and responsibility, so engaging in such discussions is futile.

If possible, maintaining no contact with the gaslighter is the most effective way to recover. However, in situations involving children, limited contact is necessary, but it should be strictly focused on the well-being of the children. Implementing the Gray Rock method, where one becomes emotionally unresponsive and uninteresting, helps protect the sanity of both the victim and the children.

Ultimately, it is vital to establish one’s own reality and ensure that children are aware of the truth. While it is important to acknowledge everyone’s right to their own opinions, patterns of gaslighting and consistent feelings of uncertainty should not be dismissed. Trusting one’s intuition and recognising the warning signs are crucial steps towards breaking free from the shackles of gaslighting.

Recovery from gaslighting requires personal strength, self-validation, and a commitment to one’s well-being. By understanding the dynamics of toxic relationships, individuals can reclaim their power and rebuild their lives with a renewed sense of confidence and authenticity.

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Leave a Reply