7 Reasons Why Narcissists Find Happiness by Securing New Supply.
Narcissistic supply refers to the psychological nourishment that individuals with narcissistic personality disorder seek from others to fuel their self-esteem and maintain their grandiose sense of self. It encompasses various forms of admiration, attention, and validation, whether positive or negative, that these individuals crave incessantly. Narcissistic supply acts as a source of validation for their self-worth, tied to their fragile ego. Positive supply, such as compliments and praise, affirms their superiority, while negative supply, such as criticism and attention from conflict, still fulfils their need for significance. The acquisition of a narcissistic supply becomes an insatiable hunger, as these individuals are constantly on the lookout for new sources to maintain their inflated self-image. As such, they often manipulate and exploit those around them to ensure a continuous flow of supply. However, the dependence on external validation exposes the inherent vulnerabilities within the narcissist and ultimately perpetuates a cycle of unfulfilled narcissistic needs. Understanding narcissistic supply is crucial to recognising the dynamics of narcissistic relationships and comprehending the underlying motivations that drive these individuals. By gaining insight into this concept, we can equip ourselves with the necessary tools to disengage from toxic interactions and protect our own mental well-being.
Narcissists, due to their inherent traits and destructive behaviour patterns, often seek out new sources of validation and supply to sustain their inflated sense of self-worth. This relentless need for admiration and attention can lead narcissists to engage in repeated cycles of seeking and discarding relationships. In this article, we will delve into seven reasons why narcissists may find happiness with their new supply, despite the detrimental effects such relationships can have on their partners.
- Initial Idealisation:
At the beginning of a new relationship, narcissists employ their highly polished charisma to captivate their new supply. By showering their partner with attention, flattery, and idealised versions of themselves, the narcissist effectively moulds an image that aligns perfectly with the supply’s desires and fantasies. This idealisation phase establishes a strong emotional connection, creating an intoxicating honeymoon period that often sustains a narcissist’s happiness temporarily. - Acquiring Reflective Supply:
Narcissists thrive on constant validation from those around them. A new supply allows for the narcissist to project their own idealised self-image onto their partner. By choosing someone who readily admires and supports their grandiosity, the narcissist secures a mirror-like reflection of their desired self. This reflective supply acts as a self-affirming feedback loop, reinforcing the narcissist’s sense of superiority and boosting their happiness. - Control and Manipulation:
Narcissists are driven by a need for control over their relationships. The pursuit of new supply offers them an opportunity to leverage power dynamics and manipulate their partner’s emotions. By exploiting vulnerabilities, eliciting emotional reactions, and eroding the supply’s self-esteem, narcissists are able to maintain control. This sense of dominance feeds the narcissist’s ego and contributes to their happiness, as it reinforces their belief in their superior abilities to influence and shape others. - Renewed Excitement and Challenge:
For the narcissist, the novelty and challenge associated with securing a new supply can rejuvenate their sense of self-importance and revive their happiness. The process of seducing and capturing a new partner provides an adrenaline rush that temporarily fulfils their insatiable need for excitement and variety. The conquest becomes an opportunity for the narcissist to confirm their desirability, power, and ability to influence others, further fueling their satisfaction. - Escaping Responsibility and Accountability:
Over time, prior relationships often expose the narcissist’s true nature, leading to conflicts, criticism, or even failure. By initiating a new relationship, narcissists can evade accountability for their past actions and flaws, instead projecting blame onto their former partners. This fresh start allows the narcissist to cultivate a narrative that paints them as victims, attracting empathy and sympathy from the new supply. Feeling absolved of past indiscretions, the narcissist experiences a sense of liberation, leading to an increased level of happiness. - Validation of Their Unattainable Ideal:
The narcissist often pursues partners who embody certain qualities or achievements they deem indispensable for their image and sense of self-worth. Achieving these “trophy” partners acts as a validation for their grandiose self-perception and intensifies their happiness. The supply’s accomplishments become a reflection of the narcissist’s status, enabling them to bask in the glory of their partner’s achievements, boosting their self-esteem in the process. - Gaining Superiority through Devaluation:
As the relationship progresses, the narcissist begins to employ devaluation tactics, undermining the supply’s self-confidence, independence, and self-worth. By strategically eroding their partner’s sense of worth, the narcissist reinforces their own superiority and heightens their happiness through a perceived power imbalance. The act of exerting control over their supply, even through negative means, continously feeds their ego, perpetuating their satisfaction.
While narcissists may derive temporary bouts of happiness from securing new supply, it is crucial to recognise the detrimental impact such relationships can have on the well-being of the supply. The happiness experienced by narcissists in these situations is often superficial, unsustainable, and built upon a foundation of manipulation and control. Understanding the underlying reasons behind a narcissist’s search for new supply can help the victims break free from the cycle and regain their own happiness and self-worth.
Dealing with the aftermath of a narcissistic relationship can be an arduous journey, particularly when the narcissist moves on to a new supply and appears to be blissfully content. It is normal to question your self-worth during such circumstances, but it is crucial to implement self-help steps to cope with the situation and regain your confidence.
Firstly, it is essential to remind yourself that the narcissist’s happiness is merely a façade. Behind their seemingly joyful demeanour lies a deep-seated need for constant attention and validation. Remember that their ability to seamlessly move on masks their emotional shallowness, and their newfound supply may eventually face the same fate as you did.
Secondly, focus on self-care and personal growth. Engaging in activities that promote self-improvement and self-discovery can help reinforce your self-esteem. Invest your time in hobbies, exercise, and exploring your passions. Cultivating a sense of purpose and accomplishment independent of any relationship will rebuild your confidence and diminish the impact of the narcissist’s departure.
Additionally, surround yourself with a support network of trusted friends and family members. Share your feelings openly and lean on the people who truly care for your well-being. Seeking therapy or counselling can also aid in navigating the complex emotions associated with the narcissistic relationship.
Lastly, practice gratitude and forgiveness. Recognise that the narcissist’s behaviour is a reflection of their own insecurities and is not a reflection of your worth. Forgive yourself for any perceived shortcomings and focus on the lessons learned from the experience.
In conclusion, coping with the feelings of inadequacy that arise when a narcissist moves on can be a challenging process. However, by prioritising self-care, seeking support, and reframing your mindset, you can emerge stronger and more resilient, realising your true worth independent of the narcissist’s actions.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
