Narcissists love to be in control, don’t they? But have you ever wondered why this is the case? Well, a lot of psychologists believe that the reason for this is that narcissists have an overwhelming need to feel powerful and important. They believe that they are special and entitled to everything they want, and being in control allows them to reinforce this belief.
Additionally, being in control allows narcissists to feel secure. They are able to manipulate situations, people and objects to their advantage, and this gives them a sense of certainty and predictability which helps them to feel safe.
Narcissists also need to avoid any kind of criticism or failure, and being in control helps them to do this by carefully managing every aspect of their lives. By controlling others, they can ensure that they are not judged or held accountable for any mistakes or shortcomings. They constantly seek validation and admiration, and being in control allows them to exert their superiority over others. Their desire for control is essentially about power, entitlement, security, and validation for a narcissists. By understanding this, we can learn to recognise and avoid these individuals and protect ourselves from their manipulative ways.
Whether the narcissist is a family member, friend or even a significant other, they can be charming and captivating at first. Still, eventually, their manipulative nature will become apparent as they attempt to control and dominate your life.
So, what happens when a narcissist loses control over you? Well, it’s safe to say they won’t take it well. As narcissists are fueled by their need for that power and control losing that control can be a huge blow to their ego. They may become angry, desperate or even try to retaliate.
When a narcissist loses control over you, they may feel a sense of abandonment or rejection. They may also feel a loss of identity, as their control over you was a significant part of who they believed themselves to be. In their eyes, they were the puppet master, and you were the puppet, and losing that dynamic can be devastating for them.
It’s important to understand that a narcissist’s reaction to losing control over you is not your responsibility, and you have the right to live your life free from their toxic influence. It may feel uncomfortable or even scary to assert your independence, but your mental and emotional well-being is worth it.
Narcissists are individuals who suffer from a disorder that makes them feel an excessive sense of self-importance and entitlement. This often leads them to see others as disposable objects rather than valuable individuals. As such, narcissists fear abandonment and rejection because they thrive on attention and praise from others. Losing someone’s adoration can leave them feeling as if their world has come crashing down.
Additionally, narcissists tend to struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth beneath their bravado. They often seek external validation to validate their self-worth, as they lack the ability to validate themselves. This need for validation means that they can hardly handle rejection, as it directly attacks their carefully crafted image of grandiosity and infallibility. Narcissists have a fragile sense of self-worth that they compensate with grandiosity and entitlement. To them, the prospect of being rejected or abandoned is incredibly threatening to their sense of self-worth and security.
As Narcissists are known for their intense need for admiration and attention. When they lose control over someone, their behaviour can become even more extreme. Here are 20 behaviours to keep an eye out for.
Narcissists are experts at manipulating people to get what they want. When they feel like they’re losing control over you, they may ramp up their manipulation tactics to regain their power. Have you ever dealt with a narcissist who was determined to have control over you? It’s not a pleasant experience. But what happens when that control is suddenly taken away from them? Narcissists can react in a variety of ways when they lose control, and it’s important to be aware of their tactics so that you can protect yourself. One common reaction for a narcissist is to try to win back control by manipulating you into feeling guilty or responsible for the situation. They may turn on the charm, playing the victim and trying to evoke your sympathy. They might say things like “I thought you loved me” or “How could you do this to me?” in an attempt to make you feel bad and convince you to come back under their power. Another tactic narcissists might use when they lose control is to lash out in rage. They may hurl insults, become physically aggressive, or even attempt to harm you. This kind of behaviour can be incredibly dangerous, so it’s essential to take steps to protect yourself if you find yourself in this situation. Some narcissists may try to regain power by undermining your reputation or credibility. They may spread rumours, lies, or other damaging information to try to make you appear unstable, unreliable, or untrustworthy. This can be incredibly distressing, especially if the narcissist has a lot of influence in your personal or professional circles. Alternatively, a narcissist may retreat into themselves and become incredibly withdrawn. They may refuse to communicate, avoid social situations, or become highly anxious or depressed. While this may seem like a welcome relief, it can be challenging to navigate, particularly if you’re still trying to get away from them. Ultimately, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to how narcissists will react when they lose control over you. However, it’s essential to be aware of their tactics and to stay vigilant in protecting yourself. By staying strong and being prepared for whatever situation arises, you can take back the control and start living life on your own terms.
- They’ll try to regain control – Narcissists don’t like to lose control, so they’ll do everything they can to regain it. This might mean making promises they can’t keep or playing mind games. Have you ever had someone promise you the world, only to realise they were just saying what they thought you wanted to hear? Unfortunately, this is a common tactic used by narcissists when they start to feel like they are losing control over someone. For example, a narcissist might promise to change their ways or treat you better, but ultimately continue their unhealthy behaviour. They may also promise to give you things or take you on lavish trips, only to cancel last minute or come up with excuses as to why they can’t follow through. It’s important to remember that these false promises are just another way for narcissists to try to manipulate and control their victims. Don’t let their empty words distract you from their toxic behaviour. It’s okay to set boundaries and prioritise your own mental and emotional well-being.
- Love Bombing: Narcissists often use love bombing as a way to lure people into their trap. When they feel like they’re losing control over you, they may resort to this tactic in order to try and win you back over. Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt like the other person was showering you with compliments, gifts, and attention, only for it to suddenly disappear? This is a common tactic used by narcissists called “love bombing”. Love bombing is the act of overwhelming someone with affection and attention in order to gain control over them. Narcissists often use this technique to manipulate their partners into feeling dependent on them, so they can continue to control and abuse them. But what happens when the narcissist loses control over you? Well, they might start love bombing once again – this time, as a way to regain their power over you. This could look like suddenly showering you with affection or gifts in an attempt to reel you back in, or even apologising for their past behaviour in order to gain sympathy. It’s important to recognise these behaviours as manipulation tactics. Just because someone is being charming and affectionate does not mean they have your best interests at heart. Trust your instincts and don’t let the love-bombing tactics of a narcissist fool you into returning to an unhealthy relationship. Take care of yourself, and remember that true love and respect should never come with strings attached.
- False apology: Have you ever encountered a narcissist who made a seemingly sincere apology, only for you to later realise it was just a manipulation tactic? It’s a frustrating and hurtful experience that, unfortunately, many people have gone through. One of the classic examples of a narcissist’s false apology is when they lose control over you. They may become angry or aggressive and ultimately hurt you in some way. However, instead of genuinely owning up to their actions, they will try to apologise in a way that shifts the blame onto you or minimises their behaviour. For example, they may say something like, “I’m sorry if I upset you, but you have to understand that I get triggered by certain things.” Or they may make excuses for their actions, such as “I only acted that way because I was stressed out at work.” These kinds of apologies may seem genuine at first, but upon further reflection, it’s clear that the narcissist is not accepting any real responsibility for their actions. It’s important to recognise these false apologies for what they are: attempts to maintain control and avoid genuine remorse. It can be tough to separate difficult relationships, but in the long run, it’s better to prioritise your own emotional well-being and distance yourself from manipulative individuals.
- Excessive Flattery: Narcissists often use excessive flattery as a way to manipulate people. When they feel like they’re losing control over you, they may resort to over-the-top flattery in order to try and win you back over. Narcissists are known for indulging in flattery to get their way in various situations. Here are a few examples of how they may use flattery to regain control: Firstly, they may express how much they admire or even love you. They may use endearments like “sweetheart” or “my darling” to try and win back your affection. They may compliment you on your appearance, intelligence, or accomplishments to make you feel appreciated and valued. Secondly, narcissists may use flattery to try and manipulate you into feeling guilty for not complying with their wishes. They may say things like, “I’ve always supported you,” or “I’ve always been there for you. It’s only fair you do this for me.” Lastly, a narcissist may use flattery to make you doubt yourself. They will act as if they admire a trait in you that is opposite to the one that they are trying to manipulate. For instance, they might say, “You’re so kind normally. It’s unlike you to act this way,” or “You’re usually so understanding. Why are you being difficult now?” In conclusion, you must always be cautious when dealing with a narcissist. Remember that their flattery is often a tactic to regain control over you. So, it’s essential to recognise these manipulations and trust your instincts when dealing with a narcissist.
- They’ll make you feel guilty – Narcissists are masters at using guilt to manipulate their victims. They’ll make you feel like everything is your fault, even if it’s not. It’s not easy dealing with a narcissist – someone with an inflated sense of self-importance and little regard for others. When a narcissist loses control over you, they often resort to guilt-tripping tactics to bring you back under their influence. Here are some examples: They’ll make you feel like you’re abandoning them: Narcissists need constant validation and attention, and when you start to distance yourself from them, they’ll make you feel like you’re abandoning them. They’ll say things like, “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me”, or “You’re breaking my heart.” They’ll minimise your feelings: When you express your frustration or anger towards them, they’ll make you feel like you’re overreacting or being too sensitive. They may say something like “You’re blowing this out of proportion” or “You’re being dramatic.”
- They’ll make it seem like you’re the problem: Narcissists rarely take responsibility for their actions, so when things go wrong, they’ll blame you. They may say something like, “I wouldn’t be acting like this if you didn’t do X”, or “You’re the reason I’m like this.”
- They’ll use emotional blackmail: Narcissists are experts at using guilt to get what they want. They may threaten to hurt themselves or others if you don’t comply with their wishes. They may also bring up past instances where they’ve helped you and make you feel like you owe them. emotional blackmail is a manipulation tactic that some narcissists use to regain control over their targets. Here are a few examples of how it works: Guilt trips: The narcissist might say things like, “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me after everything I’ve done for you,” or “If you loved me, you wouldn’t do this.” They’re trying to make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself or setting boundaries. Threats: The narcissist might threaten to leave you, harm you, or harm themselves if you don’t comply with their demands. They’re using fear to try to control you. Playing the victim: The narcissist might turn the situation around and make it seem like they’re the ones who are being hurt or abused. They might say things like, “You’re so mean to me,” or “Why are you always trying to hurt me?” They’re trying to make you feel like the bad guy so you’ll give in. These are just a few examples of the ways in which narcissists can use emotional blackmail when they start to lose control over you. Remember, you deserve to have healthy relationships with people who respect your boundaries and treat you with kindness and empathy. Remember, it’s important not to buy into their manipulation tactics. Don’t let them make you feel guilty for their behaviour, and don’t take responsibility for their actions. Set healthy boundaries and prioritise your own well-being.
- They’ll use charm – Narcissists can be incredibly charming when they want to be. Some narcissists will use charm to try and keep control over you even if they’re losing their grip. It’s important to recognise that narcissists often use their charm and charisma as tools to manipulate others and get what they want, even if it means playing on your emotions or making false promises. Here are a few examples of how that might look: Love-bombing: When a narcissist feels like they’re losing control over you, they may suddenly become overly affectionate and shower you with attention and compliments. They might send you extravagant gifts or go out of their way to do special things for you, all in an effort to win you back and keep you under their influence. Gaslighting: Another common tactic is to make you doubt your own perceptions and feelings so that you question your own reality. A narcissist might tell you that you’re overreacting or being overly sensitive, even if you have good reason to be upset. They might play down your concerns or try to convince you that you’re remembering things wrong, all in an effort to make you doubt yourself and question your own judgment. Playing the victim: Finally, a narcissist might try to make you feel guilty or responsible for their actions. They might say things like, “You’re the only one who truly understands me” or “If you really loved me, you’d forgive me for what I’ve done.” By playing the victim, they hope to elicit sympathy and keep you under their control. Dealing with a narcissist can be tough, but remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, regardless of how charming or charismatic someone might seem. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries and stand up for yourself, even if it means distancing yourself from someone who’s been manipulating you.
- They’ll gaslight you – Narcissists are masters at gaslighting. They’ll make you question your own reality and memories so they can maintain control. Gaslighting is a term used to describe a manipulative tactic commonly used by narcissists when they feel like they’re losing control over someone. Essentially, gaslighting involves a narcissist denying the other person’s reality in order to make them question their own perception of events. For example, if a narcissist is in an argument with someone and the other person gets upset and starts to cry, the narcissist might say something like, “You’re so sensitive and emotional, you’re blowing this way out of proportion. I didn’t even do anything wrong.” By denying the other person’s emotional response and dismissing their feelings, the narcissist is trying to regain control of the situation by making the other person doubt themselves. Another example of gaslighting might involve the narcissist telling lies or distorting the truth to make the other person doubt their own memory or perception of events. For instance, if the other person confronts the narcissist about a lie they told, the narcissist might respond by saying things like, “I never said that,” or “You’re just misremembering what I said.” By undermining the other person’s trust in their own memory, the narcissist is trying to maintain control over the narrative of the situation. Gaslighting can be a really insidious tactic that can leave the other person feeling confused, disoriented, and unsure of themselves. If you suspect that you’re being gaslit by a narcissistic person, it’s important to trust your own reality and seek support from trusted friends or a therapist who can help you navigate the situation. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and nobody has the right to make you doubt your own reality.
- They’ll play the victim – Narcissists are notorious for playing the victim. They might make you feel like you’re to blame for their behaviour. One common tactic narcissists use when they feel they are losing control over someone is to play the victim. They might say things like, “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me,” or “You’re hurting me so much right now.” They make it seem like they are the ones who are suffering, even though they are the ones who caused the problems in the first place. This is part of their manipulative behaviour. Narcissists crave attention and control, and when they feel those slipping away, they will do whatever it takes to regain them. They might try to gaslight you, blame you for their own mistakes, or make you feel guilty for things that are out of your control. It’s important to recognise these tactics and set boundaries with narcissists. Don’t let them convince you that you are the problem or that you owe them anything. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
- They’ll use emotional blackmail – Narcissists might use emotional blackmail to gain control over you. They might threaten to harm themselves or someone else if you don’t comply with their demands. Narcissists are known for doing just that, especially when they feel like they’re losing control over you. One common example is when a narcissist accuses you of being selfish or uncaring when you express your needs or boundaries. They might say things like, “You never think about me” or “You’re so insensitive.” This is designed to make you feel guilty and doubt yourself, so you’ll be more likely to comply with their wishes. Another tactic narcissists use is to play the victim and make you feel responsible for their emotions. For example, they might say, “You’re making me so upset” or “If you really loved me, you would do what I want.” This puts the burden on you to fix their problems, and can make you feel like you’re responsible for their happiness. It’s important to recognise these manipulation tactics and set firm boundaries to protect yourself. Don’t let a narcissist make you feel guilty or responsible for their emotions. You deserve to have your own needs and boundaries respected, and it’s okay to say no to someone who is trying to control you with emotional blackmail.
- They’ll try to make you feel small – Narcissists often feel threatened by people who are confident and independent. They might try to make you feel small and powerless so they can maintain control. Narcissists have a way of making you feel insignificant and unworthy, especially when they feel like they’re losing their grip on you. One of the classic examples of this is when they start to undermine your achievements and accomplishments. They may belittle your accomplishments or make you feel like you didn’t really earn your success. They’ll often do this by comparing you to others who they believe are more successful or accomplished than you. Another way narcissists make you feel small is by constantly nagging you about your flaws and weaknesses. They’ll focus on anything they perceive as a weakness in you, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. This is done to keep you in a state of constant insecurity and doubt, making it easier for them to control you. Overall, narcissists have a tendency to make you feel small in any way they can when they feel like they’re losing control over you. But remember, you are not small, and you are not unworthy. Don’t let their toxicity bring you down. You deserve to be treated with love, respect, and kindness.
- They’ll try to isolate you – Narcissists want to be in control of every aspect of your life. They might try to isolate you from your friends and family. When a narcissist loses control over you, they may begin to isolate you from your friends, family, and support system. They may also manipulate you into cutting ties with those who they see as a threat to their control over you. This can be incredibly harmful, as it leaves you feeling alone and vulnerable. You may feel like you have nowhere to turn and no one to talk to about the abuse you’re experiencing. It’s important to recognise these behaviours and seek help from a trusted source. You don’t have to go through this alone. Remember, there are people who care about you and want to help you break free from the cycle of abuse.
- Gossiping: Narcissists are often very skilled at spreading rumours and gossip about people they want to control. When they feel like they’re losing control over you, they may resort to gossiping as a way to discredit and belittle you. If you ever found yourself in a situation where a narcissist loses control over you? It’s not uncommon for them to resort to gossiping in order to regain a sense of power and control. For example, a narcissistic ex-partner may spread false rumours or negative comments about you to mutual friends or acquaintances after a breakup. They may feel threatened by the idea that you’re moving on and finding happiness without them, so they try to tear you down with gossip. The key thing to remember is that their gossip is not a reflection of who you are. It’s purely a manipulation tactic used to boost their own ego and sense of control. Don’t let their words get to you – surround yourself with supportive friends and family who know the real you. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on trust and respect, not manipulation and gossip. Stay true to yourself, and don’t let a narcissist’s actions define your self-worth.
- Triangulation: Narcissists often play people against each other as a way to control them. When they feel like they’re losing control over you, they may resort to triangulation as a way to pit other people against you. One common tactic narcissists use when they’re losing control over you is called triangulation. This is when they bring a third person into the relationship dynamic, whether it’s a friend, family member, or even a new romantic partner. They’ll often use this person to make you feel jealous, insecure, or like you’re not living up to their expectations. For example, a narcissistic partner might start talking about how great their new coworker is, and how they’re always laughing and having a good time together. They might even go so far as to imply that you’re not as fun or interesting as this other person. This is a classic example of triangulation, as they’re trying to make you feel inadequate and uncertain in the relationship. It’s important to remember that this behaviour is not healthy or normal, and you don’t have to tolerate it. If you feel like you’re being triangulated by a narcissist, it might be time to reassess the relationship and consider seeking support or counselling to help you move forward in a safe and positive way. Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel respected and valued.
- They’ll become more aggressive – Narcissists might become more aggressive when they’ve lost control. This could mean yelling, insults, or even physical violence. Narcissists thrive on being in control and getting what they want. When they start to feel like they’re losing that control, they often become more aggressive in their behaviour towards you. For example, if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist and you start to assert your own needs and boundaries, they might respond with anger or aggression. They may start to criticise you more frequently or mock your opinions and feelings. In some cases, narcissists might even resort to physical violence in order to regain control. This is obviously an extreme example, but it’s important to recognise that narcissists can be dangerous when they feel like they’re losing their grip on you. So if you’re dealing with a narcissist, it’s important to prioritise your own safety and well-being. Set clear boundaries and don’t let them push you around. And if things start to feel unsafe, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity at all times!
- They’ll use fear – Narcissists might use fear to regain control over you. This could mean threatening you or using intimidation tactics. This is a common reaction when they begin to lose control over you. Narcissists can use fear to intimidate and manipulate their victims, often resulting in anxiety and distress. One way that narcissists use fear is by threatening to take away something that is important to you, such as your job or your home. They may also threaten to harm you or your loved ones, leaving you feeling powerless and vulnerable. Another common tactic is to create a sense of self-doubt and isolation. Narcissists often make their victims feel like they are alone and no one else cares about them. Gaslighting is also a technique used by narcissists, where they twist the truth to make their victim doubt their own perception of reality. It’s important to remember that you are not alone if you are dealing with a narcissist. Seeking help from a professional or support group can be a valuable tool in gaining back control and learning how to deal with their tactics. Remember that it’s not your fault, and you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Don’t let fear control you, and know that there is a way out.
- They’ll blame you – Narcissists are notorious for blaming others for their problems. They might try to make you feel responsible for their behaviour. When a narcissist loses control over someone, they feel a sense of threat and insecurity. To maintain their power, they often resort to blaming their victim for everything that goes wrong. For instance, if you decide to stand up for yourself and challenge their authority, they might accuse you of being disrespectful and aggressive. Or, if you refuse to follow their orders, they might label you as uncooperative and difficult to deal with. Their tactics of blaming others show how they lack accountability and refuse to acknowledge their mistakes. Their behaviour patterns make it difficult for their victims to uphold their self-esteem and individuality. It is crucial to recognise these behaviours and protect yourself from the harmful effects of their manipulative tactics. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, trust, and accountability. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. Stay true to yourself, and always hold your ground. You deserve respect and love, not blame and emotional abuse.
- They’ll try to make you doubt yourself – Narcissists want you to doubt yourself so they can maintain control. They might make you question your own thoughts and feelings. This is a very common tactic that can leave you feeling confused and unsure of yourself, so it’s important to be aware of it. One example of how a narcissist might create doubt is by gaslighting. Gaslighting is when someone manipulates you into doubting your own memories, perceptions, and sanity. If the narcissist feels like they’re losing control over you, they might start telling you that things never happened the way you remember them. They might even go so far as to tell you that you’re crazy or that you’re imagining things. Another way that narcissists can create doubt is by changing the subject whenever you try to confront them about something. Instead of addressing your concerns, they might start talking about something completely unrelated, leaving you feeling confused and frustrated. It’s also common for narcissists to use guilt to try to regain control. They might tell you that you’re being unreasonable or that you’re not considering their feelings, making you feel guilty for even bringing up your concerns. Overall, it’s important to remember that if you’re feeling unsure about something, it’s okay to trust your instincts. Don’t let a narcissist’s attempts to create doubt and confusion make you doubt yourself. Stay strong, trust yourself, and don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re crazy.
- Changing plans: Have you ever experienced a situation where things were going smoothly, and suddenly the other person changed their plans? Well, this could be a classic example of a narcissist trying to maintain or regain control over you. Narcissists often have a strong psychological need to be in control and feel validated. They can go to great lengths to maintain their perceived power, including manipulating situations to their advantage. For instance, let’s say you’ve planned a weekend trip with a friend, and everything has been sorted out accordingly. But the narcissist finds out, then just a day before the trip, the narcissist suddenly wants to change the childcare arrangements without any legitimate reason. This could be a classic sign of a narcissist trying to regain control over the situation. It’s crucial to recognise these tactics and set appropriate boundaries to protect your well-being and autonomy. Remember, it’s okay to speak up when someone tries to manipulate or control you in any way. Also, don’t hesitate to seek help from a therapist or support group if you need to work on boundary-setting. In conclusion, being aware of narcissistic behaviour patterns can help you take control of situations and relationships in your life. Remember, you deserve to have healthy and positive connections with people who respect your boundaries and autonomy. So, keep an eye out for red flags and prioritise your well-being.
Overall, it’s important to remember that these tactics are not your fault and that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity in all of your relationships. If you suspect that you’re dealing with a narcissist, don’t hesitate to seek help from a therapist or trusted friend. Stay strong!
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
