What haunts a narcissist? What can’t a narcissist get over?
What is something a narcissist can not stop thinking about?
We’re human. We make mistakes. We’ve had experiences where we might look back, wishing we’d said or done things differently. We can all have regrets, and one thing in life to learn is to live without regret. We make a choice based on the information we have at that time, and as the information changes, so do our choices. We get over things differently, some far quicker and easier than others, we’ve lived different experiences, and some people do have it a lot harder than others, some people find it far easier to look for the positives, and others, no matter how hard they look those negatives stare them in the face. No matter how good life is, we can all have one of those days, those moments when life seems to hit us with one thing after another, and the struggle is real. We’re drowning under the pressure and treading water to try and stay afloat.
Narcissistic people have the same emotions as anybody. They just seem to live life with more negative emotions, such as bitterness, resentment, and envy. They are cynical people. Narcissists seek to punish others rather than face their own pain, shame, guilt, and remorse. They seek to bring others down, shame others, blame others, and cause others pain. Rather than self-reflect, they project their faults, failures and mistakes onto those around them.
So what are seven things that haunt narcissistic people?
1. Loss of supply
Loss of supply, whatever supply that narcissistic Individual is looking for. Although they can be alone, they struggle to be alone with their own dark thoughts. They find it challenging to be alone with their negative thoughts, just as non-narcissistic people can. Narcissists can be alone. However, they’re getting supply from somewhere or someone. Narcissists find it very difficult when they’re not getting the supply they believe they’re entitled to, as they’re then living with themselves. Narcissists don’t know who they are because they borrow the personalities of those around them, they lie about anything and deny everything, they deceive people, and they change their personalities depending on who they’re trying to impress. They don’t take responsibility for the things they do. They don’t take the guilt or remorse. They might feel a moment of shame, why they quickly pass the blame. Not only do they act like the victim to gain sympathetic attention or smear the other person’s name, but they also morph into the victim mindset, so to the narcissistic person, they are one of the most hard done by people you could ever meet. This is something that haunts a narcissist, something that a narcissist can not get over, the loss of supply, whatever supply that narcissist requires.
2. When they believe someone has got one over on them.
It pains a narcissist. It torments them that somebody has got one over on them, even when the other person hasn’t technically done anything to the narcissist. The narcissist perhaps just feels slighted that someone hasn’t given them the correct admiration or attention or respect that the narcissist feels entitled to, as they believe they are special and superior to others. Even when it is the reality, a narcissist created through their lies and brought onto themselves, and the other person responds in a manner where they can’t take anymore, ending the relationship safely, walking away and going no contact. This really irritates and infuriates narcissistic people that someone dares to walk away from them and take their supply away as to a narcissist, how dare you walk away from them. They’ve built up a character to impress you, to be who you want them to be, to serve you so they can exploit you, and you’re rejecting their false self. However, as it’s not who they are and they’ve revealed who they are, their character hasn’t worked. They feel offended that not only have you rejected their false self, but you’re also no longer buying into their lies, and you’re rejecting their true selves. When it comes to narcissistic people, they are selling people illusions to get their needs met.
3. Exposure.
When the narcissist gets shown for who they truly are, how dare you get one over on them, how dare you expose them, how dare you show people who that narcissistic person truly is, which is why a narcissist will go all out to discredit your character, ruin your reputation, to sabotage yours while saving their own. Narcissists smear your name to keep their reputation intact. They paint you out to be the villain so they can play the victim and gain sympathetic attention. We can all make mistakes, we can all be humiliated, and it’s not a nice feeling. However, we can live the experience, mull over the experience, we can do daft things with no malicious intentions. We just make a mistake and get humiliated. However, it’s a temporary thing. You go through the emotions. You process them, and then you learn from your mistake and move on from it. It’s more complicated when you’ve been humiliated by someone who claimed to care for you yet lied, cheated, duped and deceived you. This naturally triggers negative emotions. However, we do usually process and move on. With narcissistic people they seek to get you back to punish you. They lack empathy; therefore, they’re seeking that revenge, whereas a genuine person might rationalise and justify perhaps they didn’t mean it. They made a mistake. A narcissistic person believes you intentionally set out to hurt them. It takes time for a genuine person to come to terms with the fact a narcissistic person set out to exploit them. Therefore if a narcissist believes they’ve been humiliated, they don’t get over this and seek to get you back. If they think you’ve exposed them, they don’t get over this unless they can destroy you. However, with some narcissistic people, if they fear you could expose them, they move on to somewhere and someone new, often blaming you.
4. When people disagree with them.
Narcissistic people can’t get over themselves, let alone get over people disagreeing with them. People disagreeing with a narcissist really rubs them up the wrong way, as they believe they know everything. It doesn’t matter if they’ve experienced something or not. Narcissists believe they understand how you feel better than you know yourself. They know your capabilities better than you know your own. Narcissists don’t take kindly to people disagreeing with them. They don’t like people not having the same opinions as them. Often why, they morph into the victim of, “oh, I knew you’d take their side. You never take my side.” To make you feel bad for not readily agreeing with them.
With a narcissistic person,
it’s not your
understanding what they’re after.
It’s your agreeableness. It’s your willingness to put
down your beliefs, ideas, opinions, and dreams to suit them.
To agree with them.
To live life on their terms, to no longer have a life of your own.
Narcissists will happily play the victim to gain sympathetic attention. Narcissists don’t get over people disagreeing with them. They’re arrogant people who don’t see their own inadequacies, only those in the people around them, which they’ll happily point out. It’s irritating when you’re trying to have a conversation with a narcissist whose being incredibly disagreeable, especially when it’s something they already agreed to, so we know within ourselves it’s irritating. Yet, we can see others have a different point of view, try to see it for their side, recognise someone’s having a bad day, and give them time. With a narcissist, it’s more than irritating. It can cause narcissistic injury and bring out their anger and rage, because you’re not living life on their terms.
5. Not getting the required attention.
When a narcissist believes they are entitled to behave in a manner and those around them should just agree, yet they don’t agree, they call them out. They expose their hurtful ways. The narcissist might then go explaining to others, adding bits in, taking bits out, to make sure they’re right, as the more they get disapproval, the more they’ll change the story or ask in different ways until they gain the approval that they require. We can all do this, we are all capable of doing something and how someone responds to us think, perhaps I shouldn’t have done that, perhaps I was wrong there. Narcissists don’t take responsibility for their behaviour. Therefore they think, how can I get away with that.
6. When people leave them.
Narcissistic people fear abandonment. They’ve created a whole world of smoke and mirrors, and illusions to get their needs met, so when people walk out on them, they can’t wrap their heads around why someone would leave them, as they believe they’re better than thou. This is why they’ll usually come after you with the hoover, to devalue you all over again, so they can be the ones to discard you. Just like going through the court system with a narcissist, a narcissist is going to make life as difficult as possible for those who leave them, and they’ll not abide by court orders. They’ll find loopholes, and blame everyone else as to why things didn’t go their way, get endless solicitors, try to find someone who agrees with them, trying to destroy those who dare to leave them.
7. When things don’t go their way.
To a narcissist, nothing is ever their fault. Nothing is ever to do with their behaviour. To them, it’s the ex who is wrong, their parents, their boss who just can’t see their potential, the judge, the lawyer, their neighbour, anyone but themselves, nothing is ever a narcissists fault, which is why they keep going until they can get someone to agree with them, until they get their own way. The more they fail at this, the more they double down to find different ways to get their own way. Narcissists don’t believe their is anything wrong with them, they believe their is something wrong with those around them.
Only when a narcissist suffers a massive narcissistic injury that they can not come back from, or they need to reload with a new supply and flying monkeys to support them, they’ll sulk off and lick their wounds and leave you in peace. They’ll still be playing the victim to all those who’ll listen to them, as they’ve got that victim mindset, which is why as a victim of narcissistic abuse, as tricky as it is, you have to get yourself away from the victim mindset. As a victim, it’s so easy to go with it, where you end up even more stressed and depressed, cynical and resentful, as that victim mindset drives you further into negativity. It is so easy to let it take you there. It is so much harder to fight away from it, to look for things to hope for in the future when you’ve just had your hopes shattered, and to look for new dreams when you’ve just had yours destroyed.
There are so many things that haunt narcissistic people, so many things narcissists can not get over. Even though they might look like they do when they swan off into the sunset selling your dreams to somebody new while trying to further punish you, and at some point, they do it to the new, they’re forever punishing people for the mistakes they’ve made, the things they can’t get over, yet as they don’t recognise their behaviour, they don’t change their behaviour, they just repeat their behaviour that they hold grudges against others for that haunt them, that they can’t get over, they spiral into negativity and wanting revenge, as they lack empathy there’s no low they won’t go.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
So much truth! I left all three of my narc exes and they HATED that they did not get to discard me instead. One argued back after I told him I was breaking up with him “no, I initiated the breakup.” I said “you caused the breakup.” He stalks me to this day, 18 years after I left him. He needs to get a better hobby.