When it comes to dealing with narcissistic people, due to their very nature and exploitative behaviour, it’s difficult to see if they care or not due to their many covert manipulative mind games to distract us from who they are. Their behaviour is often covert as it’s hidden from us. Narcissistic people are incredibly deceptive. They sell you an illusion of who they can be, based on the information they’ve gained from us of who we’d like them to be, then they will love bomb, idealise, mirror and future fake to hide the fact they lack the empathy actually to care for us, here are seven red flags that they don’t care.
1. They don’t do favours for you.
Narcissistic people don’t do favours for anyone other than themselves, which is why it’s so confusing when they do something for you, something you might have not even asked them to do, leading you to believe that they care. However, they will one day use this as currency against you to emotionally manipulate you. When they ask something from you, and you say no, they don’t respect your no. Instead, they say, “after I did that for you.” Or “after I let you.” To guilt you into changing your no into a yes to serve them, they’ll even accuse you of not caring for them, so you’re the one left feeling inadequate, not seeing what they’re trying to do to you, playing with your emotions. Narcissistic people will only do a favour for anyone if it somehow benefits themselves, like the image they’re trying to sell to others.
2. They don’t care about your needs.
Narcissistic people are preoccupied with themselves. They’re self-entitled and exploitative. They don’t care about what you need unless they need something from you. They can act like they care when it suits a need of their own. However, when you need something from them, they’ll disappear on you and tell you to “deal with it.” Accuse you of being selfish, demanding, or stubborn, yet when they need something from you, and you don’t do it straight away, they’ll accuse you of not caring about them, so you feel guilty and want to prove you care, failing to recognise they don’t care for you.
3. They don’t know the little things about you.
Narcissistic people lack the empathy to care and are arrogant enough to believe they already know everything, as they don’t care, they’re not interested in the little things about you, unless they can use these things against you, they find a thing you’d like to do, and claim they’ll do it with you, future faking, once their need has been met, they forget about that promise they once made to you, if you bring it up, they claim they never said that you imagine things, if you weren’t so demanding they’d want to spend time with you, so you’re left feeling hurt and bad for chasing them, changing yourself to suit them, not recognising all they do is suit themselves.
4. They put the minimum effort.
Narcissistic people will put the bare minimum effort in, sending generic messages, taking you somewhere they want to go, picking up generic gifts, not doing much for you, claiming they’re tired, had a bad day, you know what they’re like in a morning, yet they expect you to put maximum effort in for them, they’ll avoid taking you to important medical appointments (unless they can play the hero.) yet they expect you to chauffeur them.
5. They don’t talk with you.
Narcissistic people don’t talk with you. They talk at you. You might ask how their day has been. If they want to talk, they will. If they don’t, they’ll be silent, leaving you questioning what’s wrong, what you have done and chasing them. However, if they talk, they’ll want acknowledging for their achievements or sympathetic attention for their problems, they might even ask how your day has been, yet they’ll interrupt you, and bring it back onto themselves if you ask about this they’ll accuse you of making it all about you, exactly what the narcissist is doing to you, making it about them, yet if you push the topic they’ll accuse you of not being interested in them, so you question yourself and not their behaviour.
6. They don’t remember the good times.
Narcissistic people focus on what you haven’t done, failed to do, or didn’t do good enough. With their insecurities, they seek to pull others down to feel superior to themselves. No matter how much you do for them, it’s never enough for a narcissist. However, if they want something from you, they’ll come at you with “remember when I.” If they’re trying to hoover you back in, they claim. “We were so good together, remember when.” Which is often something in the love bombing or intermittent reinforcement stage, or when they did for you because they wanted something from you. When you don’t take the bait, a narcissist will accuse you of being ungrateful.
7. They’ed rather impress a stranger than care for their own family.
Narcissistic people don’t do responsibility. They do deception, and their family might not know who they are; however, due to the toxic nature of the narcissist, their families might no longer admire the narcissist as the narcissist feels entitled, or the narcissist might seek to punish the family for not attending to the narcissist. “ if you’d had paid me more attention.” However, no matter how much attention you give a narcissist, it’s never enough for a narcissist, so they seek it elsewhere because those who are unaware are easily influenced be the narcissists charismatic charm or victim plays, admiring the narcissist or feeling sorry for the narcissist, giving the narcissist the attention that the narcissist believes they’re not getting at home.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with (Sponsored.) BetterHelp. where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.