A covert narcissist often pretends to be nice on the outside to hide who they are on the inside. Not everyone has good intentions, so what are the signs that somebody is hiding who they indeed are?
1. passive-aggressive behaviours.
People who come at you with the silent treatments, those who will sulk when things don’t go their way, people who try to leverage your emotions against you to get their needs met, those who will shame you, blame you, guilt trip you, to take down your boundaries.
Covert narcissists are the kinds of people who will claim that you hurt them even though they hurt you. They will guilt trip you into taking responsibility for what they have actually done to you.
Covert narcissists will offer those backhanded compliments. This is when they come at you with things such as, “Your hair looks much better like that than it did yesterday” or “Congratulations, I didn’t think you’d get that promotion.”
Know your intentions so well you don’t take on board other people’s opinions of you. E.S.
2. Humble bragging.
Covert narcissists brag, as, like most narcissists, everything is about them; however, they have a way of bragging in a humble manner. They will seem like they have low modesty; however, they are doing it in a way where they downplay the things they have achieved in the hope that you will purposely try to raise them up. It’s not someone who is just having a moment. Covert narcissists continually bring things up to get people to pick them up. When it comes to covert narcissists, with their humble bragging, they will compete with you. Whatever you have suffered, they will have suffered for worse. Whatever you’ve achieved, they’ve always achieved more. They will ask where you’re going on holiday and before you can answer they’ll be telling you where they’re going, or where they’ve been that’s far better, without directly saying it’s better, they cannot be happy for you and if you make a mistake if you fail at something they will happily gloat about your mistake about your misery.
Avoid those who take pleasure out of your pain. E.S.
3. They cut you off.
Covert narcissists can seem like genuine, polite, kind, generous people, and then suddenly, out of nowhere, they will cut you off, there one minute, gone the next. This isn’t because you’ve hurt their feelings or life gets in the way. This is because they are no longer getting their needs met by you. Those who act one way in front of neighbours then act entirely differently in the home.
People who are only there when they want something from you, and then they disappear on you when they don’t want something from you are signs of people who don’t have the best of intentions towards you.
Distance yourself from those who are only there for you when they want something from you. E.S.
4. They don’t listen to you.
Covert narcissists are very good at acting as if they care; however, they fail to listen to the conversation unless it interests them, they pick up on things they can use against you later down the line, or they can turn the conversation over to themselves they will show false concern for anything you’re going through just long enough to pull you in, but it is not genuine.
Distance yourself from those who turn your feelings into arguments. E.S
5. They play the victim.
Covert narcissists have a way of extracting sympathy from you, as, like most narcissists, they can think empathetically, so they have cognitive empathy where they can relate to what they can use against you to provoke those feelings within you that’s going to serve the narcissists best interest (emotional abuse.) they are going to guilt-trip you at every opportunity, they’re going to come at you with those crocodile tears they will exaggerate their emotions they will bring the drama out and then claim they’ve not done anything to you, they will create chaos conflict and drama, and then they will play the victim. They will exaggerate all their emotions and downplay all of yours or accuse you of being too sensitive.
Avoid those who are never wrong. E.S
6. They only give so they can take.
Narcissistic people are self-entitled hypocrites. They expect to receive and want to give little in return. When it comes to narcissistic people, they only give so they can take. They might pretend to help others, to be kind to others. They might even come across as generous towards others. However, they’re not interested in helping others. They’re not interested in being kind to others. They’re not interested in showing generosity to others. They only ever give if there is something they can receive in return. Narcissists don’t give out of the goodness of their own hearts. They give because they’ve seen something they want to extract from you.
7. They talk badly of others.
Narcissists have a way of pulling others down to feel better about themselves. They talk badly of others. They will bring others down. They will gossip about others, they will always be asking people for favours, yet when people don’t do favours for them, they will go talking badly about how that last person has neglected them because the person said no to them and the narcissist cannot accept the word no, the narcissist goes all out to ruin that person’s reputation.
When it comes to dealing with people, watch for patterns of behaviour. We are not here to change anyone other than ourselves. We are not here to change ourselves to suit other people. With good intentions, there’s no wrong way or right way to live your life. It’s okay to cut people out of your life. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it goes against everything about who you are as a person. You like to be compassionate. However, when you discover that people are only there for you when they want something from you, these are not the kinds of people you need in your life, and by showing them compassion, you’re not actually helping that person because all their learning is that they can get away with their behaviour. By walking away from them, it’ll still not teach them. Narcissists often take this as criticism as they believe all others are the problem. However, it’ll help you gain clarity of the situation you were once in, lose the negativity and start to reclaim your life and happiness.
Narcissists don’t take responsibility for their own behaviour; however, we can take responsibility for ours.
Distance yourself from those who make you feel responsible for everything they do wrong. E.S.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.