Gaslighting is one of the more common forms of narcissistic manipulation. Yet, when we are unaware of what this is, it isn’t easy to see it happening to us while it is happening, however with more awareness, once we know, we can see it a mile away.
Gaslighting is psychological manipulation to distort someone’s reality, to make someone doubt themselves and reality so much they feel like they are going crazy, often by the very person who’s sending them the way, the narcissist saying. ”You’re crazy.” so that we doubt ourselves and doubt reality all the more.
These are some examples of everyday phrases ￼you may have heard from a narcissist in your life used during an everyday conversation to confuse you, to keep control over you, or to provoke an emotional reaction out of you. To gaslighting and to manipulating you to conform to their ways. These phrases are people who are not on the disorder can say them; it’s all about the intentions behind the behaviour.
1. “You always.” They will use this with some form of criticism towards you, so you try to defend yourself against them.
2. “You never” this could be something and most likely is actually something you do for them. Yet, they throw around “you never,” like you do nothing for them, to get you to doubt yourself, to get you to try harder to please them, to get you to do more for them and tend to their every need. Leaving you speechless, confused or angry It’s also used as an excuse for why they’ll not do something for you.
3. “My ex wouldn’t do this.” Triangulation, so you compare yourself and try harder, or “my ex would always do that for me.” Triangulation to get you to break down your boundaries. Also, as they have smeared the exes name to you, it leaves you confused and hurt that they are comparing you to someone they hate. “My friend’s partner would.” Again Triangulation to get you to something You normally wouldn’t.
4. “Stop trying to control me.” This is usually when you’re trying to ask them about something they have done, something they promised to do yet never got around to it, or to compromise on something. However, as they want full control and compromise doesn’t exist in their minds, to them, it’s only ever their way, again, this is used, so you doubt yourself, start not wanting to speak up for what you want or what you believe in.
5. “If you loved me, you would.” This one is when you have reservations about doing something you wouldn’t normally do, and it leaves you feeling confused about whether you should do something or not. Leaving you questioning your own values and beliefs, dropping your guard and them getting to take more control over who you are, without you even realising.
7. “You’re overthinking, you’re overreacting, you’re too sensitive, you’re insecure, you’re crazy.” Any one of these is used usually when you’ve questioned them about their somewhat questionable behaviour, so they can turn it around onto you, again leaving you bewildered and believing you’re at fault. So they can get control over the conversation, ignoring what the conversation is actually about, and escaping any form of accountability.
8. “I don’t remember. I never said that. That never happened.” Used so the narcissist can escape any accountability and rewrite history on you.
9. “Not my problem.” This is where a narcissist will not take any form of responsibility as to them; any mistakes they make are your mistakes to deal with.
Their words over a prolonged period of time alter how you think and feel even after you’ve left them. You have to remove all their negativity from within your own mindset, and you have to work on finding yourself again, your beliefs again; it’s not easy to start, keep going through, you will get there. Sometimes it helps to write down those that you remember and the reality of what truly happened. To get back to your reality over what actually happened.
Fifteen things narcissists say to distract you from the truth.
Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
Detaching your thoughts.