Being around a narcissist isn’t just exhausting—it’s soul-destroying. Slowly but surely, they chip away at your self-esteem, leaving you questioning your worth, your abilities, and even your reality. Narcissists have a knack for manipulating those around them, using subtle and not-so-subtle tactics to undermine your confidence and make you feel less than. But here’s the thing: they don’t get the final say on your self-worth—you do.
Hilarious (and Horrifying) Narcissistic Memes And Their Meanings.
How Narcissists Destroy Your Self-Esteem
1. Gaslighting Words
Narcissists are masters of manipulation, especially with their words. It’s not always what they say but how they say it. They might tell you, “You’re too sensitive,” or “That never happened,” making you doubt your feelings and memories. This technique, known as gaslighting, makes you question your reality and, over time, erodes your self-confidence. You start to believe that maybe you are overreacting, maybe you are the problem—and that’s exactly what they want.
How to Handle It: If you’re still dealing with someone like this, it’s crucial to hold on to your truth. If you know something happened, trust yourself. Don’t let their words twist your perception. Stay grounded in your reality, and if possible, walk away from their toxic influence.
2. Gaslighting Projection
Ever been called “dramatic” or “selfish” by someone who’s clearly projecting their own issues onto you? That’s another favourite tactic of narcissists. By accusing you of being the problem, they deflect attention from their own behaviour and make you doubt your actions and intentions.
How to Handle It: When they try to pin their flaws on you, take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Who’s really causing the drama? Is it you, or is it them? Stay aware of their tactics, and don’t let their accusations make you question your own worth.
3. Gaslighting Invalidation
A narcissist might say something like, “Are you really going to wear that?” or “You’d look better if you lost weight.” These comments, seemingly casual, are designed to make you second-guess yourself, your choices, and your appearance. Over time, these constant digs can make you feel inadequate, unworthy, and even fearful of making your own decisions.
How to Handle It: Remember that no one has the right to belittle you. Their negative comments are a reflection of their own insecurities, not your value. Focus on what makes you happy and confident, and surround yourself with people who lift you up instead of tearing you down.
4. Creating Conflict
Narcissists thrive on drama, especially when it’s at your expense. They’ll stir up conflict between you and others, spreading rumours or twisting the truth to make you doubt who your real friends are. This isolates you, weakens your support system, and leaves you more dependent on the narcissist, which is exactly what they want.
How to Handle It: If they’re trying to convince you that someone is talking behind your back, go directly to the source and ask them. You’ll likely find out that the narcissist is lying or exaggerating. Don’t let them control your relationships—take back that power.
5. Fear
Narcissists are experts at finding your insecurities and vulnerabilities then using them against you. They’ll exploit your past traumas, your deepest fears, and your most closely held secrets, turning them into weapons to keep you in line.
How to Handle It: Understand that everyone has insecurities and vulnerabilities—you’re not alone in that. True friends and loved ones will support you, not use your fears against you. Recognise that the problem lies with the narcissist, not with you.
6. Reward and Punishment
One of the most confusing aspects of dealing with a narcissist is their tendency to switch between being charming and being cruel. Just when you’re ready to walk away, they’ll suddenly shower you with love and attention, making you doubt your decision. But when things don’t go their way, they’ll turn back into their nasty selves, keeping you walking on eggshells.
How to Handle It: Remember that this cycle of reward and punishment is a manipulation tactic. No matter how nice they seem at times, it’s all part of the game. Don’t get sucked back in—stay focused on your own well-being and walk away from the toxic cycle.
7. Lies
Narcissists lie constantly, twisting the truth to suit their narrative and making you doubt your reality. They might downplay their behaviour or outright deny it, leaving you questioning your own perceptions and memories. They’ll even manipulate others against you, isolating you further and making you feel like you’re the one in the wrong.
How to Handle It: Lies can shatter your trust in yourself and others, but it’s important to recognise them for what they are. When you catch a narcissist in a lie, don’t let them off the hook. Trust your instincts and know that you deserve better.
Rebuilding Your Self-Esteem
So, how do you rebuild your self-esteem after it’s been chipped away by a narcissist? It starts with reclaiming control over your thoughts and emotions.
1. Change How You Hold Yourself
When you tell yourself, “I’m shy” or “I can’t,” you start to believe it. Your posture changes—you slouch, drop your shoulders and avoid eye contact. But the way you hold your body can significantly impact how you feel inside. Try a power pose in front of the mirror, even if it feels silly. Stand tall, smile, and notice how it shifts your energy.
2. Focus on What Can Go Right
Instead of worrying about what could go wrong, focus on what could go right. When you approach new situations or challenges with a positive mindset, you’re more likely to succeed. This shift in focus can make a big difference in how you navigate life’s ups and downs.
3. Surround Yourself with Positive People
The company you keep matters. Surround yourself with people who inspire you, support you, and bring out the best in you. Don’t settle for relationships that drain you or make you feel small. Positive, uplifting people will help you rebuild your confidence and remind you of your worth.
4. Shift Your Focus When Problems Arise
When something goes wrong, it’s easy to let it ruin your day. But instead of dwelling on the negative, ask yourself: Can I do something about this? If the answer is yes, take action. If not, shift your focus to something you can control. Find things to be grateful for, even in difficult times.
5. Change Your Self-Talk
Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. Are you saying things like, “I’m not good enough” or “What’s the point?” These thoughts can keep you stuck. Instead, tell yourself, “I am good enough,” and remind yourself of your past successes. Focus on your strengths and capabilities, and over time, your mind will start to believe it.
6. Connect with Others Who Understand
If you’re feeling alone or misunderstood, seek out connections with people who get it. Whether it’s through online support groups or close friends, talking to others who have been through similar experiences can provide validation and encouragement.
7. Find the Lesson in Challenges
When life throws challenges your way, look for the lesson. Sometimes, it might take time to see it, but eventually, you’ll realise that the experience helped you grow in some way. Focus on the positive outcomes, and use those lessons to build a stronger, more resilient you.
Your Self-Worth Is Yours to Define
Narcissists don’t have the final say on your self-worth—you do. Your dignity, confidence, and self-respect all start within you. By focusing on your strengths, surrounding yourself with positive influences, and challenging negative self-talk, you can reclaim your self-esteem and take back control of your life.
Remember, your past doesn’t define your future. It’s a learning curve, and every step you take toward building your confidence is a step toward the life you want. Embrace the journey, and know that you have the power to become the person you want to be.
Thomas Edison.
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.
Check these out!
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.-1
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Hilarious (and Horrifying) Narcissistic Memes And Their Meanings.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
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How to handle yourself around a narcissist.
