Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Why do some narcissists sulk?
The narcissist personality disorder is on a spectrum so not all narcissist will sulk, some prefer physical violence, some prefer verbal abuse, some prefer the silent treatment, some prefer to calculatedly plot your downfall, some will do that Stare, some pitty play, some use all of the above, then there are those narcissists that love to play the incredibly sulk, most may do it from time to time, some do it a lot more than others.
The sulk is usually a silent treatment but the one where they stick around to do it. Some narcissists take flight for silent treatment often with a new partner you don’t know about, returning when the new isn’t filling the narcissist’s needs, they disappear to get you lost in your own thoughts, and so you give chase bombarding them with messages trying to reach out to them.
Or a parent will focus more on another sibling or family members cutting you off to make you feel bad, threatening to cut your inheritance to play on you’re emotions to do, as they say, I wouldn’t worry as they’ll most likely make sure you get none anyway, or they’ll guilt trip you that they need your help with their declining health to pull you back in then take down your boundaries, narcissistic parents will sulk with their own children to pity play and get their own way.
The incredible sulk or the silent treatment, where they stick around just to watch you squirm. They give you the cold shoulder and stick around. In fact, my ex-narcissist could sulk with everybody at the same time, fall out with his son, his parents, work colleagues and myself, waiting for us to step up one by one and apologise for our actions.
When they are sulking they will be full of self-pity, resentment, they will often stare blankly out of the window or at the floor, if you try to reach out to them, they will just shrug their shoulders if they bother to do that, sulking can last days, even though they’re not responding to you, they want everyone to pull around, trying to help, trying to fix, asking what’s wrong and what they can do to help the narcissist.
They can involve everyone in the incredibly sulk, as they want everyone to give them attention and make them feel better, to gain as much attention as possible, so if one gets fed up of them, they have plenty more people to gain attention from.
Part of the disorder is that they feel entitled, so they believe that those around them and even the world owes them something and when they resort to the incredibly sulk, this is because those needs have not been met, and all those around them are failing at keeping the narcissist happy, as a narcissist can not even keep themselves happy.
They may stop going to activities, and they may be unable to eat, all pity plays to get others to feel sorry for them.
They will lay for hours on the bed, staring into space or the tv, sit for hrs in front of the tv, if you invite family or friends around, they will continue to do so, often so you don’t, as the narcissist sits looking straight at the tv and acting rude.
They may miss work for a few days or a week.
The narcissist that sulks while others are present usually feel they’ve been criticised in some way, and they will also do this if they’re not the centre of attention and feel envious of those around them.
All narcissists are jealous and envious of others. Some just on a higher level, depending on where they are on the spectrum.
If you’ve criticised them in some way, you’ll never fully know what you did, and if it’s envy, you’ll be doing something they want to do, you’ll have got a new job or pay rise, got a new car.
They are Simply sulking as they believe that life and those around them have been treated better than the narcissists it, that everyone gets a break in life except the narcissist, they don’t see that others put time and effort in to achieve, they just find a way of how society has let them down.
The only way to stop and narcissist pulling the incredible sulk is to ignore them completely about their sulking, treat them like normal and get everyone around you to do the same.
With a narcissist, the incredible sulk isn’t because they’re depressed, it’s to get soul attention from those around them.
The incredible sulk is used for attention-seeking. Don’t bother asking what is wrong, they don’t want to tell you, and they’ll only make something up, leave them to sulk until they slowly emerge back out of it.
Or use this opportunity if it’s your partner to get out safely.
If you fear someone might not be NPD or you fear someone needs help, if you’ve tried before and they follow the same patterns of behaviour, always be kind, this doesn’t mean you must step in, you can kindly let someone else know they need help and you can step away from their games.
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