Why do some narcissists sulk?
As narcissists feel entitled, they are often quick to feel agitated when things don’t go their way, quick to feel slighted if they don’t think they’re getting the attention they believe they deserve, quick to fall into a mood when people don’t do what they want. Some are very quick to fall silent and sulk.
The narcissist personality disorder is on a spectrum, so not all narcissists will sulk; just like not all use physical violence, not all use overt verbal abuse, not all use the silent treatment, some prefer to calculatedly plot your downfall, some will do that stare, some pity play, some use all of the above. Some narcissists love to play the incredible sulk; most may do it occasionally; some do it a lot more than others.
The sulk is usually a silent treatment, but the one where the narcissist sticks around to do it. Some narcissists take flight for silent treatment, ghosting you, often with a new partner you don’t know about, returning when the new one isn’t filling the narcissist’s needs. They disappear to get you lost in ruminating on your own thoughts. So you give chase to the narcissist, bombarding them with messages trying to reach out to them, giving the narcissist the attention they believe they’re entitled to; however, they lack the empathy to care for how their behaviour affects you.
Or a narcissistic parent will give much more time and attention to one sibling or family member cutting you off to make you feel bad, threatening to cut your inheritance to play on your emotions. I wouldn’t worry as they’ll most likely make sure you get none anyway, or they’ll guilt trip you that they need your help with their declining health to pull you back in and then take down your boundaries. Narcissistic parents will sulk with their own children to pity play and get their own way.
An incredible sulk is a form of silent treatment where they stick around just to watch you squirm. They give you the cold shoulder and stick around. They can be all happy with everyone else and project by claiming to others that you’re in a mood; if the narcissist’s sulks and mood have got you going, you might be feeling frustrated, enabling the narcissist to lie further and use your reaction to their treatment of you against you, they can be laughing with everyone else about you, claiming you’re grumpy, to provoke you into feelings of loneliness, a narcissist could sulk with everybody at the same time, fall out with their son, their daughter, their parents, their work colleagues and their partners all at the same time, waiting for everyone to step up one by one and apologise to the narcissist for the narcissist’s actions.
When they are sulking, they will be full of self-pity; they will often stare blankly at the tv, out of the window, into space, or at the floor; if you try to reach out to them, they can just ignore you or just shrug their shoulders, the narcissists sulking can last days, when a narcissist isn’t happy ain’t no one going to be happy, when they’re feeling low, they’ll happily take everyone down with them, even though they’re not responding to you, they want everyone to pull around, trying to help, trying to fix, asking what’s wrong with them and what they can do to help the narcissist.
They can involve everyone in the incredible sulk. They want everyone to give them attention and make them feel better, to gain as much attention as possible, so if one gets fed up with them, they have plenty more people to gain attention from.
Part of the disorder is that they feel entitled. Hence, they believe that those around them and even the world owes them something, and when they resort to the incredible sulk, this is because those needs have not been met. All those around them are failing at keeping the narcissist happy, as a narcissist can not even keep themselves happy.
They may stop going to activities. They may be unable to eat; all pity plays to get others to feel sorry for them.
If you invite family or friends around, they can be overtly rude, as the narcissist sits looking straight at the tv, ignoring everybody, so everyone around them feels uncomfortable, and you no longer invite people over.
They may miss work for a few days or a week.
The narcissist that sulks while others are present usually feels they’ve been criticised in some way. They will also do this if they’re not the centre of attention and feel envious of those around them, as narcissists are jealous and envious of others. Some are just on a higher level, depending on where they are on the spectrum.
If you’ve criticised them somehow, you’ll never fully know what you did; if it’s their envy, you’ll be doing something they want to do, you’ll have got a new job or pay rise, got a new car.
They are simply sulking as they believe that life and those around them have been treated better than the narcissists is and that everyone gets a break in life except the narcissist. They don’t see that others put time and effort into achieving. They just find a way of how society has let them down.
The only way to stop a narcissist from pulling the incredible sulk is to leave them to it, ignore them entirely about their sulking, treat them like normal and get everyone around you to do the same.
With a narcissist, the incredible sulk isn’t because they’re depressed; it’s to get sole attention from those around them.
The incredible sulk is used for attention-seeking. Don’t bother asking what is wrong; they don’t want to tell you, and they’ll only make something up, leaving them to sulk until they slowly emerge back out of it; if you’re going to help, ask them, “how can I help you? I’m here when you’re ready to talk.” Then leave them to it; you’ll never be able to make someone communicate with you in a healthy way who doesn’t want to communicate with you; that’s on them, not you.
Or use this opportunity if it’s your partner to get out safely.
If you fear someone might not be NPD or you fear someone needs help, if you’ve tried before and they follow the same patterns of behaviour, always be kind; this doesn’t mean you must step in; you can kindly let someone else know they need help and you can step away from their games.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
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