Author: Elizabeth shaw

Hello, I’m Liz. I'm the slightly 🙄 dyslexic Blogger (So my grammar and punctuation aren't always the best.) who enjoys writing, and if I can overcome my fears and do it anyway, so can you. I have a YouTube channel which being dyslexic, my words are not always pronounced correctly, yet I still have some fantastic support from a fantastic community of survivors. If you want to do anything in life, half the battle is facing your fears and getting started. I am not a Doctor or a Councillor. I'm a mum and get the pleasure to raise five incredible boys. I'm a life coach. I’m a survivor of narcissistic abuse. I would like to raise as much awareness as possible about the Narcissist Personality Disorder, to give people more understanding of what they've been through, more knowledge so hopefully, people know the signs so don’t get involved in the first place, ways to get out safely, help with all the counter-parenting the narcissist throws in, help with whoever the narcissist is in your life, and most importantly recovery from narcissistic abuse, so you can move past it and have an incredible life that you do deserve.💜 Disclaimer: Some links found in Elizabeth Shaw’s Wasitme.blog, may be affiliate links, meaning Elizabeth Shaw might make a commission on these sales. You are always advised to do your own research. Any purchase made through these links helps support this Blog. Note: All information by Elizabeth Shaw Wasitme.blog is of general nature and is for education/entertainment purposes only. No information is to be taken as medical or any other health-related condition. You agree that the use of this information is at your own risk and not the responsibility of Elizabeth shaw.

7 Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist

7 Dating Habits of Narcissists You Should Never Ignore

At the beginning of a relationship, everything can feel exciting. There is curiosity, emotional connection, and the thrill of getting to know someone new. But sometimes, certain patterns appear early that may reveal deeper issues beneath the surface.

When it comes to narcissistic personalities, the warning signs are not always dramatic. In many cases, their behaviour follows subtle patterns that only become clear over time. Recognising these habits early can help you better understand the dynamic before becoming deeply emotionally invested.

Here are seven common dating habits narcissists often display that should never be ignored.

1. They Move the Relationship Extremely Fast

One of the most common early signs is the speed at which the relationship develops. Narcissists often push for emotional intimacy very quickly.

Within a short period of time, they may talk about long-term plans such as moving in together, marriage, or even having children. Conversations about the future can happen within weeks rather than months.

At first, this can feel flattering. It may seem like you have met someone who is deeply invested in the relationship. However, the rapid pace often creates emotional commitment before there has been enough time to truly know each other.

Healthy relationships typically grow gradually. When things move too quickly, it can sometimes be a way of creating attachment before deeper patterns emerge.

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2. They Always Have a Terrible Ex

Another pattern often appears in how they talk about previous relationships.

Almost every story involves an ex-partner who was controlling, unstable, jealous, or abusive. The narrative is usually very one-sided. You may hear phrases like:

“My ex ruined my life.”
“My ex was completely crazy.”
“My ex trapped me.”

While difficult relationships certainly exist, what stands out in these stories is the absence of personal responsibility. The narcissist almost always appears as the victim while the other person becomes the sole source of the problem.

Over time, this pattern of blame can become a warning sign of how they may eventually describe you as well.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

3. They Are Technically Still in a Relationship

Sometimes narcissists begin dating while their previous relationship has not fully ended.

They may explain the situation with statements such as:

“We’re basically separated.”
“It’s over, we just live in the same house.”
“The paperwork just hasn’t been finished yet.”

There is often a complicated explanation about why the relationship is still technically ongoing. Despite this, they move forward quickly with the new relationship.

This situation can create confusion and blurred boundaries. It may also suggest a pattern of overlapping relationships or emotional entanglements.

4. Trauma Dumping Very Early

Another behaviour people often notice is very intense emotional sharing very early in the dating process.

Within the first few meetings, the narcissist may begin sharing deeply personal stories about childhood trauma, betrayal by friends, or past relationship abuse.

This kind of emotional disclosure can create a powerful sense of connection very quickly. You may feel empathy, compassion, and a desire to support them.

However, when very heavy emotional stories appear extremely early, it can also be a way of creating rapid emotional bonding. This sometimes leads the other person to feel responsible for helping or “healing” them.

In healthy relationships, vulnerability usually develops gradually as trust grows over time.

5. They Speak Negatively About Everyone Around Them

Pay close attention to how someone talks about the people in their life.

Narcissists often criticise or complain about many of the people around them. Friends, coworkers, family members, and even neighbours may all be described in negative ways.

You may hear statements suggesting that everyone else is dramatic, incompetent, jealous, or unfair.

Over time, you might notice that the list of people they dislike keeps growing. This constant negativity can reveal a pattern of blame and conflict in their relationships.

Eventually, the same criticism may begin to be directed toward you.

6. They Rush Big Life Decisions

Another habit that can appear early is pressure to make major life decisions quickly.

This can include suggestions about moving in together, combining finances, relocating to another city, or making other serious commitments.

Because the relationship is still new, these decisions may feel rushed or overwhelming. The speed can make it difficult to pause and think carefully about whether the relationship is truly stable.

For some narcissists, accelerating major commitments can strengthen emotional dependency and make it harder for the other person to step back.

Healthy relationships usually allow space for reflection and thoughtful decision-making.

7. They Insert Themselves Into Your Life Quickly

Some narcissists integrate themselves into your daily life very rapidly.

They may quickly become familiar with your friends, workplace, family, and routines. They might appear eager to meet everyone important in your life and spend time in your personal spaces.

At first, this can feel like enthusiasm and genuine interest in the relationship. However, it can also create a situation where they become deeply embedded in your social world.

When someone becomes intertwined with many aspects of your life very quickly, it can make it much more difficult to distance yourself later if problems begin to appear.

Recognising the Pattern

One of the challenges with these behaviours is that each one can seem small on its own.

Moving quickly, sharing emotional stories, or criticising an ex-partner may not automatically signal something unhealthy. But when several of these habits appear together, they can form a pattern that becomes clearer over time.

Many people only recognise these patterns when they look back at how the relationship developed.

Healthy relationships tend to build gradually. Trust, emotional closeness, and long-term commitment usually develop through shared experiences and consistent behaviour over time.

When everything feels unusually fast, emotionally intense, or one-sided very early in a relationship, it may be worth slowing down and paying attention to the pattern.

Sometimes the warning signs are not dramatic. Instead, they are subtle behaviours that repeat themselves until the pattern becomes impossible to ignore.

Recognising these habits early can help you approach new relationships with greater awareness, clearer boundaries, and a stronger sense of emotional protection.

Check these out!

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

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Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

🧠 How To Heal From Narcissistic Abuse: A CBT Recovery Program A structured, step-by-step healing program designed to help you rebuild your confidence, regulate triggers, and break trauma bonds using practical CBT-based tools. Learn how to reframe toxic thought patterns, strengthen emotional boundaries, and regain control of your life.

👉 Start your recovery journey here: https://overcoming-narcissist-abuse.teachable.com/l/pdp/how-to-heal-from-narcissistic-abuse-a-cbt-recovery-program

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

What Narcissists Do When They Want Revenge (7 Common Tactics)

What Narcissists Do When They Want Revenge: 7 Common Tactics

When a narcissist feels rejected, exposed, or loses control of a relationship, their reaction can sometimes be intense. For many people, the end of a relationship means moving on and rebuilding their life. For narcissists, however, the loss of control can feel like a threat to their identity and self-image. As a result, they may attempt to regain power or protect their reputation in ways that can be confusing and emotionally draining for the other person.

Understanding the tactics narcissists often use when seeking revenge can help you recognise what is happening and avoid being pulled back into unnecessary conflict.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

1. Smear Campaigns

One of the most common revenge tactics is a smear campaign. A narcissist may tell friends, family members, or colleagues a distorted version of events in which they appear to be the victim and you appear to be the problem. Details may be exaggerated, omitted, or completely reversed.

The goal of a smear campaign is twofold. First, it protects the narcissist’s public image. Second, it undermines your credibility so that if you attempt to explain your side of the story, others may already doubt you.

For many survivors, this can be one of the most painful experiences because it involves the loss of trust and support from people they once felt close to.

2. Playing the Victim

Closely related to smear campaigns is the tactic of playing the victim. Narcissists often portray themselves as deeply wronged by the relationship. They may exaggerate events, selectively recall certain moments, or reinterpret situations in a way that casts them as the injured party.

By positioning themselves as the victim, they gain sympathy and validation from others. This attention helps repair their wounded ego and allows them to maintain the narrative that they were not responsible for the problems in the relationship.

Meanwhile, the person who experienced the manipulation may feel frustrated or powerless as their perspective is ignored or dismissed.

3. Provoking Emotional Reactions

Another common tactic involves provoking emotional reactions. A narcissist may send provocative messages, make hurtful comments, or deliberately bring up sensitive topics.

The intention is to trigger anger, frustration, or distress. If the targeted person reacts strongly, the narcissist can then point to that reaction as “proof” that the other person is unstable, dramatic, or difficult.

This tactic is particularly effective because it shifts attention away from the narcissist’s behaviour and onto the emotional response of the person being provoked.

Recognising this dynamic can help survivors understand why disengagement and emotional distance are often the most effective responses.

4. Sudden Replacement

After the end of a relationship, some narcissists move on very quickly with someone new. While this may appear to be a normal part of dating, it can sometimes be used as a form of revenge.

By displaying a new relationship publicly—especially on social media—they may attempt to provoke jealousy or create the impression that they have easily replaced their former partner.

This behaviour can be particularly painful for the person who is still processing the emotional aftermath of the relationship. However, it often reflects the narcissist’s need for validation and attention rather than genuine emotional connection.

5. Silent Treatment

Not all revenge tactics involve direct confrontation. Some narcissists use withdrawal and silence as a form of punishment.

The silent treatment can involve ignoring messages, refusing to respond to attempts at communication, or acting as though the other person does not exist. In some cases, this behaviour alternates with sudden attempts to re-engage, creating a confusing pattern of emotional distance and intermittent contact.

The silent treatment can be emotionally distressing because humans naturally seek closure and understanding in relationships. When communication is intentionally withheld, it can create feelings of rejection and uncertainty.

6. Boundary Violations

Even after a relationship ends, narcissists may attempt to remain present in the other person’s life. This can include repeated messages, unexpected appearances, or attempts to involve themselves in personal matters.

These boundary violations often serve to keep the emotional dynamic active. By continuing contact, the narcissist maintains a sense of influence and control over the situation.

For survivors, maintaining clear boundaries is essential. Limiting or completely cutting off communication can help prevent ongoing manipulation and allow space for healing.

7. Attempting to Regain Control

In many cases, revenge is not solely about hurting the other person. Instead, it is about regaining a sense of control.

Narcissistic relationships often revolve around power dynamics. When the relationship ends or the narcissist’s behaviour is exposed, they may feel that control slipping away. Attempts at revenge can therefore be efforts to restore the emotional dynamic in which they once held influence.

This might involve attempts to draw the person back into arguments, reopen past conflicts, or create situations that demand a response.

Recognising this motivation can help survivors understand why disengagement is often the most effective strategy.

The Emotional Impact

Experiencing these behaviours can be extremely confusing and upsetting. Many survivors find themselves questioning what they did wrong or wondering whether they could have handled the situation differently.

However, it is important to remember that these tactics are often about protecting the narcissist’s ego rather than resolving the underlying issues of the relationship.

The emotional toll of these experiences can include stress, anxiety, and feelings of isolation—especially if smear campaigns or manipulation affect social relationships.

Moving Forward

Recognising the patterns behind narcissistic revenge tactics is an important step toward protecting your emotional wellbeing. Awareness allows you to step back from the drama and see the behaviour for what it is.

Often the most effective response is not escalation, confrontation, or attempts to prove your innocence. Instead, distance, clear boundaries, and focusing on your own healing can help you regain stability and peace.

While the actions of a narcissist can feel overwhelming in the moment, understanding their tactics reduces their power. Over time, shifting attention away from the conflict and toward personal growth can help rebuild confidence and emotional resilience.

In the end, the most powerful response to narcissistic revenge is not retaliation—it is reclaiming your own clarity, independence, and peace.

Check these out!

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

Advertisements

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

👉 Start your recovery journey here: https://overcoming-narcissist-abuse.teachable.com/l/pdp/how-to-heal-from-narcissistic-abuse-a-cbt-recovery-program

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

7 Gaslighting Phrases Narcissists Use to Make You Doubt Yourself

7 Gaslighting Phrases Narcissists Love to Use

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling confused, doubting your own memory, or wondering whether you overreacted?

Many people who experience this feeling are encountering a manipulation tactic known as gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone distorts reality to make another person question their perceptions, memory, or judgement. Over time, repeated gaslighting can slowly undermine confidence, leaving the victim feeling uncertain about what is real and what is not.

This tactic is often associated with narcissistic behaviour, although it can appear in many different types of relationships. The purpose of gaslighting is usually the same: to shift power and control within the relationship by making the other person doubt themselves.

One of the ways gaslighting operates is through repeated phrases and statements that subtly reshape how events are interpreted.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Here are seven common gaslighting phrases narcissists often use.

1. “That never happened.”

This is one of the most direct and powerful forms of gaslighting.

Even when you clearly remember something occurring, the person denies the event entirely. The goal is simple: make you question your own memory.

At first, this might seem like a simple disagreement about what happened. But when it occurs repeatedly, it can create serious confusion. You may find yourself replaying conversations in your head or searching for proof of what actually happened.

Over time, the constant denial can cause people to rely more on the manipulator’s version of events than their own memory.

2. “You’re imagining things.”

This phrase attacks your perception rather than addressing the issue being raised.

Instead of responding to your concern directly, the person implies that your interpretation is incorrect or exaggerated. By suggesting that you are misinterpreting the situation, they undermine your confidence in your judgement.

This tactic shifts the conversation away from their behaviour and places the focus on your supposed misunderstanding.

The result is that you begin to second-guess yourself, wondering if you really did misread the situation.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

3. “You’re too sensitive.”

This phrase reframes the issue by shifting responsibility onto your emotional reaction.

Instead of acknowledging behaviour that may have been hurtful or inappropriate, the narcissist suggests that the problem lies in your response rather than their actions.

Over time, hearing this phrase repeatedly can make people feel embarrassed or ashamed of their emotions. They may start suppressing their reactions in order to avoid criticism.

However, emotions are often signals that something important has occurred. Dismissing them entirely can prevent healthy communication and boundary-setting.

4. “I was only joking.”

When someone challenges a hurtful comment, the response may suddenly change to “it was just a joke.”

This allows the person to dismiss responsibility for the comment while making the other person feel unreasonable for reacting.

The tactic also places the burden on the listener to prove that the comment was genuinely harmful rather than humorous.

In many cases, this phrase is used after a comment that crosses a boundary. By framing the remark as humour, the person avoids accountability.

5. “You always overreact.”

This phrase is another way of invalidating someone’s feelings.

Rather than discussing the behaviour that caused the reaction, the focus is shifted to the response itself. The implication is that your emotional reaction is exaggerated or irrational.

When this phrase is repeated frequently, people may begin to distrust their own feelings. They may even minimise their reactions to avoid being labelled dramatic.

However, dismissing someone’s emotional response without addressing the underlying issue prevents meaningful resolution.

6. “Everyone agrees with me.”

This tactic introduces imaginary allies into the conversation.

By suggesting that others share their perspective, the manipulator creates the impression that you are the only person who sees the situation differently.

This can be extremely isolating. It may cause people to feel as though they are alone in their interpretation of events.

Often, the individuals supposedly agreeing with the narcissist are never identified. The statement simply exists to create pressure and undermine confidence.

7. “You’re remembering it wrong.”

This phrase directly targets memory.

Instead of denying the event completely, the manipulator claims that the details are incorrect. Over time, hearing this repeatedly can lead someone to replay conversations constantly in their mind.

They may start keeping notes or searching for proof just to reassure themselves that their memory is accurate.

The cumulative effect of this tactic is to erode trust in one’s own recollection of events.

Why Gaslighting Is So Powerful

One of the reasons gaslighting can be so damaging is that it often happens gradually.

Each phrase on its own may seem minor. People may dismiss it as a misunderstanding or an argument about perspective.

However, when these phrases appear repeatedly over time, they can slowly reshape how someone interprets their own experiences.

Victims of gaslighting often report feeling:

confused about what really happened
unsure of their own memory
anxious about bringing up concerns
increasingly dependent on the other person’s interpretation of events

This gradual erosion of confidence allows the manipulator to gain greater control within the relationship.

Recognising the Pattern

The most important step in addressing gaslighting is recognising the pattern.

If these phrases appear occasionally in a disagreement, they may simply reflect poor communication. But when they appear repeatedly and consistently redirect blame or invalidate perceptions, they may indicate a deeper pattern of manipulation.

Awareness can help people begin to rebuild trust in their own judgement.

Listening to your own perceptions, documenting important conversations, and seeking outside perspectives can all help restore clarity.

Final Thoughts

Gaslighting is not always obvious in the moment. The manipulation often becomes clear only after a pattern emerges over time.

Recognising phrases such as “That never happened,” “You’re too sensitive,” or “You’re remembering it wrong” can be an important step toward protecting your boundaries.

If you frequently hear these phrases, the issue may not be your memory or sensitivity.

It may be the pattern.

Understanding that pattern can help people begin to regain confidence in their own perceptions and reclaim their sense of reality.

Check these out!

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

Advertisements

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

👉 Start your recovery journey here: https://overcoming-narcissist-abuse.teachable.com/l/pdp/how-to-heal-from-narcissistic-abuse-a-cbt-recovery-program

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

7 Things Narcissists Say to Create Competition (Narcissistic Triangulation Explained)

7 Things Narcissists Say When Creating Competition

Have you ever felt like you were being quietly compared to someone else in a relationship? Perhaps a partner, friend, colleague, or family member constantly mentioned how someone else behaved, reacted, or supported them better than you did.

This experience is often connected to a manipulation tactic known as triangulation.

Triangulation occurs when a narcissistic person introduces a third party—real or imagined—into the dynamic in order to create comparison, rivalry, or insecurity. Instead of building a healthy connection based on mutual respect and communication, the narcissist subtly encourages competition.

The goal is not connection. The goal is control, validation, and attention.

When people feel compared or judged against someone else, they may try harder to gain approval or prove their value. This keeps the focus on pleasing the narcissist rather than questioning the behaviour itself.

Over time, this dynamic can create confusion, self-doubt, and emotional pressure.

Below are seven common phrases narcissists often use when creating competition.

1. “My ex never reacted like that.”

This phrase immediately introduces a comparison with a previous partner.

Rather than addressing the current situation or taking responsibility for their behaviour, the narcissist shifts the conversation toward how someone else supposedly handled things better.

The implication is clear: you are the problem.

The comparison places you in a defensive position where you may feel the need to justify your feelings or reactions. Instead of resolving the issue, the conversation becomes about proving you are not as unreasonable as they suggest.

2. “Why can’t you be more like.”

Direct comparisons with family members can be particularly powerful.

By pointing to someone close to them as an example, the narcissist creates an ideal standard that you are expected to meet. Whether it’s how someone behaves, communicates, or supports them, the comparison suggests you are falling short.

The underlying message is not about improvement—it’s about creating insecurity.

When someone feels they are constantly being measured against others, they may begin to question their own behaviour and try harder to gain approval.

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

3. “My friend understands me better.”

This phrase introduces a rival who supposedly offers something you cannot.

By highlighting how another person “gets them” or supports them more effectively, the narcissist subtly pressures you to prove your loyalty, empathy, or understanding.

The comparison is designed to make you feel replaceable.

Instead of addressing communication issues directly, the narcissist creates the idea that someone else might fill your role more successfully.

4. “Everyone else seems to manage it fine.”

This statement uses vague, unnamed comparisons.

The narcissist does not identify specific people but suggests that everyone else is coping with the situation without difficulty. This makes you feel like the only person who has a problem.

Because the comparison is broad and undefined, it becomes difficult to challenge.

You may begin to wonder whether you really are overreacting or failing in some way. The narcissist, meanwhile, avoids accountability by presenting the issue as something that only bothers you.

5. “My colleague really appreciates what I do.”

At first, this may sound like a harmless observation. But in context, it often functions as a subtle form of pressure.

By highlighting how someone else values them, the narcissist suggests that you should be offering more admiration or validation.

This can create a sense that you are not doing enough, even if you have been supportive all along.

The comparison shifts attention away from their expectations and onto your perceived lack of appreciation.

6. “You’re the only person who has a problem with this.”

This phrase isolates you.

The narcissist suggests that everyone else agrees with them, leaving you as the sole dissenter. This tactic can make you feel unreasonable or overly sensitive.

In reality, there may be no such consensus.

The statement works because it creates social pressure. People naturally want to feel accepted and understood, so the suggestion that you are the only one objecting can make you doubt your perspective.

7. “Other people treat me better than this.”

This statement introduces guilt and competition simultaneously.

By claiming others treat them better, the narcissist encourages you to work harder to regain their approval. The comparison makes it seem as though you are failing in your role within the relationship.

Rather than discussing what they need or how the relationship could improve, the narcissist frames the issue as a competition you are currently losing.

The focus becomes proving your worth instead of questioning the behaviour.

Why Narcissists Create Competition

Triangulation works because it shifts attention away from the narcissist’s behaviour.

Instead of discussing problems directly, the conversation becomes about comparison. When someone feels they must compete with others for attention or approval, they may invest more energy into the relationship.

This dynamic strengthens the narcissist’s sense of importance.

They position themselves as the person who evaluates, judges, and decides who measures up. The relationship begins to revolve around gaining their approval rather than building mutual respect.

Over time, this can create emotional exhaustion.

People may find themselves constantly trying to explain their intentions, prove their value, or prevent the narcissist from turning toward someone else.

Recognising the Pattern

The key to understanding triangulation is recognising the repeating pattern of comparison.

When someone frequently introduces other people into conversations in ways that make you feel inadequate or replaceable, it may not be an innocent observation.

It may be a strategy designed to maintain control and validation.

Healthy relationships do not rely on comparison or competition. They are built on communication, accountability, and respect.

When those elements are missing, and comparison becomes a regular part of the dynamic, it can be a sign that the relationship is operating within a narcissistic pattern.

Recognising these phrases and tactics can help you step back and see the behaviour more clearly.

Instead of trying to compete for approval, you can begin to understand the dynamic for what it is—and decide what boundaries you need to protect your own wellbeing.

Check these out!

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

Advertisements

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

👉 Start your recovery journey here: https://overcoming-narcissist-abuse.teachable.com/l/pdp/how-to-heal-from-narcissistic-abuse-a-cbt-recovery-program