Recognising the Signs of Narcissistic Manipulation

Manipulation by a narcissist can be subtle and insidious, leaving you questioning your reality, self-worth, and even your sanity. It often starts with charm and affection, but over time, their behaviour shifts, creating a toxic cycle of control. Understanding the signs of narcissistic manipulation is essential to protecting yourself and breaking free.

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

Here are seven common tactics narcissists use to manipulate their victims:

1. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is one of the most common and damaging forms of manipulation. A narcissist denies your reality, making you doubt your memory, perceptions, or sanity. They might say things like, “That never happened,” or, “You’re too sensitive.”

Why They Do It:
Gaslighting is designed to confuse you and make you dependent on their version of reality. By eroding your confidence in your own judgment, they gain control over your thoughts and decisions.

How to Spot It:
If you often find yourself questioning your recollection of events or wondering if you’re “too emotional,” you may be experiencing gaslighting. Keep a journal of events to help ground yourself in the truth.

If you’re ready to stop overthinking, calm your nervous system, and finally break the trauma bond, my structured CBT-based recovery programme gives you the practical tools to rebuild confidence and regain control. 👉 Click here to start your healing journey:

2. Love Bombing and Devaluation

At the start of the relationship, a narcissist might shower you with affection, gifts, and praise, a tactic known as love bombing. This creates an intense emotional bond. However, as time passes, they begin to withdraw affection, criticise you, or act cold and distant.

Why They Do It:
This cycle keeps you off balance. You’ll crave the love and attention they once gave, making you more likely to tolerate their poor treatment in the hope of winning back their approval.

How to Spot It:
Notice if the relationship feels like a rollercoaster of highs and lows. Healthy relationships have consistent respect and care, not extreme shifts in behaviour.

3. Triangulation

Triangulation involves bringing a third person into the dynamic to create jealousy, competition, or insecurity. A narcissist might compare you to an ex, a friend, or even a stranger, saying things like, “They would never treat me this way,” or, “I wish you were more like them.”

Why They Do It:
By making you feel unworthy or insecure, they keep you fighting for their validation and attention. It’s a way to assert dominance and control.

How to Spot It:
If you feel constantly compared to others or find yourself competing for their approval, triangulation may be at play. Remember, healthy relationships don’t involve unnecessary comparisons or rivalries.

4. Blame-Shifting

Narcissists rarely take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they twist situations to make you feel at fault. For example, they might say, “I only acted that way because you made me angry,” or, “If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have reacted this way.”

Why They Do It:
Blame-shifting allows them to avoid accountability while making you feel guilty or responsible for their behaviour. This keeps you focused on fixing yourself rather than questioning their actions.

How to Spot It:
If you constantly feel like you’re apologising, even when you’ve done nothing wrong, you’re likely being blame-shifted. Reflect on whether the blame is truly yours or if they’re deflecting responsibility.

5. Silent Treatment

When you upset a narcissist, they may punish you by withdrawing affection, communication, or attention. This silent treatment can last for hours, days, or even weeks.

Why They Do It:
The silent treatment is a form of emotional control. It makes you feel powerless and desperate to regain their attention, often leading you to apologise or give in to their demands.

How to Spot It:
Healthy conflict involves open communication, not stonewalling. If someone repeatedly ignores you to punish or manipulate you, it’s a red flag.

6. Excessive Flattery Followed by Criticism

Narcissists often alternate between over-the-top praise and harsh criticism. One moment, they’ll call you “the most amazing person they’ve ever met,” and the next, they’ll point out your flaws in a cruel or dismissive way.

Why They Do It:
This tactic keeps you emotionally unstable. You become dependent on their approval and work harder to avoid their criticism.

How to Spot It:
Pay attention to whether their praise feels genuine or manipulative. Do they build you up only to tear you down? A healthy relationship doesn’t involve constant emotional whiplash.

7. Using Guilt or Fear

Narcissists often exploit your emotions to control your behaviour. They might use guilt, saying things like, “After all I’ve done for you,” or “You’re so ungrateful.” Alternatively, they might use fear, such as threatening consequences if you don’t comply with their wishes.

Why They Do It:
Guilt and fear are powerful tools for maintaining dominance. By making you feel indebted or afraid, they can manipulate your actions to suit their needs.

How to Spot It:
If you feel constantly pressured to please them out of guilt or fear, take a step back and evaluate whether their demands are reasonable.

7 Signs You’re Being Manipulated by a Narcissist: Recognise Toxic Tactics

Breaking Free from Narcissistic Manipulation

Recognising these tactics is the first step towards breaking free from a narcissist’s control. Here are some strategies to help you regain your power:

1. Educate Yourself: Understanding narcissistic behaviours can help you see through their manipulation. Knowledge is a powerful tool for reclaiming your confidence.
2. Set Boundaries: Clearly define what behaviours you will and won’t tolerate. Be firm and consistent in enforcing these boundaries.
3. Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Narcissistic manipulation thrives in isolation, so building a support network is crucial.
4. Document Behaviour: Keep a record of incidents to help you stay grounded in reality and recognise patterns. This can also be helpful if you need to seek legal or professional assistance.
5. Prioritise Self-Care: Focus on rebuilding your self-esteem through activities that bring you joy and fulfilment.
6. Consider Professional Help: If you’re struggling to break free, a therapist with experience in narcissistic abuse can provide guidance and support.
   (Sponsored.).    https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

Remember, manipulation is about control, but you have the power to take back control of your life. Recognising the signs and seeking support are vital steps in protecting yourself and building healthier relationships in the future.

Check these out! 

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

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Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

On TikTok 

 The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

6 Ways Narcissists Try to Hook You Into Their Addictions and Why

Narcissists are often skilled manipulators, using various tactics to control those around them. One of the more insidious strategies they employ is grooming others into their addictions. Whether it’s substance abuse, gambling, or other harmful behaviours, narcissists may subtly draw you into their addictive habits to maintain control, avoid facing their own issues, and keep you dependent on them. Understanding these tactics can help you recognise when you’re being manipulated and how to protect yourself from being ensnared in their addictive patterns.

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

1. Subtle Encouragement

The narcissist’s first step in drawing you into their addiction is often subtle. They may casually invite you to join them in a harmless activity, such as having a drink or smoking a cigarette. At first, it seems like no big deal—just a way to bond or unwind. They might say things like, “It’s just one drink, you’ll feel more relaxed,” or “You don’t have to worry about it, everyone does it.” These seemingly innocent invitations are designed to lower your guard and introduce you to the addictive behaviour in a non-threatening way.

Over time, the narcissist will normalise the behaviour, making it seem like a natural part of life. By gradually escalating the frequency or intensity of the addiction, they make it harder for you to resist or question it. What began as a one-off event becomes part of your routine, and before long, you may find yourself participating without even thinking about it.

2. Minimizing the Impact

Once you’ve been introduced to their addiction, narcissists are quick to downplay any negative consequences. They will often tell you that their addiction isn’t a big deal or that it’s something everyone engages in. If you express concern about the effects, they might reassure you that it’s just a phase or something they can easily control. For example, they might say, “It’s not a problem, I can quit whenever I want,” or “Everyone drinks, it’s not like it’s ruining my life.”

This minimisation serves a few purposes. First, it reduces any red flags you might notice about their behaviour. Second, it makes you feel like you’re overreacting or being too cautious. Narcissists often use this tactic to make you doubt your own judgment and to maintain control over the situation. When they downplay the impact of their addiction, they make it easier for you to justify your involvement despite any reservations you may have.

3. Isolation

Narcissists understand the power of isolation in keeping their control intact. If you begin to show signs of disapproval or hesitation about their addiction, they may start to isolate you from others who could intervene. They might subtly undermine your relationships with friends or family members who don’t approve of their behaviour, or they may try to create conflict between you and those who care about you. The goal is to make you more dependent on them, both emotionally and in terms of their addictive habits.

By cutting off your support system, narcissists ensure that you have fewer people to turn to for advice or help. They create an environment where you feel like you have no one else to rely on but them. In this isolated state, you may begin to feel like you need them, and by extension, their addiction, to cope with the emotional void they’ve created. This dependency locks you into their addictive behaviour, making it harder to break free.

4. Creating Dependency

Another key tactic narcissists use to hook you into their addiction is creating emotional dependency. They will often position themselves as the only source of comfort or relief from stress, sadness, or other life challenges. When you’re feeling vulnerable, they may offer their addictive behaviour as a solution. For instance, if you’re dealing with a difficult situation, they might say, “I know things are tough, but a drink will help you relax,” or “Let’s go out and blow off some steam. It’ll make you feel better.”

By presenting their addiction as a coping mechanism, they create a false sense of dependency. You start to believe that you need their addictive behaviour to handle difficult emotions or situations. This emotional manipulation makes it harder to resist the pull of their addiction, as it becomes intertwined with your emotional well-being. The narcissist’s behaviour becomes your only way of coping, and the more you rely on it, the harder it becomes to break free.

5. Gaslighting and Guilt

If you begin to resist or express concerns about their addiction, the narcissist will often use gaslighting to make you doubt your own perceptions. They might tell you that you’re overreacting or that you’re being too sensitive. For example, if you say, “I don’t think this is good for us,” they may respond with, “You’re just being dramatic, everyone does this, you’re the only one with a problem.”

Gaslighting makes you feel like you’re the one who is wrong, not them. It shifts the focus from their behaviour to your reactions, making you question your own feelings and judgment. Additionally, narcissists are adept at using guilt to manipulate you. They may say things like, “If you really cared about me, you’d understand,” or “I need this to cope, don’t make me feel worse.” This guilt-tripping makes you feel responsible for their actions, pushing you to join in their addiction to “keep things harmonious” or to avoid making them feel bad.

6. False Promises and Reassurance

Finally, narcissists are skilled at making empty promises to keep you hooked. They may assure you that their addiction won’t affect you or that they will change if you just join in. For example, they might say, “I promise I’ll quit once we’re having fun again,” or “If you just join me, I’ll cut back.” These promises are designed to reassure you that it’s temporary or harmless, so you feel comfortable participating.

However, once you’re involved, the promises are quickly forgotten. The narcissist has already secured your involvement, and their manipulative behaviour continues. The addiction becomes more entrenched, and the narcissist’s control over you deepens. By offering false reassurance, they prevent you from seeing the long-term consequences of their addiction, keeping you locked into the cycle.

6 Ways Narcissists Hook You Into Their Addictions and Why You Should Beware

Narcissists use these six tactics—subtle encouragement, minimising the impact, isolation, creating dependency, gaslighting and guilt, and false promises—to draw you into their addictions and keep you trapped in their manipulative web. By recognising these behaviours, you can protect yourself from being groomed into enabling their addictions. It’s important to trust your instincts, seek support from trusted friends and family, and set firm boundaries to break free from their control. Understanding these tactics is the first step toward reclaiming your autonomy and protecting your well-being.

Check these out! 

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

Advertisements

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

On TikTok 

 The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

The 7 Steps Narcissists Go Through When You Stand Up to Them

Setting boundaries with a narcissist can be one of the most difficult things you will ever do. Narcissists are notorious for their manipulative behaviours, and when you try to stand up for yourself or assert your needs, they will often go to great lengths to undermine your efforts. They may use various tactics to maintain control, deflect responsibility, and make you feel guilty or confused.

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

Here’s what typically happens when you set boundaries with a narcissist:

1. Refuse to Engage

The first step a narcissist will take when you set a boundary is to stonewall you. They may completely ignore your request or refuse to acknowledge the issue at hand. This tactic is designed to make you feel invisible and unimportant, which, in turn, creates self-doubt and frustration. The narcissist may withhold communication, avoid answering your questions, or act as though you never even brought up the boundary.

By refusing to engage, they are hoping to wear you down and break your resolve. Narcissists often believe that if they simply ignore you long enough, you will give up and abandon your boundary altogether. This is a form of control that allows them to maintain the upper hand in the relationship.

2. Turn the Tables

Once the narcissist realises that ignoring you isn’t enough, they will likely attempt to turn the tables. They will accuse you of being unreasonable or even mirror the behaviour of someone they have previously criticised. They may say things like, “This is exactly what your dad/mum/partner used to do to me,” or “You’re acting just like [someone they’ve complained about].”

This tactic is meant to guilt-trip you and distract you from the real issue at hand. By accusing you of being like someone else, the narcissist is trying to shift the focus away from their behaviour and onto yours. This can be incredibly confusing and frustrating, as it makes you question whether you’re in the wrong, even though you know deep down that you’re simply trying to set a healthy boundary.

3. Play Confused

When guilt-tripping doesn’t work, the narcissist will often switch to playing confused. They may feign bafflement and say things like, “I don’t know what I’ve done wrong,” or “If the truth hurts, that’s not my fault.” This tactic is designed to deflect accountability and place the blame on you for being upset or offended.

By pretending to be confused or unaware of their actions, the narcissist is attempting to manipulate you into feeling responsible for their behaviour. They want you to believe that you’re the one overreacting or being too sensitive. In reality, they are avoiding taking any responsibility for their actions and are instead trying to keep you on the defensive.

4. Victim Mode

One of the most common tactics a narcissist will use when you stand up to them is to play the victim. Narcissists love to portray themselves as the martyr in any situation, even if they are the ones causing the harm. When you set a boundary, they may claim that they are being treated unfairly, saying things like, “This feels just like how I was treated by so-and-so,” or “Why are you doing this to me?”

This is a classic narcissistic move—by positioning themselves as the victim, they hope to evoke sympathy from you and others. They may even bring up past grievances or past trauma to justify their current behaviour. The narcissist wants to shift the focus away from their actions and onto how they are “suffering” as a result of your boundary. This tactic is designed to make you feel guilty for asserting yourself, and it can be highly effective if you’re not aware of what’s happening.

5. Recruit Flying Monkeys

If the narcissist is unable to manipulate you directly, they may turn to others for support. They will often recruit “flying monkeys”—people who are easily manipulated by the narcissist to act on their behalf. These flying monkeys may be friends, family members, or colleagues who are convinced that the narcissist is the real victim.

The narcissist will tell a skewed version of events to their flying monkeys, making it seem like you are the one at fault. They may say things like, “I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but could you talk to them for me? They’ve been so cruel.” The narcissist’s goal is to get these people to pressure you into dropping your boundaries and returning to the status quo. This can be incredibly isolating, as it may feel like everyone is turning against you, but it’s important to recognise that these people are being manipulated as well.

6. Demand Reconciliation

If the narcissist’s other tactics don’t work, they will often escalate the situation by demanding reconciliation. They may insist that you’re overreacting, that you’re being too harsh, or that you’re being unreasonable. The narcissist wants you to drop your boundary and return to the relationship as it was before.

They may even use emotional manipulation to try to convince you that your boundary is causing unnecessary tension or hurting them. They might say things like, “Why are you doing this to me?” or “I thought we were supposed to be in this together.” This is another attempt to make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself, and it can be difficult to resist, especially if you care about the narcissist or want to avoid conflict.

7. Punish and Test

If you hold firm to your boundaries, the narcissist will likely resort to punishment. This may come in the form of the silent treatment, more accusations, or increased manipulation. They may try to punish you for not complying with their demands by withholding affection, support, or attention.

The narcissist will also test your resolve by continuing to push boundaries and see if you’ll back down. They may make subtle or overt attempts to re-establish control, all while continuing to play the victim. This is a final test to see how much power they still have over you, and it’s crucial to stand your ground.

7 Steps Narcissists Take When You Stand Up to Them.

Setting boundaries with a narcissist is never easy, but it is necessary for your emotional well-being. Narcissists will use a variety of tactics to manipulate, guilt-trip, and confuse you into abandoning your boundaries. However, by understanding these steps and recognising the narcissist’s tactics, you can maintain your boundaries and protect your peace.

Remember, narcissists will try everything to regain control, but standing firm and holding your ground is the best way to ensure that your needs are respected. You have the right to set boundaries and protect yourself from emotional manipulation, and doing so is the first step toward reclaiming your power.

Check these out! 

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

Advertisements

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

On TikTok 

 The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

7 Ways Narcissists Play the Victim to Gain Enablers and Flying Monkeys, Making You Look Like the Problem

Narcissists are notorious for their ability to twist reality, often portraying themselves as the ultimate victims in any situation. This manipulative tactic serves a dual purpose: it absolves them of responsibility for their behaviour and rallies others—enablers and flying monkeys—to their side. These individuals then become unwitting allies, helping the narcissist shift blame and isolate their target.

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

Here are seven ways narcissists play the victim to create enablers and flying monkeys, all while making you look like the problem.

1. Twisting the Narrative

Narcissists are skilled storytellers, but their narratives are far from truthful. When recounting events, they twist the facts to present themselves as the innocent party. For instance, they might say, “I’ve done everything for them, but they treat me terribly.”

In reality, their version of the story omits key details—like their own toxic behaviour. By presenting a distorted version of events, they evoke sympathy from others, who then view you as the villain. This tactic ensures that their enablers rally around them, convinced of their supposed victimhood.

To counter this, it’s crucial to stay calm and stick to the facts. Documenting interactions can help expose their lies if the situation escalates.

2. Playing the Martyr

A classic narcissistic tactic is to paint themselves as a selfless martyr who has sacrificed endlessly for others. They’ll say things like, “I’ve given up so much for them, and this is how they repay me.”

This guilt-inducing narrative makes their enablers feel obligated to support them, as though the narcissist has been unfairly treated despite their supposed generosity. In truth, these sacrifices are often exaggerated or fabricated, designed to manipulate others into siding with them.

Recognising this tactic involves questioning the authenticity of their claims. Genuine sacrifice doesn’t come with strings attached or demands for constant recognition.

3. Falsely Portraying Conflict as One-Sided

In any disagreement, a narcissist will frame the conflict as entirely your fault. They’ll say things like, “I’m just trying to communicate, but they shut me down every time.”

By presenting the situation as one-sided, they position themselves as the reasonable, misunderstood party while painting you as uncooperative or aggressive. This tactic makes it easier for them to gain the sympathy of enablers, who only hear their side of the story.

To combat this, avoid engaging in their drama and focus on communicating clearly with others involved. Over time, their pattern of manipulation often becomes apparent to those paying attention.

4. Sowing Seeds of Doubt

Narcissists are experts at subtly undermining your reputation. They’ll share half-truths or exaggerate your flaws to create doubt about your character. For example, they might say, “They’re always trying to make me look bad in front of everyone.”

This tactic causes others to question your actions and motives, even if they’ve previously trusted you. Over time, these seeds of doubt can grow into full-blown mistrust, isolating you further.

The best defence is to remain consistent and authentic in your behaviour. While it may take time, genuine relationships often withstand the narcissist’s attempts to sabotage them.

5. Leveraging Past Wounds

Narcissists often exploit their own past trauma or hardships to justify their current behaviour. They’ll say things like, “I’ve been through so much, and now they’re treating me like this.”

By invoking their past struggles, they manipulate others into feeling sorry for them, even if their actions are unjustifiable. This tactic shifts focus away from their wrongdoing and onto their supposed pain, ensuring that their enablers view you as heartless for holding them accountable.

While empathy is important, it’s equally vital to recognise when someone is using their past as an excuse for harmful behaviour. Boundaries are essential in these situations.

6. Making You Out to Be the Aggressor

Narcissists are masters of provocation, often pushing you to your limits and then framing your reaction as the problem. They’ll say things like, “They’re always picking fights with me for no reason.”

This tactic not only makes you look like the aggressor but also provides them with an opportunity to play the victim. Their enablers, unaware of the full context, see you as unreasonable or hostile, further isolating you.

To protect yourself, focus on staying calm and composed. Reacting emotionally only plays into their hands.

7. Recruiting Flying Monkeys

Perhaps the most insidious tactic of all, narcissists recruit others—often mutual friends, family members, or colleagues—to act on their behalf. These “flying monkeys” are manipulated into believing the narcissist’s narrative and may confront you directly.

The narcissist might say, “I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but could you talk to them for me? They’ve been so cruel.” By doing this, they weaponise their enablers to further their agenda, making you feel outnumbered and unsupported.

The key to handling flying monkeys is to maintain firm boundaries and avoid justifying yourself to them. Instead, focus on those who truly understand your perspective.

Breaking Free from the Narcissist’s Manipulation

Understanding these tactics is the first step towards protecting yourself from the narcissist’s manipulative games. Here are some additional strategies to safeguard your emotional well-being:

1. Set Clear Boundaries: Narcissists thrive on overstepping boundaries. Be firm and consistent in enforcing yours.
2. Limit Contact: If possible, reduce interactions with the narcissist to minimise their influence.
3. Seek Support: Build a network of trusted friends, family, or professionals who understand your situation and can offer guidance.
4. Stay Grounded in Reality: Narcissists rely on distorting the truth. Trust your instincts and focus on the facts.
5. Prioritise Self-Care: Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining. Make time for activities that recharge and empower you.

While it can be challenging to counteract a narcissist’s manipulation, recognising their tactics is a powerful step towards regaining control. By staying true to yourself and seeking support, you can navigate their games with resilience and clarity.

7 Ways Narcissists Play The Victim To Gain Flying Monkeys and Enablers To Come After You

Narcissists may excel at playing the victim, but their manipulative strategies often unravel when faced with firm boundaries and a refusal to engage in their drama. Remember, their behaviour is a reflection of their own insecurities, not your worth.

Check these out! 

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

Advertisements

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

On TikTok 

 The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.