How Narcissists Use Car Journeys as a Tool of Intimidation and Control

Narcissists are individuals with an excessive sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of genuine empathy for others. In relationships, these traits often manifest as manipulation, coercive control, and emotional abuse. While many people associate abuse with arguments at home or overt verbal attacks, one lesser-discussed environment where narcissistic abuse frequently occurs is inside the car.

Car journeys place the narcissist in a position of power. They control the vehicle, the destination, the speed, and often whether the other person can leave. This imbalance creates the perfect opportunity for intimidation, dominance, and fear-based control.

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Threatening to Kick You Out of the Car

One of the most common intimidation tactics narcissists use during car journeys is threatening to kick you out of the car. This threat is especially powerful if you are far from home, unfamiliar with the area, or dependent on them for transport. The message is clear: your safety and mobility are conditional on compliance.

In some cases, this threat is used repeatedly to keep you quiet or submissive. You may stop expressing opinions, setting boundaries, or challenging their behaviour out of fear of being abandoned on the roadside.

In more extreme situations, narcissists do follow through. Being forced out of a car in an unfamiliar or isolated place can be terrifying and dangerous. This is not a loss of control — it is a deliberate punishment designed to reinforce dominance and remind you of your vulnerability.

Dangerous and Erratic Driving

Another common tactic is driving erratically to instil fear. This can include speeding, tailgating, swerving, weaving through traffic, slamming the brakes, or ignoring road rules. The goal is not simply reckless behaviour; it is psychological intimidation.

When you react with fear or ask them to slow down, the narcissist often gaslights you. They may accuse you of being dramatic, too sensitive, or paranoid. Over time, this causes you to doubt your own judgement and suppress your instincts — a key goal of emotional abuse.

Some narcissists escalate further by braking suddenly, accelerating aggressively, or even pulling the handbrake. These actions place your safety at risk and demonstrate a chilling lack of empathy. Your fear becomes fuel for their sense of power.

Using Silence and Withdrawal as Punishment

Car journeys are also used as an opportunity for emotional punishment. A narcissist may refuse to speak, answer questions, or acknowledge your presence. This silent treatment can last the entire journey, creating intense discomfort and anxiety.

Because you are physically confined, the silence feels more suffocating. You cannot leave, distract yourself, or create emotional distance. The narcissist uses this time to assert control, knowing the discomfort will pressure you into apologising or giving in — even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

Dominating the Environment

Narcissists often control the sensory environment inside the car. They may blast music to drown out your voice or refuse to lower it when asked. If you attempt to adjust the radio or speak over it, they may respond with anger, threats, or dangerous driving.

This behaviour sends a clear message: your needs, comfort, and voice do not matter. The narcissist decides what happens, when it happens, and how you are allowed to respond.

Provocation and Reaction Traps

Some narcissists deliberately provoke emotional reactions during car journeys. They may bring up sensitive topics, criticise you, mock you, or accuse you of things without evidence. The enclosed space makes it harder to regulate emotions, increasing the likelihood of a visible reaction.

In some cases, narcissists may film or record you once you become upset. They later use this footage to gaslight you, portray themselves as the victim, or threaten your reputation. This creates a sense of constant surveillance and further erodes your sense of safety.

Lecturing, Criticism, and Verbal Abuse

Car journeys are also used for long, one-sided lectures. Narcissists may take advantage of the time to criticise your behaviour, appearance, decisions, or personality. You are not allowed to respond or defend yourself without consequences.

This repeated belittling slowly undermines your confidence. Over time, you may begin to dread car journeys, feeling anxious before even getting into the vehicle. Your body learns to associate the car with fear, tension, and emotional harm.

Lack of Empathy and Accountability

What makes these behaviours particularly damaging is the narcissist’s lack of remorse. They do not take responsibility for frightening you or placing you at risk. Instead, they blame you for “provoking” them or claim you caused their behaviour.

This reversal of blame is deeply destabilising. It teaches you that your fear is irrelevant and your safety is negotiable — as long as they remain in control.

The Psychological Impact on Victims

Being subjected to intimidation during car journeys can have lasting effects. Victims often experience anxiety, hypervigilance, and panic around driving or travel. Some avoid cars altogether, while others feel tense whenever someone else is driving.

This is not an overreaction. It is a normal response to repeated exposure to fear and powerlessness.

Recognising the Abuse and Protecting Yourself

It is important to understand that none of this behaviour is normal, acceptable, or justified. Using a vehicle to intimidate, frighten, or control someone is a form of emotional and psychological abuse — and in some cases, physical endangerment.

Recognising these patterns is the first step toward protecting yourself. You have the right to feel safe, to be heard, and to set boundaries. If possible, limiting shared car journeys, arranging independent transport, or seeking professional support can help reduce risk.

No one deserves to be treated this way. Control is not love, fear is not respect, and intimidation is not a misunderstanding. You deserve dignity, safety, and peace — in every space, including the car.

Check these out!

How Narcissists Use Car Journeys to Intimidate, Control, and Instil Fear

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

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How Narcissists Use Car Journeys as a Tool of Intimidation and Control