The Narcissist’s Double Standards: Rules for You, Not for Them

One of the most confusing aspects of dealing with a narcissist is the constant sense that the rules are different for you than they are for them. What’s unacceptable when you do it is excused, justified, or ignored when they do the same — or worse. Over time, this imbalance doesn’t just cause frustration; it quietly erodes your sense of fairness, confidence, and reality.

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

Narcissistic double standards are not accidental. They are a core feature of how narcissists maintain control, protect their ego, and avoid accountability.

Rules Apply to You — Never to Them

In narcissistic dynamics, expectations flow in one direction. You are expected to be patient, understanding, loyal, forgiving, and calm at all times. Mistakes are scrutinised. Reactions are judged. Boundaries are questioned.

Meanwhile, the narcissist exempts themselves from the same standards. Their outbursts are justified. Their cruelty is minimised. Their inconsistency is explained away. If you point out the imbalance, you’re accused of being difficult, dramatic, or unfair.

This creates a constant sense of walking on eggshells, where you are hyper-aware of your behaviour while theirs remains unchecked.

Criticising Others While Rejecting Feedback

Narcissists are often highly critical of others. They spot flaws easily, offer unsolicited opinions, and frame themselves as honest or “just saying it like it is.” Yet when feedback is directed toward them — even gently — the response is immediate defensiveness.

Constructive criticism feels like a personal attack. Instead of reflection, you’re met with denial, anger, sarcasm, or silence. The irony is striking: they demand growth from others while refusing it themselves.

This double standard ensures that power remains one-sided. You’re expected to improve; they’re expected to be accepted exactly as they are.

Demanding Loyalty While Showing None

Loyalty is often a non-negotiable demand in narcissistic relationships. You’re expected to stand by them, defend them, prioritise them, and overlook their behaviour — even when it harms you.

But that loyalty is rarely reciprocated.

When you need support, they’re unavailable. When you’re struggling, your pain is inconvenient. When protecting you costs them something — status, comfort, image — they choose themselves without hesitation.

This imbalance leaves you questioning your worth, wondering why your loyalty feels invisible while theirs is conditional.

Needing Constant Praise, Giving None

Narcissists often crave admiration. Praise reassures their fragile self-image, and they may subtly or openly fish for validation. Compliments, attention, and reassurance are expected — sometimes demanded.

Yet they rarely offer the same in return.

Your efforts go unnoticed. Your achievements are minimised or ignored. Support is inconsistent. Over time, you may find yourself working harder for scraps of approval, while your own emotional needs remain unmet.

This isn’t oversight. It’s entitlement.

Expecting Forgiveness Without Responsibility

Another common double standard is the expectation of immediate forgiveness. Narcissists may hurt you repeatedly, yet expect you to “move on,” “let it go,” or “stop living in the past.”

Apologies, if offered, are vague or conditional. Responsibility is avoided. Behaviour rarely changes.

At the same time, they hold onto your mistakes — sometimes exaggerating or rewriting them — using them as justification for future behaviour. Forgiveness is demanded, but accountability is refused.

Playing the Victim While Acting Aggressively

Perhaps one of the most destabilising double standards is how narcissists position themselves as victims while behaving aggressively.

They provoke, criticise, belittle, or manipulate — and when you finally react, your response becomes the focus. Suddenly, you’re accused of being aggressive, dramatic, or “playing the victim.”

This reversal is deeply confusing. You’re responding to toxicity, yet made to feel like the perpetrator. Over time, this can lead to emotional suppression, self-doubt, and fear of expressing yourself at all.

Taking Credit, Shifting Blame

When things go well, narcissists often take credit — even for efforts they didn’t make. Success is absorbed into their identity. Praise is accepted without question.

When things go wrong, blame is swiftly redirected. Someone else failed. Circumstances were unfair. You caused it.

This selective ownership ensures their self-image remains intact while others carry the consequences.

Recognising the Pattern for What It Is

The most important shift happens when you stop trying to make the situation fair — and start recognising it for what it is.

Narcissistic double standards are not misunderstandings. They are not temporary phases. They are not communication issues. They are a consistent pattern designed to maintain control and avoid vulnerability.

Recognising this doesn’t make you cold or unforgiving. It gives you clarity.

You don’t need to earn equal treatment from someone who benefits from inequality. You don’t need to explain fairness to someone who avoids accountability. And you don’t need to keep shrinking yourself to meet standards that were never meant to apply equally.

Seeing the pattern clearly is not the end — but it is the beginning of protecting yourself.

Check these out!

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

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The Narcissist’s Double Standards: Rules for You, Not for Them