Navigating the Coercive Control of Narcissistic Parents: Bribery, Gifts, Victim Plays, and Future Faking

Narcissistic parents are individuals who exhibit traits of narcissism, which include a grandiose sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. These parents often use manipulative tactics to control their children and maintain power in the relationship. In this article, we will explore how narcissistic parents utilise bribery, gifts, victim plays, and future faking to coercively control their children

Coercive control, as defined by Evan Stark, is a pattern of behaviour that seeks to dominate and control an individual through various tactics such as isolation, manipulation, intimidation, and threats. In the context of parenting, coercive control can be especially harmful as it can impact a child’s emotional well-being and development.

When comparing a narcissistic parent’s control to a genuine parent’s role, there are distinct differences in their motives and actions. A narcissistic parent may use tactics such as bribery, gifts, the victim plays, and future faking to manipulate and control their child for their own gain or to fulfil their own needs. These behaviours are often driven by the narcissistic parent’s need for admiration, power, and control.

On the other hand, a genuine parent’s role is focused on nurturing and supporting their child’s growth and development. They prioritise their child’s well-being and strive to create a positive and safe environment for them to thrive in. Genuine parents act out of love, empathy, and genuine concern for their child’s welfare rather than seeking to fulfil their own needs or manipulate them for their own benefit.

Bribery

One of the most common tactics used by narcissistic parents to control their children is bribery. This involves offering rewards or incentives in exchange for compliance with their demands. Narcissistic parents may use bribery as a way to manipulate their children into doing what they want rather than allowing them to make their own choices and decisions.

Bribery can come in many forms, such as buying expensive gifts, offering money, or promising special privileges. This tactic can be particularly effective in getting children to comply with their parent’s wishes, as it creates a sense of obligation and indebtedness. Children may feel pressured to go along with their parent’s demands in order to maintain the benefits offered to them.

However, bribery is a form of emotional manipulation that can have long-lasting negative effects on children. It can distort their sense of right and wrong, teach them to prioritise material possessions over personal values and erode their self-esteem. Children who are constantly bribed by their parents may grow up to struggle with understanding the true meaning of love, respect, and healthy relationships.

Gifts

Narcissistic parents may also use gifts as a tool to control their children. These parents may shower their children with expensive presents, lavish vacations, or special treats as a way to buy their love and loyalty. By giving gifts, narcissistic parents seek to create a sense of dependency and obligation in their children, making them feel indebted to their parent and less likely to challenge their authority.

Gift-giving can be a powerful form of manipulation, as children may feel guilty or ungrateful for not complying with their parent’s wishes after receiving such lavish presents. Narcissistic parents may use gifts as a way to control their children’s behaviour and force them to conform to their expectations. They may use gifts to manipulate their children’s emotions and make them feel guilty for not living up to their parent’s standards.

However, the use of gifts as a form of control is ultimately harmful to children. It can distort their understanding of love and affection, teaching them that material possessions are more important than genuine relationships. Children who are constantly given gifts by their narcissistic parents may struggle to develop a healthy sense of self-worth and may have difficulty forming healthy relationships with others.

Victim Plays

Narcissistic parents often use victim plays as a way to manipulate their children into feeling sorry for them and fulfilling their emotional needs. These parents may portray themselves as victims of circumstances, exaggerating their hardships and seeking sympathy and support from their children. By playing the victim, narcissistic parents seek to guilt-trip their children into complying with their demands and meeting their emotional needs.

Victim plays can be a powerful form of emotional manipulation, as children may feel obligated to take care of their parents and provide them with emotional support. Narcissistic parents may use victim plays to paint themselves as helpless and dependent, making their children feel responsible for their well-being. This tactic can create a dynamic where the child is constantly in a caretaker role, prioritising their parent’s needs over their own.

Additionally, narcissistic parents may use victim plays as a way to deflect responsibility for their harmful behaviour. By portraying themselves as victims, they may shift the blame onto their children or external circumstances, avoiding accountability for their actions. This can create a toxic dynamic where the child is made to feel responsible for their parent’s emotional well-being, even at the expense of their own mental health.

Future Faking

Another manipulative tactic used by narcissistic parents to control their children is future faking. This involves making empty promises or false commitments about the future in order to manipulate their children into complying with their demands. Narcissistic parents may use future faking as a way to gain temporary compliance from their children, only to later neglect or break their promises.

Future faking can be a harmful form of manipulation, as it can create false hope and expectations in children. Narcissistic parents may make promises about the future in order to keep their children compliant and under their control. These promises may never come to fruition, leaving children feeling disappointed, betrayed, and emotionally manipulated.

Narcissistic parents may use future faking as a way to maintain power and control in the relationship with their children. By making false promises about the future, they may keep their children complacent and obedient, believing that their parents will eventually follow through on their commitments. However, future faking can erode trust and create a sense of insecurity in children, as they may learn to doubt the sincerity of their parent’s words and intentions.

In conclusion, narcissistic parents often use coercive tactics such as bribery, gifts, victim plays, and future faking to control their children and maintain power in the relationship. These manipulative tactics can have long-lasting negative effects on children, distorting their understanding of love, respect, and healthy relationships. It is important for children of narcissistic parents to recognise these manipulative tactics and seek support in order to break free from the cycle of control and manipulation. By understanding the tactics used by narcissistic parents, children can begin to heal from the emotional scars of their upbringing and reclaim their sense of self-worth and autonomy.

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