The Hidden Monster: Growing Up with a Communal Narcissistic Mother.

Elizabeth shaw

2 years ago

Advertisements

Growing up with a narcissistic mother can be incredibly challenging and damaging for a child. Narcissistic mothers are often self-absorbed, manipulative, and lacking in empathy for their children. They can be controlling, critical, and demanding, leaving their children feeling unloved, unworthy, and constantly seeking their approval.

But not all narcissistic mothers fit this traditional mould. There is another type of narcissistic mother, one who presents a completely different face to the world. This is the compassionate, communal, narcissistic mother – the one who is seen as the ultimate do-gooder in public, the one who volunteers at every charity event, and the one who is always willing to lend a helping hand to those in need. She is admired by everyone who knows her for her generosity and kindness, her selflessness and dedication to making the world a better place.

However, behind closed doors, this communal narcissistic mother is a completely different person. She is a tyrant in her own home, ruling with an iron fist and demanding perfection from her children. She uses her acts of charity and volunteer work as a way to boost her own ego and gain admiration from others while neglecting the emotional needs of her own family. She expects her children to cater to her every whim and desire, to praise and worship her constantly, and to never question her authority or dominance.

The communal narcissistic mother may seem like a saint to those on the outside, but to her children, she is a nightmare. She belittles and undermines them at every turn, constantly comparing them to others and finding fault in everything they do. She is unable to show them love or affection, instead using them as pawns in her own game of manipulation and control.

One common trait of the communal narcissistic mother is her need for constant validation and admiration from others. She thrives on being seen as the perfect mother, the ultimate caregiver, the selfless martyr who sacrifices everything for her family. She craves the attention and approval of those around her and will go to great lengths to maintain her image as a benevolent and generous soul.

This constant need for admiration often leads the communal narcissistic mother to neglect her own children, as she is too focused on seeking validation from others to honestly care for their emotional well-being. She may prioritise her volunteer work and charity events over spending quality time with her family, leaving her children feeling neglected and unloved. This can have lasting effects on their self-esteem and self-worth, as they grow up feeling like they will never be good enough to earn their mother’s love and approval.

Another hallmark of the communal narcissistic mother is her lack of empathy and emotional connection with her children. She may be skilled at putting on a facade of caring and compassion in public, but behind closed doors, she is cold, distant, and detached from her own family. She is unable to empathise with her children’s feelings or needs, instead viewing them as extensions of herself to be moulded and shaped to fit her own desires.

This lack of emotional connection can be incredibly damaging to children raised by a communal narcissistic mother. They may grow up feeling emotionally isolated and disconnected from their own mother, unable to form healthy attachments or trust in relationships. They may struggle with feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness, constantly seeking validation and approval from others to fill the void left by their mother’s emotional neglect.

In addition to her lack of empathy and emotional connection, the communal narcissistic mother is also prone to exhibiting controlling and manipulative behaviour towards her children. She may use guilt, shame, and fear to keep them in line, punishing any sign of independence or autonomy with harsh criticism and disapproval. She may gaslight them into believing that their own feelings and perceptions are invalid, leaving them confused and doubting their own reality.

One common tactic of the communal narcissistic mother is to pit her children against each other, creating a sense of competition and rivalry within the family. She may play favourites, showering one child with attention and praise while ignoring or belittling the others. This can create a toxic dynamic of jealousy and resentment among siblings, as they vie for their mother’s love and approval.

Despite her outward appearance of kindness and generosity, the communal narcissistic mother is ultimately driven by her own selfish desires and need for control. She may use her acts of charity and volunteer work as a way to boost her own ego and gain admiration from others, rather than truly caring for those in need. She may manipulate and exploit others for her own gain, using her perceived benevolence as a mask to hide her true motives.

For children raised by a communal narcissistic mother, the effects of her behaviour can be profound and long-lasting. They may struggle with feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy, constantly seeking validation and approval from others to fill the void left by their mother’s emotional neglect. They may have difficulty forming healthy relationships, trusting others, or asserting their own needs and boundaries.

It is important for those raised by a communal narcissistic mother to seek support and therapy to heal the wounds of their upbringing. By understanding the dynamics of narcissistic parenting and learning to set healthy boundaries, they can begin to break free from the cycle of manipulation and control that has defined their relationship with their mother. They can learn to prioritise their own emotional well-being and self-care, rather than constantly seeking validation and approval from others to fill the void left by their mother’s emotional neglect. (Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

In conclusion, the communal narcissistic mother presents a unique and challenging dynamic for those raised in her shadow. While she may be seen as a do-gooder in public, admired and esteemed by those around her, her behaviour at home tells a different story. Behind closed doors, she is a tyrant, ruling with an iron fist and demanding perfection from her children. She may use her acts of charity and volunteer work as a way to boost her own ego and gain admiration from others, while neglecting the emotional needs of her own family.

For those raised by a communal narcissistic mother, it is important to seek support and therapy to heal the wounds of their upbringing. By understanding the dynamics of narcissistic parenting and learning to set healthy boundaries, they can begin to break free from the cycle of manipulation and control that has defined their relationship with their mother. They can learn to prioritise their own emotional well-being and self-care, rather than constantly seeking validation and approval from others to fill the void left by their mother’s emotional neglect. With time and healing, they can move forward with their lives, free from the chains of their mother’s toxicity and control.