Behaviours of Covert Narcissistic Parents, How Each Impacts Their Child and Recovery Steps.

When we think of narcissistic behaviour, we often associate it with grandiosity and a need for constant admiration and attention. However, there is another form of narcissism that is not so easily recognisable – covert narcissism. Covert narcissists are skilled at hiding their true intentions and manipulating those around them, often leaving a trail of emotional and psychological damage in their wake. When covert narcissism is present in a parent, the impact on their children can be profound and long-lasting. In this article, we will explore the behaviours of covert narcissistic parents, how each impacts their child, and the steps necessary for recovery.

Not Interested in Their Children’s Needs:

One of the core behaviours of covert narcissistic parents is their lack of interest in their children’s needs. These parents are often so consumed with their own desires and ambitions that they neglect the emotional and physical needs of their children. They may dismiss their children’s feelings, ignore their requests for attention or support, and fail to provide a safe and nurturing environment. As a result, children of covert narcissistic parents often grow up feeling neglected, unimportant, and unworthy of love and care.

Impact on the Child:
The impact of a narcissistic parent’s lack of interest in their child’s needs can be devastating. Children who grow up feeling neglected may struggle with low self-esteem, emotional insecurity, and difficulty forming healthy relationships. They may also develop a deep-seated belief that their needs are unimportant and that they are unworthy of love and care. This can lead to a lifetime of seeking validation and approval from others, as well as feelings of emptiness and unfulfillment.

Recovery Steps:
Recovery from the impact of neglect by a covert narcissistic parent often involves learning how to prioritise one’s own needs and emotions. It may also include seeking out healthy relationships and seeking therapy to address the deep-seated belief that one is unworthy of love and care. Additionally, practising self-compassion and learning to set boundaries with narcissistic individuals can be crucial for healing from the impact of neglect.

Gaslighting:

Gaslighting is another common behaviour of covert narcissistic parents. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the narcissistic parent causes their child to doubt their own thoughts, feelings, and reality. This can be done through denial, invalidation, and distortion of the truth, leaving the child feeling confused, helpless, and unsure of what is real.

Impact on the Child:
Children who are gaslighted by their covert narcissistic parents often struggle with feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and anxiety. They may second-guess their own perceptions, emotions, and experiences, leading to a lack of trust in themselves and their ability to navigate the world. This can result in a feeling of powerlessness and a difficulty in forming a strong sense of self.

Recovery Steps:
Recovering from the impact of gaslighting involves learning to trust oneself and one’s perceptions. This may include therapy to re-establish a sense of reality and to develop tools for recognising and addressing gaslighting behaviour. It may also involve setting boundaries with the gaslighting parent and seeking support from others who can provide validation and reassurance.

Emotional Blackmail:

Covert narcissistic parents may also engage in emotional blackmail as a means of controlling their children. They may use guilt, shame, or fear to manipulate their children into meeting their needs or conforming to their desires. This can leave the child feeling trapped, obligated, and unable to express their true wants and needs.

Impact on the Child:
The impact of emotional blackmail on a child can be profound. Children who are emotionally blackmailed by their parents may struggle with feelings of guilt, shame, and a sense of obligation to meet their parents’ needs at the expense of their own. This can lead to difficulty in forming healthy boundaries, asserting one’s needs, and developing a strong sense of self.

Recovery Steps:
Recovery from emotional blackmail often involves learning to recognise the manipulative tactics used by the covert narcissistic parent and developing tools for asserting one’s own needs and desires. This may involve therapy to address feelings of guilt and shame, as well as learning to set boundaries and prioritise one’s own well-being.

Overly Critical:

Covert narcissistic parents are often overly critical of their children, using criticism as a means of control and manipulation. They may constantly find fault with their child’s behaviour, appearance, or achievements, leaving the child feeling inadequate, unworthy, and unlovable.

Impact on the Child:
Children who are subjected to constant criticism by their covert narcissistic parents often struggle with feelings of low self-worth, insecurity, and a fear of failure. They may develop a deep-seated belief that they are never good enough and that they must constantly strive to earn their parent’s approval and love. This can result in a lack of confidence, self-doubt, and difficulty in forming a positive self-image.

Recovery Steps:
Recovering from the impact of constant criticism often involves learning to challenge and reframe the negative beliefs instilled by the covert narcissistic parent. This may involve therapy to address feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth, as well as developing self-esteem and self-compassion. It may also involve setting boundaries with the critical parent and seeking out positive affirmations and support from others.

Withholds Approval, Attention, Affection, and Support:

Covert narcissistic parents are skilled at withholding approval, attention, affection, and support as a means of control and manipulation. They may use these tools as a way to keep their children dependent on them and to maintain a sense of power and superiority.

Impact on the Child:
Children who grow up with a covert narcissistic parent who withholds approval, attention, affection, and support often struggle with feelings of loneliness, unfulfilled longing, and a deep sense of emptiness. They may yearn for their parent’s love and approval, only to be met with indifference or rejection. This can lead to feelings of unworthiness, rejection, and an inability to form healthy attachments with others.

Recovery Steps:
Recovery from the impact of withheld approval, attention, affection, and support often involves learning to seek fulfilment and validation from within oneself and from healthy relationships. This may involve therapy to address feelings of loneliness and emptiness, as well as learning to set boundaries with the withholding parent and seeking out healthy sources of support and validation.

Controlling:

Covert narcissistic parents often exert a high degree of control over their children, dictating their thoughts, behaviours, and choices. They may use manipulation, guilt, or fear to keep their children in line and to meet their own needs and desires.

Impact on the Child:
The impact of a controlling parent can be profound, leaving the child feeling stifled, powerless, and unable to assert their own autonomy. Children who grow up with a controlling covert narcissistic parent may struggle with feelings of anxiety, a lack of confidence, and difficulty in making their own decisions. This can lead to a sense of helplessness and an inability to form a strong sense of self.

Recovery Steps:
Recovering from the impact of a controlling parent often involves learning to assert one’s own autonomy and make independent choices. This may include therapy to address feelings of anxiety and a lack of confidence, as well as developing tools for setting healthy boundaries and making independent decisions.

Highly Sensitive:

Covert narcissistic parents are often highly sensitive to criticism, rejection, and perceived slights. They may react with anger, defensiveness, or withdrawal when their children express differing opinions or assert their own needs and desires.

Impact on the Child:
Children who grow up with a covert narcissistic parent who is highly sensitive may struggle with feelings of walking on eggshells, a fear of expressing their true thoughts and opinions, and a sense of being responsible for their parent’s emotions. This can lead to a lack of assertiveness, a fear of conflict, and an inability to express one’s true self.

Recovery Steps:
Recovering from the impact of a highly sensitive parent often involves learning to assert one’s own opinions and needs without fear of emotional backlash. This may involve therapy to address feelings of responsibility for the parent’s emotions, as well as learning to set boundaries and express one’s true thoughts and feelings.

Quick to Anger:

Covert narcissistic parents may be quick to anger, reacting with rage when their children challenge their authority or express differing opinions. This can create an environment of fear, unpredictability, and emotional turmoil for the child.

Impact on the Child:
Children who grow up with a covert narcissistic parent who is quick to anger often struggle with feelings of fear, anxiety, and a lack of emotional safety. This can lead to a sense of hypervigilance, a fear of asserting oneself, and a difficulty in feeling safe and secure.

Recovery Steps:
Recovering from the impact of a quick-to-anger parent often involves learning to establish emotional safety and stability within oneself. This may involve therapy to address feelings of fear and hypervigilance, as well as developing tools for setting boundaries and seeking out healthy sources of support and stability.

Conclusion

Covert narcissistic parents can have a profound impact on their children, leaving them with deep-seated emotional wounds that can last a lifetime. The behaviours of covert narcissistic parents, including neglect, gaslighting, emotional blackmail, criticism, withholding approval and control, highly sensitive, and quick to anger, can leave their children feeling unworthy, unlovable, and powerless. Recovery from the impact of covert narcissistic parents often involves learning to recognise and address the damage caused, developing tools for asserting one’s own needs and desires and seeking healthy relationships and sources of support. With the right support and tools, it is possible for children of covert narcissistic parents to heal and form healthy, fulfilling lives.

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