Surviving Co-Parenting with a Narcissistic Ex: Understanding Their Manipulative Games.

Elizabeth shaw

2 years ago

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Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition characterised by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Narcissists often struggle with maintaining healthy and functional relationships, particularly in co-parenting situations. They may engage in manipulative and controlling behaviours to exert power and control over the other parent and the children. Here, we will explore the narcissist’s counter parenting games and how they twist it to play the victim.

Refusing to pay child support:
One of the most common counter-parenting games that narcissists play is refusing to pay child support. They may justify this behaviour by claiming financial hardship or by shifting blame onto the other parent. By withholding financial support, the narcissist aims to exert control and power over the other parent, leaving them to shoulder the financial burden alone. In some cases, the narcissist may twist the situation to play the victim, painting themselves as the one who is struggling financially and unfairly burdened by the demands of child support. With the narcissist’s double standards, self-entitled attitude and lack of empathy, they expect the other parent to single-handedly support their child without complaint.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Turning up late or not at all for scheduled visitation:
Another common tactic used by narcissistic parents is to consistently turn up late/early or not at all for scheduled visitation with the children. By doing so, they create chaos and uncertainty for the other parent and the children, manipulating the situation to maintain control and power. The narcissist may twist the situation to play the victim by blaming external factors, such as traffic or work obligations, for their inability to be punctual or present for scheduled visitation.
Suddenly showing up at their children’s events or activities on the other parents’ time:
Narcissistic parents may attempt to exert control and power by suddenly showing up at their children’s events or activities on the other parents’ time when they had no interest before, such as social gatherings or school events. This invasion of personal space and boundaries is a deliberate attempt to disrupt the other parent’s life and assert dominance. The narcissist may twist the situation to play the victim by portraying themselves as a caring and involved parent despite their intrusive and manipulative behaviour.
Not feeding the children at an appropriate time:
In some cases, narcissistic parents may neglect the basic needs of the children, such as not feeding them at the right time, failing to at least offer food, skipping lunch, and feeding just before they go home for dinner. This neglectful behaviour is a form of control and manipulation designed to create chaos and distress for the other parent and the children. The narcissist may twist the situation to play the victim by downplaying the significance of their neglect and deflecting blame onto the other parent, accusing the other parent of being too regimented.
Failing to seek medical care for the children when needed:
Narcissistic parents may withhold or delay seeking medical care for the children when necessary. This neglectful behaviour puts the children’s health and well-being at risk, serving as a form of control and manipulation over the other parent. The narcissist may twist the situation to play the victim by downplaying the severity of the children’s medical needs and shifting blame onto the other parent. The narcissist may then twist the situation to play the victim, claiming that the other parent is overly paranoid and exaggerating the children’s medical needs.
Not returning personal items or belongings to the other parent or the children:
Narcissistic parents may withhold or refuse to return personal items or belongings to the other parent and the children, creating inconvenience, more expense and frustration. This behaviour is a deliberate attempt to exert control and power by denying access to essential possessions. The narcissist may twist the situation to play the victim by portraying themselves as forgetful or disorganised, deflecting blame onto external factors. The narcissist fails to provide basic items for their children, fails to pay maintenance, fails to return items, then plays the victim when the healthy parent asserts healthy boundaries and stops sending, or the narcissist might purchase their children stuff to look good to the outside world. The narcissist fails to return the children’s clothing and personal items after their scheduled visitation, causing inconvenience and frustration for the other parent. They may then twist the situation to play the victim, claiming that they simply forgot and should not be held accountable for minor inconveniences, even gaslighting, claiming they’ve not seen it.
Using the children as pawns in a power struggle:
One of the most damaging counter-parenting games that narcissists play is using the children as pawns in a power struggle with the other parent. They may manipulate the children’s emotions and loyalties to serve their own agenda, creating tension and conflict. The narcissist may twist the situation to play the victim by portraying themselves as the nurturing and caring parent despite their harmful and manipulative behaviour. The narcissist may encourage the children to voice negative opinions about the other parent, creating a divide and fostering resentment. They may then twist the situation to play the victim, claiming that they are simply being supportive of the children’s feelings and experiences.
Ignoring the other parent’s rules and guidelines for co-parenting:
Narcissistic parents may intentionally ignore or disregard the other parent’s rules and guidelines for co-parenting, creating tension and conflict. This behaviour is a form of control and manipulation designed to undermine the other parent’s authority and discipline with the children. The narcissist may twist the situation to play the victim by claiming that the other parent is too demanding or controlling.
Exerting control over the children by manipulating their emotions and loyalties:
Narcissistic parents may manipulate the children’s emotions and loyalties to exert control and power over the other parent. This harmful behaviour creates tension and conflict, causing emotional distress for the children. The narcissist may twist the situation to play the victim by painting themselves as the nurturing and caring parent, despite their harmful and manipulative behaviour.
Denying the other parent access to important information:
Narcissistic parents may deny the other parent access to important information such as doctor’s appointments or school events without due cause, deny permission for the healthy parent to take the children on holiday, withhold information about the cost of activities, and just demand an amount of money, creating tension and frustration. This behaviour is a form of control and manipulation designed to withhold essential information and maintain power. The narcissist may twist the situation to play the victim by claiming that they are simply trying to protect the children from the other parent’s interference.
Using the children to spy on or gather information about the other parent: Narcissistic parents may use the children to spy on or gather information about the other parent, creating tension and distrust. This invasive behaviour is a form of control and manipulation designed to gather intelligence and exert power. The narcissist may twist the situation to play the victim by claiming that they are simply trying to stay informed and involved in the children’s lives. The narcissist may encourage the children to report on the other parent’s activities and interactions, creating tension and distrust. They may then twist the situation to play the victim, claiming that they are simply trying to stay informed and involved in the children’s lives.
Undermining the other parent’s authority and discipline with the children:
Narcissistic parents may undermine the other parent’s authority and discipline with the children, creating tension and conflict. This behaviour is a form of control and manipulation designed to diminish the other parent’s influence and power. The narcissist may twist the situation to play the victim by claiming that they are simply trying to be a supportive and understanding parent.

The best way to handle this is with boundaries and parallel parenting. With a narcissist’s counter-parenting, it is important to establish clear and firm boundaries, maintain consistency, and prioritise the children’s well-being. It is important to seek support from a therapist or counsellor to navigate the complexities of co-parenting with a narcissist and to ensure the children’s emotional and psychological needs are met. By understanding the narcissist’s counter-parenting games and the ways they twist them to play the victim, co-parents can empower themselves to prioritise the children’s well-being and protect themselves from manipulation and control.

It is also essential to focus on parallel parenting, meaning each parent takes responsibility for their own time with the children and does not interfere with the other parent’s time. This can help reduce conflict and create a more stable environment for the children.

Additionally, it is important to communicate with the narcissistic co-parent in a business-like manner, keeping conversations focused on the children and their needs. Setting clear expectations and boundaries for communication can help reduce conflict and limit opportunities for manipulation.

It is crucial to document any concerning behaviour or interactions with the narcissistic co-parent, as this can be helpful in legal proceedings if necessary. Keeping records of communication, exchanges, and any concerning behaviour can provide evidence of any potential issues.

Overall, navigating co-parenting with a narcissist requires a strong focus on prioritising the children’s well-being, maintaining boundaries, seeking support, and documenting interactions. It is not an easy process, but with the right strategies and support, it is possible to create a stable and healthy environment for you and your children. (Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

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Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.-1

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

( Sponsored .). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

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