Eight Characteristics Of A Covert Narcissist.

Elizabeth shaw

6 years ago

Understanding Narcissism: More Than Just Overt Behavior

When people think of narcissism, they often imagine someone who is outwardly confident, superior, and attention-seeking. This is the image of the overt narcissist. However, narcissism isn’t always so blatant. Some narcissists are introverted, shy, and vulnerable—these are the covert narcissists. While their behaviour might not be as blatant as that of the overt narcissist, it is no less destructive. In fact, it can be even more damaging because it’s so much harder to see.

It’s important to note that not all introverts or extroverts are narcissistic. Many people are shy or reserved, but that doesn’t mean they lack empathy or exploit others. True narcissists, whether overt or covert, are defined by their lack of empathy, sense of entitlement, and tendency to manipulate others.

Listening to Your Instincts

No type of narcissist is easy to spot at first. Often, we don’t even know about the disorder until we’re deeply involved with someone who exhibits these traits. Narcissists have a way of making others feel off-balance, influencing our perceptions, and leading us to doubt ourselves. This is especially true with covert narcissists, who can be incredibly subtle in their manipulation. Once you’ve learned about the disorder, you’ll start to notice the red flags—words that don’t match actions, the way they treat others or the way they make you feel.

Overt vs. Covert Narcissism

An overt narcissist might say things outright, like, “I’m more educated than you,” or “You look awful in that.” They are direct in their criticism and attempts to put you down. A covert narcissist, on the other hand, does the same thing but in a more subtle way. They might say, “I don’t think you should wear that,” or “Are you really going to do that?” These comments are designed to plant seeds of doubt in your mind, making you question yourself rather than the person who’s making the remarks.

When you care about someone, it’s hard to pay close attention to these seemingly innocuous comments. Instead, they seep into your subconscious, leading you to doubt your own abilities and judgment. You might find yourself going back to the very person who’s causing your self-doubt, seeking their validation and support, only to be undermined further.

Eight Characteristics of a Covert Narcissist

Lack of Empathy: Most narcissists, whether overt or covert, lack empathy. They are self-absorbed and primarily focused on meeting their own needs. When you need support, a covert narcissist is unlikely to be there for you. Instead, they’ll twist the situation to focus on themselves, often holding it against you if you don’t meet their demands.
Passive-Aggressive Behavior: Covert narcissists often deal with conflict in passive-aggressive ways. They might agree to do something with a shrug or a half-hearted “of course,” only to not follow through. When questioned, they’ll make excuses or shift the blame, leaving you feeling let down but unsure if it was intentional.
Highly Sensitive to Criticism: Narcissists are notoriously sensitive to criticism, even when it’s constructive. A covert narcissist might seem to dismiss your feedback, withdraw, or go silent. They might also play the victim, making you feel guilty for offering advice.
Feeling Misunderstood: Covert narcissists often feel like the world is against them. They see themselves as unique and special, but rather than boasting about their superiority like an overt narcissist, they’ll play the victim, lamenting how no one understands them.
Smugness and Superiority: Covert narcissists might not be as outwardly grandiose as their overt counterparts, but they still have a sense of superiority. They might roll their eyes, yawn, or make dismissive gestures when others are speaking. Their comments are judgmental and one-sided, reflecting their belief that their perspective is the only one that matters.
Self-Absorbed: Narcissists, whether overt or covert, are primarily concerned with themselves. A covert narcissist might appear to listen, but they’re often zoning out, only paying attention if the conversation serves their interests.
Difficulty Maintaining Relationships: Narcissists struggle to maintain healthy relationships because they are fundamentally insecure and deceitful. They constantly seek to control others and avoid accountability, leading to a cycle of idealisation, devaluation, and discard in their relationships.
Patronising and Condescending: Covert narcissists are just as patronising as overt narcissists but in a more subtle way. They might say things like, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” or “I’m concerned for your mental health,” leaving you feeling belittled and unsure of yourself.

The Subtlety of Covert Narcissism

Covert narcissists are particularly difficult to identify because their behaviour isn’t as obvious as that of overt narcissists. They might not scream, shout, or lash out, but their words and actions leave you feeling confused, belittled, and off-balance. They may seem to be offering help or concern, but their true intent is to undermine and control you.

Protecting Yourself

The most important thing to remember is that you cannot change a narcissist. They have a disorder, and they do not see themselves as the problem. Instead, focus on protecting yourself. Listen to your instincts—if something feels off, trust that feeling. Learn to recognise the signs of narcissistic behaviour and take steps to distance yourself from it.

In some cases, you may need to cut ties completely. In others, where that’s not possible, like in co-parenting situations or at work, it’s important to manage your interactions carefully. Don’t let the narcissist’s toxic behaviour infect your mind. Observe, but don’t absorb their negativity.

Remember, you deserve to live a life free from manipulation and control. If someone continually lets you down and hurts you, it’s not cruel to walk away. It’s self-preservation. Living your life free from the influence of a narcissist will bring you peace, strength, and happiness.

Check these out!

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Hilarious (and Horrifying) Narcissistic Memes And Their Meanings.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

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