The Narcissist’s False Promises

Elizabeth shaw

2 years ago

The Narcissist’s False Promises

Understanding False Promises

False promises are a central tool in the narcissist’s arsenal. They serve as a means of maintaining control, manipulating others, and preserving their facade. By making promises they have no intention of keeping, narcissists can appear generous, reliable, and trustworthy, only to later reveal their true nature. These promises can range from grandiose commitments to small, everyday assurances, but they all serve the same purpose: to manipulate and exploit their victims.

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The Nature of Narcissistic Promises

Narcissists use false promises to create a veneer of reliability and to lure their targets into a false sense of security. These promises often come during critical moments—when trust is needed the most or when the narcissist senses their control may be slipping. By making grand promises, narcissists can temporarily placate their victims, distracting them from current issues and instilling hope for the future.

Examples of False Promises

1. The Promise of Change: A common promise is a commitment to change behaviour. Narcissists may acknowledge their harmful actions and vow to reform, only to revert to their old ways once the immediate crisis is averted. For instance, a narcissistic partner might promise to attend therapy or stop certain abusive behaviours, only to abandon these commitments once the threat of losing their partner diminishes.

2. Financial Promises: Narcissists may promise financial support or stability to secure trust and control. A narcissistic parent might promise to pay for a child’s education or a partner might pledge financial security, only to fail to follow through, leaving their victims in precarious situations.

3. Professional Promises: In the workplace, a narcissistic boss might promise a promotion or a significant project to an associate to ensure compliance and loyalty. However, these promises are often empty, serving only to keep the employee motivated and under control without any real intention of fulfilling them.

4. Emotional Promises: Narcissists often promise emotional support or love. They might tell a partner that they will always be there for them or assure a friend of their undying loyalty, but when the time comes, they fail to provide the promised support, leaving their victims feeling betrayed and abandoned.

How Narcissists Get Away with It

Narcissists are adept at getting away with false promises due to several key tactics:

1. Charm and Persuasion: Narcissists are often highly charismatic, using their charm to persuade others of their sincerity. Their confidence can be convincing, leading victims to believe their promises despite past evidence to the contrary.

2. Gaslighting: When confronted about broken promises, narcissists frequently resort to gaslighting. They might deny having made the promise, twist the victim’s words, or blame the victim for misunderstanding. This creates confusion and self-doubt in the victim, making it harder for them to hold the narcissist accountable.

3. Intermittent Reinforcement: Narcissists may occasionally fulfil a promise, reinforcing the victim’s hope and trust. This sporadic fulfilment keeps the victim hooked, always hoping that the next promise will be kept.

4. Shifting Blame: Narcissists often blame external circumstances or other people for their failure to keep promises. By deflecting responsibility, they avoid accountability and maintain their manipulative facade.

The Impact of False Promises

False promises from a narcissist have profound and damaging effects on their victims:

1. Erosion of Trust: Repeated broken promises erode the victim’s ability to trust. They become wary of future commitments, both from the narcissist and others, leading to difficulties in forming healthy relationships.

2. Emotional Turmoil: The cycle of hope and disappointment creates significant emotional turmoil. Victims may experience anxiety, depression, and a sense of hopelessness as they grapple with the repeated betrayals.

3. Self-Doubt: Gaslighting and blame-shifting tactics lead to intense self-doubt. Victims may question their own perceptions and judgment, feeling as though they are the ones at fault.

4. Dependency: Despite the harm caused, victims can become dependent on the narcissist’s promises. The intermittent reinforcement creates a cycle of dependency as victims cling to the hope that the next promise will be different.

5. Damaged Self-Esteem: Constant broken promises can severely damage the victim’s self-esteem. They may internalise the narcissist’s manipulations, believing they are unworthy of honesty and reliability.

Why Narcissists Use False Promises

Narcissists use false promises to maintain power and control over their victims. These promises serve several key functions for the narcissist:

1. Control: By making promises, narcissists can exert control over their victims. The victim becomes reliant on the promise, which keeps them in a state of compliance and submission.

2. Manipulation: False promises manipulate the victim’s emotions and actions. The victim may make decisions based on the narcissist’s promises, allowing the narcissist to steer their behaviour and choices.

3. Image Preservation: Promises help narcissists maintain their facade of being caring and trustworthy. Even when promises are broken, the initial act of making the promise can enhance the narcissist’s image in the eyes of others.

4. Avoiding Consequences: When faced with the potential loss of a relationship or the exposure of their true nature, narcissists use promises as a way to avoid immediate consequences. By promising change or improvement, they can temporarily pacify their victims and avoid accountability.

Recognising and Responding to False Promises

1. Recognise Patterns: Pay attention to patterns of behaviour. If a person consistently makes promises they don’t keep, it’s a red flag. Look beyond their words and focus on their actions.

2. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries and hold the narcissist accountable. If a promise is broken, address it directly and assertively. Don’t allow them to deflect or blame-shift.

3. Trust Actions Over Words: Trust is built on consistent actions, not just words. Evaluate the narcissist’s behaviour over time and prioritise their actions over their promises.

4. Seek Support: Surround yourself with supportive people who can offer perspective and encouragement. A trusted friend or therapist can help you navigate the complexities of dealing with a narcissist.

5. Practice Self-Care: Protect your mental and emotional health by practising self-care. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, and seek professional help if needed.

6. Consider Distance: In some cases, the best course of action may be to distance yourself from the narcissist. If their behaviour is causing significant harm, reducing contact or ending the relationship may be necessary for your well-being.

Narcissists’ false promises are a potent tool of manipulation designed to control, deceive, and exploit their victims. By understanding the nature of these promises, recognising the tactics narcissists use to get away with them, and taking steps to protect oneself, victims can break free from the cycle of hope and disappointment. It is crucial to prioritise one’s mental and emotional health and seek support when dealing with the devastating impact of a narcissist’s broken promises. Only by seeing through the facade can one begin to reclaim their autonomy and well-being from the clutches of narcissistic manipulation.

The Narcissist’s False Promises. Narcissistic Relationship. #narcissism

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